in some countries, fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fast food restaurants and supermarkets giving money to schools with the aim of advertising their products have become popular in some countries. While this trend is positive because it allows schools to have adequate money to develop themselves, this collaboration may mislead students, which results in severe consequences.

The amount of money schools receive from promotion may be huge enough to improve their facilities and hold more events. This helps increase the students' comfort when studying, easier knowledge acquisition, and makes school a busier but less stressful place. For instance, the use of a TV for lecturing helps teachers provide specific and precise examples of the concerned subject, making it easier for students to grasp the lesson's core.

However, when schools advertise fast food from restaurants and snacks from supermarkets, they may indirectly motivate students to eat those unhealthy products. Advertising involves using sycophantic words, distorting good features, and avoiding unfavorable information to boost the image of the products. This leads students to eat fast food and snacks regularly because they think it is healthy for them. For example, a 700-calorie cheese burger may be falsely described as 200- calories by promotional experts, catching the attention of students who hope to lose weight. Excessive consumption of these foods may cause severe health diseases like obesity, stroke, paralysis, and cardiovascular issues.

In conclusion, the fact that schools receive advertising money from fast food restaurants and supermarkets may be positive because of the opportunity it gives schools to improve their studying conditions. Nevertheless, it is important to carefully consider one potential drawback of this tendency: students' misapprehension about unhealthy food.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Fast food restaurants and supermarkets giving money to schools with the aim of advertising their products have become popular in some countries."
-> "Fast food restaurants and supermarkets providing financial support to schools for advertising their products have become popular in some countries."
Explanation: The phrase "giving money" is somewhat informal for an academic context. Replacing it with "providing financial support" maintains clarity and formality.
"While this trend is positive because it allows schools to have adequate money to develop themselves, this collaboration may mislead students, which results in severe consequences."
-> "While this trend offers benefits by providing schools with necessary funding for development, this collaboration may lead to the misguidance of students, resulting in severe consequences."
Explanation: Replacing "positive" with "offers benefits" and "adequate money" with "necessary funding" improves precision and formality. "Mislead" is replaced with "misguidance" for a more formal tone.
"The amount of money schools receive from promotion may be huge enough to improve their facilities and hold more events."
-> "The funding schools receive from promotions may be substantial enough to enhance their facilities and host additional events."
Explanation: "Huge enough" is informal; "substantial enough" is more fitting for an academic tone. Also, "hold more events" is replaced with "host additional events" for clarity and formality.
"This helps increase the students’ comfort when studying, easier knowledge acquisition, and makes school a busier but less stressful place."
-> "This enhances students’ comfort during study, facilitates knowledge acquisition, and contributes to making the school environment both vibrant and less stressful."
Explanation: Replacing "helps increase" with "enhances" and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"For instance, the use of a TV for lecturing helps teachers provide specific and precise examples of the concerned subject, making it easier for students to grasp the lesson’s core."
-> "For example, utilizing television for instruction enables teachers to offer specific and precise examples relevant to the subject matter, thereby facilitating students’ comprehension of the lesson’s fundamental concepts."
Explanation: Replacing "helps" with "enables" and refining the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"However, when schools advertise fast food from restaurants and snacks from supermarkets, they may indirectly motivate students to eat those unhealthy products."
-> "However, when schools promote fast food from restaurants and snacks from supermarkets, they may inadvertently encourage students to consume these unhealthy products."
Explanation: Replacing "advertise" with "promote" for a more formal tone, and "indirectly motivate" with "inadvertently encourage" for precision.
"Advertising involves using sycophantic words, distorting good features, and avoiding unfavorable information to boost the image of the products."
-> "Advertising entails employing persuasive language, accentuating positive attributes, and omitting unfavorable information to enhance the products’ image."
Explanation: Replacing "sycophantic words" with "persuasive language" and refining the sentence for clarity and formality.
"This leads students to eat fast food and snacks regularly because they think it is healthy for them."
-> "Consequently, students may develop a habit of consuming fast food and snacks regularly under the mistaken belief that these products are beneficial to their health."
Explanation: Replacing "leads" with "may develop a habit" for precision, and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"For example, a 700-calorie cheese burger may be falsely described as 200- calories by promotional experts, catching the attention of students who hope to lose weight."
-> "For instance, promotional experts might inaccurately advertise a 700-calorie cheeseburger as having only 200 calories, which could attract students striving to manage their weight."
Explanation: Refining the sentence for clarity and formality, and replacing "catching the attention" with "attract" for precision.
"Excessive consumption of these foods may cause severe health diseases like obesity, stroke, paralysis, and cardiovascular issues."
-> "Excessive consumption of these foods may lead to severe health conditions such as obesity, stroke, paralysis, and cardiovascular ailments."
Explanation: Replacing "health diseases" with "health conditions" for accuracy, and refining the sentence for clarity and formality.
"In conclusion, the fact that schools receive advertising money from fast food restaurants and supermarkets may be positive because of the opportunity it gives schools to improve their studying conditions."
-> "In conclusion, while the financial support schools receive from fast food restaurants and supermarkets for advertising may have positive implications by enhancing the learning environment, it is crucial to acknowledge potential drawbacks."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, and replacing "improve their studying conditions" with "enhancing the learning environment" for precision.
"Nevertheless, it is important to carefully consider one potential drawback of this tendency: students’ misapprehension about unhealthy food."
-> "However, it is imperative to carefully weigh one potential drawback of this practice: students’ misunderstanding regarding unhealthy dietary choices."
