In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

Recently, the structure of a family as well as the role of family members have undergone significant changes. The traditional extended family has been replaced by the nuclear family while the sharing of family responsibilities has become more equitable. From my perspective, the advantages of those changes seem to outweigh their disadvantages.
It is true that the popularity of the nuclear family is significantly increasing and this shift can be attributed to numerous factors. Industrialization is considered to be one of the main contributors when it is likely that a significant number of young people decide to marry and settle in the city to develop their career path whereas their parents are still living in their hometown. In addition, gender roles in a family are experiencing significant changes when the family responsibility, including financial burden and housework, is shared equally. Women pursue careers to contribute financially while men share in housework, including housework and childcare. This contrasts with the past, where earning is the burden on the shoulders of the men and the women stay at home, take care of all family members.
In my opinion, the changes in family structure and roles have been largely positive for society. One potential benefit of the nuclear family is that it can avoid the generation gap, which causes inconveniences in daily life. For instance, it is unpleasant for both generations when the old value tranquility while the children are always making noises and crying. In addition, equality in family responsibility plays a crucial role in keeping the balance between men and women, which is elevating the status of Vietnamese women. This shift also contributes to building the long-term happiness of each family and reduces the rate of divorces.
In conclusion, both the family structure and gender roles are perhaps changing in a positive way, which creates valuable advantages and advances global human development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Recently" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: "In recent years" is more specific and academically formal than "Recently," providing a clearer timeframe for the discussed changes.
"the sharing of family responsibilities has become more equitable" -> "the distribution of family responsibilities has become more equitable"
Explanation: "Distribution" is a more precise term than "sharing" in the context of dividing responsibilities, enhancing the academic tone.
"From my perspective" -> "From an analytical perspective"
Explanation: "From an analytical perspective" is more objective and suitable for academic writing, whereas "From my perspective" sounds too personal and informal.
"the popularity of the nuclear family is significantly increasing" -> "the prevalence of the nuclear family has significantly increased"
Explanation: "Prevalence" is a more academic term than "popularity," and using "has significantly increased" instead of "is significantly increasing" provides a more definitive statement about the trend.
"it is likely that a significant number of young people decide to" -> "a significant number of young individuals opt to"
Explanation: "Opt to" is more formal and precise than "decide to," and "young individuals" is a more academically appropriate term than "young people."
"develop their career path" -> "pursue their career paths"
Explanation: "Pursue their career paths" is a more formal and accurate way to describe the process of advancing in one’s career.
"when the family responsibility, including financial burden and housework, is shared equally" -> "as family responsibilities, including financial obligations and domestic tasks, are distributed equitably"
Explanation: "As" is more appropriate for indicating the time or situation in which something happens. "Financial obligations" and "domestic tasks" are more precise and formal than "financial burden and housework," and "distributed equitably" is more accurate and formal than "shared equally."
"Women pursue careers to contribute financially while men share in housework, including housework and childcare" -> "Women engage in careers to contribute financially, whereas men participate in domestic tasks, encompassing both household chores and childcare"
Explanation: "Engage in careers" and "participate in domestic tasks" are more formal expressions. Additionally, specifying "both household chores and childcare" avoids repetition of "housework."
"earning is the burden on the shoulders of the men" -> "financial provision was predominantly the responsibility of men"
Explanation: "Financial provision was predominantly the responsibility of men" is a more formal and clear way to express this idea, avoiding idiomatic language like "the burden on the shoulders."
"it can avoid the generation gap" -> "it can mitigate the generational gap"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is more academically precise than "avoid," and "generational gap" is the correct term.
"which causes inconveniences in daily life" -> "which leads to daily inconveniences"
Explanation: "Leads to" is more formal and precise than "causes," and rephrasing to "daily inconveniences" improves the flow and academic tone.
"keeping the balance between men and women" -> "maintaining gender equality"
Explanation: "Maintaining gender equality" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "keeping the balance between men and women."
"reduces the rate of divorces" -> "reduces the divorce rate"
Explanation: "Reduces the divorce rate" is more concise and formal, fitting better in an academic context.
"both the family structure and gender roles are perhaps changing in a positive way" -> "the evolution of both family structure and gender roles is arguably positive"
Explanation: "The evolution of" provides a more precise and formal way to describe the changes, and "arguably" is more academically suitable than "perhaps," suggesting a well-considered stance.
"creates valuable advantages and advances global human development" -> "yields significant benefits and fosters global human development"
Explanation: "Yields significant benefits and fosters" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic quality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the changes in family structure and the roles of its members, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects of these changes.
- The essay identifies the shift from extended families to nuclear families and highlights the equitable distribution of family responsibilities as significant changes.
- It explores the reasons behind these changes, such as industrialization and evolving gender roles.
- The conclusion reflects on the positive impact of these changes on society.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately covers the prompt, providing even more specific examples or statistical data to support the points made could strengthen the argument further.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the advantages of the changes in family structure and roles outweigh the disadvantages.
- The introduction clearly states the author’s perspective on the issue.
- Each paragraph reinforces this position by providing reasons and examples supporting the positive impact of these changes.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could consider explicitly stating the position at the beginning of each body paragraph to reinforce the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant examples and explanations.
- Ideas are presented logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
- The author extends the discussion by explaining the reasons behind the changes and their societal implications.
- Supportive examples, such as the impact of the nuclear family on reducing the generation gap and the role of equitable distribution of family responsibilities in enhancing gender equality, are provided.
