More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages off this outweigh disadvantages.

In recent years, giving-birth at an old age have been a broad issue to general public. In this essay, both pros and cons of giving-birth at an old age will be analyzed in more detail.

Let’s begin by looking at the positive aspect of having child when being old. Having child in their later age help them to have more time to have a sustainable finance. It is not unacquainted to say that getting marry of 30 -year-old now has becoming a trend through young people. Couples believe that a good financial will support them to raise their children better. Besides, parents do not have to quit their job. Instead of staying at home with their child, parents can consume time to work and travel. The particularly reasons for this circumstance is mother who give birth, have to stay at home at least 6 months to take care her child. This will lead to the decrease of family finance.

On the other hand, besides the above mentioned benefits, there are potential drawbacks of it. The first negative impacts is that there are numerous risk of health problem to both baby and mother. According to World Health Organization, mother who give birth after 35 years old, will have more health problem, such as: difficult to pregnant and increase diseases. Additionally, the baby may have some kinds of disease related to immune and psycho. There are over 10% baby given birth by pregnant after 40 years old, suffer from down syndromes.

Taking everything into account, we can reach the conclusion that giving birth late has several positive impacts. However, there are negative impacts besides. In my opinion, the disadvantages of giving birth late far outweigh the advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"giving-birth" -> "giving birth"
Explanation: The hyphen is unnecessary in this context, making "giving birth" the correct form.
"have been a broad issue to general public" -> "has become a widespread concern among the general public"
Explanation: The singular verbhas" aligns with the singular subject "giving birth," and "become a widespread concern among the general public" is more precise and formal than "a broad issue to general public."
"Let’s" -> "Let us"
Explanation: Contractions like "Let’s" are too informal for academic writing; "Let us" is more appropriate.
"having child" -> "having a child"
Explanation: The indefinite article "a" is necessary here for grammatical correctness.
"when being old" -> "at an older age"
Explanation: "At an older age" is more formal and precise than "when being old."
"help them to have more time to have a sustainable finance" -> "enables them to allocate more time towards achieving financial stability"
Explanation: "Enables them to allocate more time towards achieving financial stability" is more formal and specific than "help them to have more time to have a sustainable finance."
"It is not unacquainted to say" -> "It is not uncommon to observe"
Explanation: "It is not uncommon to observe" is clearer and more academically appropriate than "It is not unacquainted to say."
"getting marry of 30 -year-old" -> "marrying at the age of 30"
Explanation: "Marrying at the age of 30" corrects the grammatical errors and provides a more precise and formal expression.
"has becoming a trend through young people" -> "has become a trend among young people"
Explanation: "Has become a trend among young people" corrects the verb tense and preposition for accuracy and formality.
"a good financial" -> "financial stability"
Explanation: "Financial stability" is a more precise and formal term than "a good financial."
"consume time to work and travel" -> "dedicate time to work and travel"
Explanation: "Dedicate time" is more formal and precise than "consume time."
"The particularly reasons for this circumstance is" -> "A significant reason for this circumstance is"
Explanation: "A significant reason for this circumstance is" corrects the grammatical error and provides a more formal expression.
"negative impacts is" -> "negative impact is"
Explanation: Correcting "impacts" to "impact" aligns the subject with the singular verb "is."
"difficult to pregnant" -> "difficulty becoming pregnant"
Explanation: "Difficulty becoming pregnant" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"increase diseases" -> "increased risk of diseases"
Explanation: "Increased risk of diseases" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"kinds of disease related to immune and psycho" -> "types of diseases related to immunity and psychology"
Explanation: "Types of diseases related to immunity and psychology" is more precise and uses correct terminology.
"over 10% baby given birth by pregnant after 40 years old, suffer from down syndromes" -> "more than 10% of babies born to women over 40 years old suffer from Down syndrome"
Explanation: This correction clarifies the sentence structure and uses the correct term "Down syndrome" in singular form, as it refers to a specific condition.
"we can reach the conclusion" -> "it can be concluded"
Explanation: "It can be concluded" is more formal and avoids the first-person plural "we," which is less common in academic writing.
"However, there are negative impacts besides." -> "However, there are also negative impacts."
Explanation: "There are also negative impacts" is more concise and maintains formal tone without unnecessary words.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of having children at a later age. However, the discussion lacks depth and thoroughness. While it mentions some potential benefits and drawbacks, it does not fully explore the reasons behind the trend of having children later in life nor does it thoroughly weigh the advantages against the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the reasons why more people are choosing to have children later in life. Additionally, it should provide more extensive analysis and evidence to support the claims about both the advantages and disadvantages, ensuring that all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is somewhat unclear. While it mentions both advantages and disadvantages, it concludes by stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. However, this conclusion is somewhat abrupt and lacks strong reasoning or evidence to support it consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should ensure that the stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion. It should provide strong arguments and evidence to support this position throughout the essay, avoiding abrupt shifts in perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of having children at a later age, but they are not thoroughly developed or supported. There is limited elaboration on each point, and the essay lacks depth in its analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should extend its ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. It should also support its arguments with relevant evidence, such as statistics, studies, or real-life examples, to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of having children at a later age. However, there are some instances where the discussion deviates slightly, such as when mentioning marriage trends and financial considerations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the essay should avoid tangential discussions and instead concentrate on directly addressing the prompt. It should ensure that all points raised contribute directly to the analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of late parenthood.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of having children at a later age, it lacks depth, clarity, and thoroughness in its analysis. To improve, the essay should provide more comprehensive explanations, develop its ideas further, maintain a clear stance throughout, and ensure strict adherence to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at organizing information logically, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages separately, and a conclusion summarizing the arguments. However, the logical flow is disrupted by abrupt transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of having children at an older age to the drawbacks lacks smooth transition sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, consider grouping related ideas together within paragraphs for clearer coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is hindered by issues with coherence and cohesion. While there is an attempt to separate different points into paragraphs, the development within each paragraph lacks clarity. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of having children at an older age combines multiple ideas without clear topic sentences or transitions.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that supporting sentences within each paragraph relate directly to the topic sentence, providing coherent and focused development of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the other hand" and "taking everything into account." However, their usage is limited, resulting in a lack of smooth connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, there’s a need for greater variety in cohesive devices to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. Ensure these devices are used effectively to link ideas within and between sentences, creating a more cohesive and coherent flow of information. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information more logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices. By enhancing these aspects, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be strengthened, leading to a more cohesive and coherent argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. The writer employs various terms to express ideas, such as "sustainable finance," "potential drawbacks," "numerous risks," and "down syndromes." This variety enhances the richness of expression and contributes to a nuanced discussion of the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a strong vocabulary, further enrichment can be achieved by incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "having child," consider variations like "parenthood" or "child-rearing," which add depth to the discourse.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, conveying the intended meanings effectively. For instance, phrases like "positive impacts" and "negative impacts" succinctly summarize the essay’s arguments. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, "good financial" could be replaced with "financial stability" for greater clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s advisable to carefully select words that precisely capture the intended nuances of meaning. Utilizing specific terminology related to finance, health, and societal trends can elevate the precision of vocabulary usage and eliminate ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "acquainted" (unacquainted), "getting marry" (getting married), and "psycho" (psychological).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is recommended to proofread the essay thoroughly, paying attention to common spelling pitfalls and utilizing spell-checking tools where available. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of frequently encountered words can aid in preventing errors and enhancing overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "Having child in their later age help them to have more time to have a sustainable finance" and "Couples believe that a good financial will support them to raise their children better" are simple and lack complexity. While the attempt to create complex sentences is noted, such as in "Instead of staying at home with their child, parents can consume time to work and travel," the execution often falls short due to grammatical inaccuracies.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures and enhance their effectiveness, the writer could practice incorporating a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. This could involve exercises focusing on subordinating conjunctions to create complex sentences, as well as coordinating conjunctions for compound sentences. Additionally, employing varying sentence starts and lengths can make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a broader range of grammatical knowledge.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact its clarity and coherence. Issues such as subject-verb agreement ("giving-birth at an old age have been"), incorrect verb forms ("getting marry of 30-year-old now has becoming"), and article use ("a broad issue to general public") are prevalent. Punctuation is minimally used, and where present, often incorrect, as seen in the lack of commas in compound sentences and misuse in phrases ("In this essay, both pros and cons of giving-birth at an old age will be analyzed in more detail.").
- How to improve: Focusing on mastering the basics of grammar, including subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the correct use of articles, would significantly improve the grammatical accuracy of the essay. Punctuation exercises, particularly on the use of commas in compound sentences and for introductory phrases, would also benefit the writer. Revising essay drafts to identify and correct these mistakes or working with a tutor for personalized feedback could be effective strategies for improvement.

