Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that the main interest is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many contend that collaborations across countries around the world is predominantly advantageous to the environment , while others deem that the chef beneficiary of this is the economy. On delving into both sentiments, I find myself strongly leaning towards the latter stance.

On the one hand, worldwide cooperation certainly does wonders for the environment. It has been observed that several nations nowadays are working hand-in-hand to reduce anthropogenic adverse influences on the environment to ensure an equilibrium between the development of human civilization and the thriving of the nature. To elucidate, the EU has enacted policies on carbon emissions, urging its every of its member, especially developed ones, to reduce their emissions, heading towards net zero by the middle of the 21st century. Consequently, he exacerbation of climate change can be circumvented, resulting in a positive chain effect on not only humans but also on other organisms.

Nonetheless, it is indisputable that the primary motive for countries to collaborate with each other is to promote their economic growth. When a country establish a friendly relationship with one another, it is likely that these two will exchange technologies and intellect, as well as encourage domestic conglomerates to engage in the market of other country. This, without a doubt, gives rise to economic growth by injecting more resources and providing more job opportunities for people. For instance, Samsung, which was founded in Korea, has now entered the market of numerous countries around the world owing to the cooperation between Korea and other countries. In Viet Nam particularly, Samsung has established multiple factories and affiliations, thus giving employment to local people, supplementing them with a relatively stable source of income. Despite aforementioned merits, such can exert strains on the environment due to the fact that more factories and industries means more pollutants such as sewage and carbon dioxide are produced.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that although international cooperation can stimulate countries to diminish their negative impacts on the environment, its main aim seemingly lies in economic development through the exchange of resources and investment injection. The bottom line is that countries take into consideration environmental issues along with increasingly collaborate for the interest of their economy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"collaborations across countries around the world is predominantly advantageous" -> "collaborations among countries worldwide are predominantly advantageous"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect due to the missing verb agreement and the awkward placement of "around the world." The revised version corrects these issues and uses "worldwide" to enhance the formality and clarity of the statement.
"the chef beneficiary of this is the economy" -> "the primary beneficiary of this is the economy"
Explanation: The term "chef" is incorrectly used here, likely due to a typographical error. "Primary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term to describe the main beneficiary.
"On delving into both sentiments" -> "Upon examining both perspectives"
Explanation: "On delving into" is informal and vague. "Upon examining" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"does wonders for the environment" -> "has significant benefits for the environment"
Explanation: "Does wonders" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Has significant benefits" is more formal and precise.
"the EU has enacted policies on carbon emissions" -> "the EU has implemented policies regarding carbon emissions"
Explanation: "Enacted" is less specific in this context; "implemented" is more precise and commonly used in formal discussions about policy.
"every of its member" -> "each of its members"
Explanation: "Every of its member" is grammatically incorrect. "Each of its members" is the correct form, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"heading towards net zero by the middle of the 21st century" -> "aiming for net zero by the mid-21st century"
Explanation: "Heading towards" is somewhat informal and vague. "Aiming for" is more precise and formal, and "mid-21st century" is a more commonly used phrase in academic writing.
"the exacerbation of climate change" -> "the exacerbation of climate change"
Explanation: The phrase "the exacerbation of climate change" is redundant as "exacerbation" already implies an increase in severity. Removing "the" corrects this redundancy.
"not only humans but also on other organisms" -> "not only humans but also other organisms"
Explanation: The phrase "on other organisms" is awkward and incorrect. Removing "on" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"When a country establish a friendly relationship with one another" -> "When a country establishes a friendly relationship with another"
Explanation: "Establish" should be in the singular form "establishes" to agree with the singular subject "country." Also, "one another" is incorrect in this context; "another" is the correct form.
"engage in the market of other country" -> "enter the markets of other countries"
Explanation: "Engage in the market of other country" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Enter the markets of other countries" corrects these issues and uses the plural form "countries" to match the context.
"such can exert strains on the environment" -> "this can exert strains on the environment"
Explanation: "Such" is vague and imprecise in this context. "This" refers more clearly to the preceding idea, enhancing clarity and formality.
"more factories and industries means more pollutants" -> "more factories and industries mean more pollutants"
Explanation: "Means" should be "mean" to agree with the plural subject "factories and industries."
"The bottom line is that countries take into consideration environmental issues along with increasingly collaborate for the interest of their economy" -> "The primary consideration is that countries balance environmental concerns with economic interests"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version is more concise and formally expresses the idea of balancing environmental and economic concerns.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the benefits of international cooperation, discussing environmental protection and economic interests. The first paragraph introduces the two perspectives, while the body paragraphs delve into each viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the importance of both sides before stating the writer’s opinion. For instance, while the environmental benefits are discussed, the economic perspective could be more thoroughly explored in terms of its implications for international cooperation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal weight in the discussion. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to each perspective with balanced examples and explanations. Additionally, a clearer transition between discussing the two views would help in demonstrating how they relate to one another.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear, as they express a preference for the economic benefits of international cooperation. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reinforcing this stance. Phrases like "seemingly lies in economic development" introduce ambiguity and may weaken the overall argument. The position is somewhat diluted by the acknowledgment of environmental concerns without a strong rebuttal or clarification of why the economic argument is prioritized.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use definitive language in the conclusion. Instead of "seemingly," they could state that the primary aim of international cooperation is indeed economic development. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay with consistent references back to the thesis will help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of economic cooperation through the example of Samsung. However, the support for the environmental perspective could be strengthened. While the mention of EU policies is relevant, it lacks depth in explaining how these policies directly contribute to environmental protection. The essay could benefit from more detailed examples and elaboration on both sides.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and data to support claims. For instance, discussing specific environmental agreements or initiatives that have led to measurable outcomes would enhance the argument. Additionally, extending the discussion on how economic growth can lead to environmental degradation would provide a more nuanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of economic growth leading to environmental strain. While this is relevant, it could be seen as a deviation from the main argument if not tied back to the central thesis effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. When discussing the negative impacts of economic growth on the environment, it would be beneficial to frame this within the context of international cooperation and how it can mitigate these effects. This would help keep the discussion aligned with the prompt’s requirements.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion of both views, reinforcing the writer’s position, providing more detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a tight focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on international cooperation. Each body paragraph addresses one viewpoint, effectively separating the environmental benefits from the economic advantages. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used to introduce the first argument, but the shift to the opposing view lacks a clear transitional phrase, which could enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand" to signal the shift between contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could help reinforce the logical connections between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each body paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea being discussed. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While environmental benefits are significant, the primary focus of international cooperation often centers around economic interests." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Nonetheless," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the transition from discussing economic growth to the environmental impact of factories could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "However," to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the range of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with terms such as "anthropogenic adverse influences," "equilibrium," "conglomerates," and "pollutants." These choices reflect an ability to discuss complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetition and less varied vocabulary, such as the repeated use of "countries" and "cooperation."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could replace repetitive terms with synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "countries," alternatives like "nations," "states," or "governments" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more specific vocabulary related to economics and environmental science would further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some imprecise usages that could confuse the reader. For instance, the phrase "chef beneficiary" should be "chief beneficiary," indicating a misunderstanding of the term. Additionally, "he exacerbation" appears to be a typographical error for "the exacerbation."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should proofread for typographical errors and ensure that terms are used correctly. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find the right word for the context. For example, instead of "chef beneficiary," the correct phrase "chief beneficiary" should be used to convey the intended meaning clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "chef" instead of "chief" and "he exacerbation" instead of "the exacerbation." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards for commonly confused words. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools in word processing software can help catch errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud can also aid in identifying mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and earns a Band Score of 7, focusing on increasing lexical variety, ensuring precise vocabulary usage, and improving spelling accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some use of passive voice. For example, phrases like "it has been observed that several nations nowadays are working hand-in-hand" and "when a country establish a friendly relationship with one another" showcase attempts at complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "the chef beneficiary" instead of "the chief beneficiary" and "a friendly relationship with one another" which could be more concisely expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, conditional clauses) and ensure subject-verb agreement. For instance, revising "When a country establish" to "When countries establish" would improve clarity and accuracy. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence openings and transitions can help maintain reader engagement and improve flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, "the chef beneficiary" is a typographical error that should be corrected to "the chief beneficiary." The phrase "its every of its member" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "every one of its members." Additionally, punctuation issues such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "environment ," and missing commas in complex sentences hinder readability. The use of "he exacerbation" is also a typographical error that should be "the exacerbation."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that plural nouns are correctly matched with plural verbs. Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will also be beneficial. A thorough proofreading process can help catch typographical and grammatical errors before submission. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide additional support in identifying and correcting mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many contend that collaborations among countries worldwide are predominantly advantageous to the environment, while others deem that the primary beneficiary of this is the economy. Upon examining both perspectives, I find myself strongly leaning towards the latter stance.

