Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believes that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Teenagers have to face an issue that they get a job or continute with their study after graduating high school. While some people think that students should get a job straight after school, I would argue that it is more beneficial for teenagers to attend university.
On the one hand, taking a job as soon as leaving high school would be considered by many young people for some reasons. Firstly, they are more independent by making money from their jobs. They can cover their expenses like electrical bills or water bills and maybe even help out their families. Secondly, working offers people real-life experiences to train them to be mature. They know how to solve problems flexibly and responsibility. Additionally, they can be attractive to employers because of their experience to work efficiently with less training time.
On the other hand, attending university is a good way for people to achieve success in their lives. Firstly, they can actually gain academic qualifications. These qualifications show employers that they know a lot about their fields. Going to college also helps them learn how to think critically and solve problems, which are important skills for for all employees. Secondly, college is a place where they can discover new interests and meet people from different backgrounds, which can help them grow as individuals. Additionally, going to college opens up many opportunities for young people to rich their goals and have a successful future.
In conclusion, while getting a job after high school has some benefits, I would strongly agree that teenagers should study at university or college to have a successful career.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Teenagers have to face an issue that they get a job or continute with their study" -> "Teenagers face the dilemma of whether to pursue employment or continue their studies"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"get a job straight after school" -> "secure employment immediately after graduation"
Explanation: "Secure employment" is a more formal and precise term than "get a job," and "immediately after graduation" is more specific than "straight after school."
"I would argue that it is more beneficial for teenagers to attend university" -> "I contend that it is more advantageous for teenagers to pursue higher education"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal verb than "argue," and "pursue higher education" is a more precise and formal way to refer to attending university.
"taking a job as soon as leaving high school" -> "securing employment immediately after leaving high school"
Explanation: "Securing employment" is a more formal expression than "taking a job," and "immediately after leaving" is more precise than "as soon as leaving."
"they are more independent by making money from their jobs" -> "they become more financially independent by earning income from their employment"
Explanation: "Become more financially independent" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea, and "earning income from their employment" is more precise than "making money from their jobs."
"cover their expenses like electrical bills or water bills" -> "cover expenses such as electricity and water bills"
Explanation: "Such as" is more formal than "like," and listing specific examples without "like" enhances the formality of the text.
"maybe even help out their families" -> "possibly even assist their families"
Explanation: "Possibly even assist" is more formal and precise than "maybe even help out," aligning better with academic style.
"working offers people real-life experiences to train them to be mature" -> "working provides individuals with real-life experiences that help them mature"
Explanation: "Provides individuals with" is more formal than "offers people," and "help them mature" is a more precise and formal way to express the outcome of real-life experiences.
"they can be attractive to employers because of their experience to work efficiently with less training time" -> "they become attractive to employers due to their ability to work efficiently with minimal training"
Explanation: "Become attractive" and "due to their ability" are more formal and precise than "can be attractive" and "because of their experience."
"attending university is a good way for people to achieve success in their lives" -> "attending university is an effective means for individuals to achieve success in their lives"
Explanation: "An effective means" is a more formal and precise phrase than "a good way," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in formal academic writing.
"Going to college also helps them learn how to think critically and solve problems, which are important skills for for all employees." -> "Attending college also enables them to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills, essential for all employees."
Explanation: "Enables them to develop" is more formal than "helps them learn," and "essential" is more precise than "important."
"going to college opens up many opportunities for young people to rich their goals" -> "attending college offers numerous opportunities for young people to achieve their goals"
Explanation: "Offers numerous opportunities" is more formal than "opens up many opportunities," and "achieve their goals" is grammatically correct compared to "rich their goals."
"have a successful career" -> "pursue a successful career"
Explanation: "Pursue" is more active and formal than "have," aligning better with the context of striving for a career.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether to pursue higher education or enter the workforce immediately after high school. The author presents the viewpoint of those who advocate for immediate employment, highlighting benefits such as financial independence and real-life experience. Conversely, the essay also articulates the advantages of attending university, including gaining academic qualifications and personal development. Each viewpoint is discussed adequately, demonstrating a balanced approach to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the counterarguments. For instance, the author could include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the success rates of individuals who chose either path. This would provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position favoring university education throughout the essay. The thesis statement is direct, and the conclusion reiterates this stance effectively. However, the transition between discussing both views and the final opinion could be smoother to reinforce the author’s perspective more strongly.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the discussion of both views back to their own opinion. For example, phrases like "Despite these benefits of immediate employment, I believe…" would help in reinforcing the author’s position and making it more prominent throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as financial independence and personal growth through work, as well as the importance of academic qualifications and critical thinking skills gained through university. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the mention of "real-life experiences" lacks specific examples that could illustrate how these experiences translate into career success.