Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely acknowledged that residing in metropolitan areas has a profound effect on public health and overall well-being. Personally, I strongly endorse the notion that urban living presents numerous health challenges.

Proponents of urban life often argue that it offers a plethora of health benefits, primarily due to the abundance of fitness and recreational facilities available to city inhabitants. Urban residents have access to a diverse range of resources, including gymnasiums, sports complexes, shopping centers, and wellness spas, all of which contribute to their physical well-being and psychological relief. Such amenities are frequently scarce in rural areas, making urban centers more attractive for fitness enthusiasts. Furthermore, the superior availability of modern healthcare facilities and cutting-edge technologies in cities serves to enhance public health. Enhanced medical services facilitate the effective treatment of severe illnesses and the prevention of life-threatening conditions, ultimately leading to increased life expectancy among city dwellers.

Despite these acknowledged benefits, it is my contention that living in urban environments introduces an array of health-related concerns that ultimately undermine individual health. One of the most pressing issues is air pollution, which is predominantly caused by emissions from internal combustion engine vehicles. The dramatic rise in vehicle ownership, coupled with rampant urbanization and deforestation, has exacerbated this environmental crisis. Prolonged exposure to polluted air is linked to grave health implications, with air quality deterioration recognized as a major contributor to respiratory ailments such as asthma and lung cancer. Additionally, the frenetic pace of life typical in cities presents another significant challenge to health. Urban residents often face intense work schedules and substantial workloads, which force them to adapt to a highly competitive job market. This results in chronic stress and anxiety, conditions that are less prevalent in the comparatively relaxed rural lifestyle.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that living in metropolitan areas offers substantial advantages, it is essential to recognize the significant health drawbacks, including increased prevalence of respiratory diseases and heightened stress levels. A balanced view that weighs both the benefits and the detrimental effects of urban living is crucial for understanding its impact on public health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is widely acknowledged" -> "It is commonly recognized"
Explanation: "Commonly recognized" is a more precise term that maintains the formal tone while avoiding the slightly redundant "widely acknowledged," which can be seen as redundant in this context.
"Personally, I strongly endorse" -> "I firmly support"
Explanation: "I firmly support" is more direct and formal, avoiding the informal tone of "Personally, I strongly endorse," which is more conversational.
"plethora of health benefits" -> "abundance of health benefits"
Explanation: "Abundance" is a more formal synonym for "plethora," aligning better with academic style by avoiding colloquial language.
"fitness enthusiasts" -> "individuals interested in fitness"
Explanation: "Individuals interested in fitness" is more formal and precise than "fitness enthusiasts," which can sound informal and vague.
"frequently scarce" -> "often limited"
Explanation: "Often limited" is a more precise and formal way to describe the availability of resources, avoiding the less formal "frequently scarce."
"cutting-edge technologies" -> "advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Advanced technologies" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term compared to "cutting-edge," which can be seen as overly colloquial.
"Enhanced medical services" -> "Improved medical services"
Explanation: "Improved" is a more precise term than "enhanced," which can be vague and less formal in this context.
"grave health implications" -> "serious health implications"
Explanation: "Serious" is a more appropriate adjective for describing health implications in formal writing, as "grave" can imply a sense of finality that is not always intended.
"frenetic pace of life" -> "rapid pace of life"
Explanation: "Rapid" is a more neutral and formal term than "frenetic," which can be seen as overly dramatic and informal.
"intense work schedules" -> "demanding work schedules"
Explanation: "Demanding" is a more precise term that conveys the challenging nature of work schedules in a formal and academic context.
"substantial workloads" -> "significant workloads"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal synonym for "substantial," enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"comparatively relaxed" -> "relatively relaxed"
Explanation: "Relatively" is more precise and formal than "comparatively," which can be seen as less specific in this context.
"heightened stress levels" -> "increased stress levels"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more straightforward and formal term than "heightened," which can be seen as slightly more dramatic and less precise.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic style, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity in the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of the notion that living in big cities is detrimental to health. The introduction states the writer’s position unequivocally, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced discussion of both the benefits and drawbacks of urban living. However, while the essay acknowledges the health benefits of city life, it ultimately emphasizes the negative aspects, aligning well with the prompt’s requirement to agree or disagree. The mention of health benefits, though relevant, could be seen as somewhat underdeveloped in terms of counter-argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could more thoroughly explore the counter-arguments regarding health benefits. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the positive aspects of urban living, thus allowing for a more nuanced discussion before firmly reiterating their stance against city living.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that urban living poses significant health risks. The writer’s stance is evident from the introduction and is reinforced in each subsequent paragraph. However, the transition between discussing benefits and drawbacks could be smoother to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," when moving from discussing benefits to drawbacks. This would help the reader follow the argument more easily and reinforce the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in discussing the negative health impacts of urban living, such as air pollution and stress. The use of specific examples, like respiratory ailments linked to air quality, strengthens the argument. However, some points, particularly regarding the benefits of urban living, could be more thoroughly developed to provide a balanced view.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their discussion of the benefits of urban living by including specific examples or data that illustrate these points. For instance, citing studies that show improved access to healthcare or higher rates of physical activity in urban settings would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points made relevant to the discussion of health in urban environments. The writer does not deviate from the central argument, which is commendable. However, the inclusion of a more detailed exploration of the benefits could enhance the overall relevance and depth of the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central thesis. They could also consider briefly summarizing the benefits before delving into the drawbacks, which would reinforce the relevance of both sides of the argument while still aligning with their overall position.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should consider expanding on the counter-arguments, improving transitions between points, and providing more detailed support for both sides of the discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of urban living and the second paragraph addressing its drawbacks. This clear separation of ideas aids in understanding the argument. For instance, the transition from discussing health benefits to health challenges is smooth and effectively highlights the contrasting viewpoints.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between the benefits and drawbacks. For example, phrases like "However," or "On the contrary," could be used at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the main ideas before transitioning to the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs are clearly delineated, each addressing a distinct point. The conclusion succinctly wraps up the discussion, reiterating the main argument. This structure aids in readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the health benefits of urban living. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "despite," "furthermore," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall flow of the essay and assist in guiding the reader through the argument. The use of specific examples, such as "air pollution" and "chronic stress," further strengthens the cohesion by providing concrete evidence to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using terms like "conversely," "in contrast," or "as a result" can enhance the complexity of the writing and provide clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, varying the sentence structure within paragraphs can also improve cohesion; for example, starting some sentences with cohesive devices can create a more dynamic flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices. With minor adjustments to enhance transitions and paragraph openings, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "metropolitan areas," "plethora," "psychological relief," and "internal combustion engine vehicles." These choices reflect a strong command of language and an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. The use of phrases like "enhanced medical services" and "chronic stress and anxiety" further illustrates the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced arguments.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource even further, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "urban" and "city," alternatives like "metropolitan," "cosmopolitan," or "urbanized" could be employed. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or collocations related to health and urban living could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used in the essay is largely precise, with terms like "grave health implications" and "respiratory ailments" accurately conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the frenetic pace of life typical in cities" could be more effectively expressed by specifying what aspects of city life contribute to this pace, such as "the relentless demands of urban employment."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that every term used is the most appropriate for the context. This could involve replacing general terms with more specific ones. For instance, instead of "health-related concerns," the writer could specify "environmental health risks" or "psychosocial stressors" to provide clearer insights into the issues being discussed.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "acknowledged," "well-being," "exacerbated," and "deterioration" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail and proficiency in written English.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in regular reading can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on commonly misspelled words can further solidify spelling skills.

