Many large supermarkets are being built today while the number of small shops is decreasing. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There are many huge supermarkets are being built up today whereas the number of little stores is dropping
It is clear that building large supermarkets today offers a myriad of benefits. First, it is also evident that all the large supermarkets today usually offer the consumers many services to enhance their experiences and it also helps the consumer lift up their mood after the hard-working days.For example, play areas for children or a drink area. Secondly, the supermarket will protect food safety and hygiene because goods in the supermarket are managed in suitable conditions and ensure food safety protection procedures. Consumers can be completely assured.
Despite the aforementioned positive aspects, it may exert some negative impact on people's lives and society. First, the most noticeable drawback of large supermarkets is that Exchange and payment goods at the supermarket have specific prices listed so customers do not have to bargain or pay. However, Goods in supermarkets are quite expensive, prices are always higher than products in the market because when customers buy goods in supermarkets they have to pay value added tax so they feel the goods are more expensive and payment is also quite long, they have to wait for views to be paid.. In addition, another noteworthy drawback is that shopping time at the supermarket almost takes several hours because the supermarket is large, moving to the sales locations is also quite long. Moreover, the number of customers is also very crowded.
In Conclusion, although the large supermarkets have some negative impact on people’s lives and society, there is no denying that it is a very promising model and suitable for the needs of current consumers and will develop further in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are many huge supermarkets are being built up today" -> "Many large supermarkets are being constructed today"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Constructed" is a more precise and formal term than "built up," which is vague and informal.
"the number of little stores is dropping" -> "the number of small stores is decreasing"
Explanation: "Little" is an informal and less precise adjective compared to "small," which is more appropriate in formal writing. "Decreasing" is also more formal than "dropping."
"building large supermarkets today offers a myriad of benefits" -> "the construction of large supermarkets today offers numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Myriad" is often used to describe a large, indefinite number, which can sound overly dramatic and less precise in this context. "Numerous" is more straightforward and academically appropriate.
"it also helps the consumer lift up their mood" -> "it also enhances the consumer’s mood"
Explanation: "Lift up" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Enhances" is a more precise and formal verb.
"play areas for children or a drink area" -> "play areas for children and beverage areas"
Explanation: "Drink area" is vague and informal; "beverage areas" is more specific and formal.
"the supermarket will protect food safety and hygiene" -> "the supermarket ensures food safety and hygiene"
Explanation: "Will protect" implies a future action, which is less certain than "ensures," which indicates a guarantee or a standard practice.
"Exchange and payment goods at the supermarket have specific prices listed" -> "transactions and payments at the supermarket have fixed prices"
Explanation: "Exchange and payment goods" is awkward and unclear. "Transactions and payments" is more precise and formal.
"Goods in supermarkets are quite expensive, prices are always higher than products in the market" -> "Goods in supermarkets are generally more expensive than those in the market"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and informal. The suggested revision is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"they have to pay value added tax so they feel the goods are more expensive" -> "they must pay value-added tax, making the goods appear more expensive"
Explanation: "They feel" is too informal and subjective for academic writing. "Making the goods appear more expensive" is more objective and formal.
"payment is also quite long, they have to wait for views to be paid" -> "payment processing is also lengthy, requiring customers to wait for clearance"
Explanation: "Quite long" is vague and informal. "Lengthy" is more precise, and "requiring customers to wait for clearance" is clearer and more formal.
"shopping time at the supermarket almost takes several hours" -> "shopping time at the supermarket often requires several hours"
Explanation: "Almost takes" is informal and imprecise. "Often requires" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"the number of customers is also very crowded" -> "the number of customers is also considerable"
Explanation: "Very crowded" is an informal and vague description. "Considerable" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic contexts.
