Some people believed that meat farming is unethical and bad for the environment and proposed that humans begin farming insects instead. To what extend do you agree with this practice.

In recent times, it is usually believed that farming meat is unethical and it has a negative impact on the environment, and some people suggested humans should begin farming insects for food. In my opinion, I partly agree with this point of view.
On one hand, it is important to acknowledge that framing meat wastes significant sources, this includes water and land. Therefore, environmental problems might increase continuously, such as deforestation (people might cut down the trees to have more land). Insects farming can reduce the feeding sources, which is very essential for traditional meat farming. Moreover, insects contain various proteins, which are vital for people's health.
On the other hand, people have been eating meat for a long time, meat also contains numerous proteins and other substances. In other words, forcing them to eat insects instead is a different task. Furthermore, although farming insects has positive effects on the environment, most people might not be ready to eat insects.
In conclusion, I partly support insect farming. However, human should pay more attention to the environment if traditional meat farming is being continued.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is usually believed" -> "it is commonly believed"
Explanation: "Commonly" is a more precise and formal term than "usually," which is somewhat vague and less formal in academic writing.
"some people suggested" -> "some individuals have suggested"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "have suggested" is more precise than "suggested," indicating ongoing or recent action.
"I partly agree" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "partially" is more commonly used in academic writing than "partly."
"framing meat wastes significant sources" -> "meat farming wastes significant resources"
Explanation: "Framing" is incorrect here; "meat farming" is the correct term. Also, "sources" should be "resources" to refer to the materials used in farming.
"environmental problems might increase continuously" -> "environmental issues may persist"
Explanation: "May persist" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing or continuous problems, and "issues" is preferred over "problems" in formal academic writing.
"people might cut down the trees to have more land" -> "individuals may clear land for agricultural purposes"
Explanation: "Clear land for agricultural purposes" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of cutting down trees for farming.
"insects farming" -> "insect farming"
Explanation: "Insect" should be singular when referring to the practice of farming insects as a whole.
"reduce the feeding sources" -> "reduce the need for feed"
Explanation: "Reduce the need for feed" is a more accurate and formal expression, clarifying that it is the need for feed that is reduced, not the sources.
"which is very essential" -> "which is crucial"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more formal and precise term than "very essential," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"meat also contains numerous proteins and other substances" -> "meat is also rich in proteins and other nutrients"
Explanation: "Rich in" is a more precise and formal way to describe the nutritional content of meat, and "nutrients" is a more specific term than "substances."
"forcing them to eat insects" -> "requiring them to consume insects"
Explanation: "Require" is a more formal verb than "force," and "consume" is more appropriate in this context than "eat."
"although farming insects has positive effects" -> "although insect farming has positive effects"
Explanation: "Insect farming" should be singular to refer to the practice as a whole, and "has" should be "has" for subject-verb agreement.
"most people might not be ready" -> "many individuals may not be prepared"
Explanation: "Many individuals" is more formal than "most people," and "prepared" is a more precise term than "ready" in this context, implying a readiness for change.
"human should pay more attention" -> "humans should pay greater attention"
Explanation: "Humans" should be plural to match the subject, and "greater" is more formal than "more" in this context.
"if traditional meat farming is being continued" -> "if traditional meat farming continues"
Explanation: "Continues" is more grammatically correct and formal than "is being continued," which is awkward and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the ethical concerns and environmental impacts of meat farming while also presenting the alternative of insect farming. However, it falls short of fully exploring the extent of agreement with the practice of insect farming. The phrase "I partly agree" is vague and does not clarify the writer’s stance on the proposed solution. The essay mentions both sides but lacks a thorough examination of the implications of adopting insect farming as a primary food source.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on insect farming, providing specific reasons for their agreement or disagreement. They could also discuss the potential benefits and drawbacks of insect farming in more detail, ensuring that all parts of the question are addressed comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a partial agreement but does not consistently maintain a clear position throughout. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the body paragraphs present conflicting ideas without a strong link back to the initial stance. For instance, while the writer acknowledges the benefits of insect farming, they also emphasize the long-standing tradition of meat consumption without clearly stating how this affects their overall position.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their main argument in the introduction and consistently refer back to this argument in each paragraph. They could use transitional phrases to reinforce their stance and ensure that each point made supports their overall position on the issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the environmental impact of meat farming and the nutritional benefits of insects. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions deforestation and resource waste, it does not provide statistics or studies to substantiate these claims. Additionally, the discussion on people’s reluctance to eat insects lacks depth and could benefit from further exploration of cultural attitudes towards food.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with relevant examples, data, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing successful insect farming practices in other countries or citing research on the environmental benefits of insect consumption compared to traditional meat.