Overall, the essay showcases a strong lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Prolonged exposure to polluted air is linked to grave health implications, with air quality deterioration recognized as a major contributor to respiratory ailments such as asthma and lung cancer" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures and varied clause types enhances the sophistication of the writing. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "Urban residents" and "It is my contention," which could be diversified to improve flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Urban residents," the writer could use variations like "Those living in cities" or "Individuals in metropolitan areas." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the overall complexity and richness of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the dramatic rise in vehicle ownership, coupled with rampant urbanization and deforestation, has exacerbated this environmental crisis" is grammatically sound and punctuated correctly. However, there are minor issues with punctuation, such as the potential overuse of commas in complex lists, which can disrupt the flow of reading. For instance, in the sentence "Urban residents have access to a diverse range of resources, including gymnasiums, sports complexes, shopping centers, and wellness spas," the list is clear, but the use of "and" before the last item could be emphasized more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on refining comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the rules of punctuation, especially in lists and clauses, can help streamline the reading experience. Additionally, reviewing sentence structures to ensure clarity and conciseness will further improve the overall grammatical quality of the essay. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but attention to sentence variety and punctuation can elevate it further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly recognized that residing in metropolitan areas has a profound effect on public health and overall well-being. Personally, I firmly support the notion that urban living presents numerous health challenges.

Proponents of urban life often argue that it offers a plethora of health benefits, primarily due to the abundance of fitness and recreational facilities available to city inhabitants. Urban residents have access to a diverse range of resources, including gymnasiums, sports complexes, shopping centers, and wellness spas, all of which contribute to their physical well-being and psychological relief. Such amenities are often limited in rural areas, making urban centers more attractive for individuals interested in fitness. Furthermore, the superior availability of modern healthcare facilities and advanced technologies in cities serves to enhance public health. Improved medical services facilitate the effective treatment of serious illnesses and the prevention of life-threatening conditions, ultimately leading to increased life expectancy among city dwellers.

Despite these acknowledged benefits, it is my contention that living in urban environments introduces an array of health-related concerns that ultimately undermine individual health. One of the most pressing issues is air pollution, which is predominantly caused by emissions from internal combustion engine vehicles. The dramatic rise in vehicle ownership, coupled with rampant urbanization and deforestation, has exacerbated this environmental crisis. Prolonged exposure to polluted air is linked to serious health implications, with air quality deterioration recognized as a major contributor to respiratory ailments such as asthma and lung cancer. Additionally, the rapid pace of life typical in cities presents another significant challenge to health. Urban residents often face demanding work schedules and significant workloads, which force them to adapt to a highly competitive job market. This results in chronic stress and anxiety, conditions that are less prevalent in the relatively relaxed rural lifestyle.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that living in metropolitan areas offers substantial advantages, it is essential to recognize the significant health drawbacks, including the increased prevalence of respiratory diseases and heightened stress levels. A balanced view that weighs both the benefits and the detrimental effects of urban living is crucial for understanding its impact on public health.