Some people think that zoos have no useful purposes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Zoo is destination where some people reckon that it does not any beneficial to society these days. I strongly disagree with this statement for several reasons.

On the one hand, safari is a destination that people might expanding animal's knowledges. The reason for this is that zoo store a huge number of creatures with the purpose of conversation and also lanching conversation program for various dangered creature. This lead to permist people might feel empathy with animals, besides, having an opportunity to observe and reading background of these animals. For instance, the giraffa a vast animal and living in nature which hard to interact with people. Nevertheless, these days any individual might feed them food at the safaries followed by instructor, touching them, collecting materials to do assigment which become more easier than ever. If we do not have any zoo, might everyone lack of animal's knowledges and connecting with natural. It is why I believe that safaries play an significant role in society.

On the other hand, zoos bring a huge amount of money to country. This is because the development of economy that people have a tendency to establish international safaries with advancement infrastructue to totally attract the number of tourist in and out country. Thus, selling the ticket and food for customers which give people to a best experience. To exemplify, Phu Quoc have a international safaries with a hundred of wild animals and receiving a positive foreigner's feedback which means that bring a better financial. Subsequently, safaries should be developed in the future to improve tourism aspect.

In conclusion, I strongly agree about stay keep and deveploping the zoos in society as well. Simply, It contributes various advantage things in our life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Zoo is destination where some people reckon that it does not any beneficial to society these days." -> "Some individuals believe that zoos offer no benefits to society today."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"safari is a destination that people might expanding animal’s knowledges" -> "safaris are destinations that can expand people’s knowledge of animals"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the verb tense and subject-verb agreement, and uses more precise language.
"zoo store a huge number of creatures" -> "zoos house a large number of animals"
Explanation: "Store" is not the correct term for housing animals in zoos. "House" is more appropriate and formal.
"lanching conversation program" -> "launching conservation programs"
Explanation: "Lanching" is a typographical error. "Launching" is the correct verb, and "programs" should be plural to reflect the variety of conservation efforts.
"permist people might feel empathy with animals" -> "people may develop empathy for animals"
Explanation: "Permist" is not a word; "may" is the correct modal verb for expressing possibility. "Develop empathy for" is more precise and formal.
"reading background of these animals" -> "learning about the backgrounds of these animals"
Explanation: "Reading background" is incorrect; "learning about the backgrounds" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"the giraffa a vast animal" -> "the giraffe, a large animal"
Explanation: "Giraffa" is a typographical error; "giraffe" is the correct spelling. Also, the comma is necessary for clarity and proper punctuation.
"any individual might feed them food at the safaries" -> "any individual can feed them at the safaris"
Explanation: "Might" is not necessary here; "can" is more direct and appropriate. "Safaries" is a typographical error; "safaris" is the correct term.
"collecting materials to do assigment" -> "collecting materials for assignments"
Explanation: "Assigment" is a typographical error; "assignments" is the correct term. Also, "for" is more appropriate than "to" in this context.
"If we do not have any zoo, might everyone lack of animal’s knowledges" -> "If there were no zoos, everyone might lack knowledge of animals"
Explanation: "Do not have any zoo" is awkward and incorrect; "If there were no zoos" is more natural and grammatically correct. "Lack of animal’s knowledges" is grammatically incorrect; "lack of knowledge of animals" is correct.
"play an significant role" -> "play a significant role"
Explanation: "An" before a vowel sound should be "a" for grammatical correctness.
"bring a huge amount of money to country" -> "generate a significant amount of revenue for the country"
Explanation: "Bring a huge amount of money to country" is informal and vague. "Generate a significant amount of revenue for the country" is more precise and formal.
"selling the ticket and food for customers which give people to a best experience" -> "selling tickets and food to customers, providing an excellent experience"
Explanation: "Give people to a best experience" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Providing an excellent experience" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Phu Quoc have a international safaries" -> "Phu Quoc has an international safari"
Explanation: "Have" is incorrect; "has" is the correct verb form for a singular noun like "Phu Quoc." "Safaries" is a typographical error; "safari" is the correct term.
"receiving a positive foreigner’s feedback" -> "receiving positive feedback from foreigners"
Explanation: "Foreigner’s feedback" is grammatically incorrect; "feedback from foreigners" is correct and more formal.
"safaries should be developed in the future to improve tourism aspect" -> "safaris should be developed in the future to enhance the tourism sector"
Explanation: "Aspect" is too vague; "sector" is more specific and appropriate for discussing economic development.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that zoos have no useful purposes. It outlines two main arguments: the educational benefits of zoos and their economic contributions. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt asks "to what extent" rather than simply for a position. The introduction could have included a clearer thesis statement that reflects this nuance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to the prompt, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction. For example, they could clarify whether they fully disagree with the statement or if they acknowledge some valid points against zoos. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that zoos are not beneficial, which is commendable. However, the phrasing in some sections is somewhat convoluted, making it difficult to follow the argument. For instance, phrases like "this lead to permist people might feel empathy with animals" could confuse readers about the intended message.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should focus on using straightforward language and clear sentence structures. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. This will help ensure that the position remains clear throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the educational and economic benefits of zoos, but the development of these ideas is sometimes lacking. For example, while the writer mentions that zoos help people feel empathy for animals, they do not provide sufficient evidence or examples to support this claim. The economic argument is similarly underdeveloped; while it mentions ticket sales and tourism, it lacks specific data or examples that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and data. For instance, they could cite statistics about zoo attendance or specific programs that have successfully educated the public about wildlife conservation. Additionally, expanding on how these benefits directly impact society would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits of zoos. However, some sentences drift slightly from the main argument, such as the mention of "collecting materials to do assignment," which feels tangential and could confuse the reader about the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. They can achieve this by regularly referring back to the thesis statement and ensuring that each point made is relevant to the overall discussion about the usefulness of zoos. