Organizing a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organizing a large family event and what solutions can you suggest?

Arranging a large family event can bring some challenges for the organizer. There are some problems that we should consider carefully before taking place a party. This means that we need to have a quality plan for the great event. In this essay, I will discuss a variety of issues that may happen and suggest some great advice that can solve them.
One of the main problems is budget management which we are difficult enough to plan. When we celebrate a large family event, we spend some money on a marriage ceremony, as well as unexpected expenses such as decorations, food, places, and clothes. This can create financial difficulties and people feel unhappy when attending the event. Moreover, we do not know the people attending the event. As this event is a huge family event, we will need to provide food and entertainment that is suitable for different age groups. For example, guests are not only very young but also elderly grandparents. Grandparents will be fond of a quiet atmosphere while children are very full of energy to disturb the party.
However, to address the budget management problem, it is necessary to make sure of a detailed plan from beginning to end of the party and estimate an expected expense. Besides that, we should list several factors such as clothes, food, and decorations… and analyze cost-saving measures such as a full wedding service package. Additionally, we should know exactly who will join the event to prepare some services that meet their needs. We should also ask for advice from guests throughout from party.
In summary, planning a huge family celebration is a great challenge, as well as meaningful memories. Although it brings some difficult issues such as budget management, food or entertainment services, we could address them by preparing plans carefully and suggesting several pieces of advice for elderly generations.

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Errors and Improvements:

"bring some challenges" -> "pose certain challenges"
Explanation: "Pose certain challenges" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"we should consider carefully before taking place a party" ->we must meticulously consider organizing an event"
: "Meticulously consider organizing an event" is more formal and accurately describes the action of planning an event, avoiding the awkward construction of "taking place a party."
"quality plan" -> "comprehensive plan"
Explanation: "Comprehensive plan" better conveys the idea of a detailed and thorough plan, aligning with a more formal academic style.
"great advice" -> "practical recommendations"
Explanation: "Practical recommendations" is more specific and formal than "great advice," fitting the academic context better.
"we are difficult enough to plan" -> "planning is sufficiently challenging"
Explanation: "Planning is sufficiently challenging" corrects the awkward and incorrect structure, making the sentence clearer and more formal.
"we spend some money on a marriage ceremony" -> "expenditures are incurred for a wedding ceremony"
Explanation: "Expenditures are incurred for a wedding ceremony" is more passive and formal, aligning with academic writing standards.
"people feel unhappy" -> "participants may experience dissatisfaction"
Explanation: "Participants may experience dissatisfaction" is more formal and provides a more precise description of the emotional response.
"we do not know the people attending" -> "the identities of the attendees are not always known"
Explanation: "The identities of the attendees are not always known" uses passive voice for formality and clarity in an academic context.
"very full of energy to disturb the party" -> "possess considerable energy, potentially disrupting the event"
Explanation: "Possess considerable energy, potentially disrupting the event" is more formal and accurately describes the potential impact of children’s energy on the event.
"make sure of a detailed plan" -> "ensure a detailed plan is in place"
Explanation: "Ensure a detailed plan is in place" is more direct and formal, fitting the context of academic writing better.
"Besides that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is more formal and is commonly used to introduce additional information in academic writing.
"analyze cost-saving measures" -> "evaluate cost-reduction strategies"
Explanation: "Evaluate cost-reduction strategies" is more formal and precise, better suiting an academic tone.
"ask for advice from guests throughout from party" -> "solicit feedback from guests throughout the event"
Explanation: "Solicit feedback from guests throughout the event" is more formal and accurately describes the action of seeking advice.
"planning a huge family celebration is a great challenge, as well as meaningful memories" -> "organizing a large family celebration presents significant challenges, in addition to creating meaningful memories"
Explanation: "Organizing a large family celebration presents significant challenges, in addition to creating meaningful memories" is clearer and more formal, improving the sentence structure and academic tone.
"suggesting several pieces of advice for elderly generations" -> "offering various recommendations for older generations"
Explanation: "Offering various recommendations for older generations" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "pieces of advice" and improving the academic quality of the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: identifying problems associated with organizing a large family event and suggesting solutions. It discusses budget management issues and the need to cater to diverse age groups attending the event.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific examples of potential problems and solutions. Additionally, ensure that each point is thoroughly elaborated to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the challenges involved in organizing such events.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the challenges of organizing a large family event and offers solutions to mitigate these challenges. The writer consistently emphasizes the importance of careful planning and consideration of attendees’ needs.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, explicitly state the writer’s viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs. This will ensure that the reader understands the writer’s perspective from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding budget management and catering to diverse age groups. However, some ideas lack depth and could be further developed to provide a more thorough analysis.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on each problem and solution by providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies to bolster the argument. Additionally, connect ideas more cohesively to create a seamless flow of thought throughout the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by addressing the challenges of organizing a large family event and proposing solutions. However, there are minor instances where the discussion slightly deviates.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic of organizing large family celebrations. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to addressing the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and offers viable solutions, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples, enhancing clarity of position, extending ideas, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay. By implementing these improvements, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the problems associated with organizing a large family event and offering solutions. However, the organization of information lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction briefly introduces the topic but does not clearly outline the issues to be discussed. The body paragraphs discuss budget management and catering to different age groups, but the transitions between these points are somewhat abrupt, leading to a disjointed flow. The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points but could be more cohesive.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more clearly. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the specific problems to be addressed. Then, dedicate each body paragraph to a distinct issue, such as budget management and accommodating diverse age groups, ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. Finally, reiterate the main points in the conclusion to reinforce coherence and cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the structure and effectiveness of these paragraphs could be improved. Each paragraph attempts to discuss a specific aspect of the topic, such as budget management or accommodating different age groups. However, the paragraphs lack depth and coherence, resulting in a disjointed presentation of ideas. Additionally, some paragraphs contain run-on sentences or repetitive phrases, impacting readability.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs that contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Ensure that each paragraph explores a single idea in-depth, providing examples or evidence to support arguments. Avoid run-on sentences and repetitiveness by varying sentence structure and vocabulary. Consider revising and refining each paragraph to improve clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices are limited. Transition words and phrases such as "however," "moreover," and "in summary" are used sporadically to indicate relationships between sentences or paragraphs. While these devices are somewhat effective, their usage is inconsistent, leading to occasional disruptions in the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Utilize transition words and phrases more consistently to establish logical connections between ideas and paragraphs. Examples include "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "conversely." Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to reinforce the relationship between sentences and ideas. Practicing the integration of these devices will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a moderate range of vocabulary, encompassing terms related to event planning, budget management, and family gatherings. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance lexical richness and precision. For instance, instead of frequently using generic terms like "event," "problem," and "solution," incorporating more specific vocabulary related to event planning, financial management, and familial relationships would enrich the essay’s vocabulary range.
- How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, consider incorporating specialized terms related to event management and financial planning, such as "logistics," "expenditure," "financial constraints," "multigenerational dynamics," etc. Additionally, utilizing synonyms and varied expressions for common concepts would enhance lexical diversity. For example, instead of repeatedly using "budget management," alternate with phrases like "financial planning" or "resource allocation."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some precision in vocabulary usage, such as "budget management," "elderly grandparents," and "cost-saving measures." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually appropriate. For instance, phrases like "people feel unhappy" could be refined to convey a more nuanced emotional state, and "elderly generations" might benefit from a more specific term to denote older family members.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Consider using adjectives and adverbs to provide specificity and nuance. For instance, instead of "people feel unhappy," consider phrases like "attendees experience dissatisfaction." Likewise, instead of "elderly generations," opt for a more precise term such as "senior relatives" or "aging family members."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are minor instances of misspelling, such as "taking place" (should be "taking into account") and "full of energy to disturb the party" (awkward phrasing). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading thoroughly before submission. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay. Furthermore, familiarize yourself with grammar and punctuation rules to improve overall clarity and coherence in writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is some variety in sentence length and complexity, such as simple and compound sentences, there is room for improvement in utilizing more complex structures like compound-complex sentences or the incorporation of introductory phrases and clauses for added clarity and sophistication. For instance, the essay predominantly uses simple sentence structures like "Arranging a large family event can bring some challenges for the organizer," which, while clear, could benefit from variation to enhance engagement and fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and fluency, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with using complex and compound-complex sentences to convey ideas with more depth and complexity. Introduce introductory phrases or dependent clauses to add sophistication and coherence to the writing. For example, instead of solely using simple sentences, try incorporating sentences like "While budget management poses a significant challenge for organizing large family events, careful planning and strategic decision-making can mitigate financial constraints."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, though there are occasional errors in subject-verb agreement ("budget management which we are difficult enough to plan") and article usage ("prepare some services that meet their needs"). Additionally, punctuation could be more precise, with instances of missing commas and improper comma placement affecting clarity and flow ("Moreover, we do not know the people attending the event"). However, the errors do not significantly impede comprehension, and the overall structure remains coherent.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring correct comma placement will enhance readability and coherence. Consider reviewing grammar and punctuation rules, and practice applying them in writing exercises. Additionally, reading more English texts can help internalize proper grammatical structures and punctuation conventions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, further development in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills will contribute to achieving higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

Organizing a large family celebration, such as a wedding, can pose certain challenges for the organizer. It’s essential to have a comprehensive plan in place to address potential issues effectively. In this essay, I will outline some common problems associated with such events and offer practical recommendations to overcome them.

One significant challenge is managing the budget, which can be particularly daunting. When planning a large family event like a wedding, expenditures are incurred for various aspects such as the ceremony, decorations, food, venue, and attire. These unexpected costs can strain finances and lead to dissatisfaction among attendees. Furthermore, the identities of all the attendees may not always be known, necessitating provision for a diverse range of guests, including both young children and elderly relatives. While children possess considerable energy, potentially disrupting the event, elderly guests may prefer a quieter atmosphere.

To address budget management concerns, it’s crucial to ensure a detailed plan is in place from the outset, including an estimation of expenses. It’s also prudent to evaluate cost-reduction strategies, such as opting for package deals for wedding services. Additionally, knowing the demographics of the attendees can help tailor services to meet their needs. Soliciting feedback from guests throughout the event can also help address any issues promptly.

In conclusion, organizing a large family celebration presents significant challenges, in addition to creating meaningful memories. However, by meticulously planning and offering various recommendations, including considerations for older generations, these challenges can be effectively mitigated.