Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 150 words.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 150 words.

In the very first period of the existance of human being,the environmental problems starting utmost soon with ancient human acts such as hunting wild species and cut down trees for crops.Until now this still happening but more serious and danger.they keep destroy forest,pollute water resouces,hunt wild species lead to the destruction of environtment.In that case,many people expect that environmetal problem is the consequences of losing a variety of species some sopposed to think that it’s more about environtment itself.i’ll express my viewpoint and disscuss both sites.
Wild species are important for the balance in nature environment,they collectively building the balance of food chains,insects like bee,flies,worms,those little thing is a basis of soil formation,decomposition,they helping us in pest control and natural pollination.so when they keep being hunted,all of this natural balance resources being upset cause varios number of trouble.moreover,rare species such as white rhynoceros,tiger,giant panda,whale…Are hunted,affects biodiversity due to their extinction.animal is a necessary element of ecosystem which is an important part of natural environtment,when one extinct others could be extinct after it,works based on butterfly wing effect and then it’s can easily upset all the natural for causing many problem
On the other hand,it seems that another problem is affect nature environment more than the loss of species,likes environtment pollution,it’s a different point.The loss of species just slighly affect a part of eco balance but these disaster level of pollution directly influence in the survival of all these flora and fauna on earth not except human,air pollution from car emissons and carbon footprint cause green house effect lead to the ersion of the ozone layer which is one of the main reason of global warming.it do allow UV ray known as ultraviolet ray to intrusion in human skin cause more skin cancer,global warming increase the degree on earth make a hazard living condition,water pollution is one of the serious problem when the demand on water increase rapidly in this period lead to the lack of water supply sources,moreover Phytoplankton and algae in the sea, which form 70% of the world's oxygen, are being affected by water pollution, which will lead to oxygen shortages in the near future if gorverment not found solution for this trouble soon.the lack of oxygen forced the tree to evole in the wrong way to have less leaves then the photosynthesis in tree won’t go well lead to more oxygen shortages,
In conclusion ,environtmental problem always be the world concerning,people should be aware of how important nature is,from that they need to preserve the environtment,teenager play an important role in spreading the awareness throughout the world,may be it’s late but not too late,human can be solve the problem they face.earth or nature is a miracle of god which exsit life so don’t ruined what you have.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the very first period of the existance of human being" -> "In the earliest period of human existence"
   Explanation: "Existence" is the correct term here, and "earliest" is more precise than "very first," which is somewhat redundant and informal for academic writing.

2. "starting utmost soon" -> "starting immediately"
   Explanation: "Utmost soon" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Immediately" is straightforward and appropriate for formal writing.

3. "cut down trees for crops" -> "clear-cut forests for agricultural purposes"
   Explanation: "Clear-cut" is a more specific term for large-scale deforestation, and "for agricultural purposes" is more precise than "for crops," which is vague.

4. "they keep destroy" -> "they continue to destroy"
   Explanation: "Keep" is not the correct verb form here; "continue to" is grammatically correct and more formal.

5. "pollute water resouces" -> "pollute water resources"
   Explanation: "Resouces" is a typographical error; "resources" is the correct spelling.

6. "hunt wild species lead to the destruction of environtment" -> "the hunting of wild species leads to the destruction of the environment"
   Explanation: "The hunting of wild species" is grammatically correct, and "the environment" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific entity.

7. "some sopposed to think" -> "some suppose"
   Explanation: "Sopposed" is a typographical error; "suppose" is the correct word.

8. "i’ll" -> "I will"
   Explanation: "I’ll" is a contraction and is too informal for academic writing; "I will" is the correct form.

9. "disscuss" -> "discuss"
   Explanation: "Disscuss" is a typographical error; "discuss" is the correct spelling.

10. "they collectively building" -> "they collectively build"
    Explanation: "Building" is a gerund form that should be used with "they" to indicate ongoing action, not "building," which is a noun.

11. "those little thing is a basis" -> "these small organisms are a basis"
    Explanation: "Those little thing" is informal and imprecise; "these small organisms" is more specific and formal.

12. "works based on butterfly wing effect" -> "works based on the butterfly effect"
    Explanation: "Butterfly wing effect" is a misnomer; the correct term is "butterfly effect," referring to a concept in chaos theory.

13. "it’s can easily upset" -> "it can easily upset"
    Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and is too informal; "it" is the correct pronoun without contraction.

