More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first
time.
What problems does this cause?
What do you think is a possible solution?

The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is to have some particular regulations for these phenomenon in the long-term future.

The primary issue developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is increased pollution. This occurs as a result of enormous gas emitted into atmosphere from a numerous appearance of 4-wheel vehicles. The greater the number of vehicles on the road is also responsible for a rise in traffic jams. This is because the increasing number of cars does not meet the road expansion rate, which is insufficient to fulfill such a high volume of vehicles. For example, Vietnam had recently been suffered with congestion and highly pollution across the country due to the introduction of new affordable cars.

A solution to these problems is to apply a suitable range of policies to minimize car usage on the road. This would solve the problems by discouraging people from using their private vehicles and promotes alternatives transportations such as bus or train.
For instances, England come up with the "Net zero emission" regulation that restrict or impose a high tax on car usage in central area and some particular regions throughout the London city.

In conclusion, growing nations has suffered from environmental issues because of highly demand on cars and different realistic regulations is the answer for these ongoing problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The principal problems this causes" -> "The primary issues this causes"
   Explanation: "Principal" is often used to refer to the most important or chief, whereas "primary" is more precise in this context, indicating the initial or fundamental problems.

2. "particular regulations for these phenomenon" -> "specific regulations for these phenomena"
   Explanation: "Phenomenon" is the singular form, but "phenomena" is the plural form, which is correct when referring to multiple occurrences of the same type. Additionally, "particular" is replaced with "specific" for a more formal tone.

3. "in the long-term future" -> "in the long term"
   Explanation: "In the long-term future" is redundant; "in the long term" is a more concise and academically appropriate expression.

4. "enormous gas emitted" -> "substantial emissions"
   Explanation: "Enormous gas emitted" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Substantial emissions" is grammatically correct and more precise.

5. "a numerous appearance of 4-wheel vehicles" -> "a significant increase in four-wheeled vehicles"
   Explanation: "A numerous appearance" is awkward and incorrect. "A significant increase" is more accurate and formal, and "four-wheeled" is the correct term.

6. "The greater the number of vehicles on the road is also responsible for" -> "The greater the number of vehicles on the road contributes to"
   Explanation: "Is also responsible for" is redundant; "contributes to" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing.

7. "does not meet the road expansion rate" -> "does not match the rate of road expansion"
   Explanation: "Does not meet the road expansion rate" is awkward and unclear. "Does not match the rate of road expansion" is clearer and more formal.

8. "had recently been suffered with" -> "has recently been affected by"
   Explanation: "Suffered with" is incorrect; "affected by" is the correct preposition to use with "suffered."

9. "highly pollution" -> "high levels of pollution"
   Explanation: "Highly pollution" is grammatically incorrect. "High levels of pollution" is grammatically correct and clearer.

10. "applies a suitable range of policies" -> "implements a range of suitable policies"
    Explanation: "Applies" is less formal and less precise than "implements," which is more commonly used in policy contexts.

11. "minimize car usage on the road" -> "reduce road usage by cars"
    Explanation: "Minimize car usage on the road" is awkward and unclear. "Reduce road usage by cars" is more direct and formal.

12. "promotes alternatives transportations" -> "promotes alternative transportation"
    Explanation: "Alternatives transportations" is grammatically incorrect. "Alternative transportation" is the correct form.

13. "For instances, England come up with" -> "For example, England has implemented"
    Explanation: "Come up with" is informal and imprecise. "Has implemented" is more formal and accurate.

14. "restrict or impose a high tax on car usage" -> "impose restrictions or high taxes on car usage"
    Explanation: "Restrict or impose a high tax" is awkward and unclear. "Impose restrictions or high taxes" is clearer and more formal.

15. "growing nations has suffered" -> "growing nations have suffered"
    Explanation: "Has" is singular and incorrect in this context; "have" is the correct plural form to match "nations."

