Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

People hold conflicting views about whether students should study the science of food and its preparation or allocate their time to core subjects. While there are benefits to learning food science, I would argue that teenagers should focus more on important subjects.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why students should spend their time on food science. Primarily, understanding the nutrients of food may help students build a balanced diet. As a result, they can maintain better health and avoid many diseases such as obesity, and heart disease which can be caused by consuming junk food. In addition, learning how to cook can promote their independence. For instance, food science and cooking skills could enable them to prepare healthy meals by themselves, instead of relying on family members

On the other hand, for students, focusing on core subjects may be more beneficial. First, students should prioritize studying essential subjects such as Math, English, and literature to prepare for the university entrance exam. These subjects provide the knowledge necessary for achieving high scores in the exam and gaining admission to a good university. As a result, they can access more and better job opportunities and tend to earn high salaries. Moreover, studying these crucial subjects also equips students with important skills. For instance, learning math can foster logical thinking and literature can improve critical thinking. These valuable skills can serve them well in both their professional and personal lives.

In conclusion, while there is no denying that learning the science of food can promote a healthy lifestyle and self-sufficiency, I believe that teenagers should prioritize core subjects to establish foundation knowledge for entrance exams and essential skills for future employment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"People hold conflicting views about whether students should study the science of food and its preparation or allocate their time to core subjects." -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether students should study food science and culinary arts or devote their time to core subjects."
Explanation: "People hold conflicting views" is a common phrase but replacing it with "There is a divergence of opinion" enhances the formality of the statement. Additionally, "the science of food and its preparation" can be more succinctly expressed as "food science and culinary arts."
"I would argue that teenagers should focus more on important subjects." -> "I contend that adolescents should prioritize core subjects."
Explanation: "I would argue" is somewhat informal for an academic essay. "I contend" presents the argument with more assertiveness. "Focus more on important subjects" is replaced with "prioritize core subjects" for clarity and precision.
"there are some reasons why students should spend their time on food science" -> "there are compelling reasons for students to dedicate time to studying food science"
Explanation: "there are some reasons" lacks emphasis and precision. "Compelling reasons" strengthens the assertion. "Spend their time on food science" is replaced with "dedicate time to studying food science" for clarity and formality.
"As a result, they can maintain better health and avoid many diseases such as obesity, and heart disease which can be caused by consuming junk food." -> "Consequently, they can safeguard their health and mitigate the risk of numerous diseases, including obesity and cardiovascular ailments, associated with the consumption of unhealthy foods."
Explanation: "Maintain better health" is replaced with "safeguard their health" for a more formal tone. "Avoid many diseases" is replaced with "mitigate the risk of numerous diseases" for specificity. "Such as" is replaced with "including" for clarity and formality. Additionally, "heart disease which can be caused by consuming junk food" is rephrased for conciseness and clarity.
"In addition, learning how to cook can promote their independence." -> "Moreover, acquiring culinary skills can foster independence."
Explanation: "In addition" is replaced with "Moreover" for variety. "Learning how to cook" is replaced with "acquiring culinary skills" for precision and formality.
"Instead of relying on family members" -> "Rather than depending on family members"
Explanation: "Instead of" is more conversational than "Rather than," which is more suitable for formal writing.
"for students, focusing on core subjects may be more beneficial." -> "Students may find greater benefit in prioritizing core subjects."
Explanation: "For students" is unnecessary as the context already establishes that the discussion pertains to them. "Focusing on core subjects may be more beneficial" is replaced with "Students may find greater benefit in prioritizing core subjects" for clarity and formality.
"First, students should prioritize studying essential subjects such as Math, English, and literature to prepare for the university entrance exam." -> "Primarily, students should prioritize the study of foundational subjects such as Mathematics, English, and literature in preparation for university entrance examinations."
Explanation: "First" is replaced with "Primarily" for academic formality. "Studying essential subjects" is replaced with "the study of foundational subjects" for specificity and precision.
"As a result, they can access more and better job opportunities and tend to earn high salaries." -> "Consequently, they can access a wider array of lucrative employment prospects and often command higher salaries."
Explanation: "Access more and better job opportunities" is refined to "access a wider array of lucrative employment prospects" for clarity and precision. "Tend to earn high salaries" is replaced with "often command higher salaries" for a more formal tone and specificity.
"Moreover, studying these crucial subjects also equips students with important skills." -> "Furthermore, studying these critical subjects imparts vital skills to students."
Explanation: "Moreover" is replaced with "Furthermore" for variety. "Crucial" is replaced with "critical" for emphasis. "Also equips" is replaced with "imparts" for clarity and formality.
"These valuable skills can serve them well in both their professional and personal lives." -> "These invaluable skills are applicable in both professional and personal spheres."
