Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

From the very beginning of education, people have been used to studying multiple subjects at a time. Debates arise when some university students desire to mainly focus on the qualification of one major, while others believe that they should study additional subjects besides their main one. I personally agree with the previous statement and the reasons are delineated in the following paragraphs.

Many people believe that students focusing on solely one subject are beneficial from a solid foundation at an early stage of their life. When paying attention to a certain subject, career orientations are planned logically as they know to prioritize what they need in the future. Students also do not have to face hesitation when coming to the part of choosing between an abundance of subjects that do nothing to their future career, and firmly adhere to the subject they have picked. Sticking glue to the systematic curriculum increases the chance of digging into the in-depth knowledge of the subject, which they gather gradually through years of research, turning learners into a professional afterward. Contrastingly, obtaining knowledge from a number of subjects simultaneously imposes more strain on learners. It is frustrating for them to allocate the time appropriately which they can barely concentrate on developing their main subject as a consequence.

Granted all the challenges students may cope with when studying multisubjects, they manage to have a comprehensive preparation to muddle through more massive obstacles and opportunities along their career and life path. On that road, students can identify and recognise their own passion, aiding them in determining appropriate career goals by diversifying the wisdom and experiences gained via different subjects. In the long run, these understandings become transferable skills, which means knowledge from separate fields can subordinate each other, linking the skills together. Take students majoring in English pedagogy for example, still have to learn some subjects about business, translating and interpreting besides their main subjects in order to widen their perspective about other fields, as well as having wider selections to choose from after graduation. Even if they continue with their teaching path, the skillset of translating can still be applied to the lessons to make them more comprehensive for the learners, or they can use negotiating skills to better communicate and understand their students.

In conclusion, albeit having certain benefits in single-subject studying, learning additional subjects has more practical benefits that can help to overcome difficulties and welcome more chances on one’s future road.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "people have been used to studying" -> "individuals have traditionally studied"
   Explanation: "Individuals have traditionally studied" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquialism "used to" which is less appropriate in academic writing.

2. "Debates arise" -> "Discussions emerge"
   Explanation: "Discussions emerge" is a more formal and precise term than "debates arise," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic contexts.

3. "mainly focus on the qualification of one major" -> "primarily concentrate on a single major"
   Explanation: "Primarily concentrate on a single major" is more precise and academically appropriate than "mainly focus on the qualification of one major," which is awkwardly phrased and unclear.

4. "beneficial from a solid foundation" -> "benefit from a solid foundation"
   Explanation: "Benefit from" is the correct phrase, as "beneficial" is an adjective and should not be used with "from."

5. "planned logically" -> "planned strategically"
   Explanation: "Strategically" is more precise and formal than "logically," which is somewhat vague in this context.

6. "do nothing to their future career" -> "are irrelevant to their future career"
   Explanation: "Are irrelevant to their future career" is more precise and formal than "do nothing to their future career," which is colloquial and imprecise.

7. "Sticking glue to the systematic curriculum" -> "Adhering to the systematic curriculum"
   Explanation: "Adhering to" is a more formal and appropriate verb choice than "sticking glue," which is an idiom and too informal for academic writing.

8. "digging into the in-depth knowledge" -> "delving into the in-depth knowledge"
   Explanation: "Delving into" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "digging into," which is colloquial.

9. "imposes more strain on learners" -> "places greater strain on learners"
   Explanation: "Places greater strain" is a more formal expression than "imposes more strain," which is slightly awkward and less commonly used.

10. "allocate the time appropriately" -> "effectively allocate time"
    Explanation: "Effectively allocate time" is more concise and formal than "allocate the time appropriately," which is verbose.

11. "multisubjects" -> "multiple subjects"
    Explanation: "Multiple subjects" is the correct term, whereas "multisubjects" is not standard English.

12. "muddle through more massive obstacles" -> "overcome significant challenges"
    Explanation: "Overcome significant challenges" is more formal and precise than "muddle through more massive obstacles," which uses colloquial language.

13. "linking the skills together" -> "integrating the skills"
    Explanation: "Integrating the skills" is a more precise and formal term than "linking the skills together," which is somewhat vague.

14. "widen their perspective about other fields" -> "broaden their understanding of other fields"
    Explanation: "Broaden their understanding of other fields" is more formal and precise than "widen their perspective about other fields," which is awkwardly phrased.

