It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South pole.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Given the availability of modern means of transport such as planes and cruise ships, and refrigeration technologies, traveling to remote parts of the world is no longer an impossible task. I believe that this possibility benefits both tourists and scientists.
Exploring far-flung natural places can be beneficial to travelers. No matter how many tourist attractions there are in the world, a number of globe-trotters still crave novelty, for example in the form of new activities or untouched destinations. By traveling to an island that is unknown to the vast majority of people, for instance, travelers may have a chance to participate in exotic religious practices of indigenous people, feast their eyes on rarely seen plants and animals and try new food and experience a whole new way of life. Although it is true that such a trip could be potentially dangerous, for example in the form of climatic differences, animal attacks or conflicts with local people, these risks are can be reduced by careful preparation.
Scientists can also benefit from visiting untouched parts of the world. Regardless of how much we already know about the world, there is still much that is unknown in the world of science and visiting such places could give scientists answers to many existing and future problems. We can see this in the way novel viruses break out every once in a while, and how global warming is affecting lives and habitats of elusive animals living in heavily wooded areas and deep under the sea. Granted, it is reasonable to worry about the potential harm done to these animals and their habitats by these trips, but with pertinent regulations in place, the authorities can eliminate such a possibility.
In conclusion, visiting remote areas of the world can impart otherwise unachievable lessons and experience in tourists and people in the scientific world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Given the availability of modern means of transport such as" -> "Given the advent of contemporary modes of transportation including"
Explanation: Replacing "modern means of transport such as" with "contemporary modes of transportation including" enhances the formality and specificity of the sentence.
"traveling to remote parts of the world is no longer an impossible task" -> "journeying to remote regions of the globe is no longer an insurmountable endeavor"
Explanation: "Journeying to remote regions of the globe is no longer an insurmountable endeavor" elevates the academic tone by using more precise and formal vocabulary.
"I believe that" -> "It is posited that"
Explanation: Changing "I believe that" to "It is posited that" shifts the sentence from a personal opinion to a more formal academic statement.
"benefits both tourists and scientists" -> "accrues advantages to both tourists and scientists"
Explanation: "Accrues advantages to both tourists and scientists" uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"far-flung natural places" -> "remote natural locales"
Explanation: "Remote natural locales" is a more formal and precise term than "far-flung natural places."
"No matter how many tourist attractions" -> "Irrespective of the number of tourist attractions"
Explanation: "Irrespective of the number of tourist attractions" is more formal and fits better in an academic context.
"globe-trotters" -> "international travelers"
Explanation: "International travelers" is a more formal and clear term than "globe-trotters," which can be considered informal.
"crave novelty" -> "seek novelty"
Explanation: "Seek novelty" is simpler and more formal, fitting the academic style better.
"feast their eyes on" -> "observe"
Explanation: "Observe" is more academically appropriate than the idiomatic "feast their eyes on."
"try new food and experience a whole new way of life" -> "sample new cuisines and immerse themselves in distinct cultures"
Explanation: "Sample new cuisines and immerse themselves in distinct cultures" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"potentially dangerous" -> "inherently risky"
Explanation: "Inherently risky" is a more formal and precise way to describe potential dangers.
"these risks are can be reduced" -> "these risks can be mitigated"
Explanation: "These risks can be mitigated" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal vocabulary.
"Regardless of how much we already know" -> "Despite the extensive knowledge we possess"
Explanation: "Despite the extensive knowledge we possess" is a more formal way to express the limits of current understanding.
"there is still much that is unknown in the world of science" -> "a significant amount remains undiscovered in the scientific realm"
Explanation: "A significant amount remains undiscovered in the scientific realm" uses more precise and formal language.
"novel viruses break out" -> "emergent viruses arise"
Explanation: "Emergent viruses arise" is more formal and specific than "novel viruses break out."
"affecting lives and habitats" -> "impacting the existence and habitats"
Explanation: "Impacting the existence and habitats" employs more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"Granted, it is reasonable to worry about" -> "Admittedly, concerns regarding"
Explanation: "Admittedly, concerns regarding" is a more formal way to introduce a concession.
"the authorities can eliminate such a possibility" -> "regulatory bodies can preclude such outcomes"
Explanation: "Regulatory bodies can preclude such outcomes" uses more formal and specific language.
"impart otherwise unachievable lessons and experience" -> "convey otherwise inaccessible insights and experiences"
Explanation: "Convey otherwise inaccessible insights and experiences" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of traveling to remote natural environments. It discusses how this development benefits both tourists and scientists, acknowledging potential risks associated with such trips.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more nuanced exploration of the disadvantages, such as ecological impacts, cultural disruptions, or ethical considerations.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the advantages of traveling to remote areas outweigh the disadvantages. This position is consistently presented and supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, providing a brief preview of the main points in the introduction and reinforcing the stance in the conclusion can further strengthen clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and develops ideas regarding the benefits of traveling to remote natural environments for both tourists and scientists. Examples are provided to support these ideas, such as experiencing new cultures and obtaining scientific knowledge.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more diverse and detailed examples, as well as deeper analysis of the potential benefits and drawbacks.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of traveling to remote natural environments as prompted.