• Many students find it to concentrate or pay attention in school . What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

There is no denying that pupils tend to be alarming when studying difficult to focus at school. This is may be due to the blinding of traditional teaching methods and the popularity of fishing applications that make students not pay attention to learning . And I belive that will be solutions to solve these problems
Firstly, the above problem is derived from two main factors. To begin with, students are distracted from social networking applications. For instance, Facebook or instagram usually updates the states , images or stories that make users distract and hard to ignore. Therefore, schools should thoroughly grasp the behavior of students using the phone during school hours and if they violate, they will be strictly handled or confiscated the phone for a period of time. This will prevent troubles from online websites.
Secondly, The curriculum lacks relevance to reality. Repetitive and theoretical lessons and too many tests will cause suffer from boredom and stress , they do not motivate students with diverse and interesting content. Therefore, the Ministry of Education should focus on the program and make changes to make the lecture content closer to reality. For example, in European countries, the European curriculum is related to reality and here students can be creative and develop their true potential. This is something that the Ministry of Education should promote, allowing students to experience and stimulate their creativity through interesting and diverse lectures. From then on, students pay more attention to learning because they want to discover more things
Inconclusion, from what have been discussed above, we may conclude that the biggest factor affects the loss of social networking sites and theoretical education program . However, if the school applies the policy that does not use the phone during class and changes the teaching method, the student will focus more

