Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take?

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write.

What are the disadvantages and what action should the government take?

In today’s modern society, despite the fact that many children has been encouraged to schools, there has been a huge number of people are unable to read or write. This phenomenon has some adverse effects. It influences the development particularly in term of becoming hinder for society, so the government should organize some stricts to check the level of literates.

On the one hand, it a cause of people were to be unable to read and write it would become harder for society mating country so much more pur and underdeveloped. This is because the country need literate people to help finding men and more problable. The number people cannot read or write not only loss initiatives for alto need help for government to have in cost for living in nation. For example, in Africa which rent being in poor and starving because number of these are unable to read or unscile. True for the large, at least people can play key roller for developing countries presenting the can be from developing live toucher.

In the other had,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "modern," which can sound somewhat dated and less specific in academic writing.

2. "many children has been encouraged to schools" -> "many children are encouraged to attend school"
   Explanation: "Has been encouraged" is grammatically incorrect; "are encouraged" corrects this error. Additionally, "to attend school" is more precise and formal than "to schools."

3. "there has been a huge number of people are unable to read or write" -> "there is a significant number of individuals who are unable to read or write"
   Explanation: "There is" corrects the grammatical error "there has been," and "individuals" is more formal than "people." Also, "who" is necessary for the relative clause.

4. "It influences the development particularly in term of becoming hinder for society" -> "It hinders societal development particularly in terms of hindering societal progress"
   Explanation: "Hinders" is the correct verb form, and "in terms of hindering societal progress" is more precise and formal than "in term of becoming hinder for society."

5. "the government should organize some stricts" -> "the government should implement stricter measures"
   Explanation: "Implement stricter measures" is a more precise and formal expression than "organize some stricts," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

6. "to check the level of literates" -> "to monitor literacy levels"
   Explanation: "Monitor literacy levels" is a more precise and formal way to express the intended meaning, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "level of literates."

7. "it a cause of people were to be unable to read and write" -> "it would be a consequence if people were unable to read and write"
   Explanation: "It would be a consequence if" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the conditional relationship, making it more formal and clear.

8. "harder for society mating country so much more pur and underdeveloped" -> "more challenging for the country to develop"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase, using "more challenging" and "to develop" for a clearer and more formal expression.

9. "The number people cannot read or write not only loss initiatives for alto need help for government to have in cost for living in nation" -> "The inability to read or write not only hinders initiatives but also increases the need for government support to maintain national living standards"
   Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, using more formal language and avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrasing.

10. "in Africa which rent being in poor and starving" -> "in Africa, where poverty and starvation prevail"
    Explanation: "Where poverty and starvation prevail" is a more formal and accurate description than "which rent being in poor and starving," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

11. "True for the large, at least people can play key roller for developing countries presenting the can be from developing live toucher" -> "In fact, at least, people can play a key role in developing countries, which can be transformed from developing to developed"
    Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, providing a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.

12. "In the other had" -> "On the other hand"
    Explanation: "On the other hand" is the correct phrase for introducing a contrasting idea in formal writing, replacing the incorrect "In the other had."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of illiteracy and suggesting government action. However, it lacks clarity and depth in both areas. The disadvantages mentioned are vague and poorly articulated, such as "hinder for society" and "loss initiatives for alto need help." The proposed government action is also unclear, with phrases like "organize some stricts to check the level of literates" lacking specificity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly outline specific disadvantages of illiteracy, such as its impact on economic development, health, and social cohesion. Additionally, the essay should propose concrete actions the government could take, such as implementing adult education programs or increasing funding for literacy initiatives. Each point should be elaborated with examples and clear explanations.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position. While it acknowledges the issue of illiteracy, the arguments presented are muddled and inconsistent. For instance, the phrase "it a cause of people were to be unable to read and write" is confusing and detracts from the overall argument. The lack of a clear thesis statement further complicates the reader’s understanding of the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should formulate a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should then reinforce this position, with topic sentences that clearly relate back to the thesis. Consistency in terminology and argumentation will also help maintain a clear position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the claim that "the country need literate people to help finding men and more problable" is vague and does not provide a clear rationale. Additionally, the use of examples is minimal, and the ones provided are not well-integrated into the argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on presenting each idea clearly, followed by explanations and relevant examples. For instance, when discussing the disadvantages of illiteracy, the writer could elaborate on how it affects job opportunities or access to healthcare, providing statistics or case studies to support these claims. Each point should be logically connected to the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion becomes convoluted and difficult to follow. Phrases like "mating country so much more pur and underdeveloped" distract from the main focus of the disadvantages of illiteracy and the government’s role in addressing it.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Before writing, it may be helpful to outline the main points that need to be addressed and refer back to this outline while drafting. This will help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay needs significant improvement in clarity, coherence, and depth of argumentation to achieve a higher band score. A more structured approach, with clear definitions of terms, well-supported arguments, and a consistent focus on the prompt, will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with logical organization. The ideas are not presented in a clear, coherent manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the problem but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay or the main points that will be discussed. The second paragraph attempts to discuss the disadvantages of illiteracy but is disjointed and lacks a clear focus. The ideas within the paragraph are not logically connected, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, start with an introduction that clearly outlines the main points of the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea of the paragraph. Ensure that each subsequent sentence logically follows from the previous one, building on the argument in a coherent manner. Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s paragraphing is ineffective. The introduction is not well-defined, and the second paragraph is overly long and tries to cover too many points without clear separation. There is no clear conclusion, and the essay ends abruptly.
  • How to improve: Break the essay into clear, distinct paragraphs. Start with an introduction that outlines the main points. Follow with body paragraphs that each focus on a single idea or argument. Conclude with a summary that reiterates the main points and provides a final thought. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraph are related and logically connected.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses very few cohesive devices, and those that are used are often incorrect or ineffective. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "In the other had" are used incorrectly, which disrupts the flow of the essay. Additionally, there are few linking words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally" to organize points within a paragraph. Use linking words like "However," "Moreover," and "Therefore" to connect ideas between paragraphs. Ensure that these devices are used correctly and appropriately to enhance the flow of the essay.

