Experts say if the elderly spend time and get along with others and exercise every day, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the causes and solutions?

It is said that seniors who spend time and get along with others and exercise on a daily basis will be healthier and happier. However, many of them are facing loneliness and a lack of fitness. In this essay, I will evaluate the reasons of this phenomenon before proposing the feasible solutions.
To start with, there are numerous key factors leading to aged individuals experiencing loneliness and insufficient fitness. First, the former stems from the increasingly prevalent trend of younger generations moving away and settling in other places as they are absorbed in pursuing economic success. This leaves retired parents to fend for themselves, resulting in a discernible decline in familial structures and interactions and ultimately, causing the loneliness of old people when living far apart from their children. Secondly, a shortage in physical activities among seniors can be promoted by the limited investment in fitness environments that are appropriate to their age groups, forcing them to share facilities with youth. Such inappropriacies in exercises would daunt the elderly, discouraging them from being active in the first place.
Therefore, some solutions are viable to address the loneliness and sedentary lifestyles among aged individuals. The first possible one is to allocate financial resources to caregiving institutions, including community centers or nursing homes. This involves the partnerships between the government and private sectors to subsidize such services, encouraging communal activities like doing charitable projects to strengthen the interpersonal bonds, eventually leading to more joyful and dynamic lives. Secondly, it is a matter of fact that although seniors are aware of the importance of exercise, many have no idea about how crucial it is to their physical fitness, thereby neglecting it. Thus, community events that emphasize benefits of physical activities would help old people understand the profound values and follow suit as a result.
In conclusion, the elderly’s loneliness and lifestyles with inadequate physical activities can be caused by multi-generations living far apart and the underdevelopment of age-appropriate exercising environments, respectively. Hence, I believe these issues could be addressed through collective funding and educational initiatives from both the government and private sectors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is said that" -> "It is commonly believed that"
Explanation: "It is commonly believed that" introduces a more formal and academic tone, enhancing the credibility of the statement.
"spend time and get along with others and exercise on a daily basis" -> "spend time socializing and engaging in daily exercise"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "spend time socializing and engaging in daily exercise" removes redundancy and enhances clarity, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"will be healthier and happier" -> "are likely to be healthier and more content"
Explanation: Replacing "will be" with "are likely to be" softens the prediction, aligning better with the speculative nature of the statement. "More content" is a more precise term than "happier," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"facing loneliness and a lack of fitness" -> "experiencing loneliness and a lack of physical fitness"
Explanation: "Experiencing loneliness and a lack of physical fitness" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone by clearly defining the types of issues faced.
"the reasons of this phenomenon" -> "the causes of this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Causes" is the correct term in academic contexts when discussing the underlying factors of a phenomenon, replacing the less formal "reasons."
"numerous key factors leading to" -> "several significant factors contributing to"
Explanation: "Several significant factors contributing to" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone by emphasizing the importance of the factors.
"the increasingly prevalent trend of younger generations moving away" -> "the growing trend of younger generations relocating"
Explanation: "Relocating" is a more precise term than "moving away," which is vague and informal. "Growing trend" also sounds more academic than "increasingly prevalent trend."
"absorbed in pursuing economic success" -> "focused on achieving economic success"
Explanation: "Focused on achieving" is more formal and precise than "absorbed in pursuing," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"discernible decline in familial structures and interactions" -> "observable decline in familial structures and interactions"
Explanation: "Observable" is more specific and academically appropriate than "discernible," which can be less commonly used in this context.
"inappropriacies in exercises" -> "inadequacies in exercise programs"
Explanation: "Inadequacies in exercise programs" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and incorrect "inappropriacies in exercises."
"daunt the elderly" -> "discourage the elderly"
Explanation: "Discourage" is the correct verb to use in this context, as "daunt" typically means to intimidate or frighten, which is not the intended meaning here.
"doing charitable projects" -> "participating in charitable projects"
Explanation: "Participating in" is more formal and precise than "doing," which is too casual for academic writing.
"more joyful and dynamic lives" -> "more fulfilling and active lives"
Explanation: "Fulfilling and active" are more precise and formal terms than "joyful and dynamic," which are somewhat emotional and less specific.
"many have no idea about how crucial it is" -> "many are unaware of the significance of"
Explanation: "Are unaware of the significance of" is more formal and academically appropriate than "have no idea about how crucial it is," which is conversational.
"educational initiatives from both the government and private sectors" -> "educational initiatives from both government and private sectors"
Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "government and private sectors" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of loneliness and lack of fitness among the elderly, as well as proposing viable solutions. The reasons provided, such as younger generations moving away and the lack of age-appropriate fitness facilities, are relevant and well-articulated. The solutions suggested, including financial support for caregiving institutions and community events to promote exercise, are also pertinent to the issues raised.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and solutions. For instance, after discussing the cause of loneliness due to family separation, the author could suggest specific types of community activities that could help bridge this gap. Additionally, providing more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the elderly suffer from loneliness and lack of fitness due to specific societal trends and that these issues can be addressed through targeted solutions. The introduction sets the stage for this position, and the conclusion reiterates it effectively. However, the phrase "multi-generations living far apart" could be clearer; it might be more effective to specify "younger generations" to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To ensure clarity and consistency in the position, the author should use precise language and avoid vague terms. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each body paragraph could help maintain focus on the central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of causes. The author provides a logical flow of ideas, moving from causes to solutions. However, some ideas could be extended further. For example, while the essay mentions the lack of fitness facilities, it could elaborate on what specific types of facilities or programs would be beneficial for the elderly.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more depth in their explanations. This could include specific examples of successful community programs or initiatives that have worked in other regions or countries. Additionally, integrating some statistical data or research findings could lend further credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the causes of loneliness and lack of fitness among the elderly and discussing relevant solutions. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit linkage between the causes and solutions to reinforce the relevance of each point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each solution directly addresses the corresponding cause discussed in the previous paragraph. This could be achieved by using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas, such as "In response to the issue of loneliness caused by family separation, community engagement initiatives could…"

