In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a wide range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. For today’s world which system is appropriate?

In this day and age, it has always been a controversial debate over whether general education or specific education seems suitable for students in secondary school. While the latter alternative appears reasonable, the latter seems significantly overshadowed by the former curriculum.
On the one hand, specific education can be accompanied by a host of merits. The first advantage of this is that interest in study is a significant element as it serves as a catalyst for learning and academic achievement. To illustrate, when students are genuinely engaged and passionate about their studies, they are more likely to demonstrate curiosity, perseverance, and a desire for further improvement. An additional reason for this is that students attribute their own schedule, particularly dedicating hours for studying their major, leading to further academic excellence. For instance, in Vietnam, there is an annual city-level secondary school excellent student competition that lures a high volume. This is because achieving this accomplishment serves as a testament of academic ability, leading to recognition for their talent and further academic opportunities.
While acknowledging the reasons for specific education, it is essential to recognize the importance of general education. Firstly, general education provides a basic foundation for individuals in most aspects of life, from mathematical and science and to social and philosophical knowledge, while university curriculum offers deeper understanding in one specific field, developing both personal and professional growth. For instance, it is clear that individuals with academic qualification as well as general knowledge, including current affairs or global world events could hold good conversation in social mingling or business dinners and leave lasting impressions to others, leading to further cooperation and career advancement. Secondly, by acquiring a basic foundation, individuals are able to deal with a multitude of challenges they encounter in daily life. As an illustration, fundamental knowledge of chemical and biological terms would be huge assistance if they experience illness or use medicines.
All things considered, while the specific education is essential for professional pursuits, the basic foundation holds significance in personal development. Therefore, general education should combine with academic journeys for overall growth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"it has always been a controversial debate" -> "it has long been a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Controversial debate" is redundant; "contentious issue" is a more precise and formal term.
"seems suitable" -> "appears suitable"
Explanation: "Seems" is somewhat informal and vague; "appears" is more precise and formal.
"the latter alternative" -> "the latter option"
Explanation: "Alternative" is less specific in this context; "option" is more direct and appropriate for discussing educational choices.
"significantly overshadowed" -> "substantially outweighed"
Explanation: "Overshadowed" implies a visual metaphor that may not be suitable for an academic context. "Outweighed" is more precise and formal.
"a host of merits" -> "numerous merits"
Explanation: "A host of" is somewhat informal and vague; "numerous" is more specific and formal.
"interest in study is a significant element" -> "interest in learning is a crucial factor"
Explanation: "Study" is too broad and informal; "learning" is more precise and academically appropriate. "Crucial factor" is more formal than "significant element."
"serves as a catalyst for learning and academic achievement" -> "serves as a catalyst for academic success"
Explanation: "Academic achievement" is redundant with "academic success," which is more concise and formal.
"dedicating hours for studying their major" -> "devoting hours to their major studies"
Explanation: "Dedicating hours for studying" is awkward and informal; "devoting hours to their major studies" is more fluid and formal.
"lures a high volume" -> "attracts a large number"
Explanation: "Lures" is informal and imprecise; "attracts a large number" is more formal and clear.
"achieving this accomplishment serves as a testament of academic ability" -> "achieving this accomplishment serves as evidence of academic ability"
Explanation: "Testament" is less common and slightly archaic in this context; "evidence" is more direct and appropriate.
"university curriculum offers deeper understanding" -> "university curriculum provides a deeper understanding"
Explanation: "Offers" is less formal than "provides," which is more commonly used in academic contexts.
"individuals with academic qualification as well as general knowledge" -> "individuals with both academic qualifications and general knowledge"
Explanation: "Academic qualification" is grammatically incorrect; "academic qualifications" is the correct plural form.
"hold good conversation" -> "engage in meaningful conversations"
Explanation: "Hold good conversation" is informal and vague; "engage in meaningful conversations" is more precise and formal.
"leave lasting impressions to others" -> "make a lasting impression on others"
Explanation: "Leave lasting impressions to others" is grammatically incorrect; "make a lasting impression on others" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"huge assistance" -> "significant assistance"
Explanation: "Huge" is informal and imprecise; "significant" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"general education should combine with academic journeys" -> "general education should be integrated with academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Combine with academic journeys" is awkward and informal; "be integrated with academic pursuits" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both general education and specific education, which are the two systems mentioned. It presents arguments for both sides, indicating an understanding of the topic. However, the response lacks a clear conclusion on which system is more appropriate for today’s world, which is a critical part of the question. The phrase "the latter seems significantly overshadowed by the former curriculum" is vague and does not explicitly state a preference or recommendation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate which educational system they believe is more suitable for today’s world and provide a succinct rationale for this choice in the conclusion. This could involve summarizing the key points made and explicitly stating the advantages of the chosen system over the other.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position by discussing both sides of the argument. However, the position on which system is more appropriate is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a preference for general education but does not reinforce this stance effectively in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using topic sentences in each paragraph that reflect the overall stance and by linking back to the main argument in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of both specific and general education. For example, it discusses how specific education can enhance student engagement and academic achievement, and it provides examples to support these claims. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the example about the competition in Vietnam could be expanded to better illustrate its relevance to the argument about specific education.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point made should be followed by a thorough explanation of its significance and relevance to the argument. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies could further strengthen the support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both educational systems. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the social benefits of general knowledge, which could be seen as tangential to the main argument about educational systems.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate back to the central question of which educational system is more appropriate. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt directly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a clearer position, more developed ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing specific and general education, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the merits of specific education and the importance of general education could be smoother. The introduction mentions both sides but does not clearly outline the structure that will follow, which can lead to some confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should consider providing a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. For example, starting the second paragraph with a sentence that explicitly states it will discuss the advantages of specific education would improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first body paragraph discussing specific education is longer and more detailed than the second paragraph on general education, which could lead to an imbalance in the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the discussion on general education to match the depth of the specific education paragraph. This could involve providing additional examples or elaborating on the points made about general education to ensure both sides receive equal attention.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "while acknowledging," and "all things considered," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the latter" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall flow and make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "in contrast," "similarly," or "furthermore" can help to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can also improve cohesion and make the essay more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical organization, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "controversial debate," "academic achievement," "catalyst for learning," and "personal and professional growth." These phrases reflect a good understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "education" and "academic" could be replaced with synonyms like "learning," "instruction," or "scholarship" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Utilizing a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises focused on the topic of education could help in expanding the range of vocabulary used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the latter alternative appears reasonable" is somewhat vague and could be more specific. Additionally, "lures a high volume" is awkward; it would be clearer to say "attracts a large number of participants." The phrase "testament of academic ability" could also be refined to "testament to academic ability" for greater precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or vague terms. Moreover, practicing writing with a focus on using precise language in context will improve this aspect of lexical resource.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "significantly," "accompanied," and "illustrate" are spelled correctly, which reflects a good command of English spelling conventions. However, the phrase "leading to further academic excellence" could be misinterpreted if not punctuated correctly, though it is not a spelling issue per se.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps using spell-check tools or apps that highlight potential errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the phrase "While acknowledging the reasons for specific education, it is essential to recognize the importance of general education" effectively uses a subordinate clause to introduce the main idea. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the repeated use of "the latter" and "the former" could be replaced with more descriptive phrases to enhance clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varying sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the first advantage," the writer could begin with phrases like "One notable benefit is…" or "An important aspect to consider is…". Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and exclamatory sentences can add dynamism to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "the latter seems significantly overshadowed by the former curriculum" is somewhat awkward and could be clearer. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the comma splice in "individuals with academic qualification as well as general knowledge, including current affairs or global world events could hold good conversation." A comma is needed before "could" to separate the clauses properly.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. For example, in the sentence "general education provides a basic foundation for individuals in most aspects of life, from mathematical and science and to social and philosophical knowledge," the phrase "mathematical and science" should be revised to "mathematics and science." Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help improve clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also be beneficial for improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, it has long been a contentious issue over whether general education or specific education appears suitable for students in secondary school. While the latter option seems reasonable, it is significantly overshadowed by the former curriculum.

