DECRIBE A SPECIAL TRIP YOU HAVE BEEN ON

When mentioning the most special trip of me and my family, it is impossible not to mention the trip to Vung Tau with my family. This city belongs to Ba Ria – Vung Tau province, where there are many beautiful beaches with tasty seafood, along with 5-star standard tourism services, making it an impressive tourist destination that attracts many very talented tourists. suitable for relaxation. Those are also the factors that attracted me to this place. I visited last summer to enjoy it with my family. When I arrived, I was very surprised by the majestic beauty, the clear blue sea water and the white sand lanes here, like a picture of the sea appearing before my eyes. I also prepared a lot of plans for the trip. go there. First is to swim on beautiful beaches with clear blue water, next is to enjoy fresh seafood dishes and finally to watch the sunset at sea. But the special thing that made the trip more interesting was that we were able to catch fish when the tide went out. When the tide receded, my family prepared the nets and walked to the sea to catch schools of fish caught in the nets. It was such a wonderful feeling that when the sun set we caught so many fish and decided to grill them in the sea and eat them together. From wonderful experiences in the region
That beautiful beach, I think I will never forget this special trip and if I have the chance I will come back with my family in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"When mentioning the most special trip of me and my family" -> "When discussing the most memorable trip of my family and me"
Explanation: The phrase "When mentioning the most special trip of me and my family" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "When discussing the most memorable trip of my family and me" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"it is impossible not to mention" -> "it is unavoidable to mention"
Explanation: "It is impossible not to mention" is a bit informal and slightly awkward. "It is unavoidable to mention" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.
"This city belongs to Ba Ria – Vung Tau province" -> "This city is located in Ba Ria – Vung Tau province"
Explanation: "Belongs to" is vague and less precise in this context. "Is located in" provides a clearer and more accurate geographical description.
"many beautiful beaches with tasty seafood" -> "numerous beautiful beaches offering delectable seafood"
Explanation: "Tasty" is somewhat informal and vague. "Delectable" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"5-star standard tourism services" -> "five-star tourism services"
Explanation: "5-star standard" is redundant as "five-star" already implies a standard. Simplifying it to "five-star" maintains clarity and formality.
"very talented tourists" -> "discerning tourists"
Explanation: "Very talented" is an unusual and unclear phrase in this context. "Discerning" is a more appropriate adjective to describe tourists who appreciate high-quality services.
"I visited last summer" -> "I visited during the summer"
Explanation: "Last summer" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "During the summer" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"I was very surprised" -> "I was significantly surprised"
Explanation: "Very" is somewhat informal and vague. "Significantly" adds a level of formality and specificity to the description.
"the clear blue sea water" -> "the crystal-clear sea water"
Explanation: "Clear blue" is a common phrase but can be enhanced by "crystal-clear," which is more precise and evocative in describing the water’s clarity.
"white sand lanes" -> "white sandy beaches"
Explanation: "Lanes" is incorrect in this context; "beaches" is the correct term for describing areas of sand along a coast.
"like a picture of the sea appearing before my eyes" -> "like a vision of the sea unfolding before my eyes"
Explanation: "Like a picture" is somewhat informal and vague. "Like a vision" is more vivid and formal, fitting the descriptive nature of the passage.
"go there" -> "visit there"
Explanation: "Go there" is too informal for academic writing. "Visit there" is more appropriate and formal.
"enjoy fresh seafood dishes" -> "savor fresh seafood dishes"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is a bit casual; "savor" conveys a deeper appreciation and is more suitable for formal writing.
"watch the sunset at sea" -> "observe the sunset at sea"
Explanation: "Watch" is informal; "observe" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"catch schools of fish caught in the nets" -> "catch schools of fish in the nets"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant. Removing "caught" corrects the redundancy and maintains clarity.
"wonderful feeling" -> "satisfying experience"
Explanation: "Wonderful feeling" is vague and informal. "Satisfying experience" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"grill them in the sea" -> "grill them on the beach"
Explanation: "In the sea" is incorrect as it implies cooking in water, which is not possible. "On the beach" is the correct location for grilling.
"eat them together" -> "consume them together"
Explanation: "Eat" is informal and somewhat colloquial. "Consume" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"From wonderful experiences in the region" -> "From these wonderful experiences in the region"
Explanation: Adding "these" clarifies the reference to the experiences previously described, enhancing the sentence’s coherence and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively describes a special trip to Vung Tau, addressing the prompt by detailing the location, activities, and personal experiences. The writer mentions the beauty of the beaches, the seafood, and specific activities like fishing and enjoying a sunset, which are relevant to the prompt. However, the essay could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure all aspects of the trip are fully explored, such as including more personal reflections or emotions associated with the trip.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief introduction to the significance of the trip, perhaps by explaining why it was special beyond just the activities. Adding a conclusion that reflects on the impact of the trip on family relationships or personal growth would also enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear focus on the trip to Vung Tau and presents a positive view of the experiences. However, the position could be more explicitly stated at the beginning and reiterated throughout the essay. Phrases like "the most special trip" could be emphasized more to reinforce the significance of the experience.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state why this trip is considered special in the introduction. Throughout the essay, reiterating this point by connecting activities back to this central idea would strengthen the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the trip, such as the beauty of the beaches and the enjoyment of seafood. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the description of fishing is intriguing but could be expanded with more sensory details or personal anecdotes to make it more engaging.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more vivid descriptions and personal reflections. For example, detailing the taste of the seafood or the emotions felt while watching the sunset would create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the trip to Vung Tau. However, there are moments where the narrative becomes slightly disjointed, particularly when transitioning between activities. The phrase "from wonderful experiences in the region" feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentences.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Using linking phrases or sentences that connect different activities or reflections will help maintain a coherent narrative flow. Additionally, avoiding vague statements will keep the essay more focused on the specific experiences of the trip.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, starting with an introduction to the trip and then moving through the experiences encountered during the visit. However, the transition from describing the destination to detailing specific activities could be smoother. For instance, the sentence "But the special thing that made the trip more interesting was that we were able to catch fish when the tide went out" feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous ideas about swimming and enjoying seafood.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your narrative. For example, after discussing the initial activities, you could introduce the fishing experience with a phrase like, "In addition to these activities, another highlight of our trip was…"