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the issues and solutions related to the elderly’s loneliness and fitness. With some refinements in clarity, depth, and explicit connections between points, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the issues of loneliness and lack of fitness among the elderly. The body paragraphs are structured to first identify the causes and then propose solutions, which aligns well with the essay prompt. For instance, the transition from discussing loneliness to physical inactivity is smooth, as both issues are linked by the overarching theme of the elderly’s well-being.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between points. For example, after discussing the causes, a phrase like "In addition to these causes, it is essential to explore potential solutions" could strengthen the connection between sections. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion—causes in the first and solutions in the second. This separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer distinction between the two proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs, one for each solution. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution and provide a clearer focus. Additionally, using linking words at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the essay’s progression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("and," "but") and transitional phrases ("To start with," "Therefore"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" could be used to introduce opposing ideas or alternative perspectives.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when transitioning from causes to solutions, phrases like "In light of these challenges" or "To counteract these issues" could be effective. Additionally, consider using referencing (e.g., "this issue," "such initiatives") to create connections between sentences and ideas, which can help maintain the flow of thought throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. Implementing these suggestions could elevate the essay to an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively using terms such as "phenomenon," "discernible decline," and "interpersonal bonds." These choices reflect a solid understanding of the topic and convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the text. For example, the phrase "lack of fitness" could be replaced with "physical inactivity" or "sedentary lifestyle" to avoid repetition and show a broader vocabulary range.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice incorporating synonyms and related terms. Engaging with diverse reading materials, such as academic articles or opinion pieces, can expose the writer to varied expressions and contexts, which can be integrated into future essays.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the former stems from" could be misleading as it lacks clarity regarding what "the former" refers to. Additionally, the term "inappropriacies in exercises" is somewhat awkward and could be better expressed as "inadequate exercise facilities."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and ensure that terms are contextually appropriate. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and considering whether the chosen words convey the intended meaning effectively. Practicing paraphrasing can also help in selecting more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality. Words like "seniors," "loneliness," and "community" are correctly spelled, contributing to the essay’s professionalism.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to catch any potential errors. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By incorporating diverse vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "This leaves retired parents to fend for themselves, resulting in a discernible decline in familial structures and interactions…" effectively combines clauses to convey a complex idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Secondly," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the sentence openings and using different types of clauses. For instance, instead of starting with "Secondly," you could use phrases like "Another contributing factor is…" or "In addition to this…". Incorporating more varied transitional phrases and introductory clauses can also help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the reasons of this phenomenon" should be "the reasons for this phenomenon." Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "including community centers or nursing homes" in the sentence discussing financial resources.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to prepositions and ensure that they are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common prepositional errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly concerning clauses and lists, can help clarify your writing. Reading your essay aloud may also help you catch awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that could be missed during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that seniors who spend time socializing and engaging in daily exercise will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly individuals are suffering from loneliness and a lack of fitness. In this essay, I will evaluate the causes of this phenomenon before proposing feasible solutions.

To start with, there are several significant factors contributing to older individuals experiencing loneliness and insufficient fitness. First, the former stems from the growing trend of younger generations relocating and settling in other places as they focus on achieving economic success. This leaves retired parents to fend for themselves, resulting in an observable decline in familial structures and interactions, ultimately causing loneliness among the elderly when living far apart from their children. Secondly, a shortage of physical activities among seniors can be attributed to inadequacies in exercise programs that are appropriate for their age groups, forcing them to share facilities with younger individuals. Such inappropriacies in exercise environments can discourage the elderly, making them hesitant to engage in physical activity.

Therefore, some solutions are viable to address the loneliness and sedentary lifestyles among older individuals. The first possible solution is to allocate financial resources to caregiving institutions, including community centers or nursing homes. This involves partnerships between the government and private sectors to subsidize such services, encouraging communal activities like participating in charitable projects to strengthen interpersonal bonds, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and active lives. Secondly, while many seniors are aware of the significance of exercise, many are unaware of how crucial it is to their physical fitness, thereby neglecting it. Thus, community events that emphasize the benefits of physical activities would help older people understand the profound values of exercise and encourage them to follow suit.

In conclusion, the loneliness and inadequate physical activity levels among the elderly can be attributed to multi-generational families living far apart and the underdevelopment of age-appropriate exercise environments, respectively. Hence, I believe these issues could be addressed through collective funding and educational initiatives from both the government and private sectors.