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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The world is getting more and more developed thanks to the advances of many aspects, following that is the development of infrastructure, transportation, and smart gadgets. There is a trend that around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, leading to the decrease of populations in the countryside. I find this tendency to have both positive and negative problems.
On the one hand, because of the development of the world, a lot of people have the demand to find a place for opportunities and enjoyment, especially rural dwellers, cities and the urban center is the suitable place for them, this leads to the moving trend. However, these transfers bring to our society a big serious problem about overpopulation. With the wave of rural people moving, overcrowding is inevitable, as more people move to crowded areas, pressure in infrastructure and problems about hospitals, housing and transportation from there increase. Overload in public services, existing facilities, quality of social and spiritual life of people being reduced. This can be a result in housing problems, for example, with too many people needing an accomodation, leads to the house market becoming highly, also a struggle in competitiveness, land becomes scarce due to high demand. In addition, this transfer tendency also has a big impact on the country’s economy, when rural dwellers moving to urban cities, the agriculture and farming activities are becoming lack of human resources, leading to the lower of food and agricultural products. For instance, the agriculture of Southeast Asian countries is mostly dependent on export activities for agriculture products like crops, corn, fruits. Losing a high-quality workforce can make it difficult to attract investment, businesses operating and manufacturing in rural areas.
On the other hand, this trend may have some benefits, it could help rural dwellers in community integration, everyone can live in balance and harmony together, work together to build and manufacture with the support of high tech and facilities, this brings a healthy society and national development. Besides, this helps rural people to have a chance to access more education and more aspects about culture and cuisine. Everyone always has an opportunity to try the variety of fields in society, the things that normally gather in urban centers
In conclusion, while there a.some benefits on this trend, the negative impact it has is likely more and the consequences that it brings is serious. Therefore, I believe that we should take decisive action to limit such migration and ensure the sustainable development of rural regions.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “thanks to the advances of many aspects” -> “due to advancements in various sectors”
    Explanation: Replacing “thanks to the advances of many aspects” with “due to advancements in various sectors” enhances formality and precision in describing the sources of development.
  2. “smart gadgets” -> “advanced technological devices”
    Explanation: Substituting “smart gadgets” with “advanced technological devices” maintains a more formal tone and provides a clearer description of the technological advancements being referred to.
  3. “I find this tendency to have both positive and negative problems.” -> “I perceive this trend as having both positive and negative implications.”
    Explanation: Changing “I find this tendency to have both positive and negative problems” to “I perceive this trend as having both positive and negative implications” improves the formality of expression and provides a more nuanced description of the consequences.
  4. “suitable place for them” -> “suitable destination for them”
    Explanation: Replacing “suitable place for them” with “suitable destination for them” adds a touch of formality and precision to the statement.
  5. “leads to the moving trend” -> “contributes to the migration trend”
    Explanation: Substituting “leads to the moving trend” with “contributes to the migration trend” offers a more precise and formal expression of the cause-and-effect relationship.
  6. “Overload in public services” -> “Overburdening public services”
    Explanation: Changing “Overload in public services” to “Overburdening public services” maintains formality and improves the conciseness of the expression.
  7. “problems about hospitals” -> “challenges related to hospitals”
    Explanation: Replacing “problems about hospitals” with “challenges related to hospitals” enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
  8. “accomodation” -> “accommodation”
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from “accomodation” to “accommodation” ensures accuracy and maintains a formal writing style.
  9. “a result in housing problems” -> “resulting in housing challenges”
    Explanation: Changing “a result in housing problems” to “resulting in housing challenges” improves the flow of the sentence and maintains formality.
  10. “manufacturing with the support of high tech” -> “engaging in manufacturing supported by advanced technology”
    Explanation: Substituting “manufacturing with the support of high tech” with “engaging in manufacturing supported by advanced technology” offers a more formal and precise description.
  11. “more aspects about culture and cuisine” -> “various facets of culture and cuisine”
    Explanation: Replacing “more aspects about culture and cuisine” with “various facets of culture and cuisine” enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.
  12. “always has an opportunity to try” -> “always has the opportunity to explore”
    Explanation: Changing “always has an opportunity to try” to “always has the opportunity to explore” maintains formality and improves the clarity of expression.
  13. “While there a.some benefits on this trend” -> “While there are some benefits to this trend”
    Explanation: Correcting “While there a.some benefits on this trend” to “While there are some benefits to this trend” ensures grammatical accuracy and improves the sentence structure.
  14. “the negative impact it has is likely more” -> “the negative impact is likely more significant”
    Explanation: Substituting “the negative impact it has is likely more” with “the negative impact is likely more significant” improves the precision and formality of the statement.
  15. “consequences that it brings is serious” -> “consequences it brings are serious”
    Explanation: Correcting “consequences that it brings is serious” to “consequences it brings are serious” ensures grammatical accuracy and improves the sentence structure.
  16. “we should take decisive action” -> “we should take decisive measures”
    Explanation: Changing “we should take decisive action” to “we should take decisive measures” maintains formality and provides a more specific term for addressing the issue.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “I find this tendency to have both positive and negative problems.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The phrase “positive and negative problems” is slightly contradictory. Instead, consider clarifying this sentence for better coherence. You could rephrase this to something like, “I believe this trend brings about both positive and negative outcomes.”
    • Improved example: “I believe this trend brings about both positive and negative outcomes.”
  2. Quoted text: “Overload in public services, existing facilities, quality of social and spiritual life of people being reduced.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This sentence lacks clarity in its structure and presentation. To enhance coherence and readability, consider breaking it into clearer segments. For example, you could write, “The influx of people into urban areas often leads to an overload on public services and existing facilities, resulting in a decline in the quality of social and spiritual aspects of people’s lives.”
    • Improved example: “The influx of people into urban areas often leads to an overload on public services and existing facilities, resulting in a decline in the quality of social and spiritual aspects of people’s lives.”
  3. Quoted text: “In addition, this transfer tendency also has a big impact on the country’s economy, when rural dwellers moving to urban cities, the agriculture and farming activities are becoming lack of human resources, leading to the lower of food and agricultural products.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This section lacks precision in connecting ideas. To improve, consider restructuring this sentence for better clarity. For instance, “Moreover, the migration of rural residents to urban areas significantly affects the country’s economy. As individuals move, rural agricultural activities suffer from a lack of human resources, subsequently reducing food and agricultural production.”
    • Improved example: “Moreover, the migration of rural residents to urban areas significantly affects the country’s economy. As individuals move, rural agricultural activities suffer from a lack of human resources, subsequently reducing food and agricultural production.”

