In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people belive that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that surveillance cameras are gaining popularity in many cities throughout the world. While some believe that the increased number of cameras installed in public places can help reduce crime, others argue this initiative can restrict people’s freedom. Personally, I believe that the advantages of such systems can justify its drawbacks.

On the one hand, the increasing existence of cameras in public can bring considerable drawbacks, the most important one being restricting people’s freedom. One example can be the Chinese government, which has been infamously using the footages captured by its CCTV programs to identify, locate and oppress citizens who raise their concerns about policies of the state. This creates a fear of talking about any political issues amongst people, limiting their freedom of expression. In addition, many people believe that personal freedom means that they have the right to their privacy. However, their images and actions are recorded by cameras systems in public places and can usually be accessed, analyzed and used by the government, law enforcement agencies and security staffs without their consent. Thus, many people think that cameras installed in public violate their privacy and restrict their freedom.

Despite the potential violation of personal freedom, I believe that the advantages of surveillance cameras can be far more significant than its drawbacks as it can greatly contribute to crime reduction. Such systems have the capacity to clearly capture people’s movements, actions and behaviors in public places in real time. This means that law enforcement agencies can monitor, identify potential crime activities timely, helping them to deter these crimes before it happens. In case of international sporting events, for instance, the police can make use of the extensive camera systems in public to monitor the crowd of people and If they identity any potential terrorist suspects, a team can be quickly dispatched to the sense to address the criminals before they can do damage to the people. Thus, camera systems prove to be a valuable tool in crime reduction.

In conclusion, Although surveillance cameras can pose some threats to our personal freedom, I believe that it can greatly prevent criminal activities. Therefore, The advantages of such systems outweigh its drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"gaining popularity" -> "increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the growing trend of surveillance cameras in cities, aligning with academic style.
"the most important one being" -> "the primary concern being"
Explanation: "The primary concern being" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone by avoiding the colloquial "the most important one being."
"infamously using" -> "notoriously employing"
Explanation: "Notoriously employing" is a more precise and formal term that conveys the negative reputation of the Chinese government’s actions, fitting the academic context better.
"raise their concerns" -> "express their concerns"
Explanation: "Express their concerns" is a more precise and formal way to describe the act of sharing opinions or issues, suitable for academic writing.
"oppress citizens" -> "suppress dissent"
Explanation: "Suppress dissent" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the government’s actions in stifling opposition, enhancing the academic tone.
"can usually be accessed" -> "are typically accessible"
Explanation: "Are typically accessible" is more formal and precise, improving the clarity and formality of the statement about the availability of camera footage.
"security staffs" -> "security personnel"
Explanation: "Security personnel" is the correct plural form and is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the singular "staffs."
"can greatly contribute to" -> "significantly contribute to"
Explanation: "Significantly contribute to" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone and emphasizing the extent of the contribution.
"can make use of" -> "utilize"
Explanation: "Utilize" is a more formal synonym for "make use of," which is preferred in academic writing for its precision and formality.
"If they identity" -> "If they identify"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the proper use of the verb "identify" in the conditional tense.
"a team can be quickly dispatched to the sense to address the criminals" -> "a team can be rapidly deployed to the scene to address the criminals"
Explanation: "Rapidly deployed to the scene" is more precise and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"can greatly prevent" -> "can significantly prevent"
Explanation: "Can significantly prevent" is a more formal and precise way to express the effectiveness of surveillance cameras in preventing crime, aligning with academic standards.
"The advantages of such systems outweigh its drawbacks" -> "The advantages of such systems outweigh their drawbacks"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive pronoun "its" to "their" to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality in the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the use of surveillance cameras in public places. It acknowledges the concerns about individual freedom and privacy while also presenting the benefits of crime reduction. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, indicating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, while the essay discusses the drawbacks, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the advantages, particularly by providing additional examples or statistics to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or data illustrating the effectiveness of surveillance cameras in reducing crime rates. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly could strengthen the overall argument and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the advantages of surveillance cameras outweigh the disadvantages. The writer consistently supports this stance with relevant arguments. However, the transition between discussing drawbacks and advantages could be smoother. The phrase "Despite the potential violation of personal freedom" could be more effectively linked to the preceding discussion to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that transitions between points are seamless. Using linking phrases that explicitly connect the drawbacks to the advantages can help maintain a cohesive argument. For instance, stating how the drawbacks do not negate the importance of crime prevention could strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the restriction of freedom and the role of surveillance in crime reduction. The use of examples, particularly the reference to the Chinese government, effectively supports the argument about privacy concerns. However, the argument for the advantages of surveillance cameras could be extended further. The example of international sporting events is relevant but could be elaborated upon with more detail or additional examples to reinforce the point.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific crime statistics before and after the implementation of surveillance systems in certain cities could provide compelling evidence for the argument. Additionally, exploring other contexts where surveillance has proven beneficial could further substantiate the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of surveillance cameras and their impact on crime and individual freedom. The writer does not deviate from the main question, which is commendable. However, there are moments where the discussion of individual freedom could be more tightly linked back to the central argument about crime reduction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should consistently relate all points back to the central thesis. For instance, when discussing privacy concerns, the writer could explicitly connect these concerns to the broader implications for society and public safety, reinforcing how the advantages of surveillance systems ultimately serve the greater good.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the areas of example support, transitions, and deeper exploration of ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively introduces the topic and states a personal opinion. The first body paragraph discusses the drawbacks of surveillance cameras, while the second focuses on their advantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Despite the potential violation of personal freedom" could be more explicitly linked to the previous paragraph’s discussion to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, you could use "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to indicate a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea can help guide the reader through your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization. The examples provided, while relevant, could be better integrated into the argument to enhance coherence within the paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, ensuring that examples are clearly linked to the argument. For instance, in the first body paragraph, after discussing the drawbacks, you could explicitly state how the example of the Chinese government illustrates the broader point about freedom restrictions.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "In addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "this means that" is used to connect ideas, but it could be replaced with more varied devices to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "surveillance cameras," "crime reduction," "freedom of expression," and "privacy." Phrases like "infamously using the footages" and "potential terrorist suspects" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "cameras" and "freedom," which can detract from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "cameras," you could use "surveillance systems" or "monitoring devices." Additionally, varying sentence structures can help incorporate more advanced vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the increasing existence of cameras" could be more succinctly expressed as "the growing prevalence of cameras." Additionally, the phrase "the capacity to clearly capture people’s movements" could be tightened to "the ability to capture movements clearly."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to enhance clarity and precision. Review phrases for redundancy and aim for conciseness. For example, instead of "the most important one being restricting people’s freedom," consider "the primary concern is the restriction of freedom."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "belive" instead of "believe" and "footages" which is less commonly used in the plural form; "footage" is typically uncountable. These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help catch errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "While some believe that the increased number of cameras installed in public places can help reduce crime, others argue this initiative can restrict people’s freedom." This showcases the ability to convey contrasting ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For example, the phrase "the increasing existence of cameras in public" could be rephrased for variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the most important one being," try using alternatives like "a significant concern is" or "one major issue that arises is." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If surveillance cameras are used responsibly, they can enhance public safety") could diversify the sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the most important one being restricting people’s freedom" lacks a clear subject and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the comma splice in "In case of international sporting events, for instance, the police can make use of the extensive camera systems in public to monitor the crowd of people and If they identity any potential terrorist suspects." The word "If" should not be capitalized, and a comma is needed before "and" to separate two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for sentence clarity and punctuation errors. Pay attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down longer sentences into simpler ones can help clarify meaning. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can aid in reducing errors. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms, as seen in the phrase "If they identity any potential terrorist suspects," which should read "If they identify any potential terrorist suspects."