This feedback aims to highlight the areas needing improvement to enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay. Through dedicated practice and attention to the suggestions provided, the writer has the potential to achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the trend of having children at an older age has become a widespread concern among the general public. In this essay, we will delve into both the advantages and disadvantages of giving birth at an older age.

Let us first explore the positive aspects of having a child later in life. Having a child at an older age enables parents to allocate more time towards achieving financial stability. It is not uncommon to observe marrying at the age of 30 has become a trend among young people. Couples believe that having a good financial foundation will support them in raising their children effectively. Moreover, parents do not necessarily have to leave their jobs. Instead of solely staying at home with their child, parents can dedicate time to work and travel. A significant reason for this circumstance is that mothers who give birth often need to stay at home for at least 6 months to care for their child, which can lead to a decrease in family finances.

However, alongside these benefits, there are also negative impacts to consider. One notable drawback is the increased risk of health problems for both the baby and the mother. According to the World Health Organization, women who give birth after the age of 35 may experience difficulties becoming pregnant and are at a higher risk of developing diseases. Additionally, babies born to older mothers may be more prone to certain types of diseases related to immunity and psychology. It is estimated that more than 10% of babies born to women over 40 years old suffer from Down syndrome.

In conclusion, while giving birth at a later age does have several positive impacts, it is important to recognize the associated negative impacts as well. In my opinion, the disadvantages of giving birth late outweigh the advantages.