Overall, while the essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, the clarity and coherence of ideas could be strengthened. To enhance the essay’s structure, aim for clearer transitions between points and refine sentences to express ideas more precisely. This will contribute to a more cohesive and effectively communicated argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas coherently with an overall progression throughout. It presents both sides of the argument (positive and negative aspects) related to rural to urban migration, albeit with uneven development. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect some ideas, although there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences is slightly mechanical. Paragraphing is used but lacks consistent logical flow in transitions between paragraphs. There’s an attempt at centralizing topics within each paragraph, although some areas lack clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the structural organization by ensuring a more logical flow between paragraphs. Strengthen the use of cohesive devices to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas. Aim for clearer and more consistent topic sentences to better guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, strive for more natural and varied transitions between ideas to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. Occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present but do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains coherence and cohesion in presenting arguments.

The writer employs a variety of vocabulary related to urbanization and its consequences, such as “overpopulation,” “overcrowding,” “infrastructure,” and “harmony.” Additionally, there is an effort to use less common vocabulary, evident in phrases like “housing market becoming highly” and “struggle in competitiveness.” However, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as the phrase “the agriculture and farming activities are becoming lack of human resources,” where the word choice could be improved for greater precision.

Spelling and word formation errors, such as “accomodation” instead of “accommodation” and “manufacture” instead of “manufacturing,” are present but do not significantly hinder understanding. Overall, the essay’s vocabulary contributes to a clear expression of ideas, demonstrating an awareness of the topic and conveying the writer’s perspective effectively.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer can focus on refining word choice for greater precision and accuracy. Avoiding minor errors in spelling and word formation will further strengthen the overall lexical control. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the positive aspects of rural-urban migration, could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication. Consider using synonyms and exploring nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, indicating a commendable range of grammatical forms. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer maintains good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues, such as “with the advances of many aspects” (should be “with advances in many aspects”) and “becoming lack of human resources” (should be “lacking human resources”). Despite these minor errors, the overall grammatical range and accuracy are strong.

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should pay attention to sentence construction and ensure the accuracy of expressions. Reviewing the use of prepositions and article usage could enhance the precision of the writing. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch and rectify minor errors will contribute to a more polished and flawless essay.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

The world is experiencing significant development in various aspects, including infrastructure, transportation, and technology. A noticeable trend globally is the migration of rural residents to urban areas, resulting in declining populations in the countryside. This trend presents both positive and negative aspects.

On one hand, the progress in the world drives individuals, particularly those from rural areas, to seek opportunities and a better lifestyle in cities and urban centers. However, this movement creates a major issue of overpopulation. As rural inhabitants relocate, overcrowding becomes inevitable in urban areas, straining infrastructure, healthcare, housing, and transportation. The increased pressure on public services diminishes the quality of life and affects social and spiritual well-being. This leads to housing shortages and soaring housing prices due to high demand. Moreover, the shift adversely impacts the economy of the country, as the agricultural sector suffers from a lack of manpower, resulting in decreased food and agricultural production. For example, Southeast Asian nations heavily rely on exporting agricultural products like crops and fruits. The departure of skilled workers poses challenges in attracting investments and maintaining rural businesses.

Conversely, this migration trend could foster community integration among rural and urban dwellers, fostering a balanced and harmonious society. Collaborating with advanced technology and facilities can contribute to national development and a healthier society. Additionally, it offers rural residents opportunities for education, exposure to diverse cultures, and culinary experiences that are typically found in urban areas.

In conclusion, although there are some advantages to this trend, its negative impacts outweigh the positives. Hence, I believe it’s crucial to take decisive measures to limit such migration and ensure the sustainable development of rural regions.

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