Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep.
What problems can lack of sleep cause?
What can be done about lack of sleep?

These days, more and more people are struggling to get enough sleep. This can lead to a variety of serious issues, including a lack of energy for studying and working, a shortage of sleep that leads to traffic accidents, and other illnesses that have a significant impact on our health. However, there are some solutions to deal with this problem that will be discussed more in this essay, such as adjusting the schedule, limiting the use of electronic devices, and changing our eating habits.
Sleep is very essential for everybody because it allows the body to relax and recharge our batteries. If we don’t spend enough time to get a good sleep, our body will be tired, and it won't have enough energy to work or study the next day, which has significant impacts on work performance. In addition, people who are sleepy will not be awake enough to handle various situations on the road, so it’s very easy to cause traffic accidents that damage not only you but also others. For instance, based on Da Nang city’s report, 15% of the local’s vehicle accidents in 2023 originated from the sleepiness of traffic users. Furthermore, it is one of the factors that causes other illnesses for our body, such as reducing the immune system, increasing the risk of cardiovascular disease, and being harmful to the skin. According to Dr. Thanh's research, those who have difficulty sleeping may have a 20% greater risk of developing cardiovascular diseases.
To address this issue, we should have a suitable schedule, make sure that we have enough time to sleep, and don't force ourselves to be overworked. Besides, avoiding the use of electronic devices after getting into bed is important so it is easier to drift off to sleep. Moreover, we have to change the eating habits, limiting the use of some drinks and dishes that may cause difficulty in sleep and considering trying some natural foods that support you to have a better sleep, like chamomile tea, chicken, kiwi,…
In conclusion, Sleep deprivation is still a big problem that has significant impacts on our lives. Having said that, people can deal with it by changing their eating habits, limiting the time to use electric devices before sleeping, and defining an appropriate schedule.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These days" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."

2. "struggling to get enough sleep" -> "experiencing difficulties in obtaining sufficient sleep"
   Explanation: "Experiencing difficulties in obtaining sufficient sleep" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "struggling."

3. "a lack of energy for studying and working" -> "a diminished capacity for studying and working"
   Explanation: "A diminished capacity" is a more formal and precise way to describe the reduced ability to engage in activities due to sleep deprivation.

4. "a shortage of sleep that leads to traffic accidents" -> "insufficient sleep, which contributes to traffic accidents"
   Explanation: "Insufficient sleep, which contributes to traffic accidents" is more formal and avoids the simplistic "a shortage of sleep that leads to."

5. "other illnesses that have a significant impact on our health" -> "other health issues that significantly affect our well-being"
   Explanation: "Health issues that significantly affect our well-being" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague "other illnesses."

6. "adjusting the schedule" -> "modifying the schedule"
   Explanation: "Modifying" is a more precise term than "adjusting" in an academic context, suggesting a more deliberate and intentional change.

7. "limiting the use of electronic devices" -> "reducing the use of electronic devices"
   Explanation: "Reducing" is a more precise verb than "limiting" in this context, indicating a decrease in usage.

8. "changing our eating habits" -> "modifying our dietary habits"
   Explanation: "Modifying our dietary habits" is more specific and formal, focusing on the specific aspect of eating habits.

9. "it won’t have enough energy" -> "it will lack sufficient energy"
   Explanation: "It will lack sufficient energy" is more formal and avoids the contraction "won’t."

10. "it’s very easy to cause" -> "it is relatively simple to cause"
    Explanation: "It is relatively simple to cause" is more formal and avoids the contraction "it’s."

11. "15% of the local’s vehicle accidents" -> "15% of the local population’s vehicle accidents"
    Explanation: Adding "population’s" clarifies the reference, making the sentence more precise and formal.

12. "being harmful to the skin" -> "having adverse effects on the skin"
    Explanation: "Having adverse effects on the skin" is a more formal and scientifically accurate way to describe the impact on health.

13. "those who have difficulty sleeping" -> "individuals experiencing sleep difficulties"
    Explanation: "Individuals experiencing sleep difficulties" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "those who have difficulty sleeping."

14. "limiting the use of some drinks and dishes" -> "reducing the consumption of certain beverages and foods"
    Explanation: "Reducing the consumption of certain beverages and foods" is more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context.