Explanation: Replacing "carefully consider" with "carefully weigh" for precision, and "misapprehension" with "misunderstanding" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the potential positive aspects of fast food and supermarket advertising in schools while also acknowledging the negative consequences, such as misleading students.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers both sides of the issue, providing more nuanced examples or discussing potential counterarguments could strengthen the analysis further.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that while there are benefits to schools receiving advertising money, there are also significant drawbacks related to student health.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main stance and avoids ambiguity or conflicting viewpoints.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with clear examples to support each point. For instance, it discusses how advertising revenue can improve school facilities while also illustrating the potential negative impact on student health.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider exploring additional implications or providing more in-depth analysis of the consequences of advertising in schools.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the effects of fast food and supermarket advertising in schools as outlined in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme and avoid introducing tangential ideas that distract from the main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a balanced argument on the positive and negative aspects of fast food and supermarket advertising in schools. To improve further, consider incorporating more nuanced examples, reinforcing the main position consistently, and extending the analysis of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the benefits of advertising money for schools to the potential negative consequences. Transitions between ideas are smooth, with each paragraph building upon the previous one to present a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a stronger thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines the main points of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective topic and supports the overall argument effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the argument, with each paragraph dedicated to a distinct idea or aspect of the topic. The introduction presents the issue, the body paragraphs explore the positive and negative aspects of the trend, and the conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective. Each paragraph is coherent and contributes to the overall argument.
- How to improve: While the essay uses paragraphs appropriately, ensuring consistency in paragraph length could further enhance readability. Additionally, consider incorporating topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide clear guidance on the focus of the subsequent discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the text. Transition words and phrases such as "while," "however," "for instance," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to signal shifts in focus and highlight contrasts or conclusions. Pronouns and referencing words are also utilized to maintain coherence within and between sentences.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases and conjunctions to convey relationships between ideas more explicitly. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns and referencing words to avoid confusion and enhance clarity in complex sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs appropriately, and employing a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could further enhance its clarity and coherence, ultimately strengthening the overall argument and presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "adequate," "acquisition," "sycophantic," "distorting," "unfavorable," "excessive," "misapprehension," etc. These words contribute to the clarity and richness of the essay’s expression.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary, further diversification could enhance its sophistication. Introducing specialized vocabulary related to education, marketing, and health could add depth to the analysis. For instance, incorporating terms like "educational endowments," "promotional strategies," or "nutritional ramifications" could enrich the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, the use of "mislead," "severe consequences," "comfort," "distorting," "unhealthy," etc., accurately communicates the intended meanings.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider replacing vague or general terms with more specific ones where applicable. For instance, instead of "severe consequences," specify the potential outcomes such as "health risks" or "academic implications." This would provide greater clarity and nuance to the arguments presented.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. There are no glaring spelling errors that detract from the readability or comprehension of the text.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques to catch any inadvertent errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to further refine spelling proficiency. Consistent attention to spelling will ensure the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resources, effectively utilizing vocabulary to convey nuanced arguments. To further enhance lexical richness and precision, continue expanding your vocabulary repertoire and refining spelling accuracy through practice and feedback.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the essay utilizes complex sentences such as "While this trend is positive because it allows schools to have adequate money to develop themselves, this collaboration may mislead students, which results in severe consequences," showcasing the ability to construct sentences with multiple clauses. Furthermore, the writer employs parallel structures effectively, enhancing the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism or varying the placement of dependent clauses within sentences. Additionally, experimenting with more advanced syntactical structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional constructions, can elevate the complexity and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the writer effectively uses correct subject-verb agreement, maintains consistency in verb tense usage, and employs punctuation marks appropriately to enhance clarity. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("the") or incorrect preposition usage, are noticeable.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to article usage and ensure consistency in tense throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in preposition placement or agreement between pronouns and antecedents can help refine the overall fluency and precision of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with effective utilization of diverse sentence structures and a high level of grammatical precision. By continuing to refine sentence complexity and polish grammatical accuracy, the writer can further enhance the overall quality and sophistication of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Fast food restaurants and supermarkets providing financial support to schools for advertising their products have become increasingly common in various countries. While this practice does offer benefits by providing schools with necessary funding for development, there are concerns about its potential negative impact on students.

The funding that schools receive from these promotions can be substantial, allowing for improvements in facilities and the ability to organize additional events. This enhances students’ comfort during study, facilitates knowledge acquisition, and contributes to making the school environment both vibrant and less stressful. For example, utilizing television for instruction enables teachers to offer specific and precise examples relevant to the subject matter, thereby facilitating students’ comprehension of fundamental concepts.

However, when schools promote fast food and snacks from supermarkets, they may unintentionally encourage students to consume these unhealthy products. Advertising often involves persuasive language, accentuating positive attributes, and omitting unfavorable information to enhance the products’ image. Consequently, students may develop a habit of consuming fast food and snacks regularly under the mistaken belief that these products are beneficial to their health. For instance, promotional experts might inaccurately advertise a 700-calorie cheeseburger as having only 200 calories, which could mislead students striving to manage their weight. Excessive consumption of these foods may lead to severe health conditions such as obesity, stroke, paralysis, and cardiovascular ailments.

In conclusion, while the financial support schools receive from fast food restaurants and supermarkets for advertising may have positive implications by enhancing the learning environment, it is crucial to acknowledge potential drawbacks. It is imperative to carefully weigh one potential drawback of this practice: students’ misunderstanding regarding unhealthy dietary choices.