- How to improve: While the essay provides solid examples, deepening the analysis by discussing potential counterarguments or addressing potential drawbacks of the changes could strengthen the argumentation further.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the changes in family structure and roles and their perceived positive impact on society.
- Each paragraph directly relates to the prompt, exploring different aspects of the changes and their implications.
- There are no significant deviations from the topic, ensuring coherence and relevance.
- How to improve: To ensure thoroughness, the author could briefly acknowledge potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives before refuting them to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses each aspect of the checklist. To further improve, the author could consider providing more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of their position, deepening the analysis by discussing potential counterarguments, and acknowledging alternative perspectives to strengthen the argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction where the topic is introduced and the writer’s stance is clear. The subsequent paragraphs discuss reasons for the changes in family structure and roles, followed by the writer’s opinion on the topic and a conclusion. However, there could be better transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next more seamlessly. For example, transitioning from discussing the shift to the nuclear family to discussing changes in gender roles could benefit from a clearer link between the two ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph seems to focus on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the reasons for changes in family structure, changes in gender roles, and the writer’s opinion. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide deeper insights.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent structure with supporting details. For instance, the paragraph discussing the advantages of the nuclear family could be expanded with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument and provide a more thorough analysis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "in addition," "for instance") to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. These cohesive devices help maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: While transition words and phrases are effective, consider incorporating other cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), synonyms, and parallel structures to vary the sentence structures and enhance coherence further. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. With some enhancements in transitioning between paragraphs, further development of paragraph content, and diversification of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing various aspects of the topic such as family structure, gender roles, societal changes, and their implications. For instance, terms like "nuclear family," "extended family," "industrialization," "gender roles," "generation gap," "inconveniences," and "divorces" are effectively employed to convey nuanced ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary repertoire, incorporating more specialized terminology or idiomatic expressions related to family dynamics and societal shifts could enhance lexical richness further. Additionally, using synonyms or alternative phrasing to avoid repetition can elevate lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying intended meanings. For example, the term "equitable" is aptly used to describe the fair distribution of family responsibilities, and "inconveniences" effectively captures the challenges arising from the generation gap.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, ensure that nuanced terms are used in contexts where their meanings align precisely with the intended message. Avoid ambiguous or vague language that could obscure the intended meaning, opting instead for clarity and specificity in vocabulary selection.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with few notable errors. Common words and expressions are spelled correctly, contributing to overall readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: While spelling errors are minimal, proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and manual review can help identify and rectify any remaining inaccuracies. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously can further bolster spelling accuracy, ensuring a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It effectively utilizes simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the text. For instance, it employs complex sentences to provide detailed explanations and compound sentences to connect ideas logically. Additionally, there is successful use of transitional phrases such as "in addition" and "for instance" to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If…then"), relative clauses (e.g., "which causes inconveniences in daily life"), and passive voice constructions where appropriate. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing, contributing to a higher score in this criterion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to aid clarity and organization. For instance, correct usage of commas is observed in complex sentences to separate clauses, and there are minimal errors in subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammatical accuracy is commendable, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as in the sentence: "Industrialization is considered to be one of the main contributors when it is likely that a significant number of young people decide to marry and settle in the city to develop their career path whereas their parents are still living in their hometown." Here, the structure of the sentence is slightly convoluted, and there’s a subject-verb agreement issue ("industrialization is considered" should be followed by a singular verb). To improve accuracy, pay close attention to sentence structure and ensure subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors such as missing articles or prepositions can further enhance the essay’s grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, the structure of families and the roles of their members have experienced significant transformations. The traditional extended family has given way to the nuclear family, while the distribution of family responsibilities has become more equitable. From an analytical perspective, the benefits of these changes appear to outweigh their drawbacks.

The prevalence of the nuclear family has significantly increased in recent years, with various factors contributing to this shift. Industrialization, for instance, has led many young individuals to pursue their career paths in urban areas while their parents remain in their hometowns. Moreover, there has been a notable shift in gender roles within families, with financial obligations and domestic tasks now being shared more equally. Women engage in careers to contribute financially, whereas men participate in domestic tasks, encompassing both household chores and childcare. This is a departure from the past, where financial provision was predominantly the responsibility of men, while women primarily managed the household.

From my perspective, the evolution of both family structure and gender roles is arguably positive for society. One potential benefit of the nuclear family is that it can mitigate the generational gap, which leads to daily inconveniences. For example, differing expectations regarding tranquility can cause tensions between generations. Additionally, maintaining gender equality in family responsibilities reduces the divorce rate and fosters long-term happiness within families. It also contributes to elevating the status of women in society.

In conclusion, the changes in family structure and gender roles have yielded significant benefits and fostered global human development. Overall, these shifts represent positive advancements that contribute to the well-being and stability of families and society as a whole.