In the past, when student did a degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is a fact that more and more students choose to study abroad than study in their own country after completing university studies. This trend would introduce both pros and cons, but I think that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it is clear that to study in their own country would bring about several disadvantages. One evident weakness is that students would feel bored and stressed. In other words, students spend a larger amount of time on curriculum instead of learning important skills such as creativity, problem-solving. Another reason is that the proportion of unemployment rate after graduation is on rised. Last but not least, people with a university qualification tended to study in their own country would face low other job opportunities and lots of competition.

On the other hand, t argue that the advantages of this solution would prove to be worthwhile.First, studying in a foreign country will feel interesting and enjoyable. It means that they can feel their learning is like a trip to explore in new environment. Second, studying overseas will learn how to be independent without parents. This leads to they more maturity and life experience. Finally, studying in a different country will have access to more and better job opportunities. For example, they can work in an international company with high income.

In conclusion, there are minus points to more students study abroad than study in their own country . However, it seems to me that its advantages would be more important regarding feel interesting, become independent and have more opportunities to get a well-paid job.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a fact that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a general statement, avoiding the colloquial tone of "It is a fact that."
"more and more students choose to study abroad than study in their own country" -> "an increasing number of students opt to study abroad rather than in their home country"
Explanation: "An increasing number of students opt to study abroad rather than in their home country" uses more precise language and avoids the informal "more and more."
"This trend would introduce both pros and cons" -> "This trend presents both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Presents" is more formal than "introduce," and "advantages and disadvantages" is a more precise term than "pros and cons."
"to study in their own country would bring about several disadvantages" -> "studying in their home country would entail several disadvantages"
Explanation: "Entail" is a more formal verb than "bring about," and "home country" is a more precise term than "their own country."
"students would feel bored and stressed" -> "students may experience boredom and stress"
Explanation: "May experience" is more academically appropriate than "would feel," and "boredom and stress" is a more formal way to express the emotions.
"spend a larger amount of time on curriculum" -> "devote more time to the curriculum"
Explanation: "Devote more time to" is a more precise and formal expression than "spend a larger amount of time on."
"the proportion of unemployment rate after graduation is on rised" -> "the unemployment rate after graduation has increased"
Explanation: "Has increased" corrects the grammatical error and provides a clearer, more formal expression.
"people with a university qualification tended to study in their own country would face low other job opportunities" -> "individuals with a university qualification who study in their home country may face limited job opportunities"
Explanation: "Individuals who study in their home country may face limited job opportunities" corrects the awkward and incorrect phrasing, improving clarity and formality.
"t argue that" -> "it is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is grammatically correct and more formal than "t argue that."
"will feel interesting and enjoyable" -> "will be an interesting and enjoyable experience"
Explanation: "Will be an interesting and enjoyable experience" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the statement.
"feel their learning is like a trip to explore in new environment" -> "regard their learning as an adventure in a new environment"
Explanation: "Regard their learning as an adventure in a new environment" uses more precise and formal language.
"learn how to be independent without parents" -> "develop independence without parental support"
Explanation: "Develop independence without parental support" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea.
"they more maturity and life experience" -> "they gain more maturity and life experience"
Explanation: "Gain" is the correct verb form needed here, improving the grammatical accuracy.
"have access to more and better job opportunities" -> "have access to a wider range of better job opportunities"
Explanation: "A wider range of better job opportunities" is more precise and formal than "more and better job opportunities."
"there are minus points to more students study abroad than study in their own country" -> "there are drawbacks to more students studying abroad than in their home country"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more formal term than "minus points," and "studying" corrects the verb tense consistency.
"its advantages would be more important regarding feel interesting, become independent and have more opportunities to get a well-paid job" -> "its advantages are more significant in terms of being interesting, gaining independence, and securing well-paid employment"
Explanation: "Are more significant in terms of" is a more formal and precise way to express the importance of the advantages, and "gaining independence" and "securing well-paid employment" are more formal and accurate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad versus studying in one’s own country. However, the exploration of disadvantages is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions boredom and stress, it does not elaborate on how these factors specifically impact students’ educational experiences or career prospects. Additionally, the mention of rising unemployment rates is vague and lacks supporting evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced analysis of both sides. This could involve elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics, and ensuring that each point is clearly linked to the overall argument. Including counterarguments or acknowledging the complexity of the issue would also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages. However, the clarity of this position is occasionally undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "t argue that the advantages of this solution would prove to be worthwhile," which disrupts the flow and coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main argument. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help convey the position more effectively. Using transitional phrases can also aid in reinforcing the argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of studying abroad, such as gaining independence and accessing better job opportunities. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the statement about working in international companies lacks specific examples of how studying abroad leads to such opportunities.