Some people prefer to live alone. Others enjoy sharing a house with family or friends. Do the advantages of living with others outweigh the disadvantages?

It is acknowledged that we are living in a crowded world where there are fewer and fewer places to live. Some people thrive in the company of others, while others prefer the solitude of living alone. I side with those who believe that living with relatives is more beneficial.

Of course, critics might say that sharing a house with other people has some disadvantages with the main drawback being that room-mates may behave in ways one finds annoying and inconvenient. This predicated on the assumption that we have to share living space with others which means we likely encounter some problems such as: they might play loud music or sing karaoke at night, spend hours in the bathroom or have to take other residents' wishes and opinions into account. Moreover, sharing a house also causes limited independence. This is due to the fact that decision-making skill, household rules or discipline in lifestyle are necessary for human personality, which living with others may not have and can even restrict personal choices and freedom.
However, these lines of reasoning are not sound because we can solve these problems in a number of ways. Firstly, with some tact and diplomacy, these issues can usually be overcome. In addition, we can also save a lot of money by sharing meals, bills or taxes with others. Nevertheless, in terms of personality, living in a house with many people might help us to improve communication skills. This is because we can communicate, talk, chat every time, no matter early in the morning or late at night, and it might be more effective if we live with foreigners. Furthermore, housemates are also helpful in emotional support. For instance, when you are sad or stuck in trouble , there will be a friend who is always ready to listen to you and give you advice, it may help you feel much better.

