Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even criticism their teachers. Others think it will lead to the loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In this day and age, because of the proliferation of education, It is believed that students should discuss fiercely with their teachers, while others contend that it will give rise to a lack of respect and discipline in the school. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.
On the one hand, making judgements about teachers could bring substantial benefits to students. First and foremost, this trend can help students become well-rounded. This is because having a discussion between pupils and their teachers provides students with many skills such as critical thinking, communication and even debating. In addition, criticizing also plays a vital role in youngsters’ growth. To be more specific, asking a host of questions could improve children’s acquisition, which could help them stimulate their curiosity about a certain topic.
On the other hand, there are various compelling reasons why I am convinced that discussing with teachers could have an adverse bearing on students. The first reason is that it would spoil the relationship between pupils and teachers. This is based on the fact that when children's self-esteem becomes high, they may often look down on their teacher. Furthermore, students could become selfish and overconfident. For example, youngsters who always criticize the teachers tend to have violent and arrogant personalities.
In conclusion, While it is justifiable that students could gain considerable merits from making judgement on teachers, …..( chưa viết xong )

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"because of the proliferation of education" -> "due to the widespread availability of education"
Explanation: "Proliferation" is somewhat vague and can imply an overabundance in a negative sense. "Widespread availability" is more neutral and precise, fitting the context better.
"It is believed that students should discuss fiercely with their teachers" -> "It is argued that students should engage in robust discussions with their teachers"
Explanation: "Discuss fiercely" is informal and imprecise. "Engage in robust discussions" is more formal and accurately conveys the intensity of the interaction.
"while others contend that it will give rise to a lack of respect and discipline in the school" -> "while others argue that it may lead to a decline in respect and discipline within the school"
Explanation: "Give rise to" is somewhat formal but can be improved for clarity and precision. "Lead to" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "within the school" is more specific than "in the school," which is more general.
"making judgements about teachers" -> "making judgments about teachers"
Explanation: "Judgements" should be "judgments" to maintain consistency in American English usage, as "judgment" is the correct plural form in this context.
"This is because having a discussion between pupils and their teachers" -> "This is because discussions between pupils and their teachers"
Explanation: "Having a discussion" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Discussions" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"critical thinking, communication and even debating" -> "critical thinking, communication, and debating"
Explanation: The Oxford comma is essential in formal writing to avoid confusion and improve readability. It is also more formal to list items without "even" which can sound informal.
"criticizing also plays a vital role in youngsters’ growth" -> "criticism also plays a vital role in the development of young people"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is informal and somewhat vague. "Young people" is more precise and formal. Also, "growth" is too broad; "development" is more specific and appropriate in this context.
"asking a host of questions could improve children’s acquisition" -> "asking numerous questions can enhance children’s learning"
Explanation: "Acquisition" is not typically used in this context; "learning" is more accurate and commonly understood. "Can" is more tentative than "could," which is less assertive and more suitable for academic writing.
"it would spoil the relationship between pupils and teachers" -> "it could damage the relationship between pupils and teachers"
Explanation: "Spoil" is informal and slightly negative. "Damage" is more neutral and formal, fitting the academic tone better.
"when children’s self-esteem becomes high" -> "when children’s self-esteem increases"
Explanation: "Becomes high" is redundant; "increases" is more concise and formal.
"they may often look down on their teacher" -> "they may frequently regard their teacher with disdain"
Explanation: "Look down on" is informal and somewhat vague. "Regard with disdain" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"youngsters who always criticize the teachers tend to have violent and arrogant personalities" -> "individuals who consistently criticize teachers often exhibit violent and arrogant personalities"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is informal and imprecise. "Individuals" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "tend to have" is less definitive than "often exhibit," which is more assertive and suitable for academic arguments.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding whether high school students should be encouraged to criticize their teachers. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states that the essay will discuss both perspectives. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial. The essay does not fully explore the implications of each viewpoint, particularly the potential consequences of encouraging criticism. The conclusion is also incomplete, which leaves the reader without a clear understanding of the author’s final stance.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both sides are explored in greater depth. Each perspective should be supported with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the discussion and clearly state the author’s opinion, ensuring that it is fully developed and not left unfinished.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay indicates a clear position favoring the idea that encouraging criticism could lead to negative outcomes, particularly in terms of respect and discipline. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The author briefly acknowledges the benefits of criticism but does not sufficiently counterbalance this with a strong argument for their own viewpoint.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their stance throughout the essay. This could involve reiterating the potential negative consequences of criticism in the context of the benefits mentioned. Additionally, using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument can help reinforce the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the benefits of student-teacher discussions and the potential drawbacks of criticism. However, these ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while the essay mentions skills such as critical thinking and communication, it does not elaborate on how these skills would manifest or why they are important. Similarly, the argument about students becoming overconfident lacks specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include real-life scenarios or studies that illustrate the impact of student criticism on teacher-student relationships. Extending ideas with further analysis will strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of student criticism of teachers. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits of criticism without adequately linking them back to the main question of respect and discipline. The mention of "violent and arrogant personalities" feels somewhat extreme and could detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of respect and discipline in the classroom. Avoiding overly dramatic claims and instead focusing on more balanced arguments will help keep the essay aligned with the prompt.

