In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

In recent years, crimes have become a popular issue that most people are considering. According to this aspect, there is a noticeable increase in the number of offences committed by youngsters across the world. Although there are undoubtely consequences of this trend, numerous effective punishment can be implemented to tackle this potiental problem.
First and foremost, one of the prominent reasons concerning this problem is the lack of guidance from relatives and family members. In some families, children are grown up in an unstable community where they can not receive carenesses as well as supports from their father and mother. This matter not only drive them to criminal groups but also form negative behavior in their mind. Another significant factor leading to this situation is from the low- income. Poverty and unemployment rates are appeared in many parts of the world so the young people have to survive by become a wrong doers such as : burglar, murder, etc.
There are several punishment could be approached for young deliquents depend on level of offense. First of all, juveniles who commit small crimes like stealing or robbery may be referred to reform school where they will learn about the risks of becoming involved in the criminal justice system. However, individuals who join in significant crimes such as violent attacks should deal with penalties. Longer prison terms are warranted for these violent offenders. As a result, they might have an awareness that they cannot participate in illegal at any age.
After discussing the aforcementioned points above, there are huge numbers of factors belonging to youngster crimes as well as numerous punishments can take to account this dilenma. The level of offense should be carried out to apply appopriate penalty.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"crimes have become a popular issue" -> "crime has become a significant issue"
Explanation: The singular form "crime" is more appropriate when referring to the general phenomenon, and "significant" is more precise and formal than "popular," which can imply a more casual or trendy connotation.
"undoubtely" -> "undeniably"
Explanation: "Undeniably" is the correct spelling of the word, which means "without doubt" or "clearly evident," making it more suitable for academic writing.
"numerous effective punishment" -> "numerous effective punishments"
Explanation: The plural form "punishments" is necessary to match the plural context of the sentence, indicating multiple types of punishments.
"potiental problem" -> "potential problem"
Explanation: "Potiental" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "potential," which refers to something that is possible or likely to happen.
"lack of guidance from relatives and family members" -> "insufficient guidance from family members"
Explanation: "Insufficient" is more precise and formal than "lack," and focusing on "family members" rather than "relatives" maintains a clearer and more academic tone.
"can not receive carenesses as well as supports" -> "do not receive care and support"
Explanation: "Can not" is grammatically incorrect; "do not" is the correct negation. Also, "carenesses" is not a word; "care and support" is the correct phrase.
"This matter not only drive them to criminal groups but also form negative behavior in their mind" -> "This situation not only drives them to criminal groups but also fosters negative behavior in their minds"
Explanation: "Situation" is more appropriate than "matter," and "drives" and "fosters" are more precise verbs than "drive" and "form." Additionally, "in their minds" is grammatically correct, whereas "in their mind" is singular and incorrect in this context.
"low- income" -> "low income"
Explanation: "Low-income" is a compound adjective and should not be hyphenated when used as an adjective modifying a noun.
"appeared in many parts of the world" -> "are prevalent in many parts of the world"
Explanation: "Are prevalent" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the widespread nature of poverty and unemployment.
"survive by become a wrong doers" -> "survive by becoming wrongdoers"
Explanation: "Become" should be "becoming" to maintain grammatical consistency, and "wrong doers" should be "wrongdoers" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"could be approached for young deliquents" -> "can be implemented for young delinquents"
Explanation: "Could be approached" is awkward and unclear; "can be implemented" is more direct and appropriate for discussing policy or action.
"reform school" -> "rehabilitation programs"
Explanation: "Reform school" is a less formal and less precise term; "rehabilitation programs" is more specific and academically appropriate.
"dealing with penalties" -> "subject to penalties"
Explanation: "Dealing with" is vague and informal; "subject to" is more precise and formal, fitting the context of legal consequences.
"huge numbers of factors" -> "numerous factors"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "huge numbers," which can be seen as colloquial.
"can take to account this dilenma" -> "can address this dilemma"
Explanation: "Dilenma" is a typographical error; "dilemma" is the correct word. "Address" is more appropriate than "take to account," which is less commonly used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing reasons for the increase in youth crime and suggesting methods of punishment. The reasons provided include lack of guidance from family and poverty, which are relevant and significant. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these reasons, as well as a clearer connection between the causes and the proposed punishments. For instance, while the essay mentions reform schools for minor offenses, it does not adequately explain how these institutions can address the root causes of crime.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into each reason, perhaps providing examples or statistics to support their claims. Additionally, linking the causes more explicitly to the suggested punishments would strengthen the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the causes of youth crime and the need for appropriate punishments. However, there are moments where the position could be more consistently articulated. For instance, the transition between discussing causes and punishments feels abrupt, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance on how to effectively address the issue.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases could help guide the reader through the argument, ensuring that the position remains evident throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes of youth crime and potential punishments. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat lacking. For example, while the mention of poverty as a factor is valid, the essay does not explore how poverty specifically leads to crime or how punishments can mitigate this issue. The examples provided (e.g., reform schools) are relevant but could be elaborated upon to demonstrate their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific programs that have been successful in reducing youth crime or providing statistics that illustrate the impact of family support on youth behavior.