Some university student wants to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While some argue that students should devote all their time solely to studying for their main qualifications, others believe that learning about others is equally important. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, but I am in favor of the latter view.
On the one hand, there are clear advantages to focusing solely on studying for a qualification. Firstly, it is indisputable that expertise knowledge requires significant time and effort to master. For example, in the medical field, becoming a pharmacist requires acquiring in-depth knowledge about medications, including their production and clinical use. Secondly, dedicating all one’s energy to studying for a qualification can result in higher academic performance, potentially opening up more opportunities in the job market.
On the other hand, it seems to me that students should also explore other subjects in addition to their main qualifications. In today’s competitive job market, employers often require a diverse set of skills and experiences from their candidates beyond just academic qualifications. Therefore, students who broaden their knowledge beyond their main subjects are better equipped to meet the demands of the modern workforce.
In addition, despite the challenges of specialized knowledge, students can still manage their schedules effectively to pursue additional skills. For example, they could engage in extra classes during evenings or weekends, or take advantage of online courses that offer flexibility in learning times.
In conclusion, while mastering a qualification is undoubtedly important, I believe that students should also allocate time to explore other subjects and develop other skills. By doing so, they can enhance their employability, personal growth, and overall academic experience.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"others believe that learning about others is equally important" -> "others argue that acquiring knowledge in diverse fields is equally crucial"
Explanation: "Learning about others" is vague and could be misunderstood. "Acquiring knowledge in diverse fields" is more precise and academic, conveying the idea of exploring various subjects beyond one’s main qualifications.
"This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, but I am in favor of the latter view." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives, yet I advocate for the latter stance."
Explanation: "Discuss" is slightly informal; "examine" is more formal and academic. "But I am in favor of the latter view" could be expressed more elegantly as "yet I advocate for the latter stance."
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is a common phrase, but "Firstly" introduces the first point in a more structured and formal manner, which is appropriate for an academic essay.
"it is indisputable that expertise knowledge requires significant time and effort to master" -> "it is undeniable that acquiring expertise demands substantial time and effort"
Explanation: "Expertise knowledge" is awkward and redundant; "expertise" suffices. "Requires significant time and effort to master" can be streamlined to "demands substantial time and effort."
"For example, in the medical field, becoming a pharmacist requires acquiring in-depth knowledge about medications, including their production and clinical use." -> "For instance, within the medical domain, attaining the role of a pharmacist necessitates a profound understanding of medications, encompassing their production and clinical application."
Explanation: "In the medical field" is somewhat colloquial; "within the medical domain" is more formal. "Becoming a pharmacist requires acquiring in-depth knowledge" can be refined to "attaining the role of a pharmacist necessitates."
"Secondly, dedicating all one’s energy to studying for a qualification can result in higher academic performance, potentially opening up more opportunities in the job market." -> "Secondly, devoting one’s full energy to academic pursuits can yield superior performance, thereby expanding employment prospects."
Explanation: "Dedicating all one’s energy" is informal; "devoting one’s full energy" is more formal. "Result in higher academic performance, potentially opening up more opportunities" can be condensed to "yield superior performance, thereby expanding employment prospects."
"it seems to me that students should also explore other subjects" -> "I contend that students should also delve into additional subjects"
Explanation: "It seems to me" is a subjective expression; "I contend" presents the viewpoint more assertively. "Explore other subjects" can be replaced with "delve into additional subjects" for a more formal tone.
"In today’s competitive job market" -> "In the contemporary competitive employment landscape"
Explanation: "Today’s competitive job market" is slightly informal; "contemporary competitive employment landscape" is more formal and precise.
"Therefore, students who broaden their knowledge beyond their main subjects are better equipped to meet the demands of the modern workforce." -> "Hence, students diversifying their knowledge beyond their core disciplines are more adept at fulfilling the requirements of the contemporary job market."
Explanation: "Broaden their knowledge beyond their main subjects" can be replaced with "diversifying their knowledge beyond their core disciplines" for clarity and formality. "Meet the demands of the modern workforce" is replaced with "fulfilling the requirements of the contemporary job market" for precision.
"In addition" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "In addition" is suitable but "Furthermore" adds variation to the transitional phrases, enhancing the essay’s formal style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument as presented in the prompt. It discusses the perspective of dedicating all time to studying for qualifications as well as the viewpoint advocating for learning about other subjects. Each viewpoint is clearly outlined in the introduction, and throughout the essay, arguments supporting both perspectives are presented.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, enhancing the depth of analysis for each viewpoint could further strengthen the response. Providing more specific examples or citing research studies could bolster the argumentation and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of students exploring other subjects in addition to their main qualifications. This stance is evident from the introduction, where the writer states their opinion, and it is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the writer could reinforce their position by explicitly restating it in the conclusion. This would leave no doubt about the writer’s standpoint and provide a strong closing statement.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph is well-developed, providing detailed arguments and examples to support the main points. For instance, the essay discusses the advantages of focusing solely on studying for qualifications and also elaborates on the benefits of exploring other subjects.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, the writer could consider exploring potential counterarguments or addressing potential limitations of the arguments presented. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and add nuance to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the importance of studying for qualifications versus exploring other subjects. There are no significant deviations from the central theme, and each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer could ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic and contributes to advancing the argument. This can be achieved by carefully structuring the essay and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly relate to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong task response by addressing all parts of the question, presenting a clear position, effectively extending and supporting ideas, and staying on topic. To improve further, the writer could enhance the depth of analysis, reinforce their position more explicitly, explore counterarguments, and ensure each paragraph contributes directly to the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s stance. Each paragraph thereafter follows a coherent structure, presenting arguments for each viewpoint in a clear and sequential manner. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider reinforcing the connection between paragraphs by utilizing transitional phrases or sentences. This can help smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next, creating a seamless flow throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, such as the advantages of focusing solely on qualifications or the benefits of exploring other subjects. The structure within each paragraph is clear, with topic sentences introducing the main idea followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: While the essay’s paragraphing is generally strong, ensure that each paragraph maintains a cohesive focus on its main point. Avoid introducing unrelated ideas within a single paragraph to prevent confusion and maintain clarity for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence throughout the text. Transition words and phrases such as "while," "on the one hand," and "in addition" effectively signal shifts between different arguments and viewpoints. Additionally, pronouns and repetition of key terms help reinforce connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and advanced transitional expressions. This can add sophistication to the essay’s structure and enhance the overall readability for the reader. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they contribute to a smooth and logical flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing a range of cohesive devices to maintain clarity and coherence. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can further elevate its coherence and cohesion to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Phrases like "indisputable," "dedicating all one’s energy," "broaden their knowledge," and "engage in extra classes" showcase a breadth of lexical choices. These varied expressions contribute to the richness and complexity of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enrich the lexical resource, consider integrating more domain-specific terminology or nuanced vocabulary related to the arguments presented. For instance, in discussing the benefits of diversifying skills for employability, incorporating specific industry-related terms or professional jargon could enhance the sophistication of the argumentation.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "qualifications" throughout the essay may lead to repetition and slightly diminish the impact. Replacing it occasionally with synonyms like "credentials," "expertise," or "proficiencies" could add variety and precision to the language.
- How to improve: Avoid over-reliance on certain terms by exploring synonyms or alternative expressions. Thesauruses or vocabulary expansion exercises can assist in identifying suitable replacements that maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally strong throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "employability" (employability), "indisputable" (indisputable), and "maneuver" (manage). While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, ensuring consistent attention to spelling accuracy is important for maintaining overall professionalism and clarity.
- How to improve: Employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or utilizing spell-checking tools can help catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling accuracy can contribute to sustained improvement in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It utilizes diverse syntactic constructions effectively to convey ideas and arguments. For instance, simple sentences are employed for clarity and emphasis, while complex sentences are used to present nuanced arguments. Phrases such as "While some argue… others believe…" and "On the one hand… On the other hand…" facilitate a clear presentation of contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, the essay incorporates conditional sentences ("if… then") and subordinate clauses to express hypothetical scenarios and causal relationships.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism, rhetorical questions, or inverted syntax for added variety and sophistication. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and enhance coherence. Employing techniques like appositives or participial phrases can also contribute to sentence diversity and stylistic elegance.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. Sentence structures are well-formed, and verb conjugations, subject-verb agreement, and pronoun references are consistently appropriate. Punctuation marks are generally used correctly to demarcate sentence boundaries, indicate pauses, and clarify meaning. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing commas in compound sentences or inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in compound sentences and after introductory phrases. Reviewing subject-verb agreement rules and ensuring consistency in verb tense usage can help eliminate any remaining errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay meticulously for capitalization consistency and proper noun usage can refine overall grammatical precision. Consider utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and rectify any overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, showcasing a diverse range of sentence structures with minimal grammatical errors. Continued practice and attention to detail can further refine linguistic proficiency and elevate the essay’s overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some argue that students should dedicate all their time solely to studying for their main qualifications, others believe that learning about other subjects is equally important. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, but I am in favor of the latter view.

On the one hand, there are clear advantages to focusing solely on studying for a qualification. Firstly, it is indisputable that expertise knowledge requires significant time and effort to master. For example, in the medical field, becoming a pharmacist requires acquiring in-depth knowledge about medications, including their production and clinical use. Secondly, dedicating all one’s energy to studying for a qualification can result in higher academic performance, potentially opening up more opportunities in the job market.

On the other hand, it seems to me that students should also explore other subjects in addition to their main qualifications. In today’s competitive job market, employers often require a diverse set of skills and experiences from their candidates beyond just academic qualifications. Therefore, students who broaden their knowledge beyond their main subjects are better equipped to meet the demands of the modern workforce.

Moreover, despite the challenges of specialized knowledge, students can still manage their schedules effectively to pursue additional skills. For example, they could engage in extra classes during evenings or weekends, or take advantage of online courses that offer flexibility in learning times.

In conclusion, while mastering a qualification is undoubtedly important, I believe that students should also allocate time to explore other subjects and develop other skills. By doing so, they can enhance their employability, personal growth, and overall academic experience.