Several studies indicate that brain drain phenomenon has become a common trend in developing countries. It means that many developing countries continually lose a significant number of high-level educated workers, especially scientists, engineers, academics, and physicians, who decide to move and stay abroad in more developed countries in search of higher income and a better standard of living. It is believed that this phenomenon causes a huge financial loss to the home countries. Thus, it is important to the home countries to find the solution to overcome this problem immediately. Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the causes of brain drain and suggest several solutions to solve the problem. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar

Several studies indicate that brain drain phenomenon has become a common trend in developing countries. It means that many developing countries continually lose a significant number of high-level educated workers, especially scientists, engineers, academics, and physicians, who decide to move and stay abroad in more developed countries in search of higher income and a better standard of living. It is believed that this phenomenon causes a huge financial loss to the home countries. Thus, it is important to the home countries to find the solution to overcome this problem immediately.
Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the causes of brain drain and suggest several solutions to solve the problem. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar

It is widely observed that the brain drain phenomenon has emerged as a prevalent trend in developing countries, posing a significant challenge to their socio-economic development. This state of affairs can be attributed to a multitude of factors and several feasible solutions that can be implemented to address this issue will be discussed in this essay
There are two main contributors to the fact that the issue of brain drain has increasingly become a prevalent trend in many developing countries. The primary reason behind the widespread brain drain from developing nations is the allure of significantly higher salaries and superior living conditions available in developed nation. Specifically, these nations offer advanced infrastructure and state-of-the-art facilities, which attract skilled professionals such as engineers, academics, and scientists, enabling them to pursue more rewarding and enriched careers. Furthermore, highly trained professionals in developed countries benefit from enhanced career prospects due to the presence of numerous prestigious corporations. These organizations offer superior employment opportunities, leading to well-paying positions and substantial prospects for career advancement.
As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like, I am convinced that these problems could be addressed if the following strategies are adopted. To begin with, governments must commit to allocating additional funds towards enhancing living conditions, improving the education system and ensuring political stability. Such strategic investments will not only contribute to the overall well-being of citizens but also foster an environment conducive to sustainable development and societal progress. "Additionally, a sustainable solution involves authorities encouraging businesses to offer better working conditions and job opportunities for highly qualified professionals, such as flexible schedules, competitive salaries, and remote work options. This approach enhances employee satisfaction, leading to higher retention rates and increased productivity, which in turn helps companies attract top talent, improve competitiveness, and drive national economic growth."
In conclusion, issues arising from the brain drain phenomenon in developing countries are indeed problematic. Nonetheless, I believe that these issues could be effectively addressed if the proposed methods are implemented.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is widely observed" -> "It is commonly observed"
   Explanation: "Commonly" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "widely" in this context, as it implies a general prevalence without the emotional connotation of "widely."

2. "a multitude of factors" -> "a variety of factors"
   Explanation: "A multitude" can be seen as slightly informal and vague; "a variety" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing to describe a range of factors.

3. "several feasible solutions that can be implemented to address this issue will be discussed" -> "several feasible solutions to address this issue will be discussed"
   Explanation: Removing "that can be implemented" simplifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone, as it is implied that the discussion will involve the implementation of these solutions.

4. "The primary reason behind the widespread brain drain from developing nations is the allure of significantly higher salaries and superior living conditions available in developed nation." -> "The primary reason for the widespread brain drain from developing nations is the attraction of significantly higher salaries and superior living conditions in developed nations."
   Explanation: "Attraction" is more precise than "allure," which can be seen as slightly informal. Also, "developed nations" is grammatically correct compared to "developed nation."

5. "enabling them to pursue more rewarding and enriched careers" -> "enabling them to pursue more rewarding and fulfilling careers"
   Explanation: "Fulfilling" is a more formal and precise term than "enriched," which can be vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

6. "As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like" -> "As concerning as the aforementioned issues may seem"
   Explanation: "As concerning as" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "As worrying as," which is more conversational.

7. "I am convinced that these problems could be addressed if the following strategies are adopted" -> "It is believed that these issues could be addressed if the following strategies are implemented"
   Explanation: Replacing "I am convinced" with "It is believed" removes the personal tone and enhances the objectivity and formality of the statement. "Implemented" is also more precise than "adopted" in this context.

8. "Such strategic investments will not only contribute to the overall well-being of citizens but also foster an environment conducive to sustainable development and societal progress." -> "Such strategic investments will not only enhance the overall well-being of citizens but also create an environment conducive to sustainable development and societal progress."
   Explanation: "Enhance" is more precise than "contribute," and "create" is more formal than "foster" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

9. "Additionally, a sustainable solution involves authorities encouraging businesses to offer better working conditions and job opportunities for highly qualified professionals" -> "Furthermore, a sustainable solution involves authorities incentivizing businesses to provide better working conditions and job opportunities for highly qualified professionals"
   Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Additionally," and "incentivizing" is more precise than "encouraging" in the context of policy measures.

