Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays, people are watching the same films, fashion brands, advertisements, and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Disparities between countries around the globe have recently become an increasingly prominent topic that has sparked considerable debates among the public. Some people claim that these differences appear less evident as inhabitants worldwide are watching the same movies, fashion brands, advertisements as well as TV programs. Personally, despite acknowledging several merits of this development, I still surely posit that the drawbacks of the aforementioned phenomenon outweigh the benefits.
It is understandable that several merits may be utilized to explain why this trend benefits the beneficiaries. The most obvious reason is supposed to be that contemporary society is accompanied with international integration, which is the primary cause that directly leads to the burgeoning demand for globalization modification. Hence, most countries nowadays are striving for building mutually beneficial relations with each other as well as trading goods universally. The process of importation is possibly the most reasonable explanation to the fact that people are watching the same films, fashion brands, advertisements, and TV channels as others in distinct parts of the globe. Thanks to international integration, nations are currently able to promote their cultural beauty while progressing their economy.
However, the benefits of this development seem inadequate to offset the disadvantages. First and foremost, due to cultural interference, the national identity is probably imperiled and likely to face a decline in the long run. The reason behind this is whenever people interact with a new culture, they tend to be captivated and obtain it if they find that culture compatible with them. Take Icelandic children as an example, it is reported in many articles that they are now communicating with others in English predominantly, some of them are even more fluent in English than their mother tongue. Besides, concerning foreign lavish brands, after being introduced to some countries, citizens are becoming interested in these products, leaving the counterparts of their nations behind. This phenomenon can be seen in some tourist attractions in Vietnam, where local people are supposed to wear Vietnamese national costumes instead of those that represent other nations’ cultures.
Taking everything into consideration, despite a number of merits that international integration era can bring to people all over the world, I still firmly hold the standpoint that the drawbacks of this development outweigh the advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Disparities between countries around the globe" -> "Differences between nations worldwide"
Explanation: "Differences" is a more precise term than "disparities," which can imply a negative connotation. "Nations worldwide" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "countries around the globe."
"has sparked considerable debates" -> "has sparked significant debates"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and academically appropriate than "considerable," which can be vague and less formal.
"inhabitants worldwide are watching" -> "people globally are watching"
Explanation: "People globally" is a more natural and formal expression than "inhabitants worldwide," which sounds awkward and less commonly used in this context.
"I still surely posit" -> "I still firmly believe"
Explanation: "Firmly believe" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase than "posit," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context.
"supposed to be that" -> "it is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce an argument, compared to the colloquial "supposed to be that."
"contemporary society is accompanied with international integration" -> "contemporary society is characterized by international integration"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between contemporary society and international integration.
"the burgeoning demand for globalization modification" -> "the growing demand for globalization"
Explanation: "Globalization modification" is not a standard term; "globalization" is sufficient and widely recognized in academic contexts.
"most countries nowadays are striving for building" -> "many countries are currently striving to build"
Explanation: "Many countries are currently striving to build" is more formal and avoids the awkward phrasing of "most countries nowadays are striving for building."
"the process of importation is possibly the most reasonable explanation" -> "the process of importation is a significant explanation"
Explanation: "A significant explanation" is more precise and avoids the informal and speculative tone of "possibly the most reasonable."
"Thanks to international integration, nations are currently able to promote their cultural beauty while progressing their economy" -> "International integration enables nations to promote their cultural heritage and advance their economies"
Explanation: "Enables" is more formal and precise than "are currently able to," and "cultural heritage" is a more formal term than "cultural beauty."
"the national identity is probably imperiled" -> "national identity is likely to be imperiled"
Explanation: "Is likely to be imperiled" is a more formal and precise expression than "is probably imperiled."
"Take Icelandic children as an example" -> "Consider Icelandic children as an example"
Explanation: "Consider" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "Take," which is more conversational.
