Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

it is proposed that having a children early has been no longer the responsibility of parents ,since they are struggling with the personal needs which take mainly up the thought of having children early,from my perspective , i believe that the cons of having children later would be more superior its prons
it is understandable why some might subscribe the viewpoint that the role of becoming parents early is not essential .the key rationale is the financial pressure ,since young parents have to face with the need of taking care of children to fulfill for their mutual growth , resulting in allocating a big amount of money to warrant their comprehensive development like advanced education , ….. as a result , having a son in early age is totally irresistible .however , in this and age , these early parents are conducive to have children ,since they keep a thought that when becoming parent ,they might get inheritance of their massive property .addtionally , due to hectic schedule associated with the frequency of travelling to other nations , which mainly account for effective time to forster the comprehensive growth for children .
however , opponents of the viewpoint that having children in early age brings a host of advantages because of the technological leaps in modern day which promotes the tendency of having children early is necessary.nowadays , with the advent of advanced appliances ,non-having children is not matter .for example , when old people have a need of having children after equipping necessary skill like time management , problem -solving which would provide pivotal equipment to develop for children ,the modern technologies enable to detach totally the errors ,leading to non children .addtionally , when parents have experienced ups and downs in their life ,including strong finance , vital skill ,might bring for children a quality of life and education better .
in conclusion , although there are many prons having children in early age like firmly financial resource , comprehensive education , i reckon that the disadvantages outweigh its advantages

