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Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate as to whether students should place emphasis on key fields, or if culinary courses merit inclusion in the education system. This essay will explore these perspectives before I conclude that in conjunction with essential subjects that contribute to future careers, learning about food and its preparation is also crucial in the education system, promoting a healthy lifestyle among students.
On the one hand, the core subjects taught in schools play an indispensable role in shaping students' career prospects. Academic disciplines such as literature and mathematics are able to provide individuals with the foundational knowledge necessary in many professions comprising law and science. For instance, the critical thinking fostered by literature and the logical thinking acquired during math lessons are prerequisites for developing problem-solving skills, which are highly valued in the practical work environment, where employees might be required to resolve myriad real-life challenges, such as giving constructive justifications when defending accused or coming up with plausible explanations for natural phenomena.
On the other hand, possessing an understanding of food and cooking can improve general well-being and fosters a sense of independence in for students. One compelling argument is that students often fail to grasp food literacy, thereby likely opting for unhealthy options like soft drinks without perceiving their serious consequence. They, instead, should vitally be equipped with the principles of healthy eating, encompassing the inextricable role of minerals and fiber, which would inherently contribute to more informed choices of food source, typically including fruits and wholegrain products. Moreover, culinary courses are able to empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by teaching them how to cook dishes on their own. This skill becomes even more essential in today's world with fast-paced life, where parents often devote much of their time in the workplace and are unable to carefully prepare each meal for their child.
In conclusion, I believe both sides hold their merit. On balance, It is my opinion that albeit being necessary for children to focus on main subjects given their great practicality, food courses should also be incorporated into the school curriculum in order to ensure the young generation can learn and grow in their optimal physical state.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is an ongoing debate as to whether students should place emphasis on key fields, or if culinary courses merit inclusion in the education system."
    -> "There is an ongoing debate regarding whether students should prioritize core academic fields or if culinary courses deserve inclusion in the education system."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by replacing "place emphasis on key fields" with "prioritize core academic fields" and rephrasing to eliminate the informal "merit inclusion."

  2. "This essay will explore these perspectives before I conclude that in conjunction with essential subjects that contribute to future careers, learning about food and its preparation is also crucial in the education system, promoting a healthy lifestyle among students."
    -> "This essay will examine these perspectives before asserting that, alongside essential subjects contributing to future careers, acquiring knowledge about food and its preparation is vital in the education system, fostering a healthy lifestyle among students."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "explore" with "examine," refining the sentence structure, and using more precise language, such as "acquiring knowledge" instead of "learning about."

  3. "On the one hand, the core subjects taught in schools play an indispensable role in shaping students’ career prospects."
    -> "On one hand, the foundational subjects taught in schools play a crucial role in shaping students’ career prospects."
    Explanation: Simplifying "core subjects" to "foundational subjects" maintains formality while offering a more concise term.

  4. "For instance, the critical thinking fostered by literature and the logical thinking acquired during math lessons are prerequisites for developing problem-solving skills, which are highly valued in the practical work environment, where employees might be required to resolve myriad real-life challenges, such as giving constructive justifications when defending accused or coming up with plausible explanations for natural phenomena."
    -> "For example, the critical thinking cultivated through literature and the logical reasoning gained from math lessons are essential for developing problem-solving skills. These skills are highly valued in the professional work environment, where employees may need to address various real-life challenges, including providing justifications when defending the accused or offering plausible explanations for natural phenomena."
    Explanation: The improvements involve simplifying the expression, using "cultivated" instead of "fostered," and refining the structure for better clarity.

  5. "On the other hand, possessing an understanding of food and cooking can improve general well-being and fosters a sense of independence in for students."
    -> "On the other hand, possessing knowledge of food and cooking can enhance general well-being and cultivate a sense of independence in students."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by using "knowledge" instead of "understanding" and improving the structure for smoother expression.

  6. "One compelling argument is that students often fail to grasp food literacy, thereby likely opting for unhealthy options like soft drinks without perceiving their serious consequence."
    -> "A compelling argument is that students often lack food literacy, leading them to choose unhealthy options like soft drinks without fully understanding the serious consequences."
    Explanation: The revision improves clarity and formality by rephrasing to avoid redundancy and using more precise language.

  7. "They, instead, should vitally be equipped with the principles of healthy eating, encompassing the inextricable role of minerals and fiber, which would inherently contribute to more informed choices of food source, typically including fruits and wholegrain products."
    -> "Instead, they should be equipped with essential principles of healthy eating, considering the indispensable role of minerals and fiber. This knowledge would inherently contribute to making more informed choices regarding food sources, typically favoring fruits and wholegrain products."
    Explanation: The improved version removes the unnecessary "vitally," refines the structure for clarity, and uses more precise language.

  8. "Moreover, culinary courses are able to empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by teaching them how to cook dishes on their own."
    -> "Furthermore, culinary courses empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by instructing them in cooking dishes independently."
    Explanation: The suggested changes eliminate redundancy and enhance formality by simplifying the expression.

