Directors in large organisation receive more salaries than ordinary worker, people saying that its necessary and some people say its unfair. Discuss both views and give opinions.

The notion that high executives in big firm often receive a higher remuneration than normal employees has polarized the public opinion. While some regard this salary disparity as crucial. others voice their concern that this disparity is unfair. While I acknowledge the reasons of the latter view, I firmly support the former view.

The proponents of the opposite side may cite that this gap can inflict damage on the fairness in the company as their compelling point. They may argue that when this pay gap can deteriorate the healthy competitive environment in organizations. To illustrate further, when directors or high-ranking workers are paid noticeably higher than the ordinary ones, they may despise others for their lower remuneration. This is the case of many bad executives in large organizations in Viet Nam when they usually feel superior to others and use their power to exploit the low-paid workers. As a result, the working environment in these companies will corrupt the equality in working. However, without the presence of higher wage, employees cannot have the essential motivation to achieve higher rank. Such the lack of encouragement can result in a more alarming issue, which is the dearth of high-skilled employees holding high-ranked positions such as managers or directors; consequently, rendering the companies hard to develop.
Despite the aforementioned arguments, I am wholeheartedly in favor of the opinion that high-level officers should be paid more than others due to their high responsibility and major contribution to the improvement of the companies. Concerning the former, whenever organizations encounter any hindrance or make mistakes, the first ones to take the accountability are the high-ranking managers. Had it not been for their bravery and integrity, their subordinates are not willing to accept and rectify their mistakes. This can be blatantly observed in big coops like amazon, Facebook, and twitter where directors, although they did not do anything wrong, have a tendency to receive the critics from the public and promise to fix the problems as soon as possible. Such an elevated accountability is one of the requirements for the high positions which justifies the need for higher remuneration for these officers. Another significant point is that chief executives are the ones who have more experience and accomplish a plethora of achievements before standing at this level. Given this abundance of working experience, their ability can help enhance the performance of lower-level staff. Specifically, companies can utilize the professional skills of these people to impart valuable lessons for new employees, fostering them a useful working experience which can help them alleviate mistakes. Obtaining a wealth of knowledge requires these executives to undergo a lot of difficulties and mistakes. The hindrance these workers suffered and the knowledge-related assistance they provide account for the higher salary they receive.

