Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselve and their families ?

Moving away the family is becoming the new trend and get many effects on the people themselve and their families. I will explain its reasons and effects before giving my opinion at the end of essay.
First reason is job opportunities. Many people migrate to different cities to find better opportunities for their careers. Because of big companies need a large number of employee and often pay reliable salaries, which are usually located in major cities. Therefore, they may live in these cities to have more options and get a better income.
Another reason is higher quality of life. In the big cities has the high- quality, diverse services, such as: heathcare sevice has big, modern facilities and the doctors also have expertise better than other areas… So, they might move to enjoy higher quality of life and environment for their overall development.
Futhermore, people choose to live away might be because of their family dynamic. Some families the relationship between parents and their kids is not close-knit with the generation gap leads to slience treatment and sometimes is arguments.Then when they old enough and want to live another places to avoid conflicts.
These things I mentioned lead to numberous effects on both individuals and families.
Living away may boost individual’s independence, so they will learn how to do nearly things alone as cooking , doing household chores, managing their expenses, etc. It is valuable and necessary skills for their life and their works. However, live alone can make stress and lonliness when do everything without emotional, motivate support from the families.
For families, supporting a member who live far away can be financiallly taxing. For example families have the child go to a different city or country might have to pay expenses such as renting tuition, living cost and it increase the burden.
Although living away can have many effects in some people’s eyes, but with me it’s so freedom and the great environment to follow my own disire without preventings from parents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Moving away the family" -> "Moving away from the family"
Explanation: The preposition "from" is necessary to correctly indicate the separation from the family, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"get many effects on the people themselve and their families" -> "have numerous effects on individuals and their families"
Explanation: "Get" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Have numerous effects" is more precise and formal. "The people themselve" should be "individuals" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"I will explain its reasons and effects before giving my opinion at the end of essay." -> "I will discuss the reasons and effects before presenting my opinion at the conclusion of this essay."
Explanation: "Discuss" is more formal than "explain," and "presenting my opinion at the conclusion of this essay" is more precise and formal than "giving my opinion at the end of essay."
"First reason is job opportunities" -> "The first reason is job opportunities"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "first reason" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and complete.
"Because of big companies need a large number of employee" -> "Because large companies require a significant number of employees"
Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "need," and "a significant number of employees" is grammatically correct compared to "a large number of employee."
"pay reliable salaries" -> "offer reliable salaries"
Explanation: "Offer" is more appropriate in this context, as it correctly describes the action of providing salaries.
"In the big cities has the high- quality" -> "In large cities, there is high-quality"
Explanation: "There is" is grammatically correct and more formal than "has," and the comma after "cities" is necessary for proper punctuation.
"heathcare sevice has big, modern facilities" -> "healthcare services offer large, modern facilities"
Explanation: "Healthcare services" is the correct term, and "offer" is more appropriate than "has" to describe the provision of facilities.
"the doctors also have expertise better than other areas" -> "the doctors also possess greater expertise than those in other areas"
Explanation: "Possess greater expertise" is more precise and formal than "have expertise better," and "those in other areas" clarifies the comparison.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is the correct spelling, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"the relationship between parents and their kids is not close-knit" -> "the relationship between parents and their children is not close-knit"
Explanation: "Children" is the correct term for the offspring, and "close-knit" is a more formal adjective.
"slience treatment" -> "silence treatment"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "slience" to "silence."
"is arguments" -> "arguments"
Explanation: "Arguments" should be a plural noun to match the context of multiple disagreements.
"when they old enough" -> "when they are old enough"
Explanation: "Are" is necessary for grammatical correctness in this context.
"live alone can make stress and lonliness" -> "living alone can cause stress and loneliness"
Explanation: "Cause" is more appropriate than "make" in this context, and "loneliness" should be spelled correctly.
"financiallly taxing" -> "financially taxing"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "financiallly" to "financially."
"the great environment to follow my own disire" -> "the great environment to pursue my own desires"
Explanation: "Pursue" is more formal than "follow," and "desires" should be plural to match the context of multiple desires.
"without preventings from parents" -> "without parental interference"
Explanation: "Parental interference" is a more precise and formal term than "preventings from parents."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing possible reasons for people spending time away from their families, such as job opportunities and quality of life, as well as the effects on individuals and families. However, the exploration of the effects is somewhat limited and could benefit from more depth. For instance, while the essay mentions independence and financial burdens, it does not fully explore emotional impacts on family relationships or the long-term consequences of living apart.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason and effect is elaborated upon with specific examples or scenarios. Including more detailed discussions on how these reasons and effects manifest in real-life situations would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion at the end, indicating a clear stance on the issue. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition from discussing reasons and effects to the personal opinion feels abrupt and lacks a cohesive link to the earlier points made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should integrate their viewpoint more seamlessly into the discussion of reasons and effects. For example, after presenting each reason or effect, the writer could briefly relate it back to their personal opinion, thereby creating a more cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as job opportunities and family dynamics, but the development of these ideas is uneven. Some points, like job opportunities, are explained well, while others, such as family dynamics, are less clear and lack sufficient detail. Additionally, the support for these ideas is often vague and could benefit from concrete examples or statistics.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing job opportunities, they could mention specific industries that attract workers to cities or provide statistics on migration trends. This would not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons and effects of living away from family. However, there are moments where the writing strays slightly, particularly in the personal opinion section, where the phrasing becomes less formal and more subjective. Phrases like "with me it’s so freedom" detract from the overall academic tone and focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all sections of the essay adhere to a formal tone and directly relate back to the prompt. Avoiding overly casual language and ensuring that personal opinions are framed within the context of the discussion will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from more depth, clearer connections between points, and a more formal tone throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for moving away, and a conclusion. The reasons are logically sequenced, starting with job opportunities and moving to quality of life and family dynamics. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing job opportunities to quality of life feels abrupt, and the connection between family dynamics and the decision to move could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For example, after discussing job opportunities, a phrase like "In addition to career prospects, another significant factor is…" could help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis can strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph addresses a specific reason or effect, which is a positive aspect. However, some paragraphs, such as the one discussing family dynamics, are overly long and could benefit from being split into two distinct paragraphs—one focusing on the reasons for moving and another on the effects on family relationships.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. For example, the paragraph on family dynamics could begin with a statement about how family relationships influence the decision to move, followed by examples and explanations.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first reason," "another reason," and "furthermore," which help to indicate the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "These things I mentioned lead to numberous effects on both individuals and families" lacks a smooth transition from the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," and "On the other hand" to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay. For example, instead of repeating "families," you could use "they" or "these families" in subsequent references.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, focusing on improving logical flow, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate choices such as "job opportunities," "higher quality of life," and "financially taxing." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the repeated use of "live" and "people." Additionally, phrases like "new trend" and "big cities" could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary by using synonyms and more descriptive language. For example, instead of "big cities," alternatives like "metropolitan areas" or "urban centers" could be used. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help identify varied vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "heathcare sevice" (which should be "healthcare service") and "the relationship between parents and their kids is not close-knit" (which could be expressed more clearly). The phrase "the generation gap leads to slience treatment" is also unclear and could confuse readers. The term "numberous" is a misspelling of "numerous," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that terms are correctly spelled and used in context. For example, instead of "slience treatment," a clearer phrase could be "silent treatment." Reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that each word accurately conveys the intended meaning will help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "heathcare" (healthcare), "sevice" (service), "futhermore" (furthermore), "numberous" (numerous), "financiallly" (financially), and "lonliness" (loneliness). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and keeping a list of personal spelling challenges can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Moving away the family is becoming the new trend" and "Many people migrate to different cities to find better opportunities for their careers" are straightforward and lack complexity. The use of more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, is minimal.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "Many people migrate to different cities to find better opportunities for their careers," the writer could say, "Many people, seeking better career opportunities, choose to migrate to different cities where job prospects are more promising." Additionally, using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although many people move for job opportunities, they often face challenges related to loneliness") would add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "Moving away the family" should be "Moving away from the family," and "heathcare sevice has big, modern facilities" contains spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Punctuation is also inconsistent, such as the misuse of commas and the incorrect use of colons in "such as: heathcare sevice has big." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the relationship between parents and their kids is not close-knit with the generation gap leads to slience treatment," which is confusing and grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as prepositions and subject-verb agreement. It may be beneficial to practice writing sentences that adhere to standard grammatical rules, paying particular attention to the correct use of articles and plural forms. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for using commas, periods, and colons correctly. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Moving away from the family is becoming a prevalent trend and has numerous effects on individuals and their families. I will discuss the reasons and effects before presenting my opinion at the conclusion of this essay.