16. "different realistic regulations" -> "different practical regulations"
    Explanation: "Realistic" is vague and informal; "practical" is more specific and appropriate in the context of policy implementation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying pollution and traffic congestion as the primary problems caused by increased car ownership in developing countries. However, the explanation lacks depth and specificity. For instance, while the essay mentions pollution and traffic congestion, it does not explore the broader implications of these issues, such as their impact on public health or economic productivity. Additionally, the solution proposed is somewhat vague and lacks a clear connection to the problems identified.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into each problem, providing specific examples and discussing their implications. For instance, the writer could elaborate on how pollution affects health outcomes or how traffic congestion impacts economic activities. Furthermore, the solution should be more detailed, perhaps by discussing specific types of regulations or policies that could be implemented and their potential effectiveness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the problems caused by increased car ownership and suggests regulations as a solution. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "the most viable solution is to have some particular regulations for these phenomenon" is vague and does not assert a strong stance. The conclusion also lacks a definitive statement about the writer’s perspective on the effectiveness of the proposed solution.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Using strong, assertive language and providing clear reasoning for the proposed solution will help reinforce the position. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer’s stance more emphatically.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to pollution and traffic congestion but does not extend or support them effectively. The examples provided, such as the situation in Vietnam, are not fully developed and lack sufficient detail. The mention of England’s "Net zero emission" regulation is a good start, but it requires further elaboration to illustrate how such policies could be applied in developing countries.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific statistics, studies, or case studies that illustrate the problems and solutions. Additionally, the writer should aim to connect each idea back to the main argument, ensuring that all points contribute to a cohesive narrative.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the problems and potential solutions related to car ownership in developing countries. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the explanation of the solution, which could be more directly tied to the problems stated earlier.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that directly reference the prompt and by consistently linking back to the identified problems when discussing solutions. Regularly checking that each point made is relevant to the prompt will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for greater depth and clarity in their arguments, ensure a consistent position throughout, and provide more detailed support for their ideas. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on the existing points will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction succinctly states the problems and solutions, but the transition from the problems to the solutions is somewhat abrupt. The body paragraphs discuss pollution and traffic congestion, but the connection between these issues and the proposed solution could be more explicitly articulated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly link the problems to the solutions. For example, after discussing the problems, you could introduce the solution with a phrase like, "To address these pressing issues, it is essential to implement…" This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the relationship between the identified problems and the proposed solutions.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be more clearly divided into two distinct sections: one focusing on the problems and the other on the solutions. The current structure blends these elements, making it slightly confusing for the reader. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not effectively summarize the main points.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. For instance, the paragraph discussing pollution could be expanded to include specific examples or statistics to support the claims. Similarly, the solution paragraph could be divided into two parts: one detailing the proposed policies and another discussing their potential effectiveness. Finally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main problems and solutions to reinforce the essay’s message.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "this occurs," "for example," and "in conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which detracts from the overall fluency. For instance, the phrase "this causes" is used in the introduction and could be varied to avoid redundancy. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "the problems," you could use "these issues" in subsequent sentences to maintain clarity while improving cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of car usage in developing countries. Terms such as "pollution," "traffic congestion," "regulations," and "affordable cars" are appropriate and contextually relevant. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "the principal problems this causes" could be rephrased to enhance variety, such as using "the primary challenges that arise from this trend."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "problems," alternatives like "challenges," "issues," or "difficulties" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to urban planning and environmental science could further enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "enormous gas emitted into atmosphere" should be revised to "enormous amounts of gas emitted into the atmosphere" for clarity and correctness. The term "numerous appearance of 4-wheel vehicles" is awkward and could be more precisely stated as "the numerous appearances of four-wheeled vehicles."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and collocations. Ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and commonly used will enhance clarity. For instance, revising "the greater the number of vehicles on the road is also responsible" to "the increasing number of vehicles on the road is also responsible" would improve grammatical accuracy and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "highly pollution" should be "high pollution," and "transportations" should be "transportation." Additionally, "come up with" in the context of England’s regulations is informal and could be replaced with "introduced" or "implemented."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking feedback can help identify persistent spelling issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This occurs as a result of enormous gas emitted into atmosphere from a numerous appearance of 4-wheel vehicles" shows an attempt to convey detailed information. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "numerous appearance" which should be "numerous appearances."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should focus on varying sentence beginnings and incorporating more complex clauses. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "This is because," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create more engaging openings. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences could further diversify the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For example, "the greater the number of vehicles on the road is also responsible for a rise in traffic jams" contains a misplaced verb, which should be restructured for clarity. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. The phrase "due to the introduction of new affordable cars" lacks a comma before "due," which would help clarify the sentence structure.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, "the introduction of new affordable cars" should be consistently referenced with appropriate articles. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises focused on common mistakes observed in the essay could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the score further. Regular practice and revision of grammatical rules, alongside reading well-structured essays, can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The principal problems this causes are pollution and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is to have some specific regulations for these phenomena in the long term.

The primary issue developing countries face when their citizens start to buy cars is increased pollution. This occurs as a result of substantial emissions released into the atmosphere from a significant increase in four-wheeled vehicles. The greater the number of vehicles on the road contributes to a rise in traffic jams. This is because the increasing number of cars does not match the rate of road expansion, which is insufficient to fulfill such a high volume of vehicles. For example, Vietnam has recently been affected by congestion and high levels of pollution across the country due to the introduction of new affordable cars.

A solution to these problems is to implement a range of suitable policies to minimize car usage on the road. This would solve the problems by discouraging people from using their private vehicles and promoting alternative transportation such as buses or trains. For instance, England has implemented the “Net Zero Emission” regulation that imposes restrictions or high taxes on car usage in central areas and some specific regions throughout London.

In conclusion, growing nations have suffered from environmental issues because of the high demand for cars, and different practical regulations are the answer to these ongoing problems.