15. "welcome more chances on one’s future road" -> "welcome more opportunities on their future path"
    Explanation: "Welcome more opportunities on their future path" is more formal and uses the correct possessive pronoun "their" instead of "one’s," which is less commonly used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt. It discusses the advantages of focusing solely on a single subject, highlighting how this approach can lead to a solid foundation and in-depth knowledge. The essay also presents the counterargument, emphasizing the benefits of studying additional subjects, such as the development of transferable skills and broader career options. The inclusion of examples, such as students majoring in English pedagogy, strengthens the argument. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the section on the benefits of studying multiple subjects is slightly more developed than the section on focusing on one subject.
  • How to improve: To enhance the balance between the two perspectives, consider dedicating equal attention to each viewpoint. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples or elaborating further on the potential drawbacks of focusing solely on one subject, such as limited career flexibility or a lack of interdisciplinary skills.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of studying additional subjects, stating the author’s agreement with this viewpoint early on. The stance is maintained throughout the essay, with consistent references to the benefits of a broader educational approach. However, the transition between discussing the two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from one viewpoint to the other feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency in the position, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the discussion of both views. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective and reinforce the author’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the section discussing the benefits of studying multiple subjects. The use of examples, such as the English pedagogy students, effectively illustrates how diverse knowledge can enhance career prospects. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed, particularly the potential benefits of focusing on a single subject.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, consider providing additional examples or data that illustrate the benefits of focusing on one subject. This could include statistics on job placement rates for graduates with specialized knowledge versus those with a broader education. Additionally, elaborating on how specific skills gained from multiple subjects can be applied in real-world scenarios would further enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements and maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly when elaborating on the skills gained from studying multiple subjects. While these points are relevant, they could be more directly tied back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central thesis of the essay. When introducing examples or discussing skills, explicitly connect them to how they support the overall argument regarding the benefits of a broader educational approach. This will help keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt’s requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the two perspectives. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the argument for focusing on a single subject and then counter it with the benefits of studying multiple subjects. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother, as the shift from one viewpoint to the other feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, summarizing the key points of the first argument before transitioning to the second could help reinforce the logical progression of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, with the first paragraph dedicated to the benefits of focusing on one subject and the second paragraph addressing the advantages of a broader educational approach. However, the paragraphs could be more distinctly defined, as some sentences within the paragraphs are lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones, which can help maintain the reader’s attention and improve overall clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "granted," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, while the essay uses some linking words effectively, there are moments where the connections between ideas could be strengthened with additional cohesive devices.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the contrary." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "career orientations," "in-depth knowledge," and "transferable skills" effectively conveying complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "students focusing on solely one subject" could be rephrased to include synonyms for "focusing" or "subject" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and alternative expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "subject," terms like "discipline," "field," or "area of study" could be used interchangeably. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and career development would elevate the overall quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "students can identify and recognise their own passion" could be more precise by specifying what type of "passion" is being referred to—academic, professional, or personal. Furthermore, the term "muddle through" is somewhat informal and may not fit the academic tone of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that clearly convey their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "muddle through," a more formal expression like "navigate" or "overcome" could be employed. Additionally, providing context for terms like "passion" would clarify the writer’s intent and strengthen the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "recognise," "beneficial," and "appropriate" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid command of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to ensure that no minor errors slip through. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there is room for improvement in range and precision. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, enhancing the specificity of word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases like "students focusing on solely one subject are beneficial from a solid foundation at an early stage of their life" and "students can identify and recognise their own passion, aiding them in determining appropriate career goals" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and participial phrases. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences or varying the use of passive voice. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "students," the writer could begin with adverbial phrases (e.g., "By focusing on one subject, students can…") or use introductory clauses to create a more engaging flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "students focusing on solely one subject are beneficial from a solid foundation" could be more clearly expressed as "students who focus solely on one subject benefit from a solid foundation." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which they gather gradually through years of research" to separate the main clause from the relative clause.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles. For example, "students majoring in English pedagogy for example, still have to learn some subjects about business" should include a comma after "pedagogy" for clarity. Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify and correct complex structures, while reviewing punctuation rules can enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

From the very beginning of education, individuals have traditionally studied multiple subjects simultaneously. Discussions emerge when some university students desire to primarily concentrate on the qualification of one major, while others believe that they should delve into additional subjects alongside their main one. I personally agree with the former statement, and the reasons are delineated in the following paragraphs.

Many people believe that students focusing solely on one subject benefit from a solid foundation at an early stage of their lives. By concentrating on a specific subject, career orientations are planned strategically, as students know how to prioritize what they need for their future. They also do not face hesitation when it comes to choosing between multiple subjects that are irrelevant to their future career, allowing them to firmly adhere to the subject they have selected. Adhering to a systematic curriculum increases the chance of gaining in-depth knowledge of the subject, which they accumulate gradually through years of research, ultimately transforming learners into professionals. In contrast, obtaining knowledge from multiple subjects simultaneously places greater strain on learners. It can be frustrating for them to effectively allocate their time, which may hinder their ability to concentrate on developing their main subject as a consequence.

Granted all the challenges students may encounter when studying multiple subjects, they manage to prepare comprehensively to overcome significant obstacles and seize opportunities along their career and life paths. On this journey, students can identify and recognize their own passions, aiding them in determining appropriate career goals by broadening their understanding of other fields. In the long run, these insights become transferable skills, meaning that knowledge from separate fields can complement each other, integrating the skills effectively. For example, students majoring in English pedagogy still need to learn subjects related to business, translation, and interpreting in order to widen their perspectives on other fields, as well as to have more options after graduation. Even if they continue on their teaching path, the skill set of translating can still be applied to lessons, making them more comprehensive for learners, or they can use negotiation skills to better communicate and understand their students.

In conclusion, although there are certain benefits to studying a single subject, learning additional subjects offers more practical advantages that can help individuals overcome difficulties and welcome more opportunities on their future paths.