The first reason is job opportunities. Many people migrate to different cities to find better career prospects. Large companies require a significant number of employees and often offer reliable salaries, which are usually located in major cities. Therefore, individuals may choose to live in these urban areas to access more options and secure a better income.

Another reason is the higher quality of life. In big cities, there are high-quality, diverse services available, such as healthcare. Healthcare services in urban areas often feature large, modern facilities, and the doctors possess greater expertise than those in other regions. Consequently, people might move to enjoy a higher quality of life and a better environment for their overall development.

Furthermore, some individuals choose to live away due to their family dynamics. In certain families, the relationship between parents and their children is not close-knit, often due to a generation gap that leads to silence treatment and occasional arguments. When children are old enough, they may decide to live in other places to avoid conflicts.

The factors I mentioned lead to numerous effects on both individuals and families. Living away may enhance an individual’s independence, as they learn to manage various tasks alone, such as cooking, doing household chores, and managing their expenses. These are valuable and necessary skills for their lives and careers. However, living alone can also cause stress and loneliness, as they may lack emotional and motivational support from their families.

For families, supporting a member who lives far away can be financially taxing. For example, families with a child studying in a different city or country might have to cover expenses such as rent, tuition, and living costs, which can increase their financial burden.

Although living away can have many effects in some people’s eyes, for me, it represents freedom and a great environment to pursue my own desires without parental interference.