In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is a well-known fact that most businesses'marketing plan today focus on sponshoring their products that are new in several aspects. From my perspective, I hold the belief that it is a negative trend which could have worth examining the underlying reasons and drawbacks.

First, several factors have led to the aim of emphasing the development of products. Due to the common myth that the latest products are the best choices, consumers are usually find them more attractive than other mordens despite the fact that they are nearly the same. An additional reason of this practice is the competitive market which force businessses have to compit harder. One product can be sold by a range of companies, making a variety of choices for consumers. Therefore, if one company want to sale their product better than others, they could have to upgrade recently to ensure they provide the latest mordens which successfully attracts consumers’emotions.

However, focusing on provide new aspects of the products could contribute to some significant drawbacks. One of them is the fact that it can effect to other factors’role. Some argue that putting more new facilities in several yields are not neccessary while some old disadvantages, which is more crucial, are still remained without improvements. In other words, this way of advertising could be counter productive, not only it does not meet the need but also be excessive. Moreover, the lack of information and confusing could be seen in the clients. Visiting the market which are fast-paced with new-upgraded product advertisement, the clients who do not keep track recently may feel confused and complex to choose their wanted products. As a results, many of them have to listen to the sales and pay money for the latest products without knowing whether it is fit with their need.

In conclusion, although emphasising that the products are new in some ways could be a great advertising, it is also resulted as several drawbacks. Therefore, businesses should use this in allowable level and pay attention more on consumers’feedbacks.

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Errors and Improvements:

"businesses’marketing plan today focus on sponshoring" -> "businesses’ marketing strategies today focus on sponsoring"
Explanation: Correcting "sponshoring" to "sponsoring" fixes a spelling error, and replacing "plan" with "strategies" offers a more precise and formal term. Additionally, adding a space after "businesses’" corrects a punctuation error.
"it is a negative trend which could have worth examining" -> "this is a negative trend that warrants further examination"
Explanation: Replacing "it is a negative trend which could have worth examining" with "this is a negative trend that warrants further examination" streamlines the sentence and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"emphasing" -> "emphasizing"
Explanation: Correcting "emphasing" to "emphasizing" fixes a spelling error.
"consumers are usually find them" -> "consumers usually find them"
Explanation: Removing "are" corrects a grammatical error, making the sentence grammatically correct and clearer.
"other mordens" -> "other models"
Explanation: Replacing "mordens" with "models" corrects what appears to be a typographical error or incorrect word choice, improving clarity and accuracy.
"force businessses have to compit harder" -> "force businesses to compete more vigorously"
Explanation: Correcting "businessses" to "businesses" and "compit" to "compete" fixes spelling errors. Replacing "have to compit harder" with "to compete more vigorously" enhances the formality and precision of the language.
"sale their product better" -> "sell their products more effectively"
Explanation: Correcting "sale" to "sell" fixes a verb form error, and replacing "better" with "more effectively" uses more precise and formal language. Also, changing "product" to "products" corrects a grammatical number agreement.
"ensure they provide the latest mordens" -> "ensure they offer the latest models"
Explanation: Replacing "mordens" with "models" corrects a typographical or incorrect word choice, and "provide" is replaced with "offer" for a more formal tone.
"effect to other factors’role" -> "affect other factors’ roles"
Explanation: Correcting "effect" to "affect" fixes the incorrect use of "effect" (a noun) instead of "affect" (a verb). Also, adding "s" to "factors’role" corrects a grammatical error and improves clarity.
"not neccessary" -> "not necessary"
Explanation: Correcting "neccessary" to "necessary" fixes a spelling error.
"are still remained" -> "still remain"
Explanation: Removing "are" corrects a redundancy, making the phrase more concise and grammatically correct.
"could be counter productive" -> "could be counterproductive"
Explanation: Removing the space between "counter" and "productive" corrects a spelling error, as "counterproductive" is one word.
"confusing could be seen in the clients" -> "confusion could be observed among the clients"
Explanation: Replacing "confusing" with "confusion" corrects the noun form, and "could be seen in" is replaced with "could be observed among" for a more formal and precise expression.
"fast-paced with new-upgraded product advertisement" -> "fast-paced with newly-upgraded product advertisements"
Explanation: Adding "ly" to "new" corrects the adverbial form to modify "upgraded," and adding "s" to "advertisement" corrects grammatical number agreement.
"complex to choose" -> "complicated to choose"
Explanation: Replacing "complex" with "complicated" uses a more accurate adjective to describe the difficulty in making a choice.
"As a results" -> "As a result"
Explanation: Correcting "results" to "result" fixes a grammatical error.
"emphasising" -> "emphasizing"
Explanation: Correcting "emphasising" to "emphasizing" aligns with American English spelling conventions, which is consistent with the rest of the document’s language.
"resulted as several drawbacks" -> "results in several drawbacks"
Explanation: Replacing "resulted as" with "results in" corrects the verb tense and preposition for a more accurate and formal expression.
"allowable level" -> "acceptable level"
Explanation: Replacing "allowable" with "acceptable" uses a more precise and academically appropriate term.
"consumers’feedbacks" -> "consumer feedback"
Explanation: Correcting "consumers’feedbacks" to "consumer feedback" fixes a punctuation error and uses a more standard term by removing the unnecessary plural form of "feedback," which is typically uncountable in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question. It discusses why businesses emphasize newness in their products and provides a stance on whether this trend is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored. Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that emphasizing new products is a negative trend.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, reiterate the position at key points in the essay, and avoid ambiguous language that might introduce confusion about the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in elaboration and support. Examples and explanations are somewhat limited.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more specific examples, relevant data, or hypothetical scenarios. Additionally, elaborate on the consequences of the trend in more detail.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons behind businesses emphasizing new products and the potential drawbacks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure all points directly relate to the topic. Avoid tangents or excessive elaboration on minor points.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a coherent position, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and relevance of examples. To enhance the score, aim for greater specificity, coherence, and relevance in addressing the prompt’s components.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and the author’s stance clearly. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing the reasons for emphasizing new products and the drawbacks of this approach could be smoother. The lack of a clear topic sentence in each body paragraph also slightly hampers the logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point of the paragraph. Additionally, work on improving the transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of these paragraphs vary. While there are identifiable attempts to present separate points in individual paragraphs, the lack of clear topic sentences and cohesive development within paragraphs weakens their effectiveness. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation.
- How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence. Ensure that all sentences within the paragraph support and expand upon this main idea. Aim for a balance between paragraph length and coherence, avoiding paragraphs that are overly long or contain unrelated ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("but," "although") and pronouns ("this," "it"). While these devices are used, their effectiveness in enhancing coherence and cohesion is somewhat limited. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetition and monotony in the essay’s structure.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond simple conjunctions and pronouns. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("on the contrary," "in conclusion"), referencing ("the former," "the latter"), and parallel structures to create a more diverse and cohesive essay structure. Ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas and enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas more logically, refining paragraph structure for better clarity and cohesion, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, although there are instances of repetition and imprecise word choices. For example, "businesses’marketing plan" could be rephrased more precisely as "businesses’ marketing strategies." Additionally, terms like "sponshoring" and "mordens" are unclear and detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, strive for more precise and varied word choices. Consider using synonyms or exploring different expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of "sponshoring," use "promoting" or "highlighting." Similarly, replace "mordens" with "modern features" or "latest trends."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary could be used more precisely. For instance, phrases like "nearly the same" could be refined to convey a clearer meaning. Furthermore, the essay occasionally lacks precision in conveying ideas, such as in the phrase "a range of companies," which could be specified for better clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary usage by selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Instead of "nearly the same," specify the similarities between products. For example, "while they may share similar features." Similarly, specify the range of companies to provide a clearer picture of the competitive market landscape.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are evident throughout the essay, affecting readability and coherence. For instance, "sponshoring" should be "sponsoring," and "mordens" should be "moderns." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques before finalizing the essay. Reviewing each word for accuracy can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to enhance overall proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to utilize a range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. By refining word choices, aiming for greater precision, and enhancing spelling proficiency, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which occasionally affects the sophistication of expression. For example, there is a lack of complex sentences with subordinate clauses to convey nuanced ideas. The essay also lacks variety in sentence beginnings, often starting with subject-verb patterns.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses to express ideas more elaborately. Utilize diverse sentence beginnings such as participial phrases, adverbial clauses, or introductory phrases to add sophistication to the writing. Additionally, strive for a balance between simple, compound, and complex sentences to maintain fluency while elevating the overall quality of expression.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout the text. These errors include subject-verb agreement issues ("businesses’marketing plan"), article misuse ("a range of companies"), tense inconsistency ("are usually find"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, misuse of apostrophes). While the essay conveys the intended message, these errors hinder clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on reviewing and practicing grammatical rules related to subject-verb agreement, article usage, tense consistency, and punctuation. Pay close attention to apostrophe usage, ensuring they are only used for possession or contractions, not pluralization. Consider proofreading your essays carefully or seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct recurring errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage for clarity and sentence structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that many businesses’ marketing strategies today focus on sponsoring their products, highlighting their novelty in various aspects. In my view, this is a negative trend that warrants further examination to understand its underlying reasons and drawbacks.

Primarily, several factors contribute to the emphasis on product development. Consumers tend to find the latest products more appealing than others, driven by the common belief that new equals better. Additionally, the competitive market compels businesses to compete more vigorously. With multiple companies selling similar products, differentiation becomes crucial. Hence, businesses strive to sell their products more effectively by ensuring they offer the latest models, thus eliciting emotional responses from consumers.

However, concentrating solely on promoting new features of products can lead to significant drawbacks. One such drawback is the potential to overshadow other important factors. Some argue that prioritizing the introduction of new features may neglect addressing existing drawbacks, which are often more critical. In essence, this approach to advertising could be counterproductive, failing to address essential consumer needs while introducing unnecessary complexity. Moreover, confusion could be observed among clients in fast-paced markets inundated with advertisements for newly-upgraded products. This complexity makes it challenging for consumers to make informed choices, potentially leading them to make purchases without understanding their suitability.

In conclusion, while emphasizing the novelty of products can be effective in advertising, it also results in several drawbacks. Therefore, businesses should ensure they use this strategy judiciously and prioritize listening to consumer feedback to meet their needs effectively.