More and more people today are spending a large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

More and more people today are spending a large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger.
Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

In contemporary society, there has been a significant growth in the number of people going to great expense to purchase skincare products and services to maintain a youthful appearance. This essay will delve into the factors contributing to this phenomenon and argue that it is a detrimental trend.

There are various underlying reasons explaining the increasing popularity of skincare spending. Chief among these is the human desire for beauty and youth, which are often perceived as indicators of health, vitality, and social status. A presentable appearance can enhance self-esteem, facilitate social interactions and improve career prospects, as people tend to be impressed by good-looking individuals. Additionally, impeccable complexions help people stand out from their peers and become the center of attention, satisfying one of the fundamental human desires. Secondly, technological advancements are attributed to this phenomenon. Within the beauty industry, advances in cosmetic procedures and skincare products have made it easier and more affordable to achieve a younger look. For instance, acne scars, freckles or wrinkles can be easily treated nowadays with medicine or laser with minimal discomfort. Besides, the proliferation of social media and photo editing applications has further intensified the pressure to maintain youth. Constant exposure to idealized images of flawless skin drives individuals to invest in skincare treatments to meet social norms.

From my perspective, the surge in spending on skin care products and services in pursuit of youthfulness raises several concerns. Firstly, this trend can lead to unrealistic beauty standards, as individuals may feel pressured to emulate the flawless complexions possessed by wealthy beauty influencers, believing their beauty improves in proportion to their investment. Since cosmetics brands often promote a narrow, idealized image of attractiveness featuring impeccable skin, the excessive spending of customers reinforces the belief that this model is the only acceptable standard. Secondly, an overemphasis on external appearance can overshadow the importance of inner qualities and personal development. True value and lasting relationships are determined by character and behavior, not solely by external looks. Last but not least, the growing demand for skincare products has created a broad market that is not without fraudulent businesses enticing consumers with promises of the desired skin at a low cost. These low quality cosmetics may even be harmful, leaving serious consequences for your health and skin.

In conclusion, there are various factors attributed to the growth of skin care spendings to maintain youth, such as the aspiration to be noticed, the development of the beauty industry and enhanced/elevated beauty standards. This is an adverse phenomenon considering the health risks, underappreciated inner qualities and impracticable image of perfect skin.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "going to great expense" -> "incurring significant expense"
   Explanation: "Incurring significant expense" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, avoiding the colloquialism of "going to great expense."

2. "to maintain a youthful appearance" -> "to preserve a youthful appearance"
   Explanation: "Preserve" is more specific and academically appropriate than "maintain," which can imply a more general upkeep rather than the specific goal of maintaining youthfulness.

3. "delve into" -> "examine"
   Explanation: "Examine" is a more formal and precise term than "delve into," which can sound slightly informal and vague in academic writing.

4. "human desire for beauty and youth" -> "human desire for beauty and youthfulness"
   Explanation: Adding "fulness" to "youth" clarifies the concept, making it more specific and academically precise.

5. "impeccable complexions" -> "flawless complexions"
   Explanation: "Flawless" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic writing than "impeccable," which can be less specific in this context.

6. "become the center of attention" -> "attract attention"
   Explanation: "Attract attention" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquialism of "become the center of attention."

7. "fundamental human desires" -> "basic human desires"
   Explanation: "Basic" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "fundamental," which can imply a deeper or more essential level that may not be universally agreed upon.

8. "presents" -> "presents itself"
   Explanation: Adding "itself" clarifies that the presentation is of the beauty industry, making the sentence more precise.

9. "medicine or laser" -> "medical treatments or laser therapy"
   Explanation: "Medical treatments or laser therapy" provides a more specific and formal description of the procedures mentioned.

10. "pursuit of youthfulness" -> "quest for youthfulness"
    Explanation: "Quest" is a more formal and academic term than "pursuit," which can be seen as less formal.

11. "raises several concerns" -> "raises several concerns"
    Explanation: This is a redundant statement as "raises" is already used in the context, so it can be removed for clarity and conciseness.

12. "excessive spending of customers" -> "excessive spending by customers"
    Explanation: "By" is more grammatically correct and formal than "of" in this context, indicating the action performed by the customers.

13. "low quality cosmetics" -> "substandard cosmetics"
    Explanation: "Substandard" is a more precise and formal term than "low quality," which is somewhat vague and informal.

14. "leaving serious consequences for your health and skin" -> "posing serious health and skin risks"
    Explanation: "Posing serious health and skin risks" is a more formal and direct way to express the potential negative outcomes, avoiding the more conversational "leaving serious consequences."

15. "skin care spendings" -> "skin care expenditures"
    Explanation: "Expenditures" is the correct noun form for the verb "to expend," aligning with formal academic style.