"they are becoming interested in these products, leaving the counterparts of their nations behind" -> "they are increasingly interested in these products, potentially eclipsing domestic products"
Explanation: "Increasingly interested" is more precise and formal than "becoming interested," and "potentially eclipsing domestic products" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"Taking everything into consideration" -> "Considering all factors"
Explanation: "Considering all factors" is a more formal and concise way to introduce a conclusion, compared to the more conversational "Taking everything into consideration."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing similarities between countries due to globalization. The introduction clearly states the author’s position, indicating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples and reasoning to support this stance. However, while the advantages are mentioned, they are not explored in depth, which could leave the reader wanting more comprehensive coverage of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could expand on the advantages of cultural convergence, providing specific examples and a more detailed analysis of how these benefits manifest in different societies. This would create a more balanced discussion and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the disadvantages of cultural convergence outweigh the advantages. The use of phrases like "I still surely posit" and "I still firmly hold the standpoint" reinforces the author’s viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use clearer transitional phrases when shifting between discussing advantages and disadvantages. For instance, explicitly stating "On the other hand" before introducing the disadvantages would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the disadvantages of cultural convergence, such as the potential decline of national identity and the impact of foreign brands on local cultures. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For example, the discussion on Icelandic children learning English could benefit from more context or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples or data. For instance, providing statistics on language use in Iceland or specific examples of how local brands are affected by foreign competition would lend more weight to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of cultural convergence. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "tourist attractions in Vietnam" could be more directly linked to the overall theme of cultural identity and globalization.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the main question of whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This could involve explicitly linking each example back to the central argument, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author can further enhance the clarity, depth, and relevance of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s position. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of globalization, while the second paragraph addresses the disadvantages. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However, the benefits of this development seem inadequate to offset the disadvantages" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous paragraph’s content.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases at the end of paragraphs can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages, while the second focuses on the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph, which discusses the advantages, is somewhat longer and more detailed than the second, which could lead to an imbalance in the argument presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar level of detail and analysis. This could involve expanding on the disadvantages in the second paragraph with more examples or evidence, thereby providing a more comprehensive view of both sides of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "first and foremost," and "besides," which help to connect ideas and indicate contrast or addition. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and transitional phrases, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases, such as "in contrast," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "consequently." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "this development," you could use "this trend" or "such globalization" to maintain coherence while varying the language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By improving the logical flow between paragraphs, ensuring balanced paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "disparities," "international integration," "cultural beauty," and "national identity." These words are appropriately used and contribute to the overall clarity and sophistication of the argument. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the phrase "cultural beauty" could be replaced with "cultural richness" or "cultural heritage" to provide a more nuanced meaning.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in identifying alternative words that convey similar meanings but add depth to the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision that can lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "globalization modification" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. Additionally, the term "beneficiaries" in the context used does not clearly specify who is benefiting from the described trends.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices are specific and clearly convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "globalization modification," a more precise term like "global cultural exchange" could be used. Additionally, specifying who the "beneficiaries" are (e.g., "consumers," "businesses," or "cultural institutions") would clarify the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances that could be improved, such as "importation" which is correct but could be more commonly expressed as "importing" in this context. The phrase "the counterparts of their nations" is slightly awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reviewing common collocations and idiomatic expressions may aid in producing more natural-sounding language.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the national identity is probably imperiled and likely to face a decline in the long run" showcase an understanding of how to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "is supposed to be" and "is accompanied with," which can detract from the overall variety. The essay also employs some less common structures, like "thanks to international integration," which adds to the range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and varied introductory phrases. For example, using conditional phrases such as "If cultural influences continue to dominate, national identities may suffer" could diversify the sentence structure. Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases could create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "accompanied with international integration" should be "accompanied by international integration." There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "as well as" in the list of items (e.g., "advertisements as well as TV programs"), which could lead to confusion. The use of "the counterparts of their nations behind" is awkward and could be clearer if rephrased.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common prepositional phrases and ensure correct usage, such as "accompanied by" instead of "accompanied with." Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, especially regarding lists and clauses, can enhance clarity. A thorough proofreading process focusing on these areas would help catch such errors before submission. Furthermore, revising awkward phrases for clarity and conciseness will improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is understandable that several merits may be utilized to explain why this trend benefits the beneficiaries. The most obvious reason is that contemporary society is characterized by international integration, which is the primary cause that directly leads to the burgeoning demand for globalization. Hence, most countries nowadays are striving to build mutually beneficial relations with each other as well as trade goods universally. The process of importation is possibly the most reasonable explanation for the fact that people are watching the same films, fashion brands, advertisements, and TV channels as others in distinct parts of the globe. Thanks to international integration, nations are currently able to promote their cultural beauty while advancing their economies.

However, the benefits of this development seem inadequate to offset the disadvantages. First and foremost, due to cultural interference, national identity is likely to be imperiled and may face a decline in the long run. The reason behind this is that whenever people interact with a new culture, they tend to be captivated and adopt it if they find that culture compatible with them. Consider Icelandic children as an example; it is reported in many articles that they are now communicating with others in English predominantly, and some of them are even more fluent in English than their mother tongue. Besides, concerning foreign lavish brands, after being introduced to some countries, citizens are becoming interested in these products, potentially eclipsing the counterparts of their nations. This phenomenon can be seen in some tourist attractions in Vietnam, where local people are supposed to wear Vietnamese national costumes instead of those that represent other nations’ cultures.

Taking everything into consideration, despite a number of merits that the international integration era can bring to people all over the world, I still firmly hold the standpoint that the drawbacks of this development outweigh the advantages.