To sum up, I acknowledge that this gap can be detrimental to the working environment as they can increase the inequality in companies, yet, the higher financial rewards are highly needed to boost the motivation to reach higher position of workers, which is important to the development of organizations. From my stance, their contributions to the improvement of companies in terms of their vast of knowledge and responsibility give grounds for the belief that they should receiver more remuneration than others.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"high executives" -> "high-ranking executives"
Explanation: "High executives" is vague and informal. "High-ranking executives" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the level of seniority within the organization.
"big firm" -> "large corporation"
Explanation: "Big firm" is informal and imprecise. "Large corporation" is more formal and specific, suitable for academic writing.
"normal employees" -> "regular employees"
Explanation: "Normal" can be seen as too informal and vague in this context. "Regular" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone.
"crucial" -> "essential"
Explanation: While "crucial" is not incorrect, "essential" is more commonly used in formal academic writing to describe something that is necessary or indispensable.
"opposite side" -> "opposite viewpoint"
Explanation: "Opposite side" is colloquial and imprecise. "Opposite viewpoint" is more formal and clearly refers to a differing perspective.
"inflict damage on the fairness" -> "affect the fairness"
Explanation: "Inflict damage on" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "affect," which is more straightforward and academically appropriate.
"deteriorate the healthy competitive environment" -> "deteriorate the healthy competitive environment"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "the" should not be repeated.
"despise others" -> "look down on others"
Explanation: "Despise" can imply a stronger, more negative emotion than intended. "Look down on" is a more neutral and formal expression.
"bad executives" -> "ineffective executives"
Explanation: "Bad" is too informal and subjective for academic writing. "Ineffective" is a more objective and formal term.
"corrupt the equality in working" -> "undermine the equality in the workplace"
Explanation: "Corrupt the equality in working" is awkward and unclear. "Undermine the equality in the workplace" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"Such the lack of encouragement" -> "Such a lack of encouragement"
Explanation: "Such the" is grammatically incorrect. "Such a" is the correct form to use before a noun phrase.
"high-skilled employees" -> "highly skilled employees"
Explanation: "High-skilled" is grammatically incorrect. "Highly skilled" is the correct adverbial form.
"hard to develop" -> "difficult to develop"
Explanation: "Hard" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Difficult" is more precise and formal.
"wholeheartedly in favor of" -> "strongly in support of"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly" is somewhat informal and emotional. "Strongly" is more neutral and suitable for academic discourse.
"high-level officers" -> "senior officers"
Explanation: "High-level officers" is redundant. "Senior officers" is a more concise and formal term.
"major contribution to the improvement of the companies" -> "significant contributions to the improvement of the companies"
Explanation: "Major" is somewhat vague; "significant" is more precise and formal.
"bravery and integrity" -> "courage and integrity"
Explanation: "Bravery" is less formal than "courage," which is preferred in academic writing for its more formal connotation.
"blatantly observed" -> "clearly observed"
Explanation: "Blatantly" is informal and can imply a negative connotation. "Clearly" is neutral and appropriate for formal writing.
"big coops" -> "large companies"
Explanation: "Big coops" is informal and incorrect. "Large companies" is the correct term.
"have a tendency to receive the critics" -> "are often criticized"
Explanation: "Have a tendency to receive the critics" is awkward and unclear. "Are often criticized" is more direct and formal.
"justifies the need for higher remuneration" -> "justifies the need for higher compensation"
Explanation: "Remuneration" is correct but less common in this context. "Compensation" is more widely used and understood in formal discussions of employee pay.
"chief executives are the ones who have more experience" -> "chief executives possess more experience"
Explanation: "Are the ones who have" is verbose and informal. "Possess" is more concise and formal.
"fostering them a useful working experience" -> "fostering them a valuable work experience"
Explanation: "Fostering them a useful working experience" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Fostering them a valuable work experience" corrects these issues and uses more

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding salary disparities between high-level executives and ordinary workers. The first body paragraph discusses the concerns about fairness and the negative impact of such disparities on the workplace environment, citing examples from Vietnam. The second body paragraph presents a clear argument in favor of higher salaries for executives, emphasizing their responsibilities and contributions to the company. However, while both views are discussed, the balance could be improved by providing more depth to the opposing argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the discussion of both views, consider providing more examples or evidence that illustrate the negative consequences of salary disparities. Additionally, addressing counterarguments more thoroughly could strengthen the overall analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of higher salaries for executives, particularly in the second body paragraph. The writer explicitly states their stance and supports it with logical reasoning. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and the writer’s own opinion could be smoother to reinforce the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of opposing views to the writer’s stance. For example, phrases like "While some may argue that…" followed by "I believe that…" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the writer discusses the responsibilities and experience of executives. The use of examples from well-known companies like Amazon and Facebook adds credibility to the argument. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to support the claims made about the negative effects of salary disparities.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, consider incorporating specific data or studies that highlight the impact of salary disparities on employee morale or productivity. This would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements effectively. The writer discusses both views and provides a personal opinion, which aligns with the task. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the mention of "bad executives" could be more directly tied to the overall argument about salary disparities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. Avoid introducing ideas that may distract from the main discussion. For instance, instead of discussing the character of executives, focus on how their roles and responsibilities justify their salaries.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively engages with the prompt. By refining the balance of arguments, enhancing clarity, and providing more robust support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss opposing views before presenting the writer’s arguments. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses the concerns regarding salary disparity, while the second body paragraph supports the justification for higher salaries for executives. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed, particularly when moving from the negative impacts of salary disparity to the justification of higher salaries for executives.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. For example, the first body paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points, while the second is more concise and focused.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of detail. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that focus on a single point or idea. This will help maintain the reader’s attention and make the argument clearer.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "despite," and "to sum up," which help connect ideas. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some sentences feel abrupt, lacking smooth transitions that would enhance the overall flow of the essay. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of salary disparity to the justification for higher salaries could be better connected.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "as a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, consider using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "remuneration," "polarized," "disparity," and "accountability" effectively used to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "higher remuneration" and "high-ranking," which could be varied to enhance the lexical range further.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "higher remuneration," the writer could use "increased compensation" or "enhanced salary." Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic of salary and corporate structure would also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the working environment in these companies will corrupt the equality in working" could be clearer. The term "corrupt" may imply a moral failing, which might not be the intended meaning. Additionally, "the lack of encouragement can result in a more alarming issue" could be rephrased for clarity, as "alarming" may not accurately describe the issue of motivation.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the connotations of words and choose those that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "corrupt," a term like "undermine" or "compromise" could be more appropriate. Furthermore, revising phrases for clarity, such as changing "the lack of encouragement can result in a more alarming issue" to "the lack of encouragement can lead to significant challenges," would improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Words like "accountability," "remuneration," and "experience" are spelled correctly, contributing to the professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to catch any minor errors that may arise. Regular practice with spelling exercises and using tools like spell check can help maintain this level of accuracy. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "The proponents of the opposite side may cite that this gap can inflict damage on the fairness in the company as their compelling point" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "the first ones to take the accountability are the high-ranking managers," which could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," can help in creating smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can enhance the rhythm of the writing; mixing shorter sentences with longer, more complex ones can keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "Such the lack of encouragement can result in a more alarming issue," should be corrected to "Such a lack of encouragement…" to ensure proper article usage. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas in "While some regard this salary disparity as crucial. others voice their concern," where a comma should replace the period, disrupt the flow of the text.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles and punctuation. A helpful strategy is to read the essay aloud, which can make it easier to catch mistakes and awkward phrasing. Furthermore, practicing specific grammar exercises focused on articles and punctuation can solidify understanding and application in writing.