16. "impracticable image of perfect skin" -> "unrealistic ideal of flawless skin"
    Explanation: "Unrealistic ideal" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "impracticable image," which is less commonly used and may be confusing in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by first exploring the reasons why people desire to look younger and then evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. In the first paragraph, the author discusses various motivations, such as societal pressures, self-esteem, and technological advancements in skincare. The second half of the essay clearly articulates the author’s stance that this trend is detrimental, supported by several well-developed points regarding unrealistic beauty standards and the risks associated with excessive spending on skincare.
  • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons for wanting to look younger and the subsequent evaluation of the trend’s implications. For instance, linking the desire for youth directly to the negative consequences could enhance the cohesiveness of the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position that the trend of spending on skincare to achieve a youthful appearance is negative. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the second half where the author elaborates on the implications of this trend. The use of phrases like "this is a detrimental trend" and "raises several concerns" clearly signals the author’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could reiterate their main argument in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the reader is consistently reminded of the stance taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the motivations behind the desire to look younger, such as social status and the influence of social media. Each idea is well-supported with examples and explanations, making the argument robust. For instance, the mention of technological advancements and their role in making cosmetic procedures more accessible is a strong point that is effectively elaborated upon.
  • How to improve: While the ideas are well-supported, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to further substantiate claims. For instance, citing studies on the psychological effects of beauty standards or data on the skincare market could enhance the credibility of the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing both the reasons for the desire to look younger and the implications of this trend. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain this focus even more effectively, the author could ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. This would provide a clear roadmap for the reader and reinforce the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the task response criteria, with clear strengths in structure, argumentation, and coherence. Minor adjustments in linking ideas and providing specific examples could further enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are structured effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific reason for the trend of spending on skincare. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the desire for beauty and youth, while the second focuses on technological advancements and social media influence. This logical organization helps the reader follow the argument easily.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could include more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, transitioning from the discussion of societal pressures to the negative implications could be strengthened by using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition to these pressures." This would create smoother transitions and reinforce the connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant details. The introduction sets the stage, and the conclusion summarizes the key points succinctly. However, the conclusion could benefit from a more explicit restatement of the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by briefly revisiting the main points discussed in the body paragraphs, which would reinforce the argument and provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Additionally," which help to structure the argument and guide the reader through the points made. The use of phrases like "for instance" and "last but not least" also contributes to the clarity of the essay. However, there is some repetition of certain cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," alternatives such as "To begin with," "Moreover," or "In contrast" could be employed to introduce new points. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "This suggests that" or "Consequently," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "impeccable complexions," "detrimental trend," and "idealized images" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied language effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the phrase "the surge in spending on skincare products" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related terms like "escalation" or "upsurge" to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "spending" or "spendings," they could use "expenditure" or "investment." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify language use.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "facilitate social interactions" and "pressure to maintain youth" clearly conveying the intended meaning. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as "the excessive spending of customers reinforces the belief that this model is the only acceptable standard." The phrase "excessive spending" could be interpreted as overly broad and might benefit from a more specific descriptor, such as "unjustifiable" or "exorbitant."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the exact nuance they intend. This can be achieved by considering the context and the connotations of words. For example, instead of "the growing demand for skincare products," they could specify "the burgeoning demand" to imply a more rapid increase.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "contemporary," "underlying," and "fraudulent" are spelled correctly, demonstrating the writer’s command of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, with room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By actively seeking to diversify vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice, the writer can elevate their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional clauses, and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the use of phrases like "Chief among these is the human desire for beauty and youth" and "From my perspective, the surge in spending on skin care products and services" showcases an effective use of introductory phrases and clauses that enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, the essay incorporates a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to a more engaging reading experience.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence lengths and types. For example, you could use rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences to emphasize key points. Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions where appropriate could add to the variety. For instance, instead of stating "the growing demand for skincare products has created a broad market," you might say, "A broad market has been created by the growing demand for skincare products," which shifts the focus and adds complexity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the excessive spending of customers reinforces the belief that this model is the only acceptable standard" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there are a few punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and improve career prospects" in the list of benefits of a presentable appearance. Additionally, the phrase "the aspiration to be noticed, the development of the beauty industry and enhanced/elevated beauty standards" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate the items in the list.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, especially when listing items or connecting clauses. For example, ensure that commas are used consistently in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help in understanding complex structures better and identifying potential errors. Lastly, proofreading for common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation placement, can further elevate the overall quality of your writing.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there has been a significant increase in the number of people incurring substantial expenses on skincare products and services to preserve a youthful appearance. This essay will examine the factors contributing to this trend and argue that it is a negative progression.

There are various underlying reasons explaining the growing popularity of skincare expenditures. Chief among these is the human desire for beauty and youthfulness, which are often perceived as indicators of health, vitality, and social status. A presentable appearance can enhance self-esteem, facilitate social interactions, and improve career prospects, as people tend to be impressed by attractive individuals. Additionally, flawless complexions help individuals stand out from their peers and attract attention, satisfying one of the basic human desires. Secondly, technological advancements play a significant role in this phenomenon. Within the beauty industry, innovations in medical treatments or laser therapy have made it easier and more affordable to achieve a younger look. For instance, acne scars, freckles, or wrinkles can now be effectively treated with minimal discomfort. Moreover, the proliferation of social media and photo editing applications has further intensified the pressure to maintain youth. Constant exposure to idealized images of flawless skin drives individuals to invest in skincare treatments to meet these social norms.

From my perspective, the surge in spending on skincare products and services in the quest for youthfulness raises several concerns. Firstly, this trend can lead to unrealistic beauty standards, as individuals may feel pressured to emulate the flawless complexions of wealthy beauty influencers, believing their attractiveness improves in proportion to their spending. Since cosmetics brands often promote a narrow, idealized image of beauty featuring impeccable skin, the excessive spending by customers reinforces the belief that this model is the only acceptable standard. Secondly, an overemphasis on external appearance can overshadow the importance of inner qualities and personal development. True value and lasting relationships are determined by character and behavior, not solely by external looks. Last but not least, the growing demand for skincare products has created a vast market that is not without its share of fraudulent businesses, enticing consumers with promises of the desired skin at a low cost. These substandard cosmetics may even pose serious health and skin risks, leaving lasting consequences for users.

In conclusion, there are various factors contributing to the growth of skincare expenditures aimed at maintaining youth, such as the aspiration to be noticed, advancements in the beauty industry, and elevated beauty standards. This trend is concerning, considering the health risks involved, the undervaluation of inner qualities, and the unrealistic ideal of flawless skin.