10. "This approach enhances employee satisfaction, leading to higher retention rates and increased productivity" -> "This approach enhances employee satisfaction, thereby leading to higher retention rates and increased productivity"
    Explanation: "Thereby" adds a formal and causal link between the actions and their outcomes, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the causes of brain drain and suggesting several solutions. The causes are clearly articulated, with a focus on higher salaries and better living conditions in developed countries. The solutions proposed, such as government investment in living conditions and education, as well as encouraging businesses to improve working conditions, are relevant and well thought out. However, while the essay mentions multiple causes and solutions, it could benefit from a more structured approach that explicitly separates and elaborates on each cause and solution.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly list the causes and solutions in the introduction and then dedicate separate paragraphs to each. This would provide clearer organization and allow for deeper exploration of each point.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the seriousness of the brain drain phenomenon and the need for solutions. The writer expresses a conviction that the problems can be addressed, which is consistent throughout the essay. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother to reinforce the connection between the two sections.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the causes to the proposed solutions. For instance, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "Given these challenges, it is imperative that…" would create a stronger connection.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, particularly regarding the reasons for brain drain. The mention of specific professionals and the benefits they seek in developed countries adds depth to the argument. However, while the solutions are relevant, they could be further extended with examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. For instance, citing a specific country that has successfully implemented similar strategies would enhance credibility.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate how the proposed solutions have worked in practice. This would not only support the ideas presented but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of brain drain throughout, discussing both causes and solutions without deviating into unrelated areas. The writer maintains relevance to the prompt, which is commendable. However, there are minor instances where the language could be more concise to avoid any potential ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should review each paragraph to ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Eliminating any redundant phrases or overly complex sentences will enhance clarity and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the issues and potential solutions related to brain drain in developing countries. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity, depth, and persuasiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction succinctly outlines the topic and sets the stage for the discussion. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with the first paragraph focusing on the causes of brain drain and the second on potential solutions. Each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument. For instance, the transition from discussing the allure of higher salaries to the need for improved living conditions is smooth and coherent.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points within paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from one cause to another, phrases like "In addition to higher salaries, another significant factor is…" can help clarify the relationship between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, maintaining focus and clarity. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, providing a clear framework for the essay. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on government actions and the other on business strategies. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider the complexity of the ideas being presented. If a paragraph contains multiple solutions or points, it may be beneficial to split it into smaller paragraphs. Each new paragraph should ideally begin with a transition that connects it to the previous one while also introducing the new idea. For instance, after discussing government funding, a new paragraph could start with, "In addition to government initiatives, businesses also play a crucial role in retaining talent."

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices effectively, such as "Furthermore," "To begin with," and "Additionally," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices enhance the readability of the essay and guide the reader through the author’s reasoning. However, while the use of cohesive devices is strong, there is room for greater variety and sophistication in their application.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking phrases and transitional words. For example, using phrases like "On the other hand," when contrasting ideas or "Consequently," when discussing the results of a proposed solution can add depth to the writing. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive narrative.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for refinement in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of brain drain. Terms such as "socio-economic development," "advanced infrastructure," and "prestigious corporations" effectively convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "developing countries" and "brain drain," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "developing countries," you could use "less developed nations" or "emerging economies." Additionally, integrating more varied expressions related to the economic implications of brain drain could further enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "superior living conditions" is somewhat vague; while it conveys a general idea, it lacks specificity about what those conditions entail. Similarly, "well-paying positions" could be more precisely described as "highly compensated roles" to better reflect the economic context.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, aim to use more specific terms that clearly define the concepts being discussed. For example, instead of "superior living conditions," you might specify "affordable housing, quality healthcare, and access to education." This specificity will help convey your ideas more clearly and effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors. Words like "phenomenon," "attractive," and "strategic" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain this level of attention to detail. Regularly practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce this skill. Additionally, proofreading your work for any overlooked errors can further ensure spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay could reach an even higher level of proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "the allure of significantly higher salaries and superior living conditions available in developed nations" showcases the writer’s ability to construct intricate ideas effectively. Additionally, the transition phrases such as "To begin with" and "As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like" indicate a good command of linking ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for instance, the essay relies heavily on declarative sentences, which may limit the dynamism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more rhetorical questions, conditional clauses, or participial phrases. For example, instead of stating "governments must commit to allocating additional funds," the writer could rephrase it to "If governments were to commit to allocating additional funds, they could significantly improve living conditions." This approach would not only diversify sentence structures but also engage the reader more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "in developed nation" should be corrected to "in developed nations" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the sentence "As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like" is slightly awkward; the phrase "sound like" is unnecessary and could be omitted for clarity. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved, such as the missing comma before "and ensuring political stability" in the list of strategies.
  • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay to catch minor errors and awkward phrasing. It would also be beneficial to practice identifying common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, especially in complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. For instance, ensuring that lists are punctuated correctly will help maintain clarity and flow.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely observed that the brain drain phenomenon has emerged as a prevalent trend in developing countries, posing a significant challenge to their socio-economic development. This state of affairs can be attributed to a multitude of factors, and several feasible solutions that can be implemented to address this issue will be discussed in this essay.

There are two main contributors to the fact that the issue of brain drain has increasingly become a prevalent trend in many developing countries. The primary reason for the widespread brain drain from developing nations is the allure of significantly higher salaries and superior living conditions available in developed nations. Specifically, these nations offer advanced infrastructure and state-of-the-art facilities, which attract skilled professionals such as engineers, academics, and scientists, enabling them to pursue more rewarding and fulfilling careers. Furthermore, highly trained professionals in developed countries benefit from enhanced career prospects due to the presence of numerous prestigious corporations. These organizations offer superior employment opportunities, leading to well-paying positions and substantial prospects for career advancement.

As concerning as the aforementioned issues may seem, I am convinced that these problems could be addressed if the following strategies are adopted. To begin with, governments must commit to allocating additional funds towards enhancing living conditions, improving the education system, and ensuring political stability. Such strategic investments will not only enhance the overall well-being of citizens but also create an environment conducive to sustainable development and societal progress. Additionally, a sustainable solution involves authorities incentivizing businesses to provide better working conditions and job opportunities for highly qualified professionals, such as flexible schedules, competitive salaries, and remote work options. This approach enhances employee satisfaction, thereby leading to higher retention rates and increased productivity, which in turn helps companies attract top talent, improve competitiveness, and drive national economic growth.

In conclusion, issues arising from the brain drain phenomenon in developing countries are indeed problematic. Nonetheless, I believe that these issues could be effectively addressed if the proposed methods are implemented.