In some countries, university students live at home, while in ot her countries, university students go to other cities rather than live with their family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In some countries, university students live at home, while in ot
her countries, university students go to other cities rather than live with their family.
Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

In today’s fast-paced world, an increasing number of university students find themselves unable to leave home and want independence from their parents. While this trend has its merits, I argue that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, living with one's family during university years can offer tremendous advantages. Primarily, it allows students to get accustomed to friends. Many students use this opportunity for independence and self-reliance. Besides, they learn to navigate life's challenges independently and foster their resilience and maturity. Additionally, immersing oneself in a new environment fosters a sense of freedom and enhances self-reliance.
On the other hand, living away from one's parents can pose challenges. Students who move away from home oftenimpose a financial burden on students and strain already tight budgets. For instance, students feel homesickness and loneliness and affect their mental well-being and academic performance for the first time.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the experience of living independently offers greater benefits, if only promotes personal growth and self-reliance but also provides valuable life experiences that are crucial for future success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s fast-paced world" -> "In the contemporary fast-paced world"
   Explanation: The phrase "In today’s fast-paced world" is somewhat clichéd and informal. "In the contemporary fast-paced world" refines the expression to sound more formal and precise.

2. "an increasing number of university students find themselves unable to leave home" -> "an increasing number of university students are unable to leave their parental homes"
   Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The revised version clarifies the subject and adds specificity, enhancing the academic tone.

3. "want independence from their parents" -> "seek independence from their parents"
   Explanation: "Want" is too informal for academic writing. "Seek" is more formal and appropriate for the context.

4. "the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages" -> "the benefits significantly outweigh the drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are somewhat generic and informal. "Benefits" and "drawbacks" are more precise and formal.

5. "Primarily, it allows students to get accustomed to friends" -> "Primarily, it enables students to become accustomed to their peers"
   Explanation: "Get accustomed to friends" is informal and imprecise. "Become accustomed to their peers" is more formal and specific.

6. "Many students use this opportunity for independence and self-reliance" -> "Many students leverage this opportunity to cultivate independence and self-reliance"
   Explanation: "Use this opportunity for" is informal and vague. "Leverage this opportunity to cultivate" is more precise and formal.

7. "Besides, they learn to navigate life’s challenges independently" -> "Furthermore, they develop the ability to navigate life’s challenges independently"
   Explanation: "Besides" is informal and conversational. "Furthermore" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

8. "immersing oneself in a new environment" -> "immersing oneself in a new environment"
   Explanation: The verb "immersing" should be "immersing" to maintain grammatical consistency.

9. "fosters a sense of freedom and enhances self-reliance" -> "fosters a sense of freedom and enhances self-reliance"
   Explanation: This is a repetition of the same point. It would be more effective to vary the sentence structure or add new information to avoid redundancy.

10. "Students who move away from home oftenimpose a financial burden" -> "Students who move away from home often impose a financial burden"
    Explanation: "oftenimpose" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "often impose" fixes the mistake.

11. "strain already tight budgets" -> "exacerbate already strained budgets"
    Explanation: "Strain" is less precise in this context. "Exacerbate" is more appropriate for describing the worsening of a financial situation.

12. "For instance, students feel homesickness and loneliness and affect their mental well-being and academic performance for the first time" -> "For example, students experience homesickness and loneliness, which can negatively impact their mental well-being and academic performance for the first time"
    Explanation: "Feel" is too informal and vague. "Experience" is more precise and formal. Also, rephrasing to "can negatively impact" clarifies the causal relationship.

13. "if only promotes personal growth and self-reliance but also provides valuable life experiences" -> "not only promotes personal growth and self-reliance but also provides valuable life experiences"
    Explanation: "If only" is an informal and incorrect usage in this context. "Not only" is the correct conjunction for contrasting clauses in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home. However, it does not fully explore the question of whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. The essay mentions some advantages, such as independence and personal growth, but fails to provide a comprehensive analysis of the disadvantages or a clear comparison between the two. For example, while it mentions financial burdens and homesickness, these points are not elaborated upon sufficiently to weigh against the advantages.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should explicitly compare the benefits and disadvantages in a more structured manner. This could involve creating separate paragraphs that clearly outline the pros and cons, followed by a concluding paragraph that synthesizes this information to argue why the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of living away from home, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the body of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are aligned, but the body paragraphs contain mixed messages. For instance, the mention of homesickness and financial burdens could lead readers to question the strength of the argument for independence.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the thesis statement and by consistently linking back to the main argument when discussing disadvantages.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the writer introduces concepts like independence and financial burdens, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the statement about homesickness is vague and lacks personal anecdotes or statistical data that could strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or personal experiences that illustrate the points made. This could include discussing a specific instance of personal growth experienced while living away from home or detailing how financial challenges can impact a student’s experience.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the living situations of university students. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the advantages of living at home. The mention of "getting accustomed to friends" is somewhat unclear and does not directly relate to the main argument about living away from home.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central thesis. Each point should clearly connect back to the question of whether the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages. Clarifying the relevance of each point will help maintain a cohesive argument throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough exploration of the topic. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the benefits and disadvantages of living away from home. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to contrast the advantages and disadvantages. However, the flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of living at home to the challenges of living away is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps signal the contrasting viewpoints, but the connections between points within paragraphs could be more explicit.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages of living at home, a sentence like "Conversely, those who choose to live away from home face several challenges" could provide a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the advantages of living at home, the third outlines the disadvantages of living away, and the conclusion summarizes the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be more focused, as it mixes points about financial burdens with emotional challenges without a clear distinction.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a single main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the financial implications of living away from home and another addressing emotional challenges like homesickness. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and provide clearer organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "primarily," "besides," and "on the one hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be enhanced with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the phrase "for instance" is used, but there are few other examples of cohesive devices that guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore" to add information, "however" to introduce contrasting ideas, or "consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "independence," "self-reliance," "resilience," and "homesickness." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "living with one’s family" and "living away from one’s parents," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeating "living away," synonyms like "residing independently" or "relocating" could be employed.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. This can be achieved by brainstorming alternative phrases before writing or using a thesaurus to find varied expressions that convey similar meanings.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "impose a financial burden on students" is slightly awkward in this context. It would be clearer to say "can create financial challenges for students." Additionally, the phrase "affect their mental well-being" could be more effectively expressed as "negatively impact their mental well-being."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Reviewing vocabulary in context and considering whether the chosen word conveys the intended meaning accurately can help. Practicing with context-based exercises or peer feedback can also enhance precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, notably "oftenimpose," which should be separated into "often impose." This error detracts from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Additionally, while most words are spelled correctly, the presence of even minor errors can impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s attention to detail.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements can be made in the areas of variety, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "an increasing number of university students find themselves unable to leave home" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the idea. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "living with one’s family during university years can offer tremendous advantages" is somewhat repetitive in structure throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or use different sentence openings. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, the writer could begin with adverbial phrases or use inversion for emphasis. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, in the sentence "Students who move away from home oftenimpose a financial burden on students and strain already tight budgets," there is a typographical error ("oftenimpose") that disrupts the flow. Furthermore, the phrase "students feel homesickness and loneliness and affect their mental well-being and academic performance for the first time" lacks clarity and could be misinterpreted due to its structure.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure that spacing is correct. Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity can help; for instance, breaking down the complex sentence about homesickness into two separate sentences could enhance understanding. The writer should also pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that conjunctions are used correctly to avoid run-on sentences.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s fast-paced world, an increasing number of university students find themselves unable to leave home and seek independence from their parents. While this trend has its merits, I argue that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, living with one’s family during university years can offer tremendous advantages. Primarily, it allows students to become accustomed to their peers. Many students leverage this opportunity to cultivate independence and self-reliance. Besides, they learn to navigate life’s challenges independently, which fosters their resilience and maturity. Additionally, immersing oneself in a new environment fosters a sense of freedom and enhances self-reliance.

On the other hand, living away from one’s parents can pose challenges. Students who move away from home often impose a financial burden on themselves and exacerbate already strained budgets. For instance, students may experience homesickness and loneliness, which can negatively impact their mental well-being and academic performance for the first time.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the experience of living independently offers greater benefits, as it not only promotes personal growth and self-reliance but also provides valuable life experiences that are crucial for future success.