Discuss the causes and effects of waste in our waters

nowadays water pollution in society is becoming more popular and dangerous it has caused a lot of diseases which has damaged directly to people so what is the causes and effects of waste in our water firstly I am going to talk about the causes there are several causes which is common in our community such as water from factories transportation in my opinion the main cause of waste in our Waters recently is an awareness of people especially in big cities when they out of use they will throw it into water Pavements while there are many bins near them for example my cousin is an unawareness person he usually throws ways away without thinking about it negative effect next so what is the effects of waste in our water we can talk about some effects like making Imaging to underwater animals in my opinion the mess the most popular and dangerous effect is making diseases it damages directly to people moreover it will start the beauty of the river or lake recently our country usually uses reverse lakes or tourism therefore throwing waste into water is bad and prevents me from using reverse likes to attract visitors for example and Lake is a popular attraction in Pueblo City however less people want to visit them because of its water pollution and it's terrible smell you can see the effect of throwing weights with that thinking overall saving and protecting nowadays are essential but awareness of people is destroying it so I hope everyone will aware the major effects we it was to throw water without thinking and stop doing it to save water and promote them

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"nowadays water pollution in society is becoming more popular and dangerous" -> "Currently, water pollution in society is increasingly prevalent and hazardous"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal temporal marker than "nowadays," and "increasingly prevalent" is more precise than "becoming more popular," which is somewhat informal and vague. "Hazardous" is also more specific than "dangerous," fitting better in an academic context.
"it has caused a lot of diseases which has damaged directly to people" -> "it has caused numerous diseases, directly affecting people"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "a lot of," and "directly affecting" is grammatically correct and clearer than "damaged directly to people," which is awkward and incorrect.
"what is the causes and effects of waste in our water" -> "what are the causes and effects of waste in our water"
Explanation: "What is" should be "what are" to agree with the plural noun "causes and effects."
"there are several causes which is common in our community" -> "there are several common causes in our community"
Explanation: Removing "which is" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"water from factories transportation" -> "water from industrial and transportation activities"
Explanation: "Industrial and transportation activities" is a more specific and formal way to describe the sources of water pollution.
"in my opinion the main cause of waste in our Waters recently is an awareness of people" -> "in my opinion, the primary cause of waste in our waters recently is a lack of awareness among people"
Explanation: "Primary" is more precise than "main," and "a lack of awareness among people" is a clearer and more formal expression than "an awareness of people," which is awkward and incorrect.
"when they out of use they will throw it into water Pavements" -> "when they are no longer in use, they dispose of it into waterways"
Explanation: "Dispose of it into waterways" is more precise and formal than "throw it into water Pavements," which is incorrect and informal.
"Pavements" -> "waterways"
Explanation: "Pavements" is incorrect in this context; "waterways" is the correct term for bodies of water.
"my cousin is an unawareness person" -> "my cousin is unaware"
Explanation: "An unawareness person" is grammatically incorrect; "unaware" is the correct adjective form.
"ways away" -> "waste away"
Explanation: "Ways away" is incorrect; "waste away" is the correct phrase to describe disposing of waste.
"making Imaging to underwater animals" -> "harming underwater animals"
Explanation: "Making Imaging" is unclear and incorrect; "harming" is the correct verb to describe the negative impact on animals.
"the mess the most popular and dangerous effect" -> "the most significant and detrimental effect"
Explanation: "The mess" is vague and informal; "the most significant and detrimental" are more precise and formal terms.
"it damages directly to people" -> "it directly affects people"
Explanation: "Damages directly to people" is grammatically incorrect; "directly affects people" is the correct phrase.
"recently our country usually uses reverse lakes or tourism" -> "our country often utilizes lakes and rivers for tourism"
Explanation: "Reverse lakes" is unclear and incorrect; "lakes and rivers" are the correct terms, and "utilizes" is more formal than "uses."