In summary, the essay needs significant improvement in organizing information logically, using effective paragraphing, and employing a range of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be greatly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "huge number of people," "adverse effects," and "unable to read or write" are repeated without variation. The use of terms like "hinder for society" and "mating country" shows an attempt to express complex ideas, but the vocabulary is often too simplistic or incorrectly used, which detracts from the overall clarity and sophistication of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "unable to read or write," alternatives like "illiterate" or "lacking literacy skills" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "significant impact" or "critical challenges" would elevate the language and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "hinder for society" is awkward and unclear; a more precise term would be "hinder societal development." Additionally, "mating country" appears to be a typographical error or misuse of "mature" or "developing," which confuses the intended meaning. The phrase "the country need literate people to help finding men and more problable" lacks clarity and precision, making it difficult for the reader to understand the argument being made.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that the chosen words fit the context. For example, instead of "help finding men and more problable," the writer could say "assist in identifying solutions to societal issues." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can also aid in selecting more precise words.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "stricts" (should be "strict measures"), "problable" (should be "problems"), "unscile" (should be "illiterate"), and "roller" (should be "role"). These errors not only distract the reader but also undermine the credibility of the argument being presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This can include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and practicing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, writing practice focused on spelling and vocabulary can help solidify correct usage over time. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant topic, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are essential for achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging with varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and practicing spelling will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is predominant, such as "This phenomenon has some adverse effects." There are attempts at complex sentences, but they often lack clarity and grammatical correctness, as seen in "it a cause of people were to be unable to read and write it would become harder for society mating country so much more pur and underdeveloped." This sentence is convoluted and difficult to understand, indicating a struggle with sentence complexity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into more complex ones. For example, instead of saying, "This phenomenon has some adverse effects," the writer could say, "This phenomenon not only has adverse effects on individuals but also significantly hampers societal development." Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government invests in education, literacy rates will improve.") can add depth and variety to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that impede understanding. For example, "many children has been encouraged to schools" should be "many children have been encouraged to attend school." The misuse of verb forms and subject-verb agreement is prevalent. Furthermore, punctuation is often missing or incorrectly used, such as in "In the other had," which should be "On the other hand," and lacks the necessary comma after introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will help clarify sentence structure. Reading well-written essays can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be emulated in the writer’s own work.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the limited range of sentence structures and grammatical inaccuracies hinder its overall effectiveness. By diversifying sentence types and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance their writing skills and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern society, despite the fact that many children are encouraged to attend school, there is a huge number of people who are unable to read or write. This phenomenon has some adverse effects. It influences development, particularly in terms of hindering societal progress, so the government should implement stricter measures to monitor literacy levels.

On the one hand, if people are unable to read and write, it becomes harder for society to develop, making the country more poor and underdeveloped. This is because the country needs literate people to help find jobs and solve more problems. The number of people who cannot read or write not only results in lost initiatives but also increases the need for government support to maintain national living standards. For example, in Africa, where poverty and starvation prevail, many individuals are unable to read or write. In fact, at least some people can play a key role in developing countries, which can be transformed from developing to developed.

On the other hand,