Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically beneficial. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically beneficial.
Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

No doubt recently ordering food from far away has become increasingly common, especially among young people in many countries around the world. However, this emerging trend raises concerns about whether local food should be consumed instead. Although this shift could potentially give rise to several drawbacks, I firmly hold the view that the benefits are greater due to its environmental and economic advantages.
On the one hand, there are a host of disadvantages when local cuisines have become the primary option in daily meals. The main drawback is that local food is more likely to be seasonable, leading to the lack of necessary nutrients for well-being development. Take a particular town near the sea as a prime example. This town could be home to seafood such as fish, crabs, and shrimps, providing people’s health full of important nutrients such as protein and omega 3. If residents living in this town have been following this seafood diet for a long time, however, they will seem to suffer a shortage of other vital vitamins and minerals that cannot be found in seafood, resulting in severe health issues related to brain illnesses and heart diseases.
On the other hand, in spite of these above-mentioned arguments, I strongly believe that consuming food grown domestically can be a boon for environmental and economic aspects. Firstly, these foods are more likely to be in an eco-friendly environment package. For example, Hai Phong, a vibrant city in Vietnam, is renowned for its local food namely banana cakes. These cakes have been packed in banana leaves for a hundred years, which can easily break down into the ground in one day, cultivating the rich soil. Secondly, local cuisines are highly advantageous to the economy from both individual perspective and government perspectives. People can grasp an opportunity to eat high-quality food with affordable prices due to lower operation and delivery costs. When local food becomes more popular in and outside the regions, it can attract enormous domestic and foreign food enthusiasts, boosting the local economy.
In conclusion, despite minor health drawbacks, I maintain that the benefits of local food are in the aggregate more significant. It is therefore imperative that government and individuals join hands to promote and advertise local food to the world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "No doubt recently ordering food from far away has become increasingly common" -> "Undoubtedly, the recent trend of ordering food from distant sources has seen a significant rise."
   Explanation: "No doubt" and "recently" are slightly informal; replacing them with "Undoubtedly" and "the recent trend" maintains formality and clarity. Additionally, "far away" can be replaced with "distant sources" for a more formal expression.

2. "Although this shift could potentially give rise to several drawbacks" -> "While this transition may entail certain drawbacks,"
   Explanation: "Give rise to" is a bit informal; "entail" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "several" can be replaced with "certain" for precision and formality.

3. "On the one hand, there are a host of disadvantages when local cuisines have become the primary option in daily meals." -> "On one hand, numerous disadvantages arise when local cuisines dominate daily dietary choices."
   Explanation: "A host of" is somewhat informal; "numerous" is a more formal equivalent. Additionally, "have become" can be replaced with "dominate" for conciseness and clarity.

4. "The main drawback is that local food is more likely to be seasonable" -> "The primary drawback lies in the seasonal nature of local food"
   Explanation: "Seasonable" is not the most precise term here; "seasonal" is more appropriate. Also, "The main drawback is that" can be condensed to "The primary drawback lies in" for clarity and conciseness.

5. "If residents living in this town have been following this seafood diet for a long time, however, they will seem to suffer a shortage of other vital vitamins and minerals" -> "Residents adhering to this seafood-centric diet for an extended period are likely to experience deficiencies in essential vitamins and minerals,"
   Explanation: "Seem to suffer" is slightly informal; "are likely to experience" is a more formal expression. Additionally, "for a long time" can be replaced with "for an extended period" for a more precise description.

6. "On the other hand, in spite of these above-mentioned arguments" -> "However, notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments,"
   Explanation: "In spite of" is a bit informal; "notwithstanding" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "above-mentioned" can be replaced with "aforementioned" for brevity and formality.

7. "can be a boon for environmental and economic aspects" -> "can be beneficial for environmental and economic considerations"
   Explanation: "Boon" is slightly informal; "beneficial" is a more formal term. Additionally, "aspects" can be replaced with "considerations" for precision and formality.

8. "These foods are more likely to be in an eco-friendly environment package" -> "These foods are often packaged in an environmentally friendly manner"
   Explanation: "Eco-friendly environment package" is somewhat awkward; "packaged in an environmentally friendly manner" is clearer and more formal.

9. "For example, Hai Phong, a vibrant city in Vietnam, is renowned for its local food namely banana cakes." -> "For instance, Hai Phong, a bustling city in Vietnam, is renowned for its local delicacy, banana cakes."
   Explanation: "Vibrant" is slightly informal; "bustling" is a more formal synonym. Additionally, "namely" can be replaced with "delicacy" for clarity and formality.

