Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run be profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care overweight the disadvantages?

Some people claim that the key to leading a happy life is to possess good health, so healthcare services should be provided by private hospitals or clinics rather than public ones. This essay agrees that the benefits of the domination of private medical services are overshadowed by their incontrovertible drawbacks.
Notably, the proliferation of profit-making medical organizations can offer certain noteworthy benefits to patients. The primary and intrinsic upside is that this would provide patients with a higher-quality and faster medical service. Indubitably, well-qualified doctors and nurses in private ones typically cater to patients who are suffering from pain more carefully and meticulously, proportionately, which could be of great benefit for them not to pass a long waiting list before being checked and diagnosed, recovering from both ailments and severe diseases increases. Another inherent and intangible advantage of this phenomenon is to offer the sick comprehensive health packages. Doubtlessly, this private hospital would likely propose all-inclusive health check-up packages and preventive care programs, promoting early detection and proactive health management.
Despite these aforementioned advantages, I do believe that the prevalence of profit-making companies does more harm than good. The first prominent drawback is high expenses. Undeniably, private hospitals are characteristically more exorbitant than public hospitals, which could probably dispose patients to face significant out-of-pocket expenses, hence, leading to inequities in access to quality care. The second unquestionable and noticeable drawback is to focus on profit. Irrefutably, private healthcare services would prioritize profitable services and procedures over essential but less profitable ones by employing unskilled doctors and careless nurses to reduce their spending on salaries, proportionally, which would potentially drive them to face a lot of difficulties in curing, therefore, putting patients’ health in danger or even deprive their lives.
In conclusion, while the domination of private hospitals can yield noticeable benefits for patients, the disadvantages of this phenomenon are more incontrovertibly detrimental in light of the aforementioned reasoning.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people claim" -> "It is argued"
Explanation: "It is argued" is a more formal and impersonal way to introduce an opinion, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more conversational "Some people claim."
"possess good health" -> "enjoy good health"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is a more natural and precise term in this context, as it conveys a sense of experiencing health positively, which is more appropriate for an academic discussion.
"should be provided by private hospitals or clinics" -> "should be delivered by private hospitals or clinics"
Explanation: "Delivered" is a more precise term in the context of healthcare services, emphasizing the provision of services rather than the physical location.
"the benefits of the domination of private medical services" -> "the benefits of private medical services’ dominance"
Explanation: "Dominance" is a more precise term than "domination," and placing it after the noun phrase "private medical services" clarifies the subject of the sentence.
"incontrovertible drawbacks" -> "irrefutable drawbacks"
Explanation: "Irrefutable" is a more academically precise term than "incontrovertible," which is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing.
"Notably" -> "Notably, however"
Explanation: Adding "however" after "Notably" introduces a contrast, which is clearer and more formal than the standalone "Notably."
"well-qualified doctors and nurses" -> "highly qualified medical professionals"
Explanation: "Highly qualified medical professionals" is a more formal and inclusive term that encompasses both doctors and nurses.
"proportionately" -> "equally"
Explanation: "Equally" is more straightforward and appropriate in this context, avoiding the awkward and less common "proportionately."
"recovering from both ailments and severe diseases increases" -> "recovery from both ailments and severe diseases is enhanced"
Explanation: "Is enhanced" is a more precise and formal way to express improvement in medical outcomes.
"comprehensive health packages" -> "comprehensive healthcare packages"
Explanation: "Healthcare" is the correct term to use in this context, as it specifically refers to medical services and care.
"private hospital would likely propose" -> "private hospitals are likely to offer"
Explanation: "Are likely to offer" is more formal and active, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"high expenses" -> "high costs"
Explanation: "Costs" is a more precise term in the context of financial expenditures, aligning better with formal academic language.
"could probably dispose patients to face" -> "may lead patients to incur"
Explanation: "May lead patients to incur" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "could probably dispose patients to face."
"careless nurses" -> "inexperienced nurses"
Explanation: "Inexperienced" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "careless," which carries a negative connotation.
"potentially drive them to face a lot of difficulties" -> "potentially lead to significant challenges"
Explanation: "Lead to significant challenges" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "a lot of difficulties."
"putting patients’ health in danger or even deprive their lives" -> "endangering patients’ health or even depriving them of life"
Explanation: "Endangering" and "depriving them of life" are more precise and formal expressions, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, indicating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The body paragraphs present specific benefits of private healthcare, such as higher quality and faster service, followed by a discussion of significant drawbacks, including high costs and profit-driven practices. However, while the advantages are mentioned, they are less developed compared to the disadvantages, which could lead to an impression of imbalance in the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more detailed examples and evidence supporting the advantages of private healthcare. This could involve discussing specific scenarios or statistics that illustrate how private healthcare improves patient outcomes or efficiency. Additionally, a more balanced exploration of both sides would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the disadvantages of private healthcare outweigh its advantages. The use of phrases like "this essay agrees" and "I do believe" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence and ensure that the reader is always aware of the overarching argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of advantages to the subsequent disadvantages. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of private healthcare. The advantages are introduced with phrases like "notably" and "doubtlessly," and the drawbacks are articulated with strong language such as "undeniably" and "irrefutably." However, while the ideas are relevant, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "comprehensive health packages" could be expanded with examples of what these packages entail and how they benefit patients.