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"having a children early" -> "having children early"
Explanation: "Having a children early" is grammatically incorrect. "Having children early" is the correct phrase, using the plural form of "children" to match the plural subject.
"no longer the responsibility of parents" -> "no longer solely the responsibility of parents"
Explanation: Adding "solely" emphasizes that while it’s not solely the parents’ responsibility, it still remains a responsibility. This adjustment clarifies the statement.
"struggling with the personal needs which take mainly up the thought" -> "juggling personal needs, which primarily occupy their thoughts"
Explanation: "Struggling with the personal needs which take mainly up the thought" is awkward and unclear. "Juggling personal needs, which primarily occupy their thoughts" provides a clearer description of the situation.
"from my perspective , i believe that the cons of having children later would be more superior its prons" -> "From my perspective, I believe that the disadvantages of having children later outweigh the advantages."
Explanation: "Cons" is more formal than "prons." Additionally, "more superior" is redundant; "outweigh" suffices to convey the idea of one thing being greater than another in importance.
"subscribe the viewpoint" -> "subscribe to the viewpoint"
Explanation: "Subscribe the viewpoint" should be "subscribe to the viewpoint" to use the correct preposition with "subscribe."
"financial pressure ,since young parents have to face with the need" -> "financial pressure, as young parents have to contend with the need"
Explanation: "Face with the need" is awkward and not idiomatic. "Contend with the need" is a clearer expression of facing a challenge or difficulty.
"fulfill for their mutual growth" -> "fulfilling their mutual growth"
Explanation: "Fulfill for" is grammatically incorrect. "Fulfilling their mutual growth" corrects this to make the sentence grammatically sound.
"warrant their comprehensive development like advanced education" -> "ensure their comprehensive development, such as advanced education"
Explanation: "Warrant their comprehensive development like advanced education" is unclear. "Ensure their comprehensive development, such as advanced education" clarifies that advanced education is an example of comprehensive development.
"having a son in early age is totally irresistible" -> "having children at a young age is highly desirable"
Explanation: "Having a son in early age" should be "having children at a young age" to be inclusive of both genders. "Highly desirable" is a more formal and appropriate phrase than "totally irresistible."
"conducive to have children" -> "conducive to having children"
Explanation: "Conducive to have children" should be "conducive to having children" to use the gerund form after "conducive to."
"effective time to forster the comprehensive growth" -> "effective time to foster comprehensive growth"
Explanation: "Forster" is a misspelling of "foster." "Foster comprehensive growth" is the correct phrase, where "foster" means to promote or encourage.
"the advent of advanced appliances ,non-having children is not matter" -> "the advent of advanced technology, not having children is not an issue"
Explanation: "Advanced appliances" is too narrow; "advanced technology" encompasses a wider range. "Non-having children is not matter" is unclear; "not having children is not an issue" provides a clearer statement.
"equiping necessary skill" -> "acquiring necessary skills"
Explanation: "Equiping" is misspelled; it should be "equipping." Additionally, "necessary skill" should be pluralized to "necessary skills" to match the plural object.
"modern technologies enable to detach totally the errors" -> "modern technologies enable the elimination of errors"
Explanation: "Detach totally the errors" is awkward and unclear. "Enable the elimination of errors" conveys the intended meaning more clearly and formally.
"including strong finance" -> "including financial stability"
Explanation: "Strong finance" is unclear; "financial stability" is a clearer term indicating a solid financial situation.
"vital skill ,might bring for children" -> "vital skills may provide for children"
Explanation: "Vital skill ,might bring for children" lacks clarity and proper syntax. "Vital skills may provide for children" clarifies that skills benefit children.
"although there are many prons" -> "although there are many benefits"
Explanation: "Prons" is incorrect; "benefits" is the appropriate term for positive aspects in this context.
"having children in early age" -> "having children at an early age"
Explanation: "In early age" is grammatically incorrect; "at an early age" is the correct prepositional phrase to use with "having children."
"I reckon" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I reckon" is informal; "I believe" is more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question but falls short in fully exploring each aspect. It discusses reasons why some people choose to have their first child at an older age, citing financial pressure, inheritance, and the desire for comprehensive growth. However, the discussion lacks depth and coherence, and some points are not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure each point is elaborated on with clear examples and reasoning. Provide more detailed analysis on why individuals might choose to have children later in life and thoroughly evaluate whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat clear throughout, as it leans towards the belief that the disadvantages of having children later in life outweigh the advantages. However, the expression of this position is not consistently maintained, and the reasoning behind it lacks clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity and consistency of the essay’s stance by clearly stating the position in the introduction and maintaining it throughout the essay. Provide well-structured arguments and supporting evidence to reinforce the chosen position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present, extend, and support ideas but does so inadequately. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, and there is limited development and support for each point. The essay lacks coherence and fails to provide sufficient evidence or examples to substantiate claims.
- How to improve: Improve the presentation of ideas by organizing them logically and coherently. Extend each idea by providing detailed explanations, examples, and relevant evidence to support arguments effectively. Ensure a clear connection between ideas to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay fully on topic, as it occasionally deviates from discussing reasons why some people choose to have their first child at an older age to discussing advantages and disadvantages of early parenthood. The lack of focus affects the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay by consistently addressing the reasons why individuals choose to have children later in life and evaluating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the central theme of the essay.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it lacks depth, coherence, and focus. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed analysis, maintain a clear position throughout the essay, present ideas coherently, and stay focused on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic attempt at organization, but the coherence and logical progression of ideas are hindered by frequent grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. For instance, the introduction lacks clarity and coherence due to convoluted sentences and unclear expressions. The body paragraphs somewhat follow a logical sequence, but the transitions between ideas are often abrupt, leading to a disjointed flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on structuring sentences more clearly and concisely. Begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Then, ensure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Use transition words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, providing a smooth flow of information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is compromised by frequent shifts in focus and lack of coherence within each paragraph. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better presented as separate paragraphs for clarity. Additionally, there is a lack of coherence within paragraphs due to unclear topic sentences and inconsistent development of ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around a single main idea, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure that each paragraph develops its main idea coherently with supporting evidence or examples. Aim for a balance between unity and coherence within paragraphs, maintaining a clear focus throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, but their usage is inconsistent and often ineffective. There is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetitive and monotonous writing. Additionally, some cohesive devices are used incorrectly or inappropriately, further impacting coherence.
- How to improve: Expand your repertoire of cohesive devices to include a variety of conjunctions, transition words, and phrases. Use these cohesive devices strategically to establish logical relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect, comparison, and contrast. Pay attention to the correct usage of cohesive devices and ensure they contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and organize its ideas, there are significant weaknesses in coherence and cohesion due to grammatical errors, unclear phrasing, and ineffective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. Focus on improving these aspects to enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempts at using a range of vocabulary, albeit with inconsistencies and inaccuracies. There are instances of vocabulary repetition and a lack of precision in word choice, which affects the overall richness of expression. For example, the essay uses phrases like "mutual growth" and "comprehensive development" but lacks variety in expressing these concepts.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, strive for diversity in word choice and explore synonyms to avoid repetition. Utilize precise vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Additionally, consider incorporating domain-specific terminology related to the topic to demonstrate a deeper understanding.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage at times, leading to ambiguity and lack of clarity. For instance, phrases like "non-having children" and "detach totally the errors, leading to non children" are unclear and may confuse the reader. Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect word forms or usage, such as "its prons" instead of "its pros" and "its advantages."
- How to improve: Aim for precise vocabulary selection that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Pay attention to word forms and ensure they align with grammatical rules. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct any imprecise or confusing language. Consider consulting a thesaurus for alternative words that convey the desired message more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates inconsistent spelling accuracy, with several errors throughout the text. Examples include "addtionally" instead of "additionally," "non children" instead of "no children," and "prons" instead of "pros." These spelling mistakes detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading written work thoroughly to identify and correct spelling errors. Utilize spell-check tools available in word processing software to catch typos and misspellings. Additionally, consider enhancing spelling skills through regular practice and exposure to written material. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it periodically can also aid in improving spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. The majority of sentences follow a basic structure, which affects the overall variety and sophistication of the writing. For instance, there is a frequent use of simple sentence structures, such as subject-verb-object, without much variation in sentence length or complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures is essential. Consider using complex and compound-complex sentences to convey ideas with more depth and clarity. Introduce phrases such as participial phrases, gerund phrases, and appositives to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, experiment with different sentence lengths to create a more dynamic and engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits significant grammatical errors and lacks consistent punctuation. Throughout the essay, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, tense inconsistency, and incorrect word usage. Additionally, punctuation marks such as commas and periods are often misused or omitted, leading to unclear or fragmented sentences.
- How to improve: Improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills is crucial for enhancing the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, including subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper word usage. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, paying close attention to comma splices, run-on sentences, and missing punctuation marks. Utilize resources such as grammar guides and writing manuals to reinforce your understanding of grammatical principles and punctuation conventions.

