Many working people do not have enough free time off work to spend with their families and friends. Why? What are the effects on family life and society?

Many working people do not have enough free time off work to spend with their families and friends.

Why?

What are the effects on family life and society?

Nowadays, A lot of employees lack leisure time outside of working to enjoy with their
families and friends.This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and its effects on family life and society.

The reason for this phenomenon is various, there are few noticeable reasons contributing to this problem. Firstly, the result stems from heavy working requirements. The large workload and demanding time lead to workers having to do overtime or have less free time for themselves. Additionally, work pressure and stress can make them feel exhausted and struggle to find time to unwind or expenditure time with their families. Moreover, family caregiving responsibilities and inflationary increasing forces them having to work harder or working extra hours as well as working many jobs at the same time. For example, a alone parents or who has low income will face difficulties in balancing between working and caring for their offspring.

This problem has negative influence on their family life and society. As the family aspect, over-focusing working will lead to lack of time forr family and can create distance and conflicts in relationships such as marital relationship or parent-child relationship. For example, the parents have to work to 8pm or later every day, so they do not join in family meals or do not care for their kid. Another notable influence, Work stress can lead to health problems, affecting family balance and happiness. As a social aspect, when employees lack of free time, they can not participate social activities or social event, lead to decline interconnection and mutual support of people in society.

In conclusion, The lacking of free time of many people has various reasons such as family pressure, family responsibility or finacial pressure or so on. These reasons lead to create accidentally distance marital relationship or parent-kid relationship. Moreover, This phenomenon also strongly affects society such as decreasing social connection or increasing social pressure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays, A lot of" -> "Currently, many"
   Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and precise than "Nowadays," and "many" is more appropriate than "A lot of" in academic writing, as it avoids the colloquial tone of "A lot of."

2. "lack leisure time outside of working to enjoy with their families and friends" -> "have limited leisure time outside of work to spend with their families and friends"
   Explanation: "Have limited leisure time" is more precise and formal than "lack leisure time," and "spend" is more appropriate than "enjoy" in this context, as it implies a more active and intentional use of time.

3. "The reason for this phenomenon is various, there are few noticeable reasons contributing to this problem." -> "The reasons for this phenomenon are varied, with several notable factors contributing to this issue."
   Explanation: "The reasons are varied" corrects the grammatical error in the original, and "with several notable factors" is more precise and formal than "there are few noticeable reasons."

4. "The large workload and demanding time" -> "the heavy workload and demanding schedules"
   Explanation: "Heavy workload" is a more common and precise term than "large workload," and "demanding schedules" is more specific than "demanding time."

5. "expenditure time" -> "spend time"
   Explanation: "Expenditure" is incorrectly used here; "spend" is the correct verb for describing the allocation of time.

6. "inflationary increasing" -> "increasing inflation"
   Explanation: "Increasing inflation" is grammatically correct and clearer, as "inflationary" is typically used as an adjective, not an adverb.

7. "having to work harder or working extra hours" -> "having to work longer hours or take on additional shifts"
   Explanation: "Take on additional shifts" is more specific and formal than "working extra hours," which is vague and informal.

8. "a alone parents" -> "single parents"
   Explanation: "Single parents" is the correct term, whereas "a alone parents" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

9. "lack of time forr family" -> "lack of time for family"
   Explanation: Corrects the typo "forr" to "for."

10. "can create distance and conflicts in relationships such as marital relationship or parent-child relationship" -> "can create distance and conflicts in relationships, such as in marital and parent-child relationships"
    Explanation: Adding commas and rephrasing improves clarity and formality, making the sentence flow better.

11. "do not join in family meals or do not care for their kid" -> "fail to participate in family meals or neglect their children"
    Explanation: "Fail to participate" and "neglect" are more formal and precise than "do not join in" and "do not care for," respectively.

12. "lack of free time, they can not participate social activities or social event" -> "lack of free time, they cannot participate in social activities or attend social events"
    Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not," and "participate in" and "attend" are more formal and precise than "participate" and "social event."

13. "lead to decline interconnection and mutual support of people in society" -> "lead to a decline in interpersonal connections and mutual support among society members"
    Explanation: "A decline in interpersonal connections and mutual support among society members" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and specificity.

14. "The lacking of free time of many people" -> "The lack of free time among many individuals"
    Explanation: "The lack of" is grammatically correct, and "among many individuals" is more formal and precise than "of many people."