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific types of services offered by private healthcare that exemplify the advantages or providing case studies where private healthcare has led to improved patient outcomes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of private healthcare versus public healthcare, addressing the prompt directly. The writer does not deviate from the main argument, which is commendable. However, some sentences could be more concise to avoid unnecessary complexity that might distract from the main points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for more straightforward sentence structures and avoid overly complex phrasing. Simplifying some of the language used, particularly in the discussion of drawbacks, could help ensure that the main points are communicated clearly and effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could further enhance the clarity, balance, and depth of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are organized into advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare, which helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of private healthcare, such as higher quality and faster service, while the second paragraph addresses the drawbacks, including high costs and a profit-driven focus. This clear separation of ideas contributes to the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could use more explicit linking phrases between the advantages and disadvantages. For example, a transitional sentence at the end of the first body paragraph could signal the shift to the next paragraph, such as "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered." This would further clarify the relationship between the points being made.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific points. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. For instance, starting with a sentence like "Despite the advantages, private healthcare presents several critical disadvantages" would provide a stronger thematic focus.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, the conclusion could be more distinct by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the overall argument and providing a more definitive closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "notably," "undeniably," and "despite," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" could be employed to introduce contrasting points more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. This could include using synonyms for "however," such as "nevertheless" or "conversely," and employing phrases like "in addition" or "furthermore" to introduce additional points. This variety will enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and make the argument more engaging for the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and impact of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "proliferation," "intrinsic," "exorbitant," and "inequities." These words contribute to the overall sophistication of the writing. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "private hospitals" and "patients" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "private hospitals," you could use "private healthcare facilities" or "for-profit medical institutions." Additionally, incorporating more idiomatic expressions or collocations could further enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "proportionately, which could be of great benefit for them not to pass a long waiting list" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning may be lost due to the convoluted structure and inappropriate use of "proportionately."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "proportionately," consider using "thus" or "therefore" to clarify the relationship between ideas. Rewriting the sentence for clarity, such as "This allows patients to avoid long waiting lists," would enhance precision and readability.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "incontrovertible," "exorbitant," and "irrefutably" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good level of proficiency in this area.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy through regular practice. Engaging in activities such as reading extensively and using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, proofreading the essay for any overlooked errors can further ensure spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. To reach a higher band, the writer should focus on enhancing vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the proliferation of profit-making medical organizations can offer certain noteworthy benefits to patients" and "the prevalence of profit-making companies does more harm than good" showcase the use of complex structures effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "which could probably dispose patients to face significant out-of-pocket expenses," where the structure could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the first prominent drawback is," you might use "One significant concern is" or "A major issue arises when." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If private healthcare prioritizes profit, then…") could enhance the complexity and engagement of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "which could probably dispose patients to face significant out-of-pocket expenses" contains awkward phrasing that may confuse readers. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can disrupt the flow of reading. For instance, "recovering from both ailments and severe diseases increases" lacks clarity and proper punctuation, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Review the use of commas in complex sentences to ensure they separate clauses correctly. For example, consider rephrasing "which could probably dispose patients to face significant out-of-pocket expenses" to "which may lead patients to incur significant out-of-pocket expenses." Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, especially in longer sentences, can help improve overall readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Notably, the proliferation of profit-making medical organizations can offer certain noteworthy benefits to patients. The primary and intrinsic upside is that this would provide patients with higher-quality and faster medical service. Indubitably, highly qualified doctors and nurses in private hospitals typically cater to patients who are suffering from pain more carefully and meticulously, which could be of great benefit for them, as they do not have to wait long before being checked and diagnosed. Additionally, recovery from both ailments and severe diseases is enhanced. Another inherent and intangible advantage of this phenomenon is the ability to offer the sick comprehensive healthcare packages. Doubtlessly, private hospitals are likely to propose all-inclusive health check-up packages and preventive care programs, promoting early detection and proactive health management.

Despite these aforementioned advantages, I do believe that the prevalence of profit-making companies does more harm than good. The first prominent drawback is high costs. Undeniably, private hospitals are characteristically more expensive than public hospitals, which may lead patients to incur significant out-of-pocket expenses, hence leading to inequities in access to quality care. The second unquestionable and noticeable drawback is the focus on profit. Irrefutably, private healthcare services would prioritize profitable services and procedures over essential but less profitable ones by employing inexperienced nurses and unskilled doctors to reduce their spending on salaries. This could potentially lead to significant challenges in curing patients, therefore endangering patients’ health or even depriving them of life.

In conclusion, while the dominance of private hospitals can yield noticeable benefits for patients, the disadvantages of this phenomenon are more irrefutably detrimental in light of the aforementioned reasoning.