14. "likes environtment pollution" -> "like environmental pollution"
    Explanation: "Likes" is incorrect; "like" is the correct conjunction, and "environmental" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific field of study.

15. "slighly affect" -> "slightly affect"
    Explanation: "Slighly" is a typographical error; "slightly" is the correct spelling.

16. "disaster level of pollution" -> "disastrous level of pollution"
    Explanation: "Disaster level" is an awkward construction; "disastrous" is the correct adjective form.

17. "it do allow" -> "it allows"
    Explanation: "It do" is grammatically incorrect; "it allows" is the correct form.

18. "erosion of the ozone layer" -> "erosion of the ozone layer"
    Explanation: "Ersion" is a typographical error; "erosion" is the correct spelling.

19. "UV ray known as ultraviolet ray" -> "UV rays, also known as ultraviolet rays"
    Explanation: "UV ray" is singular and should be pluralized to "UV rays" for accuracy, and "also known as" is more formal than "known as."

20. "intron in human skin" -> "intrusion into human skin"
    Explanation: "Intron" is a typographical error; "intrusion" is the correct word, and "into" is necessary for grammatical correctness.

21. "make a hazard living condition" -> "create hazardous living conditions"
    Explanation: "Make a hazard" is incorrect; "create hazardous" is grammatically correct and more precise.

22. "Phytoplankton and algae" -> "phytoplankton and algae"
    Explanation: "Phytoplankton" should be lowercase as it is a common noun, not a proper noun.

23. "gorverment" -> "government"
    Explanation: "Gorverment" is a typographical error; "government" is the correct spelling.

24. "evole in the wrong way" -> "evolve in the wrong way"
    Explanation: "Evole" is a typographical error; "evolve" is the correct spelling.

25. "won’t go well" -> "will not function well"
    Explanation: "Won’t" is a contraction and too informal; "will not" is more formal, and "function well" is more precise than "go well."

26. "don’t ruined" -> "do not ruin"
    Explanation: "Don’t" is a contraction and too informal; "do not" is the correct form, and "ruin" should be used with "do not" for grammatical correctness.

