in some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school. do the advantages of home education outweight the disadvantages.

It Is a well-documented fact that an increasing number of people all over the world are drawing attention to choosing place to educate their children. While there are some people who strongly believe that some parents choose to teach their children at home is advantage , others claim that they want to their children study at school is advantage. Therefore, this has been an endless controversial issue, and both sides of the above issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, some parents want to educate their children at home should be taken into account. Firstly, it is commonly believed that they feel safe when their children at home. A clear example being found to prove is that there are some teacher who have violent at school, which cause hurt physic or mental for some students, it’s also have a lot of news which reflect this, so some parents feel not safety when they take their children to school. Equally important, there is no doubt that some parents think that their children still young, even though they can’t understand what they say, and parents is a good solution to teach them, so they will teach them at home, and it is also help them save a lot of money. For example, each month some family have to pay about more than 1 million dong for sending their children at school, however , some family do not have a lot of money, they have not ability to pay for this, so they just teach their children at home, besides, some family choose teach their at home although they still have ability to pay, but instead they pay for educate at school, they can save some money to help their children have good condition.
On the other hand, there are two primary points for other people to defend the opposite view that some parents want to their children study at school is the advantage. First and foremost, It is undeniable that study at school help their children expand social network and good environment for their children develop other skills to solve problems in the real life. This is supported by the fact that at school, teacher always support and create activities entertainment or how to escape from crime cheat children, which help children can show their talent and skills solve problems. In addition to this, there is no denying that sending children to school is save time for parents, instead they at home and take care, or teach their children, they will send them for school and give themselves gold opportunity to impact to real life, earn money and have different relationships.
To conclude, it is my strongly belief that children study at school which is a good facility to give them expand other skills. I , highly recommend the awareness of people about sending children to school should be enhanced in the contemporary world. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of parents about their children studying at school will be guaranteed.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It Is a well-documented fact" -> "It is a well-established fact"
Explanation: "Well-established" is more academically appropriate than "well-documented" in this context, enhancing the formal tone of the introduction.
"drawing attention to choosing place to educate" -> "increasingly focusing on the choice of educational settings for"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and employs a more formal academic style.
"some parents choose to teach their children at home is advantage" -> "the decision by some parents to homeschool their children has advantages"
Explanation: The original sentence structure is incorrect and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses formal academic language.
"they want to their children study at school is advantage" -> "the preference for formal schooling has its advantages"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and employs a more formal tone.
"endless controversial issue" -> "ongoing debate"
Explanation: "Ongoing debate" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "endless controversial issue."
"they feel safe when their children at home" -> "they feel their children are safer at home"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incomplete. The revision corrects this and maintains formal language.
"have violent at school" -> "exhibit violent behavior in school"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses formal academic language.
"cause hurt physic or mental" -> "cause physical or psychological harm"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and uses incorrect terminology. The revision employs the correct academic terms.
"it’s also have a lot of news" -> "there are also numerous reports"
Explanation: The contraction "it’s" is too informal for academic writing, and the phrase is awkward. The revision is more formal and clearer.
"parents is a good solution" -> "parents are a viable option"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and too simplistic. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language.
"help them save a lot of money" -> "facilitate significant cost savings"
Explanation: The original phrase is too informal and vague. The revision is more precise and uses formal academic language.
"have not ability to pay" -> "lack the financial means to afford"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revision clarifies the meaning and employs a more formal tone.
"study at school help their children expand social network" -> "schooling facilitates the expansion of their children’s social networks"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and uses incorrect grammar. The revision corrects these issues and employs more formal academic language.
"activities entertainment or how to escape from crime cheat children" -> "entertaining activities or strategies to avoid deception and criminal behavior"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses formal academic language.
"is save time for parents" -> "saves time for parents"
Explanation: The original phrase uses incorrect grammar. The revision corrects this issue.
"give themselves gold opportunity to impact to real life" -> "afford themselves the golden opportunity to engage more fully with real life"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and uses incorrect terminology. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal, precise language.
"it is my strongly belief" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects this and maintains a formal tone.
"children study at school which is a good facility" -> "children’s education in schools, which are beneficial facilities,"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and employs more formal academic language.
"the awareness of people about sending children to school should be enhanced" -> "public awareness regarding the benefits of formal education should be increased"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and too vague. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise, academically appropriate language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding home education versus traditional schooling. It acknowledges the advantages and disadvantages of each option, although the discussion lacks depth and coherence. While it covers the general aspects of both sides, it could benefit from a more thorough analysis and clearer organization.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced and nuanced exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of home education and traditional schooling. Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point, and organize the essay in a structured manner with clear topic sentences and transitions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat ambiguous. It starts by presenting both sides of the argument but leans slightly towards favoring traditional schooling in the concluding paragraph. However, this position is not clearly articulated or consistently maintained throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Clarify the stance from the beginning and maintain consistency throughout the essay. If the intention is to support traditional schooling, provide stronger arguments and evidence to justify this position, and ensure that every paragraph reinforces this viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and coherence. It includes some examples and arguments to support both sides of the argument, but they are not thoroughly developed or logically connected. The lack of clarity and organization affects the overall effectiveness of idea presentation.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each idea more extensively, providing detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to support the arguments. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and logically connects to the overall argument of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of home education versus traditional schooling. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of violent teachers, which may distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a strict focus on addressing the prompt without veering into unrelated topics or examples. Ensure that every point made directly contributes to the central argument of the essay regarding the merits of home education versus traditional schooling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt, there are areas for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, coherence of ideas, and staying strictly on topic. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat clear organizational structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, there are issues with coherence and logical progression. The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness, making it challenging for the reader to grasp the main argument immediately. Additionally, within paragraphs, there is a lack of clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas, leading to some confusion.
- How to improve: Begin with a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main argument of the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a strong topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transition words and phrases to create coherence between sentences and paragraphs, guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different points but lacks consistency and coherence within each paragraph. Paragraphs are often overly long and contain multiple ideas without clear delineation. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument effectively.
- How to improve: Break the essay into shorter paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea or argument. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point of that paragraph. Use supporting evidence and examples to elaborate on each idea concisely, maintaining coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "to conclude"). However, their usage is inconsistent, and there is a limited variety of cohesive devices employed throughout the essay. This affects the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases, to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Practice integrating cohesive devices seamlessly to improve the flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents arguments on both sides of the issue, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. Working on these areas will help elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay, leading to a more effective communication of ideas and a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including both basic and more complex terms. However, there are instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the expression of ideas. For instance, phrases like "place to educate their children" could be improved with alternatives like "method of educating their children" or "educational approach." Furthermore, while some vocabulary choices effectively convey the intended meaning, there is a need for more sophisticated lexical selection to elevate the overall quality of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader spectrum of vocabulary, including synonyms and more nuanced terms. Utilizing a thesaurus or reading extensively on related topics could help in discovering alternative expressions. Additionally, paying attention to word choice in context and considering the precise connotations of words can further enrich the language used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. While some terms are used accurately, such as "comprehensive development," there are instances where imprecise language weakens the clarity and impact of the message. For example, the phrase "a clear example being found to prove is that" could be refined to enhance precision and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, it is advisable to carefully consider the specific meaning and context of words before incorporating them into the essay. Revising and editing for clarity can help identify areas where vocabulary can be made more precise. Additionally, expanding one’s vocabulary through reading diverse materials and actively seeking feedback on word choice can aid in refining linguistic precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, impacting the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Instances such as "hurt physic or mental" (physical), "entertainment or how to escape from crime cheat children" (cheat should be changed or rephrased for clarity), and "gold opportunity" (should be "golden opportunity") detract from the reader’s understanding and detract from the essay’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading meticulously before submission are essential practices. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and seeking feedback on written work can aid in identifying and rectifying spelling errors. Developing a habit of revising written pieces with a focus on spelling can contribute significantly to improving accuracy over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates potential in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling to elevate the overall quality of expression and coherence in conveying ideas effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, albeit some are constructed awkwardly or lack coherence. For instance, the essay employs simple sentences such as "It is a well-documented fact" and "While there are some people who strongly believe", alongside complex structures like "A clear example being found to prove is that there are some teachers who have violent at school, which cause hurt physically or mentally for some students."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should strive for more complexity and clarity. Introduce compound and compound-complex sentences for better cohesion and coherence. Additionally, pay attention to sentence construction to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure clarity of expression.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of grammatical accuracy. While some sentences are grammatically correct, others contain notable errors. For instance, "they want to their children study at school is advantage" should be "they want their children to study at school is an advantage." Additionally, there are punctuation errors throughout, such as missing commas and incorrect usage of conjunctions.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofreading for punctuation errors is essential to ensure clarity and coherence. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt at varied sentence structures and grammatical accuracy, there is room for improvement in both areas. Developing a deeper understanding of sentence construction and grammar rules, coupled with meticulous proofreading, will contribute to achieving a higher band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a well-documented fact that an increasing number of people all over the world are increasingly focusing on the choice of educational settings for their children. While some parents believe the decision to homeschool their children has advantages, others argue the preference for formal schooling has its advantages. This has led to an ongoing debate, and both sides of the issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, the choice by some parents to educate their children at home deserves consideration. Firstly, it is commonly believed that parents feel their children are safer at home. This is supported by the fact that there have been instances where teachers exhibit violent behavior in school, which can cause physical or psychological harm to some students. There are also numerous reports highlighting these issues, leading some parents to feel their children are not safe at school. Additionally, it is worth noting that parents are a viable option for teaching their young children, who may not yet fully understand complex concepts. This approach can also facilitate significant cost savings. For example, some families may spend over 1 million dong per month on school fees, but those lacking the financial means to afford this opt to teach their children at home. Furthermore, some families choose to homeschool even if they can afford school fees, preferring to save money to ensure better living conditions for their children.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why some parents prefer formal schooling for their children. Firstly, schooling facilitates the expansion of their children’s social networks and provides a conducive environment for the development of problem-solving and other critical skills. Schools often offer entertaining activities or strategies to avoid deception and criminal behavior, helping children showcase their talents and problem-solving abilities. Moreover, sending children to school saves time for parents, allowing them to engage more fully in real life, earn money, and build diverse relationships.

In conclusion, I strongly believe in the benefits of children’s education in schools, which are beneficial facilities that contribute to their skill expansion. I highly recommend that public awareness regarding the benefits of formal education should be increased. If this recommendation is implemented, it will ensure the comprehensive development of the idea that schooling is advantageous for children.