On the one hand, specific education can be accompanied by numerous merits. The first advantage of this is that interest in learning is a crucial factor, as it serves as a catalyst for academic success. To illustrate, when students are genuinely engaged and passionate about their studies, they are more likely to demonstrate curiosity, perseverance, and a desire for further improvement. An additional reason for this is that students can manage their own schedules, particularly devoting hours to their major studies, leading to further academic excellence. For instance, in Vietnam, there is an annual city-level secondary school excellent student competition that attracts a large number of participants. This is because achieving this accomplishment serves as evidence of academic ability, leading to recognition for their talent and further academic opportunities.

While acknowledging the reasons for specific education, it is essential to recognize the importance of general education. Firstly, general education provides a basic foundation for individuals in most aspects of life, from mathematics and science to social and philosophical knowledge, while the university curriculum provides a deeper understanding in one specific field, developing both personal and professional growth. For instance, it is clear that individuals with both academic qualifications and general knowledge, including current affairs or global events, could engage in meaningful conversations during social mingling or business dinners and make a lasting impression on others, leading to further cooperation and career advancement. Secondly, by acquiring a basic foundation, individuals are able to deal with a multitude of challenges they encounter in daily life. As an illustration, fundamental knowledge of chemical and biological terms would be of significant assistance if they experience illness or use medicines.

All things considered, while specific education is essential for professional pursuits, the basic foundation holds significance in personal development. Therefore, general education should be integrated with academic pursuits for overall growth.