These changes aim to enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay while correcting typographical errors and improving grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding environmental problems, specifically the loss of species and other environmental issues like pollution. However, the discussion is somewhat unbalanced. While the importance of species loss is mentioned, the explanation lacks depth and clarity. The second part, concerning pollution, is more elaborated but still does not fully explore the implications of both perspectives. The essay does not clearly state the writer’s own opinion until the conclusion, which weakens the overall response to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal attention and depth. Each perspective should be clearly articulated with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, the writer should explicitly state their opinion earlier in the essay to guide the reader through the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer mentions their viewpoint in the introduction but does not reinforce it effectively in the body paragraphs. The conclusion hints at a stance but does not clarify whether the writer believes one issue is more pressing than the other. This ambiguity can confuse the reader about the writer’s actual opinion.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in the body paragraphs. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can reinforce the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the importance of species and the impact of pollution, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the discussion on the role of species in ecosystems is somewhat vague and lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claims. The mention of pollution is more detailed but still lacks a clear connection to the initial argument about species loss.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points being made. Each claim should be followed by an explanation or evidence that connects it back to the main argument. This will help to create a more compelling and persuasive essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the lengthy discussion about pollution. While pollution is relevant, the focus should remain on comparing it with species loss. Some sentences are convoluted and stray from the main argument, which can distract the reader.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should outline the main points before writing and ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain focus. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas that do not contribute to the discussion of the two views.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in clarity, depth, and structure to achieve a higher band score. By addressing these areas, the writer can create a more coherent and effective response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both views regarding environmental problems. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat chaotic. For instance, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. The transition between ideas is often abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the shift from discussing the importance of wild species to pollution lacks a clear connection, which disrupts the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear introduction that presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Using linking phrases such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but they are not well-structured. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it hard to identify distinct points. The second paragraph also lacks clear topic sentences and transitions, which can confuse readers about the main argument being made in each section.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could clearly separate the discussion of species loss from the discussion of pollution by starting a new paragraph for each. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contains a logical progression of ideas will improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "on the other hand," but their use is limited and sometimes incorrect. For instance, the phrase "this still happening but more serious and danger" lacks proper cohesion and clarity. There are also instances where the lack of cohesive devices leads to choppy sentences that disrupt the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," and "consequently" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and conjunctions are used correctly will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are needed to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "biodiversity," "pollution," and "ecosystem." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "environment" is used excessively without synonyms or related terms, which makes the writing feel monotonous. Phrases like "natural balance resources" and "environmental problem" are also repeated without introducing new vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "environment," alternatives like "ecosystem," "natural world," or "habitat" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "biodiversity loss" or "ecological balance" would enrich the vocabulary and demonstrate a broader lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the consequences of losing a variety of species" could be more accurately expressed as "the impact of species extinction." Additionally, terms like "sopposed" and "disscuss" are misspellings that detract from the clarity of the message. The phrase "works based on butterfly wing effect" is vague and could be better articulated.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that terms are used correctly. For example, replacing "the consequences of losing a variety of species" with "the impact of biodiversity loss" would clarify the message. Furthermore, the writer should familiarize themselves with common phrases and idioms related to environmental discussions to enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "existance" (existence), "environmetal" (environmental), "gorverment" (government), and "evole" (evolve). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing. The frequent misspellings indicate a lack of attention to detail and can affect the reader’s understanding of the text.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Creating a list of commonly used vocabulary related to environmental topics and practicing their spelling could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay shows some understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are either simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, phrases like "the environmental problems starting utmost soon" and "they keep destroy forest" show a reliance on basic structures and often contain grammatical errors that hinder clarity. The use of conjunctions is minimal, and there are few instances of complex sentences that could better convey relationships between ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "Wild species are important for the balance in nature environment," the writer could say, "Wild species play a crucial role in maintaining the balance of the natural environment, as they contribute to food chains and ecosystem stability." Additionally, incorporating relative clauses and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, phrases like "the existance of human being" should be "the existence of human beings," and "cut down trees for crops" lacks proper conjunctions, making it sound choppy. Punctuation is often misused or omitted, such as in "In that case,many people expect that environmetal problem is the consequences," where there should be a space after the comma. Additionally, the use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "the destruction of environtment" instead of "the destruction of the environment."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and correct verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses correctly will improve clarity and readability. Using grammar-checking tools can also assist in identifying and correcting mistakes before finalizing the essay.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by incorporating more varied sentence structures and improving their grammatical accuracy through targeted practice and careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the earliest period of human existence, environmental problems started immediately with ancient human acts such as hunting wild species and clearing cut forests for agricultural purposes. Until now, this is still happening but has become more serious and dangerous. They continue to destroy forests, pollute water resources, and hunt wild species, which leads to the destruction of the environment. In that case, many people expect that the environmental problem is the consequence of losing a variety of species; some suppose it’s more about the environment itself. I will express my viewpoint and discuss both sides.

Wild species are important for the balance in the natural environment; they collectively build the balance of food chains. Insects like bees, flies, and worms—those little organisms—are a basis of soil formation and decomposition. They help us in pest control and natural pollination. So when they continue to be hunted, all of this natural balance is upset, causing various troubles. Moreover, rare species such as the white rhinoceros, tiger, giant panda, and whale are hunted, affecting biodiversity due to their extinction. Animals are a necessary element of the ecosystem, which is an important part of the natural environment. When one species goes extinct, others could also become extinct after it, working based on the butterfly effect, and then it can easily upset all of nature, causing many problems.

On the other hand, it seems that other problems affect the natural environment more than the loss of species, like environmental pollution. This is a different point. The loss of species only slightly affects a part of the ecological balance, but these disastrous levels of pollution directly influence the survival of all flora and fauna on Earth, not excluding humans. Air pollution from car emissions and carbon footprints causes the greenhouse effect, leading to the erosion of the ozone layer, which is one of the main reasons for global warming. It allows UV rays, also known as ultraviolet rays, to intrude into human skin, causing more skin cancer. Global warming increases the temperature on Earth, creating hazardous living conditions. Water pollution is one of the serious problems, as the demand for water increases rapidly in this period, leading to a lack of water supply sources. Moreover, phytoplankton and algae in the sea, which form 70% of the world’s oxygen, are being affected by water pollution, which will lead to oxygen shortages in the near future if the government does not find a solution for this trouble soon. The lack of oxygen forces trees to evolve in the wrong way, resulting in fewer leaves, and then photosynthesis in trees won’t function well, leading to more oxygen shortages.

In conclusion, environmental problems will always be a concern for the world. People should be aware of how important nature is, and from that, they need to preserve the environment. Teenagers play an important role in spreading awareness throughout the world. Maybe it’s late, but it’s not too late; humans can solve the problems they face. Earth, or nature, is a miracle of God that exists to support life, so do not ruin what you have.