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any off-topic statements before finalizing it can help maintain clarity and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that zoos have no useful purposes, which is a strong starting point. The arguments are organized into two main paragraphs, each addressing a different reason supporting the author’s viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the educational aspect of zoos, while the second focuses on their economic benefits. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the two paragraphs feels abrupt, and the connection between the points could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence summarizing the educational benefits before transitioning to the economic advantages would create a smoother flow. Additionally, a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph could help outline the main idea more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the first paragraph contains several ideas that could be better separated for clarity, such as the educational benefits and the emotional connection to animals. The second paragraph also introduces multiple ideas without clear delineation, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the author should ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that main idea. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible parts can enhance clarity. For instance, the first paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing solely on educational benefits and the other on emotional connections with animals.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting points. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "This lead to permist people might feel empathy with animals" are awkwardly constructed and may confuse the reader regarding the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently," to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, revising awkward phrases for clarity and grammatical accuracy will improve the overall coherence of the essay. For example, "This leads to people feeling empathy for animals" is clearer and grammatically correct.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "huge number of creatures," "international safaries," and "positive foreigner’s feedback" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, terms such as "safari" and "zoos" are repeated frequently, which limits the lexical range. The use of "destination" and "beneficial" is appropriate, but the overall vocabulary lacks sophistication and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "safari," alternatives like "wildlife parks" or "animal reserves" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text. For instance, instead of "huge amount of money," consider "substantial revenue."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "it does not any beneficial to society" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; it should be "it is not beneficial to society." The term "conversation" is mistakenly used instead of "conservation," leading to confusion about the intended meaning. Furthermore, "assigment" is a misspelling of "assignment," which affects the precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the meanings of words and their correct contexts. Regularly consulting a thesaurus and dictionary can help. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that terms are used correctly will enhance clarity. For example, replacing "conversation program" with "conservation program" would convey the intended message more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words like "deveploping," "permist," "lanching," "giraffa," and "safaries" are misspelled, which detracts from the overall quality of the writing. These errors suggest a need for greater attention to detail in spelling.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice regularly by writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can aid in improving spelling skills. For instance, ensuring "safari" is spelled correctly throughout the essay will enhance its professionalism.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance the writing. For example, phrases like "Zoo is destination where some people reckon that it does not any beneficial to society" use a straightforward structure but lack sophistication. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall sentence variety is insufficient.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "This is because the development of economy that people have a tendency to establish international safaries," the writer could say, "As the economy develops, people tend to establish international safaris, which attract tourists and generate revenue." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also enhance the overall complexity and engagement of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impede clarity. For example, "it does not any beneficial to society" should be "it is not beneficial to society," and "safari is a destination that people might expanding animal’s knowledges" should be "safaris are destinations where people can expand their knowledge of animals." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of apostrophes (e.g., "animal’s knowledges"), detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb forms, and the proper use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are complete and correctly structured will enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before final submission.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice, feedback, and revision will be key to making these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Zoos are destinations where some people believe that they do not provide any benefits to society these days. I strongly disagree with this statement for several reasons.

On the one hand, safaris are destinations that can expand people’s knowledge of animals. The reason for this is that zoos house a huge number of creatures with the purpose of conservation and also launching conservation programs for various endangered species. This leads to people developing empathy for animals, as well as having the opportunity to observe and learn about the backgrounds of these animals. For instance, the giraffe, a large animal, lives in nature and is hard to interact with in the wild. Nevertheless, these days, any individual can feed them at the safaris under the guidance of an instructor, touch them, and collect materials for assignments, which has become easier than ever. If we do not have any zoos, everyone might lack knowledge of animals and their connection to nature. This is why I believe that safaris play a significant role in society.

On the other hand, zoos generate a significant amount of revenue for the country. This is because, with the development of the economy, people have a tendency to establish international safaris with advanced infrastructure to attract a large number of tourists from both inside and outside the country. Thus, selling tickets and food to customers provides people with an excellent experience. To exemplify, Phu Quoc has an international safari with hundreds of wild animals and receives positive feedback from foreigners, which means it brings better financial benefits. Subsequently, safaris should be developed in the future to enhance the tourism sector.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that we should keep and develop zoos in society as well. Simply put, they contribute various advantages to our lives.