Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, primary school is a suitable time for children to take up learning a foreign language more than secondary school, according to some professional's opinion. And as far as I am concerned, the trend of accessing a new language at an early age has more positive outcomes than negative outcomes.

Overall,it is clear that there are some merits of early language learning for kids. In the first place, their brains are still gradually developed so when mother tongue and foreign language are met. It is not hard to mix together, access information from many different foreign languages. As an example, a variety of family forms on social media teach their kids about all the parents’ knowledge when children are just under one years old. In the second place, many couple of parents believed that in this age, children are easily increase concentration to collect information, education become convenient more than teenagers. In the future, their youngsters would not have any language barrier, thus the ability to communicate fluently, they feel confident when getting out of their comfort zone.

On the contrary, there are some disadvantages for youngsters. Language disorder is one of the significant issues. Besides,when children communicate with family, friends become more intricate. For instance , parents want their children to know at least one more foreign language. Hence, they chased this trend that forgot the needs of fluent culture in our hometown,our mother tongue.

In conclusion, some specialists agree that learning a new language is not good for children, but thanks to the right education of parents, teachers will build a bright career for children in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "primary school is a suitable time" -> "primary school is an optimal time"
   Explanation: "Optimal" is a more precise and formal term than "suitable," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

3. "according to some professional’s opinion" -> "according to the opinions of some professionals"
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies that the opinions are from multiple professionals, not just one.

4. "the trend of accessing a new language" -> "the trend of learning a new language"
   Explanation: "Learning" is the correct verb for the context of acquiring a language, replacing the less common and awkward "accessing."

5. "has more positive outcomes than negative outcomes" -> "offers more benefits than drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Offers more benefits than drawbacks" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison of advantages and disadvantages.

6. "brains are still gradually developed" -> "brains are still developing"
   Explanation: "Developing" is the correct gerund form needed in this context, improving grammatical accuracy.

7. "when mother tongue and foreign language are met" -> "when the mother tongue and foreign languages intersect"
   Explanation: "Intersect" is a more precise and formal term than "are met," which is vague and informal.

8. "It is not hard to mix together" -> "It is not difficult to combine"
   Explanation: "Combine" is a more formal and precise term than "mix together," which is colloquial.

9. "a variety of family forms on social media" -> "various family profiles on social media"
   Explanation: "Profiles" is the correct term for online identities, replacing the vague and incorrect "forms."

10. "when children are just under one years old" -> "when children are just one year old"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the intended meaning.

11. "many couple of parents believed" -> "many parents believe"
    Explanation: "Believe" is the correct verb form for the present tense, and "many couple of" is grammatically incorrect.

12. "increase concentration to collect information" -> "enhance their concentration to gather information"
    Explanation: "Enhance" and "gather" are more precise and formal than "increase" and "collect," respectively.

13. "education become convenient more than teenagers" -> "education becomes more convenient than for teenagers"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the comparison.

14. "their youngsters would not have any language barrier" -> "they would not face any language barriers"
    Explanation: "Face" is the correct verb for encountering challenges, and "barriers" is plural to match the context.

15. "getting out of their comfort zone" -> "venturing beyond their comfort zones"
    Explanation: "Venturing beyond" is a more formal and precise phrase than "getting out of," which is colloquial.

16. "Language disorder is one of the significant issues" -> "Language disorders are significant issues"
    Explanation: "Disorders" should be plural to match the generalization, and "are" is the correct linking verb.

17. "when children communicate with family, friends become more intricate" -> "when children communicate with family and friends, relationships become more complex"
    Explanation: "Relationships" is a more specific term than "friends," and "complex" is more appropriate than "intricate" in this context.

18. "parents want their children to know at least one more foreign language" -> "parents wish their children to learn at least one additional foreign language"
    Explanation: "Wish" and "learn" are more formal and precise than "want" and "know," and "additional" is more specific than "more."