On the one hand, international cooperation certainly has significant benefits for the environment. It has been observed that several nations today are working hand-in-hand to reduce anthropogenic adverse influences on the environment, aiming for a balance between the development of human civilization and the flourishing of nature. To elucidate, the EU has implemented policies regarding carbon emissions, urging each of its members, especially the developed ones, to reduce their emissions, aiming for net zero by the mid-21st century. Consequently, the exacerbation of climate change can be mitigated, resulting in a positive chain effect on not only humans but also other organisms.

Nonetheless, it is indisputable that the primary motive for countries to collaborate with each other is to promote their economic growth. When a country establishes a friendly relationship with another, it is likely that these two will exchange technologies and intellect, as well as encourage domestic conglomerates to enter the markets of other countries. This, without a doubt, gives rise to economic growth by injecting more resources and providing more job opportunities for people. For instance, Samsung, which was founded in Korea, has now entered the markets of numerous countries around the world owing to the cooperation between Korea and other nations. In Vietnam, particularly, Samsung has established multiple factories and affiliations, thus providing employment to local people and supplementing them with a relatively stable source of income. Despite these aforementioned merits, such developments can exert strains on the environment due to the fact that more factories and industries mean more pollutants, such as sewage and carbon dioxide, are produced.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that although international cooperation can stimulate countries to diminish their negative impacts on the environment, its main aim seemingly lies in economic development through the exchange of resources and investment. The primary consideration is that countries balance environmental concerns with economic interests as they increasingly collaborate for their mutual benefit.