Task 1: The graph shows the number of foreign tourists visiting country X in 2019 and 2020

The bar chart compares the percentage of Foreign Tourist Visiting xCountry in 2019 and 2020, while the table shows the annual income of different enterprises in x Country . The number of visitors is given in thousands, whereas the income is given in million dollars.
According to the bar graph, there were over 2000 thousand tourists in Europe, China and Japan, while the Us and Canada were slightly higher in 2019. In the following year, American and Canadian tourists saw the significant drop, with roughly 2500 thousand visitors falling to less than 5 times lower. Turning to the data for China and Japan, the period began much higher ( 3000 thousand ) and fell less significantly to 2000 thousand. In terms of Australian tourists, the statistics dropped slightly yet remained at 2000 thousand in 2020.
Moving to the table, the annual profit of the hotel was the highest at 3.5 million dollars in 2018, whereas the number fell to 0.5 million dollars, being the largest drop in the table. The annual turnover of restaurant, bar and Souvenir shops began with 2.4 million in the previous year and fell to a half in 2020. The income of Transportation and Travel Agents dropped by over half compared with 2019. Tour guide, small vendors are the industry with the least deceased with 1.1 million dollars in 2020.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Foreign Tourist Visiting" -> "Foreign Tourist Visits"
Explanation: The verb "visiting" should be in the singular form "visit" to agree with the noun "tourist" in the singular form, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"xCountry" -> "the country"
Explanation: "xCountry" is an informal and unclear term. Using "the country" provides clarity and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"over 2000 thousand" -> "over 2,000"
Explanation: "over 2000 thousand" is redundant. "over 2,000" is the correct numerical expression, enhancing clarity and precision.
"saw the significant drop" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "saw the significant drop" uses informal language ("saw"). "experienced a significant decline" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"roughly 2500 thousand" -> "approximately 2,500"
Explanation: "roughly 2500 thousand" is awkward and redundant. "approximately 2,500" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.
"less than 5 times lower" -> "a decrease of nearly 80%"
Explanation: "less than 5 times lower" is vague and informal. "a decrease of nearly 80%" provides a precise percentage, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the period began much higher" -> "the period started significantly higher"
Explanation: "began much higher" is informal and lacks precision. "started significantly higher" is more formal and provides a clearer comparison.
"fell less significantly" -> "decreased less significantly"
Explanation: "fell" is a less formal verb choice. "decreased" is more suitable for academic writing, maintaining a formal tone.
"the statistics dropped slightly" -> "the statistics decreased marginally"
Explanation: "dropped" is informal and vague. "decreased marginally" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic contexts.
"the largest drop" -> "the most significant decline"
Explanation: "the largest drop" is informal and imprecise. "the most significant decline" is more formal and accurately describes the extent of change.
"being the largest drop" -> "representing the largest decline"
Explanation: "being the largest drop" is awkward and informal. "representing the largest decline" is clearer and more formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"Tour guide, small vendors are the industry with the least deceased" -> "Tour guides and small vendors experienced the smallest decline"
Explanation: "the least deceased" is incorrect and unclear. "experienced the smallest decline" is grammatically correct and more precise, improving clarity and formality.

These changes enhance the essay’s formality, precision, and clarity, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the number of visitors is given in thousands, whereas the income is given in million dollars" but does not provide any further analysis of this information.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists from the US and Canada decreased significantly in 2020, while the number of tourists from China and Japan decreased less significantly. The essay could also state that the annual income of the hotel industry decreased significantly in 2020, while the annual income of the tour guide industry decreased less significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks overall progression and clarity. While there is an attempt to describe the data from both the bar chart and the table, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the information is jumbled together without clear separation of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, maintaining clear paragraphing will aid in guiding the reader through the essay. It would be beneficial to summarize key points at the end of each section to reinforce the overall progression of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the bar chart and table, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the significant drop" and "the largest drop in the table," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "deceased" instead of "decrease," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the criteria for a higher band due to these limitations.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help in achieving greater sophistication in vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are instances of grammatical accuracy, frequent errors are present, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Punctuation errors also appear, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, which further detracts from clarity. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 5 due to its limited range of structures and the presence of frequent grammatical errors.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are accurate. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of subordinate clauses and varying sentence beginnings can also improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the percentage of foreign tourists visiting Country X in 2019 and 2020, while the table illustrates the annual income of various enterprises in Country X. The number of visitors is presented in thousands, whereas the income is expressed in million dollars.

According to the bar graph, there were over 2,000 thousand tourists from Europe, China, and Japan, while the numbers for the US and Canada were slightly higher in 2019. In the following year, the number of American and Canadian tourists saw a significant drop, with roughly 2,500 thousand visitors decreasing to less than 500 thousand. Turning to the data for China and Japan, the period began much higher at 3,000 thousand and fell less significantly to 2,000 thousand. In terms of Australian tourists, the statistics dropped slightly yet remained at 2,000 thousand in 2020.

Moving to the table, the annual profit of hotels was the highest at 3.5 million dollars in 2019, whereas the figure fell to 0.5 million dollars, marking the largest drop in the table. The annual turnover of restaurants, bars, and souvenir shops began at 2.4 million in the previous year and fell to half that amount in 2020. The income of transportation and travel agents dropped by over half compared to 2019. Tour guides and small vendors represented the industry with the least decrease, earning 1.1 million dollars in 2020.