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks distinct paragraphs, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Currently, all information is presented in a single block of text, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points. Effective paragraphing would allow for clearer separation of ideas, such as introducing a new paragraph for each major activity or experience.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting a new paragraph for each distinct idea or experience. For example, one paragraph could focus on the description of Vung Tau, another on the activities planned, and a third on the fishing experience. This will help in organizing thoughts and improving readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "next," and "finally," which help in sequencing the activities. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, and some connections between sentences could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "those are also the factors that attracted me to this place" could be better linked to the subsequent description of the trip.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Additionally," or "Furthermore" to connect related ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms can help in maintaining cohesion without repetition. For instance, instead of repeating "the trip," you could refer back to it as "this experience" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the narrative.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in describing the trip to Vung Tau. Phrases like "majestic beauty," "clear blue sea water," and "tasty seafood" illustrate an attempt to use descriptive language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with terms like "beautiful" and "special," which are used multiple times without variation. This limits the overall richness of the language.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "beautiful," alternatives like "stunning," "picturesque," or "breathtaking" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more specific terms related to the activities (e.g., "snorkeling" instead of just "swimming") would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "very talented tourists" is unclear; it does not convey a specific meaning in the context of tourism. Additionally, the phrase "5-star standard tourism services" could be more effectively expressed as "luxury accommodations" or "high-quality services."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of vague descriptors, opt for terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, clarify what makes the tourists "talented" or replace it with "diverse" or "experienced." This will help convey your message more effectively and enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall impression. For instance, "5-star standard tourism services" could be misinterpreted due to the awkward phrasing, and "lanes" might be intended to mean "beaches" or "shorelines," which could lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve spelling and overall clarity, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice can also help identify and correct errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can assist in catching awkward phrases or misspellings that may not be immediately obvious when reading silently.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, leading to a more compelling and polished narrative.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "When I arrived, I was very surprised by the majestic beauty…" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the writer’s feelings. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For example, phrases like "the special thing that made the trip more interesting was…" could be restructured for variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "I," the writer could begin with phrases like "Upon arrival," or "In addition to swimming," which would create a more engaging flow. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences could add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "the trip to Vung Tau with my family" could be more clearly stated as "the trip that my family and I took to Vung Tau." Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "and finally to watch the sunset at sea," which would help clarify the list of activities. The phrase "the factors that attracted me to this place" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for better clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "the trip of me and my family" should be revised to "the trip that my family and I took." Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can also be beneficial. Regarding punctuation, the writer should review the rules for using commas in lists and after introductory clauses, as this will enhance the overall readability of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are clear areas for improvement that could elevate the writing to a higher band score. Regular practice, attention to detail, and a focus on diversifying sentence structures will be key to achieving this goal.

Bài sửa mẫu

When discussing the most memorable trip of my family and me, it is unavoidable to mention our journey to Vung Tau. This city is located in Ba Ria – Vung Tau province, where there are numerous beautiful beaches offering delectable seafood, along with five-star tourism services, making it an impressive destination that attracts many discerning tourists seeking relaxation. These factors were also what drew me to this place. I visited during the summer to enjoy this experience with my family.

Upon arrival, I was significantly surprised by the majestic beauty of the area, with the crystal-clear sea water and white sandy beaches, like a vision of the sea unfolding before my eyes. I had prepared a lot of plans for our trip. First, we intended to swim on the beautiful beaches with clear blue water; next, we aimed to savor fresh seafood dishes; and finally, we looked forward to observing the sunset at sea.

However, the special highlight that made the trip even more interesting was our opportunity to catch fish when the tide went out. As the tide receded, my family prepared the nets and walked into the sea to catch schools of fish. It was such a satisfying experience that, when the sun set, we had caught so many fish that we decided to grill them on the beach and consume them together.

From these wonderful experiences in the region, I believe I will never forget this special trip. If I have the chance, I will certainly visit there again with my family in the future.