In summary, the essay needs to be completed to fully address the prompt. Strengthening the depth of analysis, maintaining a consistent position, providing detailed support for ideas, and staying focused on the topic will significantly improve the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both perspectives, which is effective in addressing the prompt. However, the transition between the two sides could be more fluid; for instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of student criticism to the potential drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion, which is incomplete, also disrupts the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion, providing a cohesive ending to the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs clearly delineate the two viewpoints. However, the final paragraph is incomplete, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the paragraphing.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed and concludes with a clear statement that ties back to the main argument. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "in addition," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this is based on the fact that" could be replaced with a more straightforward transition to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "however," and "in contrast." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not disrupt the natural flow of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, attention to transitions, paragraph completeness, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "proliferation," "well-rounded," and "self-esteem" showcasing an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "discuss" and "discussing," which limits the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "making judgements" and "criticizing" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of repeating "discuss," alternatives such as "debate," "converse," or "engage in dialogue" could be used. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify varied vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "critical thinking" and "communication." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, particularly in phrases like "discuss fiercely," which may imply aggression rather than constructive dialogue. Additionally, "making judgements" could be more accurately expressed as "providing feedback" or "offering constructive criticism."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. For instance, replacing "discuss fiercely" with "engage in open discussions" would convey a more appropriate tone. Practicing the use of contextually relevant vocabulary through reading and writing exercises can also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, with only minor errors such as "It" (should be lowercase) at the beginning of the second sentence. However, the phrase "making judgements" uses the British English spelling "judgements," which may not align with the American English standard if that is the intended audience.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to capitalization and regional spelling variations. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "this trend can help students become well-rounded" and "when children’s self-esteem becomes high" showcase the use of conditional and complex structures effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "This is because" and "Furthermore," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more complex clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "This is because," you could use "Due to the fact that" or "As a result of." Additionally, incorporating more compound sentences and varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "because of the proliferation of education" is somewhat awkward and could be misinterpreted. Additionally, the use of "It" at the beginning of the second sentence should be lowercase, as it follows a comma. There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "while" in the first sentence, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as capitalization and punctuation. It would be beneficial to revise sentences for clarity and conciseness. For example, consider rephrasing "because of the proliferation of education" to "due to the increasing emphasis on education." Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, especially with conjunctions and introductory clauses, will enhance the overall readability of your writing.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, due to the widespread availability of education, it is believed that students should engage in robust discussions with their teachers, while others argue that it may lead to a decline in respect and discipline within the school. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.

On the one hand, making judgments about teachers could bring substantial benefits to students. First and foremost, this trend can help students become well-rounded individuals. This is because discussions between pupils and their teachers provide students with many skills such as critical thinking, communication, and even debating. In addition, criticism also plays a vital role in the development of young people. To be more specific, asking numerous questions can enhance children’s learning, which could help stimulate their curiosity about specific topics.

On the other hand, there are various compelling reasons why I am convinced that discussing with teachers could have an adverse bearing on students. The first reason is that it could damage the relationship between pupils and teachers. This is because when children’s self-esteem increases, they may frequently regard their teacher with disdain. Furthermore, students could become selfish and overconfident. For example, individuals who consistently criticize teachers often exhibit violent and arrogant personalities.

In conclusion, while it is justifiable that students could gain considerable merits from making judgments about teachers, I believe that the potential loss of respect and discipline in the classroom outweighs these benefits.