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning specific countries known for their educational programs or citing statistics on employment rates for graduates who studied abroad would provide stronger support for the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain points is questionable, such as the mention of boredom and stress without a clear connection to the overall argument about educational choices.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the argument. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring that each point is clearly linked to the thesis will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it requires more depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages is not smooth, leading to a disjointed reading experience. Additionally, some points, such as the mention of "low other job opportunities," lack sufficient elaboration, which affects the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Additionally, elaborating on points with examples or explanations will strengthen the coherence of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves are not well-developed. For example, the first body paragraph discussing disadvantages contains several ideas that are not clearly linked, such as boredom and unemployment, which could be better organized into distinct sentences or sub-points. The second body paragraph also lacks a clear structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant details. The writer could benefit from using a clear structure within paragraphs, such as starting with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and concluding with a summary statement that ties back to the main argument. This approach will enhance clarity and make the essay more cohesive.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate opposing viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "to study in their own country would bring about several disadvantages," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and linking words is inconsistent, leading to occasional confusion in the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Moreover," "In addition," and "However," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with their application, ultimately improving the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are several areas for improvement. By focusing on logical organization, developing paragraphs more effectively, and expanding the range of cohesive devices used, the writer can enhance the clarity and cohesiveness of their arguments, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. While there are some attempts to use varied expressions, many phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, the use of "students choose to study abroad" and "students spend a larger amount of time on curriculum" reflects a basic level of vocabulary. The phrases "pros and cons," "bored and stressed," and "low other job opportunities" are also quite common and do not showcase a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeating "students," they could use "learners," "scholars," or "individuals pursuing higher education." Additionally, varying phrases like "advantages" and "disadvantages" with terms such as "benefits," "drawbacks," "positives," and "negatives" would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the proportion of unemployment rate after graduation is on rised" is awkward and unclear. The term "on rised" is incorrect; the correct phrase would be "is rising." Furthermore, "low other job opportunities" is vague and does not convey a clear meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could replace "low other job opportunities" with "limited job prospects" for clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations (words that commonly go together) can help in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "rised" should be "risen," and "its advantages would be more important regarding feel interesting" should be corrected to "its advantages would be more important regarding feeling interesting." The phrase "to study in their own country would bring about several disadvantages" is grammatically correct but could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading their work before submission can also help catch errors. Additionally, reading more academic texts can improve spelling and familiarize the writer with correct word forms.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and ensuring correct spelling throughout their writing. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing with synonyms, and proofreading can significantly enhance their lexical skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "It is a fact that more and more students choose to study abroad than study in their own country after completing university studies." However, many sentences are quite straightforward and lack complexity, which limits the overall range. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "to study in their own country would bring about several disadvantages," which could be more effectively expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying, "One evident weakness is that students would feel bored and stressed," the writer could say, "One evident weakness is the potential for students to feel bored and stressed, particularly when they are confined to a rigid curriculum." Engaging with more advanced grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, would also improve the essay’s sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the proportion of unemployment rate after graduation is on rised" contains a grammatical error ("on rised" should be "on the rise"). Additionally, the sentence "This leads to they more maturity and life experience" is incorrect; it should be "This leads to their increased maturity and life experience." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas, which can affect the readability of the text.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focused on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there are significant areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that more and more students choose to study abroad rather than study in their own country after completing university studies. This trend presents both advantages and disadvantages, but I think that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it is clear that studying in their own country would entail several disadvantages. One evident weakness is that students may experience boredom and stress. In other words, students spend a larger amount of time on the curriculum instead of learning important skills such as creativity and problem-solving. Another reason is that the unemployment rate after graduation is on the rise. Last but not least, individuals with a university qualification who study in their own country may face limited job opportunities and a lot of competition.

On the other hand, it is argued that the advantages of this solution would prove to be worthwhile. First, studying in a foreign country will be an interesting and enjoyable experience. This means that they can regard their learning as an adventure in a new environment. Second, studying overseas will teach them how to be independent without parental support. This leads to them gaining more maturity and life experience. Finally, studying in a different country will provide access to a wider range of better job opportunities. For example, they can work in an international company with a high income.

In conclusion, there are drawbacks to more students studying abroad than in their home country. However, it seems to me that its advantages are more significant in terms of being interesting, gaining independence, and securing well-paid employment.