In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons ? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

The debate over whether cities across the world have gradually shared the same features, compared to the significant differences from home countries looked for by tourists in the past, remains contentious. This phenomenon is characterized by cultural exchange and acculturaltion. This essay attempts to shed light on the underlying reasons behind this trend before concluding that the disadvantages of being resembled between cities are substantially pronounced, overriding its advantages.

The tendency of cultural saturation among cities throughout the world can be attributed to two main reasons. The first reason is that intensive cultural exchange between countries is required within this international integration society, contributing to sustainable tourism. Specifically, some cities where local traditions or buildings are commercialized to reach tourists’ expectations. Besides that, the acculturation among architects and designers can also be a primary reason. Some architects might undergo acculturation when studying abroad, which has a significant influence on the kind of architecture they develop back home. Vietnamese coffee shops and design houses are increasingly using Japanese or European minimalist or lavish designs to attract more visitors, for example.

While the resemblance between cities worldwide allows for sustainable tourism and foster business’s revenue, I believe that this tendency is riddled with a litany of problems. One legitimate concern revolves around its potential adverse effects on the cultural and traditional existence in this saturation situation. Numerous studies highlight a correlation between commercialized tourism and the extinction of some traditions and cultures, posing a threat to the development and widespread national values. Worse still, this trend might put national identity at risk of extinction, especially minority countries. More and more cities becoming similar means failing to strike a balance between preserving traditional and cultural value and developing the economy, which can be a real challenge many cities may face these days.

