Ha Noi is a worth-living city

Ha Noi city – the metropolis of Viet Nam always holds a special place in my heart for three of following reasons. Firstly, Hanoi is one of the most vibrant city of Vietnam with many entertainment venues and it is the convergence of many major cultural, artistic, and sports activities of the country. So you don’t miss major holidays of the city in particular and of Vietnam in general. Secondly, being economic and educational center Hanoi also offers very good learning, research and development opportunities for people, especially young people.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Ha Noi city – the metropolis of Viet Nam" -> "Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam,"
Explanation: The phrase "Ha Noi city – the metropolis of Viet Nam" is somewhat repetitive and informal. Simplifying this to "Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam," maintains clarity and enhances the formal tone by eliminating redundancy and providing a clear, straightforward introduction.
"always holds a special place in my heart" -> "consistently occupies a significant position in my esteem"
Explanation: The phrase "always holds a special place in my heart" is overly emotional for an academic context. Replacing it with "consistently occupies a significant position in my esteem" maintains the sentiment in a more formal and academically appropriate manner.
"three of following reasons" -> "three primary reasons"
Explanation: The phrase "three of following reasons" is awkwardly constructed and vague. Changing it to "three primary reasons" clarifies the statement and aligns with academic style by indicating a structured argument will follow.
"one of the most vibrant city" -> "one of the most vibrant cities"
Explanation: This is a grammatical correction. The plural form "cities" correctly matches with "one of the most," ensuring grammatical consistency.
"So you don’t miss" -> "Thus, one does not miss"
Explanation: "So you don’t miss" is too informal and directly addresses the reader, which is not suitable for academic writing. "Thus, one does not miss" is more formal and uses passive construction to maintain an impersonal tone.
"being economic and educational center" -> "serving as an economic and educational hub,"
Explanation: "being economic and educational center" is an incomplete and informal expression. "Serving as an economic and educational hub," provides a clearer and more formal description of Hanoi’s role, while also correcting the grammatical structure.
"very good learning, research and development opportunities" -> "excellent opportunities for learning, research, and development"
Explanation: The phrase "very good learning, research and development opportunities" is informal and lacks specificity. "Excellent opportunities for learning, research, and development" is more precise and formal, with "excellent" serving as a more academically appropriate adjective than "very good." Additionally, adding a comma after "research" corrects the list’s punctuation for clarity.
"for people, especially young people." -> "for individuals, particularly for the youth."
Explanation: The phrase "for people, especially young people" is repetitive and informal. "For individuals, particularly for the youth" maintains the intended meaning while employing more formal and precise terminology.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing aspects related to the vibrancy, cultural significance, and educational opportunities in Hanoi. However, it lacks depth in discussing the worth-living aspect of the city and fails to explore potential drawbacks or challenges.
- How to improve: To improve, consider elaborating on why Hanoi is worth living in, perhaps by discussing aspects such as quality of life, community, infrastructure, or environmental factors. Additionally, make sure to fully address all components of the prompt to provide a well-rounded response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position by presenting Hanoi as a vibrant city with cultural and educational opportunities. However, the stance could be more explicitly stated and reinforced throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the author’s perspective on whether Hanoi is worth living in early in the essay, and consistently reinforce this viewpoint throughout the body paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about Hanoi’s vibrancy and educational opportunities, but lacks sufficient development and support. For example, while mentioning entertainment venues and educational opportunities, the essay does not provide specific examples or elaborate on their significance.
- How to improve: To improve, provide specific examples and anecdotes to support each point made about Hanoi. Additionally, consider extending ideas by discussing potential benefits and drawbacks in more detail to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing aspects related to Hanoi’s vibrancy, cultural significance, and educational opportunities. However, it could deviate less by avoiding general statements and focusing more on directly addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic of why Hanoi is worth living in. Avoid generalizations and tangential points that do not contribute to the central theme of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present reasons why Hanoi is a worth-living city, but the organization lacks coherence. It starts with mentioning the vibrancy of Hanoi and its cultural significance, then abruptly shifts to discussing its economic and educational opportunities without smoothly transitioning between the two points. This disjointed structure makes it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction that introduces the main points to be discussed (vibrancy and cultural significance, economic and educational opportunities), followed by separate paragraphs for each point. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases to connect ideas cohesively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks proper paragraphing, resulting in a lack of clarity and coherence. It is presented as a single, continuous block of text, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different ideas or points. Without distinct paragraphs, the structure of the essay appears cluttered and disorganized.
- How to improve: Break down the essay into paragraphs to improve its structure and readability. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. Use supporting details and examples to develop each point within the paragraph, and ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying mainly on simple conjunctions such as "firstly" and "secondly" to connect ideas. While these are useful for indicating sequence, the essay could benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases, pronouns, and conjunctions to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay. For example, use transitional phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the other hand" to introduce new points or provide additional information. Additionally, make use of pronouns like "this," "these," or "those" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and maintain continuity throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing a varied vocabulary to convey ideas. It uses words like "metropolis," "vibrant," "convergence," "educational center," and "development opportunities" effectively. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance clarity and depth of expression.
- How to improve: To enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meanings. For instance, instead of repeatedly using broad terms like "good," "many," or "major," explore specific adjectives or synonyms to add depth to the descriptions. Furthermore, integrating domain-specific terminology related to culture, economics, and education can elevate the essay’s sophistication and coherence.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where the usage could be more exact. For example, the phrase "vibrant city" is somewhat generic and could be enhanced with more vivid descriptors to paint a clearer picture for the reader. Additionally, terms like "economic and educational center" could be refined to provide a more nuanced understanding of Hanoi’s significance.
- How to improve: Aim to replace vague or overused terms with more precise and evocative language. For instance, instead of "vibrant city," consider descriptors like "bustling urban hub" or "dynamic cultural center" to convey a more vivid impression. Similarly, refine expressions such as "economic and educational center" by specifying the sectors or industries that contribute to Hanoi’s prominence, enhancing the essay’s clarity and specificity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains acceptable spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors evident. However, there are minor instances of misspellings and grammatical inconsistencies that slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly to identify and rectify any overlooked errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-checking tools and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify and address spelling issues more effectively. Developing a habit of revising written work meticulously before submission can significantly improve spelling accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a variety of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively to convey ideas. For instance, the introductory sentence utilizes a compound-complex structure ("Ha Noi city – the metropolis of Viet Nam always holds a special place in my heart for three of the following reasons"). Additionally, the essay incorporates relative clauses ("which is one of the most vibrant cities of Vietnam"), coordinating conjunctions ("and it is the convergence of many major cultural, artistic, and sports activities of the country"), and subordinating conjunctions ("So you don’t miss major holidays of the city in particular and of Vietnam in general") to add depth and complexity to the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more advanced sentence constructions such as inverted sentences, passive voice, and conditional sentences. Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can add rhythm and flow to the writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors observed. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement is not consistent ("Hanoi is one of the most vibrant city of Vietnam" should be "cities" to agree with the plural subject). Punctuation usage is generally correct, though there are a few areas where commas could be added for clarity or to separate clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Proofreading carefully for errors in number agreement can help eliminate such mistakes. Additionally, continue practicing the use of commas to separate clauses and improve readability. Consider utilizing resources such as grammar guides or online exercises to reinforce punctuation rules and refine punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, consistently occupies a significant position in my esteem for three primary reasons. Firstly, Hanoi is one of the most vibrant cities of Vietnam, boasting numerous entertainment venues and serving as the focal point for various cultural, artistic, and sports activities nationwide. Thus, one does not miss out on major holidays both specific to the city and to Vietnam as a whole. Secondly, serving as an economic and educational hub, Hanoi offers excellent opportunities for learning, research, and development for individuals, particularly for the youth.”