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that surveillance cameras are increasingly prevalent in many cities around the world. While some believe that the growing number of cameras installed in public places can help reduce crime, others argue that these measures can restrict individual freedom. Personally, I believe that the advantages of such systems significantly outweigh their drawbacks.

On the one hand, the increasing presence of cameras in public can bring considerable disadvantages, the primary concern being the restriction of personal freedom. One example is the Chinese government, which has notoriously employed footage captured by its CCTV programs to identify, locate, and suppress dissent among citizens who express their concerns about state policies. This creates a climate of fear surrounding discussions of political issues, thereby limiting freedom of expression. Furthermore, many people believe that personal freedom encompasses the right to privacy. However, their images and actions are recorded by camera systems in public places and are typically accessible, analyzed, and utilized by the government, law enforcement agencies, and security personnel without their consent. Thus, many individuals feel that cameras installed in public violate their privacy and restrict their freedom.

Despite the potential violation of personal freedom, I believe that the advantages of surveillance cameras can significantly contribute to crime reduction. Such systems have the capacity to clearly capture people’s movements, actions, and behaviors in public places in real time. This means that law enforcement agencies can monitor and identify potential criminal activities promptly, helping them to deter these crimes before they occur. In the case of international sporting events, for instance, the police can utilize extensive camera systems in public to monitor large crowds. If they identify any potential terrorist suspects, a team can be rapidly deployed to the scene to address the criminals before they can cause harm to the public. Thus, camera systems prove to be a valuable tool in crime reduction.

In conclusion, although surveillance cameras can pose some threats to our personal freedom, I believe that they can significantly prevent criminal activities. Therefore, the advantages of such systems outweigh their drawbacks.