  9. "This skill becomes even more essential in today’s world with fast-paced life, where parents often devote much of their time in the workplace and are unable to carefully prepare each meal for their child."
    -> "This skill is increasingly essential in today’s fast-paced world, where parents often dedicate a significant portion of their time to the workplace, making it challenging to meticulously prepare each meal for their children."
    Explanation: The revised version improves formality by refining the sentence structure and using more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay will explore these perspectives before I conclude that in conjunction with essential subjects that contribute to future careers, learning about food and its preparation is also crucial in the education system, promoting a healthy lifestyle among students."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your introduction provides a clear thesis statement, it would benefit from a more concise expression. Consider streamlining the sentence for better clarity. For instance, "This essay will explore the importance of learning about food and its preparation alongside essential subjects, promoting a healthy lifestyle among students."
    • Improved example: "This essay will explore the importance of learning about food and its preparation alongside essential subjects, promoting a healthy lifestyle among students."
  2. Quoted text: "For instance, the critical thinking fostered by literature and the logical thinking acquired during math lessons are prerequisites for developing problem-solving skills, which are highly valued in the practical work environment, where employees might be required to resolve myriad real-life challenges, such as giving constructive justifications when defending accused or coming up with plausible explanations for natural phenomena."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument about the importance of core subjects is well-articulated. However, it tends to be somewhat lengthy and could benefit from a more straightforward expression. Try to convey the same idea with greater brevity and clarity.
    • Improved example: "For example, literature fosters critical thinking, and math develops logical skills, both essential for problem-solving in practical work environments. Employees often need these skills to provide justifications or explain natural phenomena."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, culinary courses are able to empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by teaching them how to cook dishes on their own. This skill becomes even more essential in today’s world with fast-paced life, where parents often devote much of their time in the workplace and are unable to carefully prepare each meal for their child."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your argument for culinary courses is strong, the connection to the overall topic of balancing essential subjects with culinary education could be clearer. Provide a more explicit link between the autonomy gained from cooking skills and its relevance to the broader educational system.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, culinary courses empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by teaching essential cooking skills. In today’s fast-paced world, where parents are often occupied at work, this self-sufficiency becomes crucial, emphasizing the need for culinary education alongside core subjects."

Overall, your essay effectively addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear position. However, some refinements in expression and linking ideas could enhance the overall coherence and clarity of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the debate, and each paragraph thereafter contributes to the development of the argument. There is effective use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas and maintain coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

However, there are instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices, and there could be a more varied use of linking words. Additionally, while the overall progression is sound, there are moments of slight underuse and overuse of cohesive devices, which prevent a seamless flow in some sections. The essay could benefit from a more nuanced balance in the use of cohesive elements.

Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall cohesion. The essay successfully presents a central thesis in the introduction and maintains a clear line of reasoning throughout.

How to improve:

  1. Ensure a varied use of cohesive devices to avoid overreliance on certain words or phrases.
  2. Pay attention to the balance of cohesion to maintain a smooth and seamless flow of ideas.
  3. Work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for improved cohesion.
  4. Consider incorporating a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
  5. Review the use of cohesive devices to eliminate instances of underuse and overuse, promoting a more consistent level of cohesion throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary throughout, showcasing a good command of lexical features. The writer effectively uses a variety of words and expressions, incorporating both common and uncommon lexical items to convey precise meanings. The vocabulary is employed fluently and flexibly, contributing to a sophisticated level of language use. There are rare minor errors, such as the phrase "in for students" which seems to be a typographical error or a minor slip. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 8 by skillfully employing a diverse vocabulary with only occasional inaccuracies.

How to improve:
To further enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer could focus on eliminating the rare minor errors that occur, ensuring meticulous proofreading to catch any slips or inaccuracies. Additionally, continuing to incorporate uncommon lexical items with precision and accuracy will contribute to an even stronger lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation overall. It effectively utilizes a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, to articulate ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. There are instances of minor errors, but these do not significantly impede comprehension or the overall quality of the writing. The essay showcases an understanding of sentence structures, exhibiting control and competence in grammatical usage.

How to improve:
To elevate the grammatical accuracy further, paying attention to the occasional errors, such as minor subject-verb agreement issues or the occasional punctuation inconsistency, would enhance the overall fluency of the essay. Careful proofreading to rectify these minor errors will contribute to refining the essay’s clarity and precision in language use. Additionally, while the essay effectively employs complex sentence structures, ensuring absolute accuracy in these complex sentences would enhance the essay’s overall quality.

This band score reflects a commendable use of grammar and structures with a few sporadic errors that minimally affect comprehension and communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate surrounding whether students should prioritize core subjects or include culinary courses in their education persists. This essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately concluding that, alongside essential subjects crucial for future careers, understanding food and its preparation is vital in promoting a healthy lifestyle among students.

On one hand, core subjects play an indispensable role in shaping students’ career prospects. Academic disciplines like literature and mathematics offer foundational knowledge necessary for various professions, including law and science. Critical thinking cultivated through literature and logical reasoning gained from math lessons are prerequisites for developing problem-solving skills highly valued in practical work environments. These skills enable employees to tackle real-life challenges, such as providing justifications in legal cases or explaining natural phenomena.

On the other hand, knowledge of food and cooking can enhance general well-being and instill a sense of independence in students. One compelling argument is that students often lack food literacy, leading them to make unhealthy choices like soft drinks without recognizing the potential consequences. They should instead be equipped with principles of healthy eating, understanding the role of minerals and fiber, which would guide them toward informed food choices, including fruits and wholegrain products. Moreover, culinary courses empower students to lead autonomous lifestyles by teaching them how to cook. This skill becomes even more critical in today’s fast-paced world, where parents may lack the time to prepare each meal for their child.

In conclusion, both perspectives have merit. While it is necessary for children to focus on main subjects due to their practicality, incorporating food courses into the school curriculum is essential. This ensures the young generation can learn and grow in their optimal physical state, balancing a strong foundation in traditional subjects with practical skills for a healthier and more independent future.

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