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"pupils tend to be alarming" -> "students often experience difficulty"
Explanation: The phrase "pupils tend to be alarming" is unclear and uses "alarming" incorrectly. "Students often experience difficulty" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"blinding of traditional teaching methods" -> "limitations of traditional teaching methods"
Explanation: "Blinding" is not the correct term in this context. "Limitations" is a more accurate and formal word to describe the drawbacks of traditional teaching methods.
"popularity of fishing applications" -> "prevalence of distracting applications"
Explanation: "Fishing applications" is unclear and likely a typo or incorrect term. "Distracting applications" is more specific and relevant to the context of students not paying attention.
"And I belive that will be solutions" -> "It is believed that there are solutions"
Explanation: "And I believe that will be solutions" is informal and contains a typo. "It is believed that there are solutions" is more formal and corrects the typo.
"students are distracted from social networking applications" -> "students are distracted by social media applications"
Explanation: "Distracted from" is incorrect; "distracted by" is the correct preposition. Also, "social networking applications" is less common than "social media applications," which is more precise and widely understood.
"updates the states , images or stories" -> "updates their statuses, images, or stories"
Explanation: "Updates the states" is unclear and likely a typo. "Updates their statuses, images, or stories" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"hard to ignore" -> "difficult to ignore"
Explanation: "Hard" is somewhat informal in this context. "Difficult" is more formal and fits the academic style better.
"strictly handled or confiscated the phone" -> "strictly disciplined or have their phones confiscated"
Explanation: "Strictly handled" is vague, and "confiscated the phone" lacks clarity on whose phone is confiscated. "Strictly disciplined or have their phones confiscated" is clearer and more formal.
"suffer from boredom and stress" -> "experience boredom and stress"
Explanation: "Suffer from" might be overly dramatic in this context. "Experience" is more neutral and academically appropriate.
"the Ministry of Education should focus on the program" -> "the Ministry of Education should concentrate on curriculum development"
Explanation: "Focus on the program" is vague. "Concentrate on curriculum development" is more specific and academically precise.
"Inconclusion" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "Inconclusion" is a typo. "In conclusion" is the correct spelling and punctuation for this transitional phrase.
"biggest factor affects the loss of social networking sites and theoretical education program" -> "primary factors are the influence of social media sites and a theoretical education curriculum"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and employs more formal academic language.
"if the school applies the policy that does not use the phone during class" -> "if schools implement policies prohibiting phone use during class"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision is more direct, clearer, and uses more formal language.
"the student will focus more" -> "students will be more focused"
Explanation: "The student" incorrectly suggests a singular subject, and "will focus more" is less formal. "Students will be more focused" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the question by identifying reasons why students struggle to concentrate in school and proposing potential solutions. It discusses distractions from social networking applications and the lack of relevance in the curriculum.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point is elaborated upon more thoroughly. Provide specific examples and perhaps delve deeper into the implications of these issues on students’ ability to concentrate.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, acknowledging the distractions posed by social media and the disconnect between the curriculum and students’ interests. It consistently advocates for stricter policies regarding phone usage and curriculum reform.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, enhancing the coherence of the argument by structuring the essay more logically and providing smoother transitions between ideas could further strengthen the clarity of the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the impact of social media and curriculum relevance on student concentration. However, these ideas are not extensively developed or supported with evidence. The examples provided lack depth and specificity.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas, include more detailed examples and possibly incorporate relevant statistics or studies to strengthen the arguments. Additionally, provide more explanation and analysis to elucidate the connections between ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the reasons for students’ difficulty in concentrating and proposing solutions. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as mentioning European education systems, which slightly deviate from the central focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the main points being made. Avoid introducing tangential topics that do not significantly contribute to the argument.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, supporting ideas with evidence, and ensuring complete focus on the central topic. Strengthening these aspects could enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments regarding the reasons behind students’ difficulty in concentrating at school and proposes solutions. However, the organization lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction sets the stage by mentioning traditional teaching methods and distracting applications, but the subsequent paragraphs lack a smooth transition. The flow of ideas is disrupted by abrupt shifts between discussing distractions from social media and proposing changes in the education system.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clear and consistent progression of ideas throughout the essay. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement and smoothly transition between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices like transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the issue, such as social media distractions and curriculum relevance. However, there are issues with paragraph coherence and unity. For instance, the second paragraph discusses social media distractions, but then abruptly shifts to discussing the curriculum without a clear transition.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining unity within each paragraph by ensuring that all sentences directly support the main idea. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the focus of each paragraph and transition smoothly between paragraphs to maintain coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "Therefore," "In conclusion"). However, their effectiveness is limited due to their repetitive and sometimes inappropriate usage. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to improve coherence. Instead of relying solely on transitional phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly," incorporate a range of connectors such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "Conversely," etc., to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and sparingly to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant arguments and attempts to address the prompt, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, using effective paragraphs, and employing a diverse range of cohesive devices. By enhancing these aspects, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at varied word choice. However, there are instances of repetition and imprecise language, such as "alarming" instead of "finding it difficult," "blinding" instead of "limiting," and "fishing applications" instead of "distracting apps." These choices hinder the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and more precise terms. For instance, instead of using "alarming," opt for "challenging" or "difficult"; replace "blinding" with "restrictive" or "conventional"; and substitute "fishing applications" with "distracting software" or "social media platforms." Utilizing a thesaurus can aid in finding alternative expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with precision, but there are instances of imprecise language that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, "blinding" is used inaccurately in the context of teaching methods, and "solutions" could be more precisely replaced with "strategies" or "measures."
- How to improve: Strive for accuracy and clarity by selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings. Review the context in which vocabulary is used to ensure alignment with the essay’s arguments. Consider how synonyms or more specific terms might enhance the precision of expression. For instance, instead of "blinding," use "conventional" or "outdated," and replace "solutions" with "mitigation strategies" or "remedial measures."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are noticeable throughout the essay, impacting readability and overall coherence. Examples include "alarming" instead of "finding it difficult," "belive" instead of "believe," "suffer" instead of "students," and "Ministry" instead of "ministry." These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Enhancing spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spell-checking tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and review them regularly. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to address specific areas of improvement. Developing a habit of revising written work systematically can significantly enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some proficiency in vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in both range and precision. Addressing spelling errors and refining vocabulary selection can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Engaging in targeted practice and utilizing available resources will support ongoing development in these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used, with occasional complex structures. For instance, there is an attempt to use complex sentences in the second paragraph ("For example, in European countries, the European curriculum is related to reality and here students can be creative and develop their true potential."). However, these structures could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the overall quality of writing.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, strive to incorporate a more diverse range of sentence types, including compound-complex sentences, parallel structures, and varied sentence lengths. Additionally, consider using rhetorical devices such as parallelism, appositives, and subordinate clauses to add complexity and depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout the text. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("students tend to be alarming when studying difficult to focus at school") and article usage ("the popularity of fishing applications"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization. While the essay is generally comprehensible, these errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review the rules of subject-verb agreement, noun-pronoun agreement, and article usage. Practice identifying and correcting common grammatical errors. Additionally, pay closer attention to punctuation, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of commas, periods, and capitalization. Proofreading your writing carefully before submission can help to identify and rectify these errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to further improve your grammatical skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of language, there is room for improvement in both the range of sentence structures used and grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a greater variety of sentence types and addressing grammatical errors, you can elevate the quality of your writing and achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no denying that pupils often find it difficult to concentrate at school. This may be due to the limitations of traditional teaching methods and the prevalence of distracting applications. It is believed that there are solutions to solve these problems.

Firstly, the above problem is derived from two main factors. To begin with, students are distracted by social media applications. For instance, Facebook or Instagram frequently update their statuses, images, or stories, making it difficult to ignore. Therefore, schools should closely monitor students’ phone usage during school hours, and if they violate rules, they should be strictly disciplined or have their phones confiscated for a period of time. This will help prevent distractions from online platforms.

Secondly, the curriculum often lacks relevance to real life. Repetitive and theoretical lessons, along with excessive testing, can lead to boredom and stress, which do not motivate students. Instead, the Ministry of Education should concentrate on curriculum development, making the content more engaging and closer to reality. For example, in some European countries, the curriculum is designed to be more practical and related to real life, allowing students to be more creative and develop their true potential. This is something that the Ministry of Education should focus on, enabling students to experience and stimulate their creativity through interesting and diverse lectures. Consequently, students will pay more attention to learning because they will be more eager to discover new things.

In conclusion, the primary factors contributing to students’ difficulty in concentrating in school are the influence of social media sites and a theoretical education curriculum. However, if schools implement policies prohibiting phone use during class and adopt more engaging teaching methods, students will be more focused.