15. "This phenomenon also strongly affects society such as decreasing social connection or increasing social pressure" -> "This phenomenon also significantly impacts society, including decreased social connections and increased social pressure"
    Explanation: "Significantly impacts" is more formal than "strongly affects," and "including decreased social connections and increased social pressure" is clearer and more specific than "decreasing social connection or increasing social pressure."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the lack of free time (heavy workloads, work pressure, family responsibilities) and discussing the effects on family life (relationship conflicts, lack of family time) and society (decline in social connections). However, the explanation of the reasons could be more structured, and some points could benefit from clearer articulation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is clearly delineated and supported with specific examples. Using a more structured approach, such as bullet points or separate paragraphs for each reason and effect, could help clarify the argument and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly explored.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the lack of free time is detrimental to both family life and society. However, the position could be made stronger by consistently linking back to the main argument throughout the essay. Some sentences, particularly in the conclusion, introduce new ideas without reinforcing the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to the main thesis in each paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay without introducing new concepts, reinforcing the overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the causes and effects of the lack of free time. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples. For instance, the mention of "work pressure and stress" could be elaborated with specific examples of how these factors manifest in employees’ lives.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include statistics, studies, or more personal anecdotes that illustrate the impact of the lack of free time on individuals and families.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and effects of the lack of free time. However, there are moments where the phrasing becomes unclear or diverges slightly from the main argument, such as the phrase "the lacking of free time of many people has various reasons," which could be more concise and directly related to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly contributes to answering the prompt. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improvements in structure, clarity, and development of ideas would elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the two main areas of discussion: the reasons for the lack of free time and its effects on family life and society. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons to effects is somewhat abrupt, and the ideas within paragraphs could be better sequenced. The first body paragraph lists reasons but could benefit from clearer connections between them, such as linking work pressure directly to family responsibilities.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each reason is linked to the next with transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition to this," or "Consequently") to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on work-related pressures and the other on family responsibilities. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea or theme. For instance, one paragraph could discuss the impact of work stress on family life, while another could address the societal implications of reduced free time. This would help maintain focus and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Another notable influence" could be replaced with a more specific transition that indicates the relationship between the previous point and the new one.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "In contrast," "As a result," or "Consequently" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain coherence. For example, instead of repeating "employees," you could use "workers" or "individuals" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "leisure time," "work pressure," and "inflationary increasing." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "working requirements" is used without synonyms or alternatives, which could enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "working many jobs at the same time" could be expressed more succinctly as "holding multiple jobs."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "working," consider using "employment," "labor," or "job commitments." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in expanding word choice.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable inaccuracies. The phrase "inflationary increasing" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "rising costs" or "increasing financial pressures." Additionally, "a alone parents" should be corrected to "a single parent" for clarity. The term "expenditure time" is also incorrect; it should be "spending time."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that terms accurately convey the intended meaning is crucial. Practicing with sentence rephrasing can also help in achieving more precise language.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "forr" should be "for," "a alone parents" should be "a single parent," and "lacking" should be "lack." These errors can lead to confusion and undermine the credibility of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, combined with careful review, will help to minimize spelling mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a fair grasp of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling skills, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and its effects on family life and society.") and compound sentences ("The large workload and demanding time lead to workers having to do overtime or have less free time for themselves."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, phrases like "the reason for this phenomenon is various" and "the lacking of free time" reflect a lack of sophistication in structure. Additionally, there is a tendency to use repetitive sentence beginnings, which detracts from the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "The reason for this phenomenon is various," the writer could say, "One reason for this phenomenon, which affects many employees, is the increasing demands placed on them by their employers." Furthermore, varying the sentence openings and using transitional phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "A lot of employees lack leisure time outside of working" should be "outside of work." There are also instances of incorrect verb forms, such as "forces them having to work harder," which should be "forces them to work harder." Punctuation errors, such as the missing space after the period in "friends.This essay," and inconsistent capitalization (e.g., "Work stress" should not be capitalized mid-sentence) further detract from the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, there are awkward phrases like "a alone parents," which should be "a single parent."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Utilizing grammar-checking software or tools can also help identify mistakes before finalizing the essay. Moreover, practicing sentence construction and reviewing punctuation rules will aid in creating clearer and more grammatically correct sentences. It is also advisable to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and ensure that the writing flows smoothly.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, many employees have limited leisure time outside of work to spend with their families and friends. This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and its effects on family life and society.

The reasons for this phenomenon are varied, with several notable factors contributing to this issue. Firstly, the heavy workload and demanding schedules lead to workers having to do overtime or having less free time for themselves. Additionally, work pressure and stress can make them feel exhausted, making it difficult to unwind or spend time with their families. Moreover, family caregiving responsibilities and increasing inflation force individuals to work harder or take on additional shifts, often juggling multiple jobs at the same time. For example, single parents or those with low incomes face significant challenges in balancing work and caring for their children.

This problem has a negative influence on both family life and society. In terms of family dynamics, an overemphasis on work can result in a lack of time for family, which can create distance and conflicts in relationships, such as marital and parent-child relationships. For instance, parents who work until 8 PM or later every day may miss out on family meals and fail to engage with their children. Another notable impact is that work-related stress can lead to health problems, further affecting family balance and happiness. From a societal perspective, when employees lack free time, they cannot participate in social activities or attend social events, which leads to a decline in interpersonal connections and mutual support among society members.

In conclusion, the lack of free time among many individuals stems from various reasons, such as family responsibilities and financial pressures. These factors can inadvertently create distance in marital and parent-child relationships. Moreover, this phenomenon significantly impacts society, including decreased social connections and increased social pressure.