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the ethics of meat farming and the alternative of insect farming. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the writer discusses the tradition of eating meat without directly linking it back to the main argument about insect farming. This could confuse readers regarding the relevance of the points made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. They could use topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and relate it to their overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score. Expanding on ideas, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring comprehensive coverage of the prompt will significantly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the environmental impacts of meat farming to the benefits of insect farming is somewhat abrupt. The essay states that "insects farming can reduce the feeding sources," but it does not clearly explain how this directly relates to the environmental benefits mentioned earlier.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one, creating a more cohesive narrative. For example, after discussing the environmental issues of meat farming, explicitly link the solution of insect farming to these issues before introducing the benefits of insects.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs explore the pros and cons of meat versus insect farming. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more distinct separation of ideas. The second body paragraph mixes arguments for traditional meat farming with counterarguments against insect farming without a clear transition.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus. For instance, dedicate one paragraph solely to the advantages of insect farming and another to the challenges it faces. This will help readers follow the argument more easily. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "in other words" is used, but it does not effectively clarify the preceding statement about meat consumption.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and transition words. For instance, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used serves a clear purpose in clarifying relationships between ideas. For example, when introducing a counterargument, phrases like "however" or "despite this" can help clarify the contrast more effectively.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "unethical," "deforestation," and "vital" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in diversity and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "negative impact" and "important to acknowledge" are quite common and could be replaced with more varied expressions to enhance the lexical richness. Additionally, the phrase "farming insects" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "farming insects," alternatives like "insect cultivation" or "entomophagy" could be introduced. Furthermore, using phrases like "adverse effects" instead of "negative impact" or "crucial" instead of "important" would elevate the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "framing meat" is likely a typographical error for "farming meat," which undermines clarity. Additionally, the term "feeding sources" is vague; a more precise term like "feed resources" or "nutritional inputs" would be clearer. The phrase "forcing them to eat insects instead is a different task" lacks clarity and precision, as "different task" does not convey a specific meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Proofreading for typographical errors is crucial, as is ensuring that terms are used in their correct context. The writer could also benefit from using more specific language, such as "transitioning to insect consumption" instead of "forcing them to eat insects."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "framing" instead of "farming" and "human" instead of "humans." These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. While the majority of the spelling is correct, these mistakes indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Regularly reviewing vocabulary lists can also aid in reducing spelling errors in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "it is usually believed that farming meat is unethical" is somewhat formulaic and could be rephrased for greater impact. Additionally, the sentence "Insects farming can reduce the feeding sources" lacks complexity and could benefit from a more sophisticated structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of saying "Insects farming can reduce the feeding sources," you could say, "By adopting insect farming, we could significantly reduce the resources required for traditional meat production." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "framing meat wastes significant sources" should be corrected to "farming meat wastes significant resources." Additionally, the phrase "this includes water and land" could be improved for clarity by specifying "these resources include water and land." There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in the sentence "some people suggested humans should begin farming insects for food," which would help clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure that the correct terms are used. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, particularly with conjunctions and lists, will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to include necessary commas can help delineate ideas more clearly. Furthermore, consider revising sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensuring that plural forms are used correctly, such as changing "insects farming" to "insect farming."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, it is commonly believed that farming meat is unethical and has a negative impact on the environment, and some individuals have suggested that humans should begin farming insects for food. In my opinion, I partially concur with this point of view.

On one hand, it is important to acknowledge that meat farming wastes significant resources; this includes water and land. Therefore, environmental problems may persist, such as deforestation (individuals may clear land for agricultural purposes). Insect farming can reduce the need for feed, which is crucial for traditional meat farming. Moreover, insects contain various proteins, which are vital for people’s health.

On the other hand, people have been eating meat for a long time, and meat is also rich in proteins and other nutrients. In other words, requiring them to consume insects instead is a different task. Furthermore, although insect farming has positive effects on the environment, many individuals may not be prepared to eat insects.

In conclusion, I partially support insect farming. However, humans should pay greater attention to the environment if traditional meat farming continues.