Explanation: "Valuable" is replaced with "invaluable" for emphasis. "Serve them well" is replaced with "are applicable" for clarity and formality. "In both their professional and personal lives" is replaced with "in both professional and personal spheres" for conciseness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt: the importance of studying the science of food and its preparation, as well as the argument for prioritizing important subjects. It discusses the benefits of each viewpoint and provides a clear opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that each perspective is thoroughly explored to avoid any perception of bias or imbalance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, advocating for prioritizing core subjects over the science of food. The position is clear from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, providing a nuanced discussion that acknowledges potential benefits of studying food science, even while prioritizing core subjects, could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing reasons and examples to support each perspective. It elaborates on the benefits of studying food science and core subjects, supporting them with relevant arguments.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider delving into the broader implications of prioritizing certain subjects over others. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments and addressing potential objections could enrich the essay’s depth and complexity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the merits of studying food science versus core subjects and offering a clear opinion. There are no significant deviations from the prompt.
- How to improve: To ensure complete adherence to the topic, carefully review each paragraph to confirm that all content directly relates to the discussion of studying food science and core subjects. Consider revising any tangential points to maintain coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, with the introduction presenting the two opposing views, followed by body paragraphs discussing the benefits of studying food science and the importance of core subjects separately. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point to avoid any overlap or confusion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supports its main point with relevant examples and explanations.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence throughout. Review the topic sentences to ensure they accurately represent the main idea of each paragraph, and consider incorporating more varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. Examples include transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "first," and "moreover," which help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: While the cohesive devices used are effective, consider incorporating a wider range of transitions to further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain a smooth and coherent flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the connection between sentences and reinforce the overall argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing diverse terminology to express ideas. For example, the essay employs varied vocabulary such as "conflicting views," "benefits," "prioritize," "essential," and "self-sufficiency" to articulate different concepts related to the topic. However, some repetition of vocabulary could be observed, such as the repeated use of "subjects" and "skills" in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety further, consider employing synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid redundancy. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "subjects" and "skills," you could substitute them with terms like "academic disciplines" or "proficiencies," respectively. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific terms in food science or academic jargon related to core subjects, can enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas with clarity. For instance, terms like "balanced diet," "obesity," "independence," "university entrance exam," and "critical thinking" are employed accurately to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "important subjects" in the prompt could be replaced with more specific terms like "core academic disciplines" or "foundational subjects" to provide greater clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to use terminology that precisely captures the intended meaning. Avoid vague or general terms where possible and opt for more specific vocabulary that aligns closely with the context. Additionally, ensure consistency in terminology usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. Most words are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the essay. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "univesity" instead of "university" and "self-sufficiency" instead of "self-sufficiency."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct minor errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practicing spelling through regular writing exercises and actively learning commonly misspelled words can help reinforce spelling proficiency. Finally, paying close attention to detail during the revision process can aid in detecting and rectifying any spelling inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively throughout the response. For instance, simple sentences such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help organize the argument, while complex sentences like "Understanding the nutrients of food may help students build a balanced diet" add depth and sophistication to the discussion.
- How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as those with dependent clauses or participial phrases. This can elevate the complexity and fluency of the essay. Additionally, varying the beginnings of sentences and using transitional phrases can contribute to a smoother flow and engagement for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("For instance, food science and cooking skills could enable them to prepare healthy meals by themselves, instead of relying on family members"). Additionally, there is a missing article in the phrase "for students" in the sentence "On the other hand, for students, focusing on core subjects may be more beneficial."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences and introductory phrases. Reviewing these rules and practicing with examples can help solidify your understanding and application. Additionally, proofreading carefully before submission can help catch any minor errors or omissions.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether students should study food science and culinary arts or devote their time to core subjects. I contend that adolescents should prioritize core subjects. There are compelling reasons for students to dedicate time to studying food science. Consequently, they can safeguard their health and mitigate the risk of numerous diseases, including obesity and cardiovascular ailments, associated with the consumption of unhealthy foods. Moreover, acquiring culinary skills can foster independence. Rather than depending on family members, students may find greater benefit in prioritizing core subjects. Primarily, students should prioritize the study of foundational subjects such as Mathematics, English, and literature in preparation for university entrance examinations. Consequently, they can access a wider array of lucrative employment prospects and often command higher salaries. Furthermore, studying these critical subjects imparts vital skills to students. These invaluable skills are applicable in both professional and personal spheres.