10. "These cakes have been packed in banana leaves for a hundred years, which can easily break down into the ground in one day, cultivating the rich soil." -> "These cakes have traditionally been wrapped in banana leaves for centuries, a practice that facilitates rapid decomposition upon disposal, enriching the soil."
    Explanation: "For a hundred years" can be replaced with "for centuries" for a more generalized timeframe. Additionally, "break down into the ground" can be replaced with "facilitates rapid decomposition upon disposal" for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of eating local food versus food shipped from far away. The introduction introduces the topic, the body paragraphs discuss the advantages and disadvantages, and the conclusion summarizes the stance taken.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples of disadvantages associated with eating food shipped from far away, and perhaps delve deeper into the potential economic and environmental impacts of both options.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position throughout, asserting that the benefits of consuming local food outweigh the disadvantages. This position is maintained consistently from the introduction to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the overall stance taken. Additionally, reiterate the position in the conclusion to reinforce the clarity of the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with adequate development and support. It provides examples to illustrate points and offers reasoning to support the claims made. For instance, it discusses the health benefits of local food and provides an example of Hai Phong’s banana cakes.
  • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, consider providing more diverse examples and evidence to bolster the argument. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully developed and explained to enhance clarity and coherence.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of consuming local food versus food shipped from far away. However, there are some instances where the focus slightly deviates, such as when discussing the health drawbacks of local food.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points discussed directly relate to the topic and are tightly connected to the main argument. Additionally, avoid introducing tangential information that may distract from the central theme.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, maintaining focus, and further extending and supporting ideas. By refining these aspects, the essay could enhance its coherence and persuasiveness, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting the topic and the author’s stance. Each body paragraph focuses on either the advantages or disadvantages of consuming local food, providing examples and explanations to support the points. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the author’s argument. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of analysis between the advantages and disadvantages, with more emphasis placed on the advantages.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each body paragraph receives equitable attention and analysis. Additionally, consider employing transitional phrases between paragraphs to strengthen the coherence of ideas throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph is dedicated to discussing a specific aspect of the argument, such as the disadvantages of local food or the benefits of consuming domestically grown produce. Topic sentences introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea without veering off-topic. Additionally, consider varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and enhance clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transitional phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" effectively signal shifts between contrasting arguments. Additionally, cohesive devices like pronouns ("these above-mentioned arguments") and repetition of key phrases ("local food") help reinforce the essay’s central points.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "conversely," to add depth and complexity to the essay’s structure. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen connections between ideas and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of terms and phrases to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases such as "emerging trend," "host of disadvantages," "domestically," "boon," and "aggregate" contribute to the richness and coherence of the argument.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more specialized vocabulary related to environmental and economic discourse. For instance, introducing terms like "sustainable agriculture," "carbon footprint," "economic stimuli," or "local sourcing" could provide greater depth to your arguments.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision. Certain phrases, such as "local cuisines," "eco-friendly environment package," and "high-quality food," effectively convey specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, instead of using "minor health drawbacks," more precise terms like "nutritional deficiencies" or "dietary limitations" would better encapsulate the discussed issue.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to the context in which vocabulary is utilized, ensuring alignment with the intended meaning. Consider utilizing a thesaurus or engaging in active reading to familiarize yourself with nuanced vocabulary that accurately reflects the ideas being communicated.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally strong command of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "seasonable" (likely intended as "seasonal") and "full of important nutrients" (which could be rephrased as "rich in essential nutrients"). Despite these minor errors, spelling accuracy remains largely consistent throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct any overlooked errors. Additionally, cultivating a habit of reviewing written work meticulously can help minimize spelling inaccuracies and ensure clarity in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For instance, complex sentences like "Although this shift could potentially give rise to several drawbacks…" and "If residents living in this town have been following this seafood diet for a long time, however, they will seem to suffer a shortage of other vital vitamins and minerals…" exhibit syntactic complexity. Additionally, the essay utilizes relative clauses effectively, as seen in "For example, Hai Phong, a vibrant city in Vietnam, is renowned for its local food namely banana cakes."
  • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider integrating more transitional phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and ensure coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, experimenting with varied sentence beginnings and incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add sophistication to the prose.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation overall. Sentences are generally well-structured, with few instances of grammatical errors. For example, the essay effectively uses articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement correctly throughout. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as the phrase "they will seem to suffer" which could be revised to "they may suffer" for clarity and accuracy.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency to ensure precision in conveying ideas. Proofreading for minor errors such as missing articles or incorrect verb forms can further enhance grammatical accuracy. Additionally, consider revising complex sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence, especially when conveying nuanced ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a proficient command of grammatical range and accuracy, with a varied range of sentence structures contributing to its effectiveness. Focusing on minor grammatical errors and refining sentence structures can elevate the essay’s clarity and sophistication, thereby enhancing its overall impact on the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

Undoubtedly, the recent trend of ordering food from distant sources has seen a significant rise, particularly among the youth across various nations. While this transition may entail certain drawbacks, the question arises whether consuming local food holds more environmental and economic benefits. On one hand, numerous disadvantages arise when local cuisines dominate daily dietary choices. The primary drawback lies in the seasonal nature of local food, potentially leading to deficiencies in essential vitamins and minerals. For instance, residents adhering to a seafood-centric diet for an extended period may experience shortages in vital nutrients crucial for overall health, such as those found in seafood like fish, crabs, and shrimps, leading to health issues related to brain and heart diseases.

However, notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, consuming food grown domestically can be beneficial for environmental and economic considerations. These foods are often packaged in an environmentally friendly manner. For example, Hai Phong, a bustling city in Vietnam, is renowned for its local delicacy, banana cakes. These cakes have traditionally been wrapped in banana leaves for centuries, a practice that facilitates rapid decomposition upon disposal, enriching the soil. Moreover, local cuisines can contribute significantly to the economy. They are often more affordable due to lower operation and delivery costs, allowing individuals to access high-quality food at reasonable prices. Additionally, the popularity of local food can attract domestic and foreign food enthusiasts, thereby boosting the local economy.

In conclusion, despite potential health drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages of consuming local food outweigh its disadvantages, especially concerning the environment and economy. It is crucial for both government and individuals to collaborate in promoting and advocating for local food to realize these benefits fully.