"it is a very promising model and suitable for the needs of current consumers" -> "it is a highly promising model and well-suited to the needs of contemporary consumers"
Explanation: "Very promising" is informal and less precise. "Highly promising" is more formal, and "well-suited to" is a more academic phrase than "suitable for."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of large supermarkets compared to small shops. The advantages are presented first, focusing on consumer experience and food safety. However, the disadvantages are somewhat less clearly articulated, particularly regarding the impact on small shops and the broader societal implications. The mention of pricing and shopping time does touch on drawbacks but lacks depth in explaining how these factors affect consumers and small businesses.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly link the advantages and disadvantages to the overall question of whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Including more specific examples of how small shops are affected by the rise of supermarkets would provide a more comprehensive answer. Additionally, a clearer comparison between the two types of shopping experiences could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but does not consistently reinforce a clear stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion suggests that large supermarkets are beneficial, yet this point is not strongly supported throughout the body paragraphs, which can create confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should state their viewpoint more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. Each body paragraph should also tie back to this central argument, ensuring that every point made supports the overall thesis. Using phrases like "Ultimately, this suggests that…" can help reinforce the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of large supermarkets, such as enhanced consumer experiences and food safety. However, these points are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of play areas and hygiene practices is relevant but lacks further elaboration on how these specifically benefit consumers in comparison to small shops.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing how play areas for children can lead to longer shopping times and increased sales could strengthen the argument. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies related to consumer preferences could provide more substantial support for the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of large supermarkets versus small shops. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing pricing and payment processes, which could be more directly linked to the overall argument about advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the question of whether the advantages of large supermarkets outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by consistently referencing the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and explanations are relevant to the central theme of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it would benefit from clearer structure, deeper analysis, and more explicit connections to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of supermarkets to their drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the advantages, but the second paragraph introduces disadvantages without a clear transition, making it feel disjointed. The use of phrases like "despite the aforementioned positive aspects" is a good attempt at linking ideas, but it could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal the shift to the disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea would help reinforce the logical structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with clear separations between the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more focused. The first paragraph mixes several ideas about benefits, such as consumer experience and food safety, which could be better organized into separate points. The second paragraph also contains multiple drawbacks that could be more clearly delineated.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on consumer experience and services, and another on food safety. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help the reader understand the focus right away.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "secondly," and "in addition," which help to organize the points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "Exchange and payment goods at the supermarket have specific prices listed." This sentence is convoluted and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "however," and "consequently." Additionally, revising awkward phrases for clarity will enhance cohesion. For example, instead of "Exchange and payment goods at the supermarket have specific prices listed," a clearer phrasing could be "In supermarkets, prices are clearly marked, eliminating the need for bargaining." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving logical transitions, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "myriad," "enhance," "food safety," and "crowded." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the word "supermarket" is used excessively without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could have enriched the text. Additionally, phrases like "little stores" could be replaced with "small shops" or "local retailers" to diversify the language.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "supermarket," they could use "retail giant," "hypermarket," or "large grocery store." Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing could help in identifying alternatives.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "lift up their mood after the hard-working days" could be more accurately expressed as "improve their mood after a long day at work." Additionally, the phrase "the most noticeable drawback of large supermarkets is that Exchange and payment goods at the supermarket have specific prices listed" is awkward and unclear. The term "exchange and payment goods" is not standard and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and standard expressions. They can revise sentences for coherence and ensure that they use commonly accepted phrases. For instance, rephrasing to "One major drawback of large supermarkets is that prices are fixed, which eliminates the need for bargaining" would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "hard-working" (should be "hardworking"), "views to be paid" (likely intended to be "queues to be paid"), and "payment goods" (which is not a standard phrase). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing and revising sentences can help identify common mistakes. Reading more widely can also expose the writer to correct spelling and usage in context, reinforcing learning.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring clarity in expression, and focusing on correct spelling, the writer can enhance their overall writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, the sentence "It is clear that building large supermarkets today offers a myriad of benefits" is a straightforward structure. The use of phrases like "First" and "Secondly" indicates an attempt to organize ideas, but the overall variety is insufficient. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the number of little stores is dropping," which could be expressed more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "the supermarket will protect food safety and hygiene," the writer could say, "By managing goods in suitable conditions, the supermarket not only protects food safety and hygiene but also assures consumers of their well-being." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions can also enhance the complexity and effectiveness of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "There are many huge supermarkets are being built up today" is incorrect; it should be "Many huge supermarkets are being built today." Additionally, there are run-on sentences, such as "However, Goods in supermarkets are quite expensive, prices are always higher than products in the market because when customers buy goods in supermarkets they have to pay value added tax so they feel the goods are more expensive and payment is also quite long, they have to wait for views to be paid." This sentence lacks proper punctuation and clarity, making it difficult to follow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can be beneficial. Furthermore, breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can enhance readability. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences, to separate clauses and improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are many huge supermarkets being built today, whereas the number of small stores is decreasing. It is clear that the construction of large supermarkets today offers numerous benefits. First, it is evident that all the large supermarkets usually provide consumers with many services to enhance their experiences, and it also helps lift the consumer’s mood after hard-working days. For example, there are play areas for children and beverage areas. Secondly, the supermarket ensures food safety and hygiene because goods in the supermarket are managed in suitable conditions and follow food safety protection procedures. Consumers can be completely assured.

Despite the aforementioned positive aspects, large supermarkets may exert some negative impacts on people’s lives and society. First, the most noticeable drawback of large supermarkets is that transactions and payments at the supermarket have fixed prices listed, so customers do not have to bargain. However, goods in supermarkets are generally more expensive than those in the market because when customers buy goods in supermarkets, they must pay value-added tax, making the goods appear more expensive. Additionally, payment processing is also lengthy, requiring customers to wait for clearance. In addition, another noteworthy drawback is that shopping time at the supermarket often requires several hours because the supermarket is large, and moving to the sales locations can also take a long time. Moreover, the number of customers is considerable.

In conclusion, although large supermarkets have some negative impacts on people’s lives and society, there is no denying that it is a highly promising model and well-suited to the needs of contemporary consumers, and it will develop further in the future.