Overall, while the essay addresses the essay prompt and presents arguments, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is proposed that having children early is no longer solely the responsibility of parents, as they juggle personal needs, which primarily occupy their thoughts about having children early. From my perspective, I believe that the disadvantages of having children later outweigh the advantages.

It is understandable why some might subscribe to the viewpoint that the role of becoming parents early is not essential. The key rationale is financial pressure, as young parents have to contend with the need to take care of children to ensure their comprehensive development, such as advanced education. As a result, having children at a young age is highly desirable. However, in this day and age, these early parents are conducive to having children since they keep the thought that becoming parents might entail inheriting a massive property. Additionally, due to hectic schedules associated with frequent travel to other nations, which mainly accounts for effective time to foster comprehensive growth for children.

However, opponents of the viewpoint that having children at an early age brings a host of advantages because of the technological leaps in modern-day, which promotes the tendency of having children early, argue that nowadays, with the advent of advanced appliances, not having children is not an issue. For example, when older people have acquired necessary skills like time management and problem-solving, which would provide vital equipment to develop for children, modern technologies enable the elimination of errors, leading to not having children. Additionally, when parents have experienced ups and downs in their lives, including strong finances, vital skills may provide for children a better quality of life and education.

In conclusion, although there are many benefits to having children at an early age, such as firmly established financial resources and comprehensive education, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh its advantages.