In conclusion, while there are some drawbacks to living with others, for example in the form of frustration and limited independence, these are outstripped by the positives including saving money, improving communication skills and emotional support.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is acknowledged that" -> "It is widely recognized that"
Explanation: "It is widely recognized that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"fewer and fewer" -> "increasingly fewer"
Explanation: "Increasingly fewer" is a more precise and formal way to describe a gradual decrease, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"I side with those who believe" -> "I concur with the view that"
Explanation: "I concur with the view that" is a more formal expression that aligns better with academic style, avoiding the personal pronoun "I" which can be seen as informal in formal essays.
"has some disadvantages with the main drawback being" -> "presents several disadvantages, primarily"
Explanation: "Presents several disadvantages, primarily" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"predicated on the assumption" -> "based on the assumption"
Explanation: "Based on the assumption" is a more common and clear phrase in academic writing, replacing the less common "predicated on" which can be confusing.
"which means we likely encounter some problems such as" -> "which may lead to various issues such as"
Explanation: "May lead to various issues such as" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "likely encounter some problems" which is too informal and imprecise.
"they might play loud music or sing karaoke at night" -> "they may play loud music or sing karaoke at night"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might," aligning better with academic style, which prefers more formal modal verbs.
"spend hours in the bathroom" -> "spend extended periods in the bathroom"
Explanation: "Extended periods" is a more formal and precise term than "hours," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"have to take other residents’ wishes and opinions into account" -> "must consider the wishes and opinions of other residents"
Explanation: "Must consider" is more direct and formal than "have to take into account," and the rephrasing improves the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"decision-making skill" -> "decision-making skills"
Explanation: "Decision-making skills" is the correct plural form, as it refers to the ability to make decisions in general, not a single skill.
"household rules or discipline in lifestyle" -> "household rules and lifestyle discipline"
Explanation: Reordering these elements improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"living with others may not have" -> "living with others may lack"
Explanation: "May lack" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential absence of something, fitting better in an academic context.
"can even restrict personal choices and freedom" -> "may even restrict personal choices and freedoms"
Explanation: "May even restrict" is more formal than "can even restrict," and "freedoms" is the correct plural form to match the plural subject "choices."
"we can solve these problems in a number of ways" -> "these issues can be addressed in various ways"
Explanation: "These issues can be addressed in various ways" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "we can solve these problems."
"with some tact and diplomacy" -> "with tact and diplomacy"
Explanation: Removing "some" before "tact" avoids redundancy and maintains the formal tone by focusing on the abstract quality of diplomacy.
"we can also save a lot of money" -> "we can also save considerable amounts of money"
Explanation: "Considerable amounts of money" is more formal and precise than "a lot of money," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"living in a house with many people" -> "living with many people"
Explanation: "Living with many people" is more concise and formal, avoiding the unnecessary specificity of "in a house."
"communicate, talk, chat every time" -> "communicate, converse, and chat frequently"
Explanation: "Converse, and chat frequently" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "every time" with "frequently," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"when you are sad or stuck in trouble" -> "when one is sad or faced with difficulties"
Explanation: "When one is sad or faced with difficulties" is more formal and avoids the informal "you" and "stuck in trouble," which is colloquial.
"there will be a friend who is always ready" -> "there will always be a friend ready"
Explanation: Removing "who is always" simplifies and formalizes the sentence, improving the flow and formality of the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living with others. The author acknowledges the drawbacks, such as annoying behaviors and limited independence, before presenting counterarguments that highlight the benefits, including financial savings and improved communication skills. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the writer could delve deeper into the specific advantages and disadvantages mentioned. For instance, providing more concrete examples or statistics about living arrangements could strengthen the argument. Additionally, explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction could provide clearer guidance for the reader.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring living with others, as indicated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The author consistently supports this stance with logical reasoning and examples, such as the benefits of emotional support and communication skills.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could enhance the essay by explicitly reiterating their stance in the conclusion. A more assertive statement about the overall advantages outweighing the disadvantages would strengthen the conclusion and reinforce the essay’s main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of living with others, such as emotional support and improved communication skills. However, some points could be more fully developed. For example, the mention of saving money is a strong point but lacks specific examples or scenarios that illustrate how this occurs in real life.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. For instance, discussing a scenario where shared living arrangements led to significant financial savings or enhanced social experiences would provide more depth and engagement.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of living with others. However, there are moments where the discussion of disadvantages could be perceived as somewhat underdeveloped compared to the advantages. For instance, while the drawbacks are mentioned, they are not explored in as much detail as the benefits.
- How to improve: To maintain a balanced focus, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are given equal weight. This could involve expanding on the disadvantages with more examples or discussing potential solutions to those disadvantages in greater detail, thereby reinforcing the overall argument that the positives outweigh the negatives.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, reinforcing the position in the conclusion, and balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, the writer can further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of living with others, starting with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are structured to first discuss the disadvantages of living with others, followed by a counterargument that highlights the advantages. This logical progression helps the reader follow the writer’s reasoning. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly signal the shift from disadvantages to advantages. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the central thesis will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the solutions to the disadvantages and the other on the advantages of living with others. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence that introduces the solutions to the disadvantages, followed by a new paragraph that begins with a topic sentence about the advantages of living with others. This will help maintain clarity and focus within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Of course," "However," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the variety of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the use of synonyms or referring back to previously mentioned ideas could enhance cohesion. The phrase "these lines of reasoning are not sound" could be better connected to the previous paragraph for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more linking words and phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or cause and effect. For example, using "Furthermore," or "Moreover," can add variety. Additionally, employing pronouns or demonstrative adjectives to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can create a smoother flow. For instance, instead of repeating "living with others," you could use "this arrangement" or "such a living situation" to maintain cohesion without redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph divisions, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "solitude," "critics," "independence," and "emotional support." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "living with others" and "sharing a house," which are used multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "living with others," alternatives like "cohabiting" or "sharing a living space" could be used. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as replacing "some disadvantages" with "certain drawbacks" or "various challenges."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "decision-making skill, household rules or discipline in lifestyle are necessary for human personality" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. The term "predicated on the assumption" is also somewhat formal and may not fit the context well, as it does not clearly relate to the preceding ideas.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity in their expressions. For example, instead of saying "necessary for human personality," it would be clearer to specify what aspects of personality are being referred to, such as "necessary for personal development." Additionally, simplifying complex phrases can enhance understanding, such as replacing "predicated on the assumption" with "based on the idea."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there is a notable mistake in "room-mates," which should be written as "roommates" (without the hyphen). Additionally, the phrase "stuck in trouble" could be more accurately expressed as "in trouble" or "facing difficulties."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and compound nouns. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with common compound nouns in English can prevent such mistakes in the future.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, clarifying expressions, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, the use of phrases like "this is due to the fact that" and "with some tact and diplomacy" showcases an ability to construct more sophisticated sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For example, the repeated use of "this is because" and "for instance" can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of frequently starting sentences with "this is because," you could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Additionally, try to mix short, impactful sentences with longer, more complex ones to create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "this predicated on the assumption" is missing a subject and should be "this is predicated on the assumption." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which living with others may not have," which can lead to confusion in understanding the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread your work for missing subjects and verb forms. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all clauses are complete. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding commas, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on your writing can also help identify recurring errors and improve your overall accuracy.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely recognized that we are living in a crowded world where there are increasingly fewer places to live. Some people thrive in the company of others, while others prefer the solitude of living alone. I concur with the view that living with relatives is more beneficial.

Of course, critics might say that sharing a house with other people presents several disadvantages, primarily that roommates may behave in ways one finds annoying and inconvenient. This is based on the assumption that we have to share living space with others, which means we likely encounter some problems such as: they may play loud music or sing karaoke at night, spend extended periods in the bathroom, or have to consider the wishes and opinions of other residents. Moreover, sharing a house also causes limited independence. This is due to the fact that decision-making skills, household rules, and lifestyle discipline are necessary for human personality, which living with others may lack and may even restrict personal choices and freedoms.

However, these lines of reasoning are not sound because we can address these issues in various ways. Firstly, with some tact and diplomacy, these problems can usually be overcome. In addition, we can also save considerable amounts of money by sharing meals, bills, or taxes with others. Nevertheless, in terms of personality, living in a house with many people might help us improve our communication skills. This is because we can communicate, converse, and chat frequently, no matter early in the morning or late at night, and it might be more effective if we live with foreigners. Furthermore, housemates are also helpful for emotional support. For instance, when one is sad or faced with difficulties, there will always be a friend ready to listen to you and give you advice, which may help you feel much better.

In conclusion, while there are some drawbacks to living with others, for example, frustration and limited independence, these are outweighed by the positives, including saving money, improving communication skills, and providing emotional support.