Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there are various courses designed for children, including learning to play musical instruments such as pianos or violins. Some educationalists believe that it is essential for each child to acquire this skill. While being taught the way to use a musical instrument is valid to a certain extent, I believe that it is not suitable for all children and may cause stress and waste time.

On the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why minors should learn to play at least one musical instrument. Firstly, playing a musical instrument from a young age can support children with high concentration which is beneficial to other academic performances. Therefore, a lot of parents tend to invest money in order to seek instrument learning courses for juveniles. Secondly, learning to play a musical instrument plays an important role in developing musical talents. That is because children endowed with musical intelligence have an opportunity to achieve their full potential.

On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits, I would contend that requiring all children to learn a musical tool can do more harm than good because not everyone has an aptitude for that. Forcing a minor to attend a piano course can make him or her suffer from stress. As a result, this may affect children’s mental health. Hence, it is better to allow a child to acquire whatever they feel interested in. Furthermore, once learning a musical tool is ineffective for a juvenile, it will be time-consuming. For example, instead of attending musical lessons, children can spend more time cultivating their skills in other subjects namely languages, maths or computer science.

In conclusion, even though the potential benefits of learning to play a musical instrument make it seem like a good idea, I believe it is not designed for every single child and can bring drawbacks in the end.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"educationalists" -> "educational experts"
Explanation: "Educational experts" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes professionals in the field of education, enhancing the academic tone.
"the way to use a musical instrument" -> "the skills of playing a musical instrument"
Explanation: "The skills of playing a musical instrument" is more specific and formal, focusing on the abilities involved rather than the general term "the way."
"valid to a certain extent" -> "justifiable to some extent"
Explanation: "Justifiable" is more academically precise than "valid," which can be vague in this context, and "to some extent" is a more formal expression.
"not suitable for all children" -> "not universally beneficial for all children"
Explanation: "Not universally beneficial" clarifies that the statement applies to all children, enhancing the precision and formality of the argument.
"may cause stress and waste time" -> "may induce stress and be time-consuming"
Explanation: "Induce stress" and "be time-consuming" are more precise and formal terms, improving the academic tone.
"minors" -> "children"
Explanation: While "minors" is technically correct, "children" is more commonly used in educational contexts and is less formal, which may be preferred in this essay.
"support children with high concentration" -> "enhance children’s concentration"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "support," and "children’s concentration" is grammatically correct.
"a lot of parents tend to invest money" -> "many parents choose to invest"
Explanation: "Many parents choose to invest" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "a lot of."
"learning to play a musical instrument plays an important role" -> "learning to play a musical instrument is crucial"
Explanation: "Is crucial" strengthens the statement with a more emphatic and formal adverb.
"endowed with musical intelligence" -> "possessing musical aptitude"
Explanation: "Possessing musical aptitude" is a more precise and formal way to describe natural ability in music.
"have an opportunity to achieve their full potential" -> "can realize their full potential"
Explanation: "Can realize their full potential" is a more direct and formal expression.
"do more harm than good" -> "pose more risks than benefits"
Explanation: "Pose more risks than benefits" is a more precise and formal way to discuss potential negative outcomes.
"a musical tool" -> "a musical instrument"
Explanation: "Instrument" is the correct term, not "tool," which is inappropriate in this context.
"make him or her suffer from stress" -> "cause stress in them"
Explanation: "Cause stress in them" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "make him or her suffer from."
"allow a child to acquire whatever they feel interested in" -> "permit children to pursue their interests"
Explanation: "Permit children to pursue their interests" is more formal and avoids the informal "whatever they feel interested in."
"learning a musical tool" -> "learning to play a musical instrument"
Explanation: Corrects the misuse of "tool" and clarifies the activity being discussed.
"cultivating their skills in other subjects namely languages, maths or computer science" -> "developing their skills in other subjects such as languages, mathematics, or computer science"
Explanation: "Developing their skills" is more precise than "cultivating," and "mathematics" should be capitalized, and "or" should be used instead of "namely" for proper conjunction use.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether every child should be taught to play a musical instrument. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, indicating a partial agreement. The body paragraphs present arguments for both the benefits of learning an instrument and the drawbacks of mandating it for all children. However, the essay could have provided a more nuanced view of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees, as it primarily focuses on the negative aspects in the second half.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, including more balanced arguments that explore the benefits in greater detail would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that not all children should be required to learn a musical instrument. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The first body paragraph presents the benefits of learning an instrument but does not clearly link back to the writer’s overall stance against mandatory music education for all children.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly connect the benefits discussed in the first body paragraph to the overall argument. For instance, they could acknowledge that while learning an instrument has advantages, these do not justify making it compulsory for every child.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of concentration and talent development, as well as the potential stress and time-wasting associated with mandatory music education. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "high concentration" could be elaborated with specific examples or research findings to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could include statistics or studies that demonstrate the impact of music education on academic performance or mental health, thereby providing stronger support for their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of teaching musical instruments to children. However, the phrase "cultivating their skills in other subjects namely languages, maths or computer science" in the second body paragraph introduces new subjects that, while relevant, could distract from the main focus on music education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme of music education. Instead of listing other subjects, they could discuss how music education specifically competes with other forms of learning or extracurricular activities, thereby keeping the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more developed arguments, and a tighter focus on the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments for and against teaching children to play musical instruments are logically organized, with the first body paragraph discussing the benefits and the second addressing the drawbacks. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the benefits to the drawbacks could be more explicitly stated to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on the points made. For example, while it mentions stress and time consumption, providing a more detailed example or explanation could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also develops it fully. This can be achieved by including specific examples or elaborating on the implications of the points made. For instance, when discussing stress, you could include statistics or studies that illustrate the impact of forced learning on children’s mental health.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. The essay relies heavily on basic connectors and could benefit from more varied language to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Nevertheless," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "musical instrument," you might refer to it as "this skill" or "such activities" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving its overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of music education. Phrases such as "compelling reasons," "high concentration," "musical talents," and "aptitude" reflect a solid command of lexical variety. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the term "musical tool" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term like "musical instrument."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "musical instrument," consider using "musical device," "musical apparatus," or "musical medium." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to music education could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are a few instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "learning to play a musical tool" is less precise than "learning to play a musical instrument." Furthermore, the term "juveniles" is used, which is more commonly associated with legal contexts rather than educational discussions about children.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context. Replacing "musical tool" with "musical instrument" and using "children" or "young learners" instead of "juveniles" would enhance clarity. Additionally, the writer could benefit from using more specific adjectives to describe the benefits of learning an instrument, such as "cognitive benefits" instead of just "beneficial."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that would detract from understanding. Words like "essential," "concentration," and "potential" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a good grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "While being taught the way to use a musical instrument is valid to a certain extent, I believe that it is not suitable for all children…" showcases a complex structure that effectively contrasts two ideas. Additionally, the phrase "despite the aforementioned benefits" indicates a sophisticated use of transitional phrases. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "children" and "musical instrument" in close proximity can lead to a lack of variety in expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "children," you could use "youngsters," "students," or "youth." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "learning to play a musical tool" should be "learning to play a musical instrument," as "tool" is not the appropriate term in this context. Additionally, the sentence "As a result, this may affect children’s mental health" could be clearer if rephrased to specify how it affects mental health. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which is beneficial to other academic performances."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial to proofread the essay for common errors and ensure that the correct terminology is used. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning and improve overall coherence. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there are various courses designed for children, including learning to play musical instruments such as pianos or violins. Some educational experts believe that it is essential for each child to acquire this skill. While being taught how to use a musical instrument is justifiable to some extent, I believe that it is not suitable for all children and may induce stress and waste time.

On the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why children should learn to play at least one musical instrument. Firstly, playing a musical instrument from a young age can enhance children’s concentration, which is beneficial for their performance in other academic subjects. Therefore, many parents choose to invest money in order to seek instrument learning courses for their children. Secondly, learning to play a musical instrument plays an important role in developing musical talents. This is because children possessing musical aptitude have an opportunity to realize their full potential.

On the other hand, despite the aforementioned benefits, I would contend that requiring all children to learn a musical instrument can pose more risks than benefits because not everyone has an aptitude for it. Forcing a child to attend a piano course can cause stress in them. As a result, this may affect children’s mental health. Hence, it is better to permit a child to pursue their interests. Furthermore, when learning to play a musical instrument is ineffective for a child, it will be time-consuming. For example, instead of attending musical lessons, children can spend more time developing their skills in other subjects such as languages, mathematics, or computer science.

In conclusion, even though the potential benefits of learning to play a musical instrument make it seem like a good idea, I believe it is not universally beneficial for all children and can bring drawbacks in the end.