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and avoids tangential discussions to maintain coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument supporting the idea that the advantages of traveling to remote natural environments outweigh the disadvantages. To improve, it could benefit from deeper exploration of the disadvantages and more extensive support for ideas. Additionally, maintaining focus and coherence throughout each paragraph would further enhance the essay’s effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization by presenting arguments supporting the benefits of traveling to remote natural environments for both tourists and scientists. It starts with an introduction that sets up the discussion, followed by separate paragraphs discussing the advantages for tourists and scientists respectively, and concludes with a succinct summary. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective topic to avoid any potential confusion for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. The paragraphs are adequately developed and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a cohesive central idea supported by relevant examples or evidence. Additionally, consider varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and improve overall readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "given," "although," "regardless," and "in conclusion," which help signal shifts between different parts of the essay. Additionally, the repetition of key phrases such as "remote parts of the world" and "visiting such places" reinforces the central theme throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a solid use of cohesive devices, further diversification and strategic placement of transitional phrases could enhance the overall cohesion. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") and conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however") to establish stronger connections between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to avoid disrupting the coherence of the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating words and phrases such as "far-flung," "novelty," "indigenous," "elusive," "pertinent," and "impart," among others. These choices contribute to the depth of the discussion and convey the author’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to the topic, such as specific terms in environmental science or tourism studies. Additionally, vary sentence structures and explore synonyms to avoid repetition and add richness to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, the use of "novelty" accurately describes the desire for new experiences, while "elusive" aptly characterizes certain animals. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the phrase "novel viruses," which could be clarified with more specific terminology.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meanings without ambiguity. When discussing scientific concepts or phenomena, use terminology accurately and provide clear definitions if necessary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "can be reduced by careful preparation" ("careful" is misspelled as "careful"), and "animal attacks or conflicts with local people, these risks are can be reduced" (an extra "are" is present).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, review common spelling patterns and practice actively incorporating correct spellings into writing to reinforce accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competent lexical resource, effectively utilizing vocabulary to convey ideas and arguments. By refining precision and enhancing spelling accuracy, the author can further elevate the quality of expression and communication in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, enhancing readability and engagement. The writer employs complex sentences alongside simple ones, utilizing relative clauses ("Exploring far-flung natural places can be beneficial to travelers"), conditional sentences ("Although it is true that such a trip could be potentially dangerous"), and compound sentences ("Granted, it is reasonable to worry about the potential harm done to these animals and their habitats by these trips"). This variety contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as inversion, parallelism, or participle phrases where appropriate. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can add a dynamic rhythm to the writing, enhancing its overall impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are structured correctly, and punctuation marks are appropriately used to aid clarity and coherence. For instance, "Exploring far-flung natural places can be beneficial to travelers" and "By traveling to an island that is unknown to the vast majority of people, for instance, travelers may have a chance to participate in exotic religious practices of indigenous people" showcase correct sentence structure and punctuation usage.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains grammatical accuracy, attention to minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and article usage could further refine the writing. Proofreading for consistency in punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, can ensure precision in conveying ideas. For example, in the sentence "Granted, it is reasonable to worry about the potential harm done to these animals and their habitats by these trips," ensure clarity by revising for punctuation consistency and potential redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, contributing to its clarity and coherence. Further refinement through advanced sentence structures and meticulous proofreading can elevate the essay’s sophistication and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Given the advent of contemporary modes of transportation including planes and cruise ships, journeying to remote regions of the globe is no longer an insurmountable endeavor. It is posited that this development accrues advantages to both tourists and scientists.

Irrespective of the number of tourist attractions worldwide, international travelers seek novelty. They aspire to observe, sample new cuisines, and immerse themselves in distinct cultures. Exploring remote natural locales allows them to fulfill these desires. By visiting lesser-known islands, for example, tourists may have the opportunity to participate in exotic religious practices, witness rarely seen flora and fauna, and experience unique ways of life. While such travels are inherently risky due to potential climatic differences, animal encounters, or conflicts with locals, these risks can be mitigated through careful preparation.

Despite the extensive knowledge we possess, a significant amount remains undiscovered in the scientific realm. Emergent viruses arise periodically, impacting the existence and habitats of various species. Additionally, global warming affects lives and habitats of elusive animals in heavily wooded areas and deep under the sea. Scientists believe that visiting such remote areas could provide crucial insights into these phenomena. Admittedly, concerns regarding the potential harm to local ecosystems exist, but regulatory bodies can preclude such outcomes through strict guidelines.

In conclusion, traveling to remote natural environments conveys otherwise inaccessible insights and experiences to both tourists and scientists, outweighing the potential disadvantages when approached responsibly.