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide concrete examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing specific professions that require a degree or discussing statistics on employment rates for college graduates versus those without degrees would enhance the argument’s depth and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the merits of both education and immediate employment. However, there are minor deviations, such as the vague mention of "rich their goals," which could be interpreted as slightly off-topic or unclear in its intent.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all statements are directly relevant to the central argument. Clarifying ambiguous phrases and ensuring that each point ties back to the main discussion will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and supporting details. By addressing these areas, the author can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of entering the workforce immediately after high school, while the second body paragraph discusses the advantages of attending university. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from one perspective to the other feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand." Additionally, incorporating a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the main idea before transitioning to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing the advantages of immediate employment and the second focusing on the benefits of higher education. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should ideally summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs while reiterating the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is not just a reiteration of the opinion but also encapsulates the main arguments presented in the body. This can be achieved by briefly summarizing the key points from both sides before restating the opinion, thus providing a more rounded closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Additionally," which help in organizing ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "for all employees" and "to rich their goals" contain errors that detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Moreover," to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and that sentences are grammatically accurate to maintain clarity. Proofreading for common errors, such as "rich" instead of "reach," will also improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner, addressing the suggestions above will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "independent," "academic qualifications," and "critical thinking." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "get a job" and "attend university," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. The use of phrases like "real-life experiences" and "successful career" indicates an understanding of relevant vocabulary, but the overall range is not extensive enough to achieve a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "get a job," alternatives like "enter the workforce" or "pursue employment" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "higher education" instead of "attend university" would diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "solve problems flexibly and responsibility" is awkward; "responsibility" should be "responsibly" to maintain grammatical accuracy. Furthermore, "rich their goals" is incorrect; the intended phrase is likely "reach their goals." Such errors can confuse readers and detract from the overall message.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and context. Reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that word forms (e.g., adjectives, adverbs) are used correctly will enhance clarity. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find the most appropriate words can help in selecting precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "continute" (continue), "electrical bills" (should be "utility bills" for broader context), and "for for" (repetition). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from peers or instructors, can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will be essential for achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For example, the sentence "They know how to solve problems flexibly and responsibility" lacks complexity and could benefit from a more varied structure.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of saying "They can cover their expenses like electrical bills or water bills," you could say, "By taking a job, they can cover their expenses, such as electrical and water bills, which fosters independence." Additionally, using a wider range of conjunctions and relative clauses can help create more sophisticated sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "while some people think that students should get a job straight after school, I would argue that it is more beneficial for teenagers to attend university" is clear, but the use of "believes" in the prompt should be "believe" to match the plural subject "some people." Furthermore, the phrase "to rich their goals" should be corrected to "to reach their goals." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are missing commas that could enhance readability, such as before "which can help them grow as individuals."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and spelling errors. Practicing common grammatical structures and their correct forms can also be beneficial. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity. Reading essays aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation issues that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Teenagers have to face an issue of whether to get a job or continue with their studies after graduating high school. While some people think that students should secure employment immediately after school, I would argue that it is more beneficial for teenagers to attend university.

On the one hand, taking a job as soon as they leave high school is considered by many young people for several reasons. Firstly, they become more independent by making money from their jobs. They can cover their expenses like electricity and water bills and possibly even help out their families. Secondly, working provides individuals with real-life experiences that help them mature. They learn how to solve problems flexibly and responsibly. Additionally, they become attractive to employers due to their ability to work efficiently with minimal training.

On the other hand, attending university is an effective means for individuals to achieve success in their lives. Firstly, they can gain academic qualifications. These qualifications show employers that they know a lot about their fields. Going to college also helps them learn how to think critically and solve problems, which are important skills for all employees. Secondly, college is a place where they can discover new interests and meet people from different backgrounds, which can help them grow as individuals. Additionally, going to college opens up many opportunities for young people to reach their goals and pursue a successful career.

In conclusion, while getting a job after high school has some benefits, I would strongly contend that teenagers should study at university or college to have a successful career.