19. "chased this trend that forgot the needs of fluent culture in our hometown,our mother tongue" -> "pursued this trend, which neglected the importance of our native culture and language"
    Explanation: "Pursued" is more formal than "chased," and "neglected the importance of" is a clearer and more formal expression than "forgot the needs of."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of learning a foreign language at an early age. However, the response lacks depth in analyzing the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. For instance, while it mentions positive outcomes such as improved communication skills and cognitive development, it does not provide a thorough exploration of the disadvantages, particularly in terms of how they might impact a child’s overall development.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should explicitly weigh the advantages against the disadvantages. A more structured approach could involve clearly stating the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another, followed by a concluding paragraph that evaluates which side has more merit based on the evidence presented.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position favoring early language learning, but the clarity diminishes in the body paragraphs. For example, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages is abrupt, which may confuse readers about the author’s stance. Additionally, phrases like "some specialists agree that learning a new language is not good for children" contradict the earlier position and create ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument can help. For example, after discussing disadvantages, the author could reiterate why the advantages still prevail, thus reinforcing their overall stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as cognitive benefits and potential language disorders, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient examples. The mention of social media as a tool for language learning is vague and lacks specific evidence or elaboration on how it contributes to language acquisition.
  • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing cognitive benefits, they could include studies or expert opinions that support the claim. Additionally, extending ideas with further elaboration will enhance the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion of language disorders and cultural fluency. The mention of parents forgetting the needs of the mother tongue, while relevant, could be better connected to the main argument about early language learning.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages and disadvantages of early language learning. Creating a clear outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the central argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a basic argument, it requires more depth, clarity, and organization to achieve a higher band score. By addressing these areas, the writer can create a more compelling and coherent response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of early language learning, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The points are generally well-structured, with the advantages discussed first, followed by the disadvantages. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of early language learning to the disadvantages feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking phrase.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to clearly signal shifts between advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, helping the reader to follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be broken down further for clarity. For instance, the discussion about children’s cognitive development and social media could be separated into distinct paragraphs to allow for deeper exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Aim for a clear structure within each paragraph, focusing on one main idea per paragraph. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, create one paragraph discussing cognitive benefits and another addressing social media’s role in language learning.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In the first place" and "On the contrary," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the phrase "many couple of parents believed" is awkward and disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "Moreover," and "However." Also, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clear; for example, revise "many couple of parents believed" to "many parents believe." This will improve clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "take up learning a foreign language" and "language disorder" indicate an attempt to use specific terms related to the topic. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the repeated use of "children" and "language." Additionally, phrases like "couple of parents" and "many couple of parents" are awkward and do not effectively convey the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," alternatives like "youngsters," "kids," or "students" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "language acquisition" or "bilingualism" could add depth to the discussion.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable imprecisions. For instance, "accessing a new language" is somewhat vague; it would be clearer to say "learning a new language." The phrase "many couple of parents" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Furthermore, "the ability to communicate fluently, they feel confident" lacks clarity and proper structure.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical correctness. Instead of "accessing a new language," using "learning a new language" or "acquiring a new language" would be more precise. Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "the ability to communicate fluently, they feel confident" to "this fluency boosts their confidence," would enhance understanding.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "professional’s opinion" (should be "professionals’ opinion"), "increase concentration" (should be "increased concentration"), and "forgot the needs of fluent culture" (should be "forgot the needs of fluency in our culture"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or flashcards. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards improving their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "In the first place, their brains are still gradually developed so when mother tongue and foreign language are met" lacks complexity and clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the trend of accessing a new language at an early age has more positive outcomes than negative outcomes" are somewhat repetitive and could benefit from varied construction.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "their brains are still gradually developed," you could say, "because their brains are still developing, children can more easily learn a foreign language alongside their mother tongue." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "according to some professional’s opinion" incorrectly uses the possessive form; it should be "professionals’ opinions" or "according to some professionals." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a space after "Overall," and missing commas in sentences like "Besides,when children communicate with family, friends become more intricate," which should read "Besides, when children communicate with family and friends, it becomes more intricate."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation placement. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help. For example, revising "many couple of parents believed that in this age, children are easily increase concentration" to "many parents believe that at this age, children can easily increase their concentration" corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly raise the band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, primary school is an optimal time for children to begin learning a foreign language rather than waiting until secondary school, according to the opinions of some professionals. In my view, the trend of learning a new language at an early age offers more benefits than drawbacks.

Overall, it is clear that there are several advantages to early language learning for kids. Firstly, their brains are still developing, so when the mother tongue and foreign languages intersect, it is not difficult to combine them and access information from various languages. For example, various family profiles on social media expose children to their parents’ knowledge when they are just one year old. Secondly, many parents believe that at this age, children can enhance their concentration to gather information, making education more convenient than for teenagers. In the future, these youngsters would not face any language barriers, thus enabling them to communicate fluently and feel confident when venturing beyond their comfort zones.

On the contrary, there are some disadvantages for youngsters. Language disorders are significant issues that can arise. Additionally, when children communicate with family and friends, relationships become more complex. For instance, parents wish their children to learn at least one additional foreign language. However, in pursuing this trend, they may neglect the importance of our native culture and language.

In conclusion, while some specialists argue that learning a new language is not beneficial for children, I believe that with the right guidance from parents and teachers, children can build a bright future through language education.