15. "like chamomile tea, chicken, kiwi," -> "such as chamomile tea, chicken, and kiwi"
    Explanation: "Such as" is more formal than "like," and the comma after "kiwi" is necessary for proper punctuation.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the problems caused by lack of sleep and potential solutions. The first paragraph outlines several issues, such as reduced energy, traffic accidents, and health problems, which are relevant and well-articulated. The second paragraph presents solutions like adjusting schedules, limiting electronic device usage, and changing eating habits. However, while the problems are discussed in some detail, the solutions could benefit from further elaboration, particularly in terms of how these changes can be implemented effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more specific examples or strategies for each proposed solution. For instance, discussing how to create a sleep schedule or specific types of electronic devices to limit could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that sleep deprivation is a significant issue and that there are actionable solutions. The introduction and conclusion reiterate this stance, providing a cohesive argument. However, the transition between discussing problems and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to link the problems with the solutions more effectively. For example, after discussing the problems, a sentence like "To combat these serious issues, several practical solutions can be implemented" would provide a clearer transition.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the problems and solutions related to sleep deprivation. Each problem is supported by examples, such as the statistic from Da Nang city regarding traffic accidents. However, the solutions are less developed and lack supporting evidence or examples, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations or examples for each solution. For instance, discussing how adjusting one’s schedule might look in practice or citing studies that support the benefits of limiting screen time before bed would provide stronger support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issues of sleep deprivation and its solutions. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the content remains relevant throughout. However, some sentences could be more concise to enhance clarity and focus.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for more succinct phrasing. For example, instead of saying "it is one of the factors that causes other illnesses for our body," a more direct statement like "it can lead to various health issues" would keep the writing focused and impactful.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it could be improved by providing more detailed support for solutions, enhancing transitions, and ensuring clarity and conciseness throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the issues related to sleep deprivation and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the problems caused by lack of sleep, while the second focuses on potential solutions. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the problems to solutions feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the problems, you could use a phrase like "In light of these issues, it is crucial to explore potential solutions." This would create a clearer link between the two sections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the introduction could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it currently blends into the first paragraph.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the introduction is clearly separated from the body paragraphs. You might consider adding a brief statement at the end of the introduction that explicitly indicates the transition to the first body paragraph. Additionally, each body paragraph could benefit from a topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "moreover," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of sleep deprivation. Phrases such as "struggling to get enough sleep," "serious issues," and "significant impacts" indicate an attempt to use varied language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with terms like "sleep" and "energy," which appear frequently without sufficient variation. Additionally, phrases like "traffic accidents" and "other illnesses" could be expanded with more descriptive language to enhance the essay’s depth.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sleep," you could use "rest," "slumber," or "repose." Similarly, instead of "energy," you might use "vitality" or "stamina." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "immune system" and "cardiovascular disease," which accurately convey specific health-related concepts. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "a shortage of sleep that leads to traffic accidents." This phrase could be misinterpreted; it would be clearer to say "drowsiness caused by lack of sleep can lead to traffic accidents." Additionally, the phrase "considering trying some natural foods" is vague and could be more assertive.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on using terms that convey your ideas more clearly. For instance, replace vague phrases with more definitive language. Instead of "considering trying," you could say "incorporating" or "including." Furthermore, ensure that causal relationships are clearly articulated, as this will improve the clarity of your arguments.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "electric devices" instead of "electronic devices" and "local’s vehicle accidents" which should be "local vehicle accidents." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance your spelling skills overtime.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise language use, and focusing on spelling, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "This can lead to a variety of serious issues" and "If we don’t spend enough time to get a good sleep" showcases an ability to form conditional sentences and articulate cause-and-effect relationships. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "Sleep is very essential for everybody because it allows the body to relax and recharge our batteries" could be rephrased to enhance complexity, perhaps by using an introductory clause or a participial phrase.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include relative clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "we should have a suitable schedule," you might say, "Establishing a suitable schedule, which prioritizes adequate sleep, is crucial." Additionally, using inversion for emphasis or rhetorical questions can add interest and variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the local’s vehicle accidents" should be corrected to "the locals’ vehicle accidents" to indicate possession correctly. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "besides, avoiding the use of electronic devices after getting into bed is important" should have a capital "B" for "Besides" since it begins a new sentence. The overall punctuation is mostly correct, but attention to detail is needed in some areas.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay for possessive forms and ensure that punctuation follows standard conventions. Practicing the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will also help. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness, such as ensuring that introductory phrases are followed by a comma. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their rules can further solidify your understanding and application of English grammar.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can elevate your writing to achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, more and more people are experiencing difficulties in obtaining sufficient sleep. This can lead to a variety of serious issues, including a diminished capacity for studying and working, insufficient sleep, which contributes to traffic accidents, and other health issues that significantly affect our well-being. However, there are some solutions to address this problem that will be discussed further in this essay, such as modifying the schedule, reducing the use of electronic devices, and modifying our dietary habits.

Sleep is essential for everyone because it allows the body to relax and recharge our batteries. If we don’t allocate enough time to get a good night’s sleep, our bodies will be fatigued, and we will lack sufficient energy to work or study the next day, which has significant impacts on work performance. In addition, individuals experiencing sleep difficulties will not be alert enough to handle various situations on the road, making it relatively simple to cause traffic accidents that can harm not only themselves but also others. For instance, according to a report from Da Nang city, 15% of the local population’s vehicle accidents in 2023 were attributed to the sleepiness of drivers. Furthermore, insufficient sleep can lead to other health issues, such as a weakened immune system, an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, and adverse effects on the skin. Research by Dr. Thanh indicates that those who struggle with sleep may have a 20% greater risk of developing cardiovascular diseases.

To address this issue, we should establish a suitable schedule, ensuring that we have enough time to sleep and not overworking ourselves. Additionally, avoiding the use of electronic devices before bedtime is crucial, as it makes it easier to drift off to sleep. Moreover, we need to modify our dietary habits by reducing the consumption of certain beverages and foods that may contribute to sleep difficulties and considering incorporating natural foods that promote better sleep, such as chamomile tea, chicken, and kiwi.

In conclusion, sleep deprivation remains a significant problem that has considerable impacts on our lives. Nevertheless, individuals can tackle this issue by modifying their dietary habits, reducing the use of electronic devices before sleep, and establishing an appropriate schedule.