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for youth crime and potential punishments. However, there are instances of vague language and unclear phrasing that detract from the overall focus. For example, phrases like "huge numbers of factors belonging to youngster crimes" are too broad and could be more precise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid vague language and ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Using specific terminology and clearly defined concepts will help keep the essay on topic and enhance its overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score, demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the task and a clearer, more persuasive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized around distinct themes: reasons for youth crime and proposed punishments. However, the logical flow could be improved, particularly in the transition between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the causes of crime to the types of punishment could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationship between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the paragraph discussing the causes of youth crime could benefit from more detailed examples or explanations to support the claims made, particularly regarding the impact of poverty and family instability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence. Consider expanding the discussion within each paragraph to provide more depth. For instance, when discussing the lack of guidance from family, you could include statistics or studies that illustrate the correlation between family support and youth behavior.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "however," and "as a result," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the transition between discussing the causes of crime and the proposed punishments lacks a cohesive link that ties the two sections together.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "Consequently" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help reduce repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving logical flow, expanding paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "offences," "delinquents," and "punishment." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "youngsters" and "crimes." The use of "popular issue" is also vague and could be replaced with a more precise term.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "youngsters," alternatives like "youth," "adolescents," or "teenagers" could be used. Additionally, using more specific terms related to crime, such as "juvenile delinquency" or "criminal behavior," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "crimes have become a popular issue," which lacks clarity. The phrase "numerous effective punishment" should be "numerous effective punishments" to maintain grammatical accuracy. Furthermore, "carenesses" is not a standard English word; the correct term would be "care." The phrase "low-income" is also awkwardly used; it should be "low income levels" for clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "popular issue," they might say "growing concern." Reviewing vocabulary choices for grammatical correctness and contextual appropriateness will also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "undoubtely" (should be "undoubtedly"), "potiental" (should be "potential"), "carenesses" (should be "care"), "deliquents" (should be "delinquents"), "aforcementioned" (should be "aforementioned"), and "appopriate" (should be "appropriate"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Crimes have become a popular issue") and compound sentences ("This matter not only drives them to criminal groups but also forms negative behavior in their mind"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, the phrase "there are undoubtely consequences of this trend" could be more effectively expressed with a more complex structure. Additionally, the use of phrases like "numerous effective punishment can be implemented" lacks grammatical coherence, as "punishment" should be pluralized to "punishments."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex and compound-complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "Another significant factor leading to this situation is from the low-income," the writer could say, "Another significant factor contributing to this situation is the prevalence of low income, which often leads to desperation among youth." Engaging with more varied sentence types will not only improve the essay’s flow but also demonstrate a higher level of grammatical sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "undoubtely" should be "undoubtedly," and "carenesses" is not a standard English word; "care" would suffice. The phrase "are appeared in many parts of the world" is incorrect; it should be "are prevalent in many parts of the world." Additionally, the use of a colon in "such as : burglar, murder, etc." is incorrect; there should be no space before the colon, and "etc." is generally discouraged in formal writing. Furthermore, the sentence "the young people have to survive by become a wrong doers" contains a grammatical error; it should read "by becoming wrongdoers."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice. It may be beneficial to review the rules surrounding the use of articles and pluralization. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially concerning colons and commas, will enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, it requires significant improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice, focused revision, and seeking constructive feedback will be essential steps in enhancing the writer’s proficiency in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, crime has become a significant issue that most people are considering. According to this aspect, there is a noticeable increase in the number of offences committed by youngsters across the world. Although there are undeniably consequences of this trend, numerous effective punishments can be implemented to tackle this potential problem.

First and foremost, one of the prominent reasons concerning this issue is the lack of guidance from relatives and family members. In some families, children grow up in an unstable community where they do not receive care and support from their fathers and mothers. This situation not only drives them to criminal groups but also fosters negative behavior in their minds. Another significant factor leading to this situation is low income. Poverty and unemployment rates are prevalent in many parts of the world, so young people have to survive by becoming wrongdoers such as burglars, murderers, etc.

There are several punishments that could be approached for young delinquents, depending on the level of offense. First of all, juveniles who commit small crimes like stealing or robbery may be referred to reform schools where they will learn about the risks of becoming involved in the criminal justice system. However, individuals who engage in significant crimes such as violent attacks should be subject to penalties. Longer prison terms are warranted for these violent offenders. As a result, they might become aware that they cannot participate in illegal activities at any age.

After discussing the aforementioned points, there are numerous factors contributing to youth crime, as well as various punishments that can address this dilemma. The level of offense should be taken into account to apply appropriate penalties.