Overall, the essay is strong in its argumentation and structure, but attention to detail in grammar and punctuation, as well as further diversification of sentence structures, will elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that high-ranking executives in large corporations often receive a higher salary than regular employees has polarized public opinion. While some regard this salary disparity as essential, others voice their concerns that it is unfair. While I acknowledge the reasons behind the latter viewpoint, I firmly support the former perspective.

Proponents of the opposite viewpoint may argue that this pay gap can negatively affect fairness within the company. They contend that such disparities can deteriorate the healthy competitive environment in organizations. For instance, when directors or high-ranking employees are compensated significantly more than their ordinary counterparts, they may look down on others for their lower remuneration. This situation is evident in many ineffective executives in large organizations in Vietnam, where they often feel superior and exploit low-paid workers. Consequently, the working environment in these companies can undermine equality in the workplace. However, without the presence of higher wages, employees may lack the essential motivation to strive for higher positions. Such a lack of encouragement can lead to a more alarming issue: a dearth of highly skilled employees in senior roles such as managers or directors, ultimately making it difficult for companies to develop.

Despite the aforementioned arguments, I am strongly in support of the opinion that high-level officers should be compensated more than others due to their significant responsibilities and contributions to the improvement of companies. Regarding the former, whenever organizations face challenges or make mistakes, the first individuals to take accountability are the high-ranking executives. Had it not been for their courage and integrity, their subordinates would be less willing to accept and rectify their mistakes. This can be clearly observed in large corporations like Amazon, Facebook, and Twitter, where directors, despite not being at fault, often receive criticism from the public and promise to address issues promptly. Such elevated accountability is one of the requirements for high positions, which justifies the need for higher compensation for these executives.

Another significant point is that chief executives possess more experience and have achieved numerous accomplishments before reaching their current level. Given this wealth of working experience, their abilities can enhance the performance of lower-level staff. Specifically, companies can utilize the professional skills of these individuals to impart valuable lessons to new employees, fostering them a valuable work experience that helps alleviate mistakes. Obtaining such extensive knowledge requires these executives to endure many difficulties and learn from their mistakes. The challenges they have faced and the knowledge they provide account for the higher salaries they receive.

To sum up, I acknowledge that this salary gap can be detrimental to the working environment as it may increase inequality within companies. Nevertheless, higher financial rewards are crucial for motivating employees to aspire to higher positions, which is important for the development of organizations. From my perspective, the significant contributions of these executives, in terms of their vast knowledge and responsibility, provide a strong basis for the belief that they should receive more remuneration than others.