"throwing waste into water is bad and prevents me from using reverse likes to attract visitors" -> "discharging waste into water is detrimental and hinders the use of lakes and rivers as tourist attractions"
Explanation: "Discharging waste into water" is more precise than "throwing waste into water," and "hinders the use of lakes and rivers as tourist attractions" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"and it’s terrible smell" -> "and its terrible odor"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be "its" for possessive form, and "odor" is more formal than "smell" in academic writing.
"you can see the effect of throwing weights with that thinking" -> "one can observe the impact of thoughtless disposal"
Explanation: "You can see the effect of throwing weights with that thinking" is awkward and unclear; "one can observe the impact of thoughtless disposal" is clearer and more formal.
"saving and protecting nowadays are essential" -> "conservation and protection are crucial"
Explanation: "Saving and protecting nowadays" is awkward and informal; "conservation and protection are crucial" is more formal and precise.
"awareness of people is destroying it" -> "public awareness is undermining it"
Explanation: "Awareness of people" is vague; "public awareness" is more specific, and "undermining" is a more precise term than "destroying" in this context.
"we it was to throw water without thinking" -> "we should not dispose of waste without consideration"
Explanation: "We it was to throw water without thinking" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; "we should not dispose of waste without consideration" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the causes and effects of waste in our waters. However, the response is somewhat disorganized and lacks clarity in distinguishing between the causes and effects. For instance, the mention of "water from factories" and "transportation" as causes is vague and underdeveloped. The effects are also not clearly articulated, as the essay jumps between ideas without fully explaining them, such as the impact on underwater animals and the aesthetic degradation of lakes and rivers.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly separate the causes and effects into distinct paragraphs. Each cause should be elaborated with specific examples and explanations, while the effects should also be clearly defined and supported with relevant details. Using a structured approach, such as listing causes followed by their corresponding effects, can enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position regarding the dangers of water pollution and the need for awareness. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The writer occasionally shifts focus, making it difficult for the reader to follow the main argument. For example, the mention of personal anecdotes (e.g., "my cousin is an unawareness person") detracts from the overall argument and introduces an informal tone that is inconsistent with the essay’s purpose.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid personal anecdotes unless they directly support the argument. Instead, the essay should focus on presenting a well-reasoned argument supported by facts and examples. A clear thesis statement at the beginning, followed by consistent arguments throughout, would strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the causes and effects of water pollution but does so in a limited and underdeveloped manner. For instance, the statement about the negative effects on underwater animals is mentioned but not elaborated upon. The essay lacks sufficient examples and evidence to support the claims made, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and data where possible. Each point made should be followed by an explanation or evidence that illustrates its significance. For instance, discussing specific diseases caused by water pollution or providing statistics on pollution levels could greatly strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding water pollution; however, there are instances where the focus wavers. The mention of "the beauty of the river or lake" and "tourism" feels somewhat tangential and could be better integrated into the discussion of effects. Additionally, the phrasing is often unclear, which can lead to confusion about the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the causes or effects of waste in water. Avoiding unrelated tangents and ensuring that all examples and explanations tie back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. A clear outline before writing can assist in organizing thoughts and maintaining relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical order, beginning with the causes of water pollution and then moving to its effects. However, the transitions between ideas are often abrupt and lack clarity. For instance, the shift from discussing causes to effects is not clearly marked, which can confuse readers. The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points, making it difficult to follow the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "firstly," "next," and "finally" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text without clear paragraphing, which significantly hinders readability. Each new idea or point should ideally be separated into distinct paragraphs. For example, the causes of water pollution should be in one paragraph, while the effects should be in another. This lack of structure makes it challenging for the reader to identify and understand the different aspects of the discussion.
- How to improve: The writer should break the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single aspect of the topic. A suggested structure could be: an introductory paragraph, one paragraph for causes, one for effects, and a concluding paragraph. This will not only improve readability but also help in logically organizing the information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. While there are some attempts to use cohesive phrases like "for example" and "in my opinion," these are not varied enough to create a smooth reading experience. Additionally, some sentences are poorly constructed, leading to confusion, such as "when they out of use they will throw it into water Pavements," which lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "on the other hand." This will help connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that sentences are clear and grammatically correct will enhance coherence. For instance, revising awkward phrases and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement will contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, terms like "waste," "water," and "effects" are used frequently without much variation. Phrases such as "making diseases" and "damages directly to people" illustrate a lack of lexical variety and sophistication. The use of "unawareness" is an attempt at a more complex term, but it is not commonly used in this context, which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "waste," they could use "pollutants," "refuse," or "contaminants." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text. For instance, instead of saying "bad," they could use "detrimental" or "harmful."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "making Imaging to underwater animals" is unclear and seems to be a misuse of "imaging." The intended meaning is likely to refer to "harm" or "damage." Furthermore, the phrase "throw it into water Pavements" is confusing, as "water pavements" is not a standard term and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They should consider revising phrases for clarity, such as changing "making Imaging" to "causing harm" or "endangering." Additionally, using established terms related to environmental issues, such as "aquatic life" instead of "underwater animals," can enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unawareness," "ways," "reverse," and "weights." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing. The misspelling of "reverse" likely intended to be "reservoirs" further illustrates a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common words related to the topic can help, as can reading more extensively to familiarize themselves with correct spellings. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing writing with varied sentence structures, and proofreading for spelling errors will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and compound, lacking complexity. For instance, phrases like "there are several causes which is common in our community" and "the main cause of waste in our Waters recently is an awareness of people" are straightforward but do not showcase a variety of grammatical forms. There are also instances of run-on sentences, such as "nowadays water pollution in society is becoming more popular and dangerous it has caused a lot of diseases which has damaged directly to people," which could be broken down into clearer, more varied structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses or varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of saying "there are several causes which is common," the writer could say, "Several common causes contribute to this issue, including…" This not only diversifies the sentence structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues, which detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "what is the causes and effects of waste in our water" should be "what are the causes and effects of waste in our water," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, there are missing commas that would help clarify meaning, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences. The phrase "when they out of use they will throw it into water Pavements" lacks clarity and proper punctuation, making it difficult to understand.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and punctuation. A good strategy would be to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrases or run-on sentences. Furthermore, practicing grammar exercises that focus on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, can be beneficial. For example, revising sentences like "my cousin is an unawareness person" to "my cousin is unaware of the consequences" would enhance grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Overall, the essay would benefit from a more varied sentence structure and improved grammatical accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help raise the band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, water pollution in society is becoming increasingly prevalent and hazardous. It has caused numerous diseases, directly affecting people. So, what are the causes and effects of waste in our waters? Firstly, I am going to discuss the causes. There are several common causes in our community, such as waste from factories and transportation activities. In my opinion, the primary cause of waste in our waters recently is a lack of awareness among people, especially in big cities. When they are no longer in use, they often dispose of items into waterways, even when there are many bins nearby. For example, my cousin is unaware of the impact of his actions; he usually throws waste away without considering the consequences.

Next, let’s examine the effects of waste in our water. We can talk about several negative effects, such as harming underwater animals. In my opinion, the most significant and detrimental effect is the spread of diseases, which directly affects people. Moreover, waste pollution diminishes the beauty of rivers and lakes. Our country often utilizes lakes and rivers for tourism; therefore, discharging waste into water is detrimental and hinders the use of these natural resources as tourist attractions. For instance, a lake is a popular destination in Pueblo City; however, fewer people want to visit because of its water pollution and its terrible odor. One can observe the impact of thoughtless disposal in these areas.

Overall, conservation and protection of our waterways are crucial. Unfortunately, public awareness is undermining these efforts. We should not dispose of waste without consideration. I hope everyone will become more aware of the major effects of throwing waste into water and stop doing it to save our precious resources and promote their use.