In conclusion, the phenomenon that cities are becoming similar compared to the pronounced differences in the past may be largely driven by a greater emphasis on cultural exchange to develop tourism and acculturation. Albeit certain benefits, I contend that this trend can about about more significant drawbacks, potentially putting threats on the existence of national identity and widespread national values.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"gradually shared the same features" -> "gradually exhibit similar features"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is more precise and academically appropriate than "shared," which can imply a direct transfer of features rather than a gradual development of similarities.
"looked for by tourists in the past" -> "sought by tourists in the past"
Explanation: "Sought" is more formal and precise than "looked for," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"This phenomenon is characterized by cultural exchange and acculturaltion." -> "This phenomenon is characterized by cultural exchange and acculturation."
Explanation: "Acculturation" should be used as a single word, not "acculturaltion," which is a typographical error.
"substantially pronounced" -> "substantially pronounced"
Explanation: The word "substantially" should be used to modify "pronounced" to indicate the extent of the impact, enhancing clarity and formality.
"intensive cultural exchange" -> "intensive cultural exchanges"
Explanation: "Exchanges" should be plural to reflect the multiple interactions and exchanges occurring between countries.
"within this international integration society" -> "within the context of international integration"
Explanation: "Context" is more precise and formal than "society," which is vague and less appropriate in this context.
"commercialized to reach tourists’ expectations" -> "commercialized to meet tourists’ expectations"
Explanation: "Meet" is more formal and precise than "reach," which is somewhat colloquial.
"acculturation among architects and designers" -> "acculturation among architectural and design professionals"
Explanation: "Architectural and design professionals" is a more specific and formal term than "architects and designers."
"Some architects might undergo acculturation" -> "Some architects may undergo acculturation"
Explanation: "May" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "might," which is slightly less formal.
"foster business’s revenue" -> "enhance business revenue"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more precise and formal than "foster," which can be vague in this context.
"riddled with a litany of problems" -> "plagued by numerous problems"
Explanation: "Plagued by numerous problems" is more formal and precise than "riddled with a litany of problems," which uses an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing.
"put national identity at risk of extinction" -> "pose a risk to national identity"
Explanation: "Pose a risk to" is more direct and formal than "put at risk of extinction," which is overly dramatic and less precise.
"More and more cities becoming similar" -> "Increasingly, cities are becoming similar"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "More and more," which is colloquial.
"can about about more significant drawbacks" -> "may entail more significant drawbacks"
Explanation: "May entail" is more precise and formal than "can about," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increasing similarity among cities and evaluating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The first part is covered through the discussion of cultural exchange and acculturation, while the second part is addressed in the conclusion, where the author asserts that the disadvantages are more pronounced than the advantages. However, the analysis could be more balanced, as the advantages are mentioned but not elaborated upon in detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide a more thorough exploration of the advantages of cities becoming similar. This could include specific examples of how such similarities can foster global understanding or improve tourism experiences. A more balanced discussion would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of cultural similarity outweigh the advantages. This is evident in the concluding statement, which reiterates the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, particularly when discussing the advantages, which may lead to some ambiguity about the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should consistently reinforce their position throughout the essay, especially when discussing the advantages. Using phrases like "Despite these benefits,…" or "While there are some positive aspects,…" can help clarify that the author acknowledges the advantages but ultimately prioritizes the disadvantages.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of cultural exchange and acculturation. The examples provided, such as the influence of Japanese and European design on Vietnamese coffee shops, effectively illustrate the points made. However, the support for the disadvantages could be more robust, as the discussion of potential threats to national identity is somewhat generalized.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the negative impacts of cultural similarity. For instance, citing specific traditions that have been lost in certain cities due to tourism could provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and implications of cities becoming more similar. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "this saturation situation" is vague and could confuse readers about what is being referred to.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all terms and phrases used are clear and directly related to the topic. Additionally, avoiding overly complex or vague language will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the argument remains coherent throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, clarify the position, and enhance the support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the main arguments. The body is divided into two main sections: the reasons for the similarity of cities and the disadvantages of this trend. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from discussing the reasons to the disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the reasons and hinting at the forthcoming discussion on disadvantages would create a more seamless transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for cultural similarity, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that directly states the two main reasons before elaborating on them.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main point being discussed. This will help guide the reader and reinforce the structure of the essay. Additionally, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and links back to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "specifically," "besides that," and "while." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this trend" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also make the writing more engaging. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help improve cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and interesting sentences.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score. Focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a wider range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "cultural exchange," "acculturation," "sustainable tourism," and "commercialized." These words effectively convey complex ideas related to globalization and cultural dynamics. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "cities becoming similar" is repeated, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "similar," you could use "homogeneous," "uniform," or "converging." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "cultural homogenization" or "global cultural convergence," can further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the disadvantages of being resembled between cities" is awkward and unclear. The term "resembled" is not typically used in this context, leading to confusion about the intended meaning. Additionally, the phrase "litany of problems" may be too informal for an academic essay.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that is more precise and contextually appropriate. Instead of "resembled," consider using "similarities" or "resemblances." For the phrase "litany of problems," you could use "a multitude of issues" or "a range of challenges" to maintain an academic tone. It’s also beneficial to review the context in which certain terms are used to ensure they align with the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with very few errors. Words like "acculturation," "commercialized," and "saturation" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay. However, there is a typographical error in the phrase "can about about more significant drawbacks," where "about" is repeated.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar-checking software can help catch typographical errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can aid in identifying awkward phrases or repeated words that may have been overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the essay can achieve an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "The tendency of cultural saturation among cities throughout the world can be attributed to two main reasons" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "which can be a real challenge many cities may face these days," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of passive voice and similar introductory phrases, which can detract from overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more active voice constructions and vary the sentence openings. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "The first reason is that…" or "Besides that," the writer could use phrases like "Another contributing factor is…" or "In addition to this, it is important to note that…" This would enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For instance, the phrase "the disadvantages of being resembled between cities are substantially pronounced" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, the term "acculturaltion" is misspelled as "acculturaltion," which detracts from the professionalism of the writing. Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences could benefit from clearer separation to avoid run-on sentences, such as in "More and more cities becoming similar means failing to strike a balance between preserving traditional and cultural value and developing the economy."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread for spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Revising sentences for clarity and conciseness will also help. For example, the problematic sentence could be revised to "The increasing similarity among cities poses challenges in balancing the preservation of traditional cultural values with economic development." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether cities across the world have gradually exhibited similar features, compared to the significant differences sought by tourists in the past, remains contentious. This phenomenon is characterized by cultural exchange and acculturation. This essay attempts to shed light on the underlying reasons behind this trend before concluding that the disadvantages of cities resembling one another are substantially pronounced, overriding their advantages.

The tendency of cultural saturation among cities throughout the world can be attributed to two main reasons. The first reason is that intensive cultural exchange between countries is required within the context of international integration, contributing to sustainable tourism. Specifically, some cities have local traditions or buildings that are commercialized to meet tourists’ expectations. Besides that, the acculturation among architects and designers can also be a primary reason. Some architects may undergo acculturation when studying abroad, which has a significant influence on the kind of architecture they develop back home. Vietnamese coffee shops and design houses are increasingly using Japanese or European minimalist or lavish designs to attract more visitors, for example.

While the resemblance between cities worldwide allows for sustainable tourism and enhances business revenue, I believe that this tendency is plagued by numerous problems. One legitimate concern revolves around its potential adverse effects on the cultural and traditional existence in this saturated situation. Numerous studies highlight a correlation between commercialized tourism and the extinction of some traditions and cultures, posing a threat to the development and widespread national values. Worse still, this trend might put national identity at risk of extinction, especially in minority countries. Increasingly, cities becoming similar means failing to strike a balance between preserving traditional and cultural values and developing the economy, which can be a real challenge many cities may face these days.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of cities becoming similar compared to the pronounced differences in the past may be largely driven by a greater emphasis on cultural exchange to develop tourism and acculturation. Albeit certain benefits, I contend that this trend may entail more significant drawbacks, potentially posing risks to the existence of national identity and widespread national values.