Task 1: The maps show art gallery in Australia in 1950 and now.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Both maps depict art exhibition, in 1950 and now it was reconstructed, housing new collections
Overall, the courtyard have been got rid of with a view to make room for extra facilities. Moreover, it can be witnessed there have been significant additions of new exhibitions and extra amenities such as cafe and toilet
The most noticeable additions are Australian Art and Asian Art. The former now has made up position behind sculpture, while the latter has appeared in the right of entrance, transforming the previous place of Australian Art, moving to the right corner. Furthermore, European Art and Middle European Art have remained unchanged.
In 1950, the left area was splitted into 3 places, with all of the identical sizes. Specifically, there are significant shift in the the appearance of Children Art school, moving to the left corner. Furthermore, cafe have reduced the size, making space for toilet. Moreover, temporary exhibition, bookshop, sculpture and entrance remain relatively untouched.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"art exhibition" -> "art exhibitions"
Explanation: The plural form "exhibitions" is more appropriate here, as the context refers to multiple exhibitions being depicted in the maps.
"in 1950 and now it was reconstructed" -> "in 1950 and its subsequent reconstruction"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the timeline and improves the flow by avoiding the awkward phrasing "now it was reconstructed."
"the courtyard have been got rid of" -> "the courtyard has been removed"
Explanation: "Has been removed" is more formal and precise than "have been got rid of," which is informal and vague.
"with a view to make room for extra facilities" -> "to create additional space for new facilities"
Explanation: "To create additional space" is clearer and more formal than "with a view to make room," which is somewhat convoluted.
"it can be witnessed there have been significant additions" -> "there have been significant additions"
Explanation: The phrase "it can be witnessed" is unnecessary and makes the sentence more awkward. Removing it streamlines the statement.
"such as cafe and toilet" -> "such as a café and restroom"
Explanation: Adding the article "a" before "café" and using "restroom" instead of "toilet" enhances formality and clarity.
"the former now has made up position behind sculpture" -> "the former now occupies a position behind the sculpture"
Explanation: "Occupies a position" is more precise and formal than "has made up position," which is awkward and unclear.
"has appeared in the right of entrance" -> "is located to the right of the entrance"
Explanation: "Is located to the right of the entrance" is clearer and more formal than "has appeared in the right of entrance."
"splitted into 3 places" -> "divided into three areas"
Explanation: "Divided" is the correct past participle of "divide," and "three areas" is more precise and formal than "3 places."
"there are significant shift in the the appearance of Children Art school" -> "there has been a significant shift in the appearance of the Children’s Art School"
Explanation: "There has been" provides correct grammatical structure, and "Children’s Art School" is the proper noun form, enhancing clarity.
"cafe have reduced the size" -> "the café has reduced in size"
Explanation: "The café has reduced in size" corrects the subject-verb agreement and improves clarity.
"making space for toilet" -> "creating space for a restroom"
Explanation: "Creating space" is more formal than "making space," and "restroom" is a more appropriate term in academic writing.
"temporary exhibition, bookshop, sculpture and entrance remain relatively untouched" -> "the temporary exhibition, bookshop, sculpture, and entrance remain relatively unchanged"
Explanation: "Remain relatively unchanged" is a more formal expression than "remain relatively untouched," and adding "the" improves specificity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the maps and makes some comparisons. However, the essay does not fully address all the requirements of the task. For example, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in the art gallery. The essay also does not adequately highlight all the key features of the maps.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes that have taken place in the art gallery. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features of the maps. For example, the essay could mention that the courtyard has been removed and that a new cafe and toilet have been added. The essay could also mention that the Children Art School has moved to the left corner and that the cafe has been reduced in size.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in the art gallery, the ideas are not clearly connected, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, which detracts from the overall clarity. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate different ideas or sections.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more logically. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct focus and is well-structured will improve overall clarity and progression in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the changes in the art gallery, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the courtyard have been got rid of" and "cafe have reduced the size," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors, such as "splitted" and "significant shift in the the appearance," further detract from clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Using more precise terms and ensuring correct collocations would improve clarity. Additionally, attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling will help convey the message more effectively. Practicing with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. Although there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to grammatical errors that can hinder comprehension. For example, phrases like "the courtyard have been got rid of" and "there are significant shift" contain errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, further detract from clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys some relevant information, the frequent errors and limited variety in sentence structure align it more closely with Band 5.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure they are grammatically correct. For instance, using subordinate clauses can add depth to the writing.
Review Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay attention to the agreement between subjects and verbs to avoid errors like "the courtyard have been."
Practice Punctuation: Regularly practice punctuation rules to ensure clarity and coherence in writing.
Proofreading: Always proofread the essay to catch and correct errors before submission. This can help identify and rectify mistakes that may obscure meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

Both maps depict the art gallery in Australia in 1950 and its current layout after reconstruction, which now houses new collections. Overall, the courtyard has been removed to make room for additional facilities. Moreover, there have been significant additions of new exhibitions and extra amenities, such as a café and toilets.

The most noticeable additions are the Australian Art and Asian Art sections. The former is now located behind the sculpture area, while the latter has been established to the right of the entrance, transforming the previous location of Australian Art, which has moved to the right corner. Furthermore, the European Art and Middle European Art sections have remained unchanged.

In 1950, the left area was divided into three equally sized spaces. Specifically, there has been a significant shift in the appearance of the Children’s Art School, which has moved to the left corner. Additionally, the café has reduced in size, creating space for the toilets. Moreover, the temporary exhibition, bookshop, sculpture area, and entrance remain relatively untouched.