Imagine you are David, who sits at a table in your classroom which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to your head teacher Ms. Hoa. In your letter: • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of seat arrangement you would prefer (Your letter should be about 120 words in length. Any personal information doesn’t need
Imagine you are David, who sits at a table in your classroom which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work.
Write a letter to your head teacher Ms. Hoa. In your letter:
• describe the situation
• explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
• say what kind of seat arrangement you would prefer
(Your letter should be about 120 words in length. Any personal information doesn't need
Dear Mr Hoa,
I am writing to inform you about a seating issue I've been facing in class. Currently, I share a table with another student, and unfortunately, it has become difficult for me to focus on my work
The table is quite small, and we often struggle for space, which makes it hard to organize my materials properly. Additionally, my seatmate tends to move around a lot. which causes distractions during lessons. As a result, I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate and complete my tak tasks efficiently.
I believe I would work better in a seat where I have my own face space, perhaps at a single desk or a less crowded area. This arrangement would allow me to concentrate more and improve my productively – can dous the Thank you for considering my request
Sincerely.
Man
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"I am writing" -> "I am writing"
Explanation: The verb "am" should not be separated from the verb "writing" in this context, as it is a compound verb form. This correction maintains grammatical accuracy and formal tone. -
"I’ve been facing" -> "I have been facing"
Explanation: The contraction "I’ve" is too informal for academic writing. Using "I have" maintains a formal tone and is more appropriate for a formal letter. -
"it has become difficult for me to focus on my work" -> "it has become challenging for me to focus on my studies"
Explanation: Replacing "work" with "studies" aligns better with the academic context of a school setting, enhancing specificity and formality. -
"The table is quite small, and we often struggle for space" -> "The table is compact, and we frequently struggle for space"
Explanation: "Compact" is a more precise and formal adjective than "quite small," and "frequently" is more formal than "often." -
"my seatmate tends to move around a lot" -> "my seatmate is frequently restless"
Explanation: "Restless" is a more precise and formal term than "tends to move around a lot," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"which causes distractions during lessons" -> "which creates distractions during lessons"
Explanation: "Creates" is a more formal verb than "causes," fitting better in an academic context. -
"I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate and complete my tak tasks efficiently" -> "I am finding it increasingly challenging to concentrate and complete my tasks efficiently"
Explanation: "Challenging" is more formal than "difficult," and removing "my" before "tasks" corrects the possessive error. -
"I would work better in a seat where I have my own face space" -> "I would work more effectively in a seat with sufficient personal space"
Explanation: "With sufficient personal space" is more precise and formal than "my own face space," which is awkward and unclear. -
"perhaps at a single desk or a less crowded area" -> "perhaps at a single desk or in a less crowded area"
Explanation: "In a less crowded area" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a less crowded area." -
"improve my productively – can dous the" -> "enhance my productivity"
Explanation: "Enhance my productivity" is grammatically correct and more formal than the awkward and unclear "improve my productively – can dous the." -
"Thank you for considering my request" -> "I appreciate your consideration of my request"
Explanation: "I appreciate your consideration of my request" is more formal and polite, suitable for an academic or professional setting.
These changes refine the language to better suit an academic and formal tone, ensuring clarity and appropriateness for a formal letter.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by describing the current seating situation and explaining the problems faced. However, it lacks a comprehensive approach to all parts of the question. While the writer mentions the small table and distractions from the seatmate, they do not fully elaborate on how these issues specifically hinder their ability to work. The preferred seating arrangement is mentioned, but it could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To better address all elements of the question, the writer should provide more detail about how the current arrangement affects their work performance. For instance, they could describe specific instances where distractions occurred or how disorganization impacted their learning. Additionally, they should clearly state their preferred arrangement and explain why it would be beneficial for their studies.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position regarding the seating issue is somewhat clear; they express dissatisfaction with the current arrangement. However, the clarity is diminished by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "my own face space" and "can dous the Thank you for considering my request," which detracts from the overall message.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should focus on using straightforward language and correcting grammatical errors. A well-structured letter with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion will help reinforce their stance. Using transitional phrases can also enhance the flow of ideas.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the seating issue, but they are not well-developed or supported. For example, the mention of distractions is too vague, and there is no elaboration on how these distractions affect the writer’s academic performance or emotional state.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the problems faced in the current seating arrangement. Additionally, they should expand on the benefits of the proposed seating arrangement, explaining how it would directly improve their ability to focus and learn.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the seating arrangement and its impact on the writer’s ability to work. However, some phrases, such as "can dous the Thank you for considering my request," seem out of place and disrupt the flow of the letter.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall message of the letter. They should avoid including unrelated phrases or errors that could confuse the reader. A careful proofreading process can help eliminate these distractions and keep the content aligned with the prompt.
Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, correcting grammatical errors, and ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the letter. Additionally, adhering to the word count requirement is crucial, as being under the specified length can negatively impact the score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction of the issue, followed by a description of the problems faced, and concluding with a proposed solution. However, the flow could be improved. For example, the transition from describing the problems to suggesting a solution feels abrupt. The mention of distractions caused by the seatmate could be better integrated with the overall narrative of how this affects concentration and productivity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For instance, after detailing the problems, a sentence like "These issues not only hinder my focus but also impact my overall productivity" could serve as a bridge to the proposed solution. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which can hinder readability. The entire content is presented as a single block of text, making it challenging for the reader to identify distinct sections. Ideally, the introduction, body (problems), and conclusion (solution) should be separated into distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting a new paragraph for each main idea. For example, begin a new paragraph after the introduction when discussing the specific problems faced. This will not only enhance clarity but also allow the reader to follow the argument more easily.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "currently" and "additionally," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with more varied connectors. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but further elaboration on the consequences of the issues could benefit from additional linking words or phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases. For instance, using phrases like "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" can help to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.
By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "seating issue," "focus," "organize," and "distractions" being effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks variety. For instance, the repeated use of "difficult" and "work" could be enhanced with synonyms to show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, the writer could incorporate more varied vocabulary. For example, instead of "difficult," alternatives like "challenging" or "problematic" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "concentration issues" or "workspace constraints" could enrich the text.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "my own face space" appears to be a typographical error or a misphrasing, likely intended to convey "personal space." Furthermore, "productively – can dous the" is unclear and seems to be a typographical error that detracts from the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should proofread for clarity and correctness. Ensuring that phrases are accurately expressed is crucial. For instance, replacing "face space" with "personal space" and correcting "productively – can dous the" to a complete thought, such as "improve my productivity," would enhance clarity and precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "tak tasks" (which seems to be a typographical error) and "productively – can dous the," which is not only unclear but also contains a spelling mistake. Additionally, the name "Mr Hoa" should be "Ms. Hoa," as the prompt specifies a female head teacher.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors. Moreover, taking the time to proofread the final draft before submission would help catch these mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary and structure, there are significant areas for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their overall performance in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, such as "Currently, I share a table with another student," and "As a result, I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate and complete my tak tasks efficiently." There is a lack of complex sentences that could enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, the use of relative clauses or conditional sentences could provide more depth to the explanations.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying, "The table is quite small, and we often struggle for space," the writer could say, "Although the table is quite small, which often leads to struggles for space, I find it increasingly difficult to organize my materials properly." This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors. For instance, the phrase "my seatmate tends to move around a lot. which causes distractions" should be corrected to "my seatmate tends to move around a lot, which causes distractions." Additionally, there are typos such as "tak tasks" and "productively – can dous the," which disrupt the readability of the text. The closing "Sincerely." is also incorrectly punctuated; it should be "Sincerely," followed by the name.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch typographical errors and punctuation mistakes. Practicing the use of commas, especially in compound sentences, will help clarify the relationships between ideas. Furthermore, using grammar checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct errors before submission. Regular practice with sentence structure and punctuation rules will also contribute to overall improvement.
In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and conveys the necessary information, it lacks the grammatical range and accuracy expected for a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Ms. Hoa,
I have been facing a seating issue in class that I would like to bring to your attention. Currently, I share a table with another student, and it has become challenging for me to focus on my studies.
The table is compact, and we frequently struggle for space, making it difficult to organize my materials properly. Additionally, my seatmate is often restless, which creates distractions during lessons. As a result, I am finding it increasingly challenging to concentrate and complete my tasks efficiently.
I would work more effectively in a seat with sufficient personal space, perhaps at a single desk or in a less crowded area. This arrangement would significantly enhance my productivity.
I appreciate your consideration of my request.
Sincerely,
David
