he graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line grap below shows the percentage of unemployment the UK, the EU and Japan in different year in the past. Overall, the unemployment rate in the UK and EU decreased while the unemployment rate in the Japan increased . In the early stages, the job loss rate in the UK was the highest bout 11%, then plummeted to low of 5%, over the next 4 years the job less rate didn't change then slight rise of 1% in the final year. Meanwhile, the EU started phase was 9% and from 1993 to 1997 was increased about 11% then decreased by just under 8%. Despite this decline, EU countries consistently maintained the highest umemployment rates from 1995 onwards. Conversely, starting at the loweset level is japan with a rate of 2% and increased slightly to 3% in 1995 , with a subsequent leveving off over the following 4 years. In 1990, it increased to reach a peak of 6% in 2003 and reduce to 4%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"grap" -> "graph"
Explanation: "Graph" is the correct term for a visual representation of data, while "grap" is a misspelling.
"unemployment the UK" -> "unemployment in the UK"
Explanation: Using "in" clarifies that the unemployment rate is being discussed within the context of the UK.
"year in the past" -> "years in the past"
Explanation: "Years" should be plural to match the plural noun "in the past."
"job loss rate" -> "unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Unemployment rate" is the more precise term for the percentage of people without jobs.
"the highest bout 11%" -> "peaked at about 11%"
Explanation: "Peaked" is a more precise and appropriate term for reaching the highest point, rather than "bout."
"low of 5%" -> "low point of 5%"
Explanation: Adding "point" clarifies that 5% is the lowest value.
"job less rate" -> "unemployment rate"
Explanation: Consistency in language is important, so "unemployment rate" should be used throughout the essay.
"slight rise of 1%" -> "a slight increase of 1%"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more precise term than "rise" when discussing changes in percentage.
"started phase was 9%" -> "initial phase was at 9%"
Explanation: "Initial phase" provides clearer context than "started phase."
"increased about 11%" -> "rose to approximately 11%"
Explanation: "Rose" is a more formal and precise term for increasing.
"just under 8%" -> "slightly below 8%"
Explanation: "Slightly below" is clearer and more formal than "just under."
"umemployment rates" -> "unemployment rates"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "unemployment."
"loweset level is japan" -> "lowest level is Japan"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Japan" is necessary as it’s a proper noun.
"with a subsequent leveving off" -> "followed by a leveling off"
Explanation: "Leveling off" is a more concise and clear term for stability in the unemployment rate.
"it increased to reach a peak of 6%" -> "it increased, reaching a peak of 6%"
Explanation: Adding a comma improves the flow of the sentence and clarifies the sequence of events.
"reduce to 4%" -> "reduced to 4%"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense for agreement with the subject "it."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the unemployment rates in the UK, the EU, and Japan from 1993 to 2007. It identifies some key trends such as the decrease in unemployment rates in the UK and EU and the increase in Japan. However, there are several inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the reporting of data, such as incorrect percentages and inconsistent time references.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in reporting data, use correct percentages, and maintain consistency in time references. Provide a clearer and more organized overview of the main trends and comparisons between the regions.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by separating the discussion into paragraphs, addressing each region (UK, EU, Japan) separately. However, there are issues with overall progression and coherence. While there is an attempt to summarize the main features of the graph, the essay lacks clarity and coherence in conveying the trends effectively. There are also several grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the presentation of data, which hinder the overall coherence.

How to improve:

Ensure accuracy in presenting data from the graph. For instance, the essay mentions 1990, which seems to be a typographical error, as the data provided is from 1993 to 2007.
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and coherence. This includes correcting errors such as "loweset," "bout," and inconsistent use of tenses.
Provide clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve overall progression and coherence. This could involve using linking words and phrases to establish logical connections between ideas and to guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, often relying on basic vocabulary and repetitive language. While there is an attempt to convey information, the lexical resource lacks variety and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of words and expressions. Using synonyms and more precise terminology related to the topic, such as "unemployment rate" instead of "job loss rate," would enhance lexical variety. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors would improve clarity and readability. Practice in using vocabulary in context and proofreading for errors can help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to convey information about the unemployment rates in the UK, the EU, and Japan, but it falls short in terms of grammatical accuracy and range of structures. The essay relies heavily on simple sentence structures and lacks variety in sentence formation. There are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which detract from the clarity of the message. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the unemployment rate in the Japan increased"), misspellings ("job less rate"), and incorrect word usage ("levelling off" instead of "leveling off").

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors will also help enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, working on spelling accuracy and word choice will contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provided illustrates the unemployment rates in the UK, the EU, and Japan spanning from 1993 to 2007. Overall, the UK and EU experienced a decrease in unemployment, whereas Japan witnessed an increase.

Commencing with the UK, the unemployment rate began at approximately 11% in 1993, reaching a nadir of 5% over the subsequent years. Thereafter, it remained relatively stable, with a slight uptick of 1% observed in the final year. Conversely, the EU’s unemployment rate commenced at 9% in 1993, climbing to around 11% by 1997 before declining to just under 8%. Despite this downward trend, EU nations consistently maintained the highest unemployment rates from 1995 onward.

In contrast, Japan initiated the period with the lowest unemployment rate, standing at 2% in 1993, which marginally increased to 3% by 1995. Over the subsequent four years, it remained relatively steady. However, from 1999 to 2003, Japan experienced a